Walk of Shame
Yesterday was exactly what I needed, and much more fun than I'd thought possible!
After Ireland... I haven't posted anything from my trip to Ireland a forthnight ago, because as soon as I start to write it down some new aspect of it is revealed and I get lost in thought. Basically my trip to Dublin turned into a trip to Belfast and Daniel(m(i)e), who was so amazing I think I fell in love. It's been hard being back, I've slept badly, not eaten much and kept busy (not busy-busy though. no, told myself I had to find other ways than peaches' "fuck the pain away"...). A week ago I told him I didn't want us to speak in a while, as it's so unsatisfying for me to talk to him when I'm feeling like this and he's with his girlfriend. I'm beyond proud of how honest I'm being, but he makes it so easy, it's amazing :) He didn't realise I felt that way while I was there, but I was holding back because of his girlfriend... Maybe I should've let him know that, 'cause he's the one who showed most interest! It's weird, but wonderful, not suffering rejection (apart from the big one where he's still with her. not that I've given him an ultimatum or anything. hah, not that I'm in a position to). It wouldn't have been a rejection, because of his girlfriend, and I didn't expect -or even dare hope- for anything, but then there was chemistry. And I did ask for that, actually. I believe tension was the word I used. He could've made it so much easier by sticking to the original plan of sleeping in his away-for-the-weekend housemate's room instead of his own bed, which he'd lent me. Sharing a bed with someone is one of the nicest things I know, and it's kind of addictive. It's so wonderful that it makes it difficult to go back to sleeping alone. I couldn't tell you what I loved the most about him, but after keeping busy all day I missed him terribly at night. I dreaded going to bed, it didn't feel right, so I stayed up way late every night and even arranged a sleepover at Amanda's(f(t)k), something I stopped doing ages ago, unless I'm at a late after party.
Turns out I can write some after all, which I'm interpreting as a healthy sign of recovery.
I won't attempt to squash the feeling out of me (I've done that a few times too many, and I reckon it's time for some change all around), but I'm waiting until it's worse not talking to him than not being with him :) For now I'm going for December 23rd.
It took me forever to do anything at all yesterday, it was one of those days when you never get up, but walk around in your pj's until tea time, which is also your breakfast. So when Maria(f(t)k) asked me whether I was going out she saved me from slowly rotting away. It's strange... We sort of belonged to the same group in school, she's great friends with some of my closest friends, she's arty and went to a similar drawing course to the one I took and she's also looking into architecture, and we've both been home in T-Town this autumn, suffering from friends shortage! This is the first time we've actually done something about it... Good job I've practised the initiative thing.
So yeah, she came over here with a bottle of wine and we had a small pre party before sliding with high heels on the hard snow down to the bus stop. We must've missed it, and she decided to hitch a ride. Somehow the people who stopped for us were two guys from my old class that I hadn't seen in ages. They're not just any guys either, but rather special people with interests such as tractors and fishing and both are sporting solid girlfriends over three years, they're proper characters and I was quite proud to have Maria meeting them, of all people :D
For reasons of unknown magic fantastic things kept following me all night.
There wasn't any quee to get in to our regular bar (it's recently moved from across the street and become super popular and crowded, so I've hardly been inside before as I have a tendancy to arrive super late, in time for the super long quee) and no entrance fee either :D We met up with some of her friends, among them Live(f(b)Fk)'s boyfriend Ola(m(t))and his best friend Kristian(m(t)) who I ended up snogging, hehe. Doing me loads of good :)
After closing time I wound up at some after party with a bunch of architect students, cool cool. I probably shouldn't have been such a man and show them how much drink I could take, as it killed me. I didn't get sick or anything, I just got really drowsy and today was increasingly zombie mode. m(f(t)k) tried to make me come with her when she left, but I would rather stay and sleep where I was, so I did. It was really nice, sharing a king size bed with three guys :P yay.
After waking up around one, looking through their architecture projects and discovering they didn't have any food whatsoever I headed home. Walking.took.bloody.forever. On the hard snow, with my heels and shaky legs, mustard yellow tights and yesterday's make-up I could easily be mistaken for someone walking the Walk of Shame, haha.
To hell with that, the way I was grinning it's closer to the Stride of Pride :P
I'm certain it did me a lot of good, all of it. Maybe not the excessive alcohol intake so much, but yeah, I needed this :)