Failing out of relationships

[krytella]

I need to break up with both of my partners. I've never been good at this. I don't even... I think the last time I remember deciding to end a relationship and then having to break it to the person, who thought everything was fine, was... when I was 12.

Comments

[keelain]

If it makes you feel any better... it happens.

[krytella]

Thanks for the support :)

[keelain]

I've never been in a relationship before but THEORETICALLY! Things... happen and it's all alright!

It seems like you've worked it out now?

[krytella]

Well, I've successfully broken off one, the one I was more worried about, without too much trauma. It was sad but not horrific. The other guy, I feel like we're both kidding ourselves saying we're a couple... we should be friends with benefits and I want to make that clear with him. But last time I saw him he came over to vent about how upset he was that he felt like one of his other relationships, a woman he's really in love with, was slipping away. So I didn't have the heart to bring it up with him! But really, he's engaged and he has this other woman he loves and we've been together 2 years technically and never said "I love you." To me that's a pretty clear sign!

[ladderax]

I am so sorry that you have to do this. I know it's the right decision, but I totally understand how tough it is. I think the main piece of advice I can give you is to do it any way you need to. Don't worry about "messing up" the act, the performance, of breaking up. Chances are it's going to hurt the person anyway, so even if you don't say what you need to exactly right, or if you have to sit in silence for 10 minutes before you have the courage to do it, it's OK. And you have the right to stop explaining at any time if you feel like someone is pushing you for an explanation. It's your life, your heart, your body and your sanity, and you have every right to protect it if a situation isn't working out right, regardless of whether you have a "good" reason or not. (Obviously I'm giving this advice not knowing either of these people, so I'm not at all suggesting that they will act like this. Just saying what I've learned & what I believe.)

<3

[anatsuno]

You are wise.

[krytella]

Yes she is!

[eska_rina]

This sounds sensible.

Krytella, good luck with it ♥

[anatsuno]

Do you think something like "I like you but this relationship is not fulfilling for me, it's not working out" is blunt enough? I'm suggesting a line bc of the discussion on twitter; not that I think you're unable of finding your own words... Adelaide is right that the "performance" of breaking up pretty much always sucks for the dumped party - worrying about it overly will probably only make it more difficult for you to go through with it. As long as you don't suddenly turn into a vindictive mean person making a list of all their faults, you're basically doing it right (and I have a hard time seeing this happen).

♥

[thalialunacy]

Seconded. With lots of ♥.

[krytella]

<3 back!

[krytella]

I finally sent a long email explaining how it wasn't fulfilling to me and I felt it was unbalanced, before we were scheduled to have a date. That definitely helped. He still wanted to talk about it, and so I had to try to explain more, but that took some of the pressure off bringing up the topic.

[syredronning]

{{hugs}}

[krytella]

Thank you :)