This is fascinating. I wonder about the out-of-scene BDSM type relationship you described here, though, and its treatment of punishment: specifically, this - This isn't the "oh, teehee, I missed a spot" fun scenario, but the kind of thing where an egalitarian couple would be sitting down and having a serious talk.
I mean, don't the couple in the (non-egalitarian) relationship also talk? I get if the punishment part works for them emotionally, but without directly addressing the issue, how do they resolve it?
That's territory I don't really understand, honestly. The workshop was on ritual in D/s, and I went because nothing else looked good in the time slot and ended up getting a lot out of it even though I've never been involved in, and not sure I'd want to be involved in, that level of power exchange. But I figure there would be talking, too, just also punishment of whatever kind had been negotiated in advance. I think that's part of the appeal: the defined rules, knowing that if x happens, y is the consequence. And also the idea that the punishment, if unpleasant enough, can "wipe clean" a part of the mistake. That's the scary thing about breaking a serious relationship rule or boundary. Most people don't really make a plan for what happens after. If it happens, you just have to figure it out. I can see the appeal of setting out a system where you say, "if you do x, this is the consequence."
This is very interesting stuff. I'm drawn to d/s in specified play situations, for a number of reasons both erotic and psycho/emotional. I'm NOT drawn to d/s out of a play context but those things can mix if I'm not careful, leaving me feeling powerless and angry in rl situations. I would never read the d/s AU you're speaking of, for example. It sounds like your call for authors to have their characters be more clear about this separation is good, and then if there's clouding/blending of those things, it should be intentional on the author's part.
Yes, I think what is dystopian to me about those situations is the blurring of consensual kink and socially enforced roles. It's like a BDSM subculture where are subs are supposed to act "submissive" to all doms, which IMO is a toxic environment. To me, a lot of the heat of power exchange comes from the contrast with "normal life," so that type of AU rarely appeals from a kink perspective.
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I mean, don't the couple in the (non-egalitarian) relationship also talk? I get if the punishment part works for them emotionally, but without directly addressing the issue, how do they resolve it?
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