If no one says it now no one’s gonna say it later
Fourth Chapter - If no one says it now no one’s gonna say it later
The silence lay heavy in the air, not a single bit of light cut the darkness surrounding him and it was rather comforting actually.
The door to Himchans room was just slightly ajar and Yong Guk couldn’t restrain from grabbing the knob.
Holding the cold metal in his hand he hesitated.
Was there even a possibility he was prepared for what was awaiting him behind the wooden surface?
A friend that wasn’t even his friend anymore, eventually a lover he hadn’t been able to call so before.
He heard footsteps tapping over the wooden floor of the corridor, his hand released the knob and he turned around.
The lights were switched on and Youngjae walked towards him, followed by a daydreaming Daehyun.
They stopped in front of him.
“Hyung what are you doing?” Youngjae gave him a quizzical look.
Yong Guk rubbed his neck and looked to the floor, trying to come up with an answer as to why he was standing in a pitch dark corridor particularly in front of Himchans room.
He opened his mouth to form an answer but got cut off as Youngjae spoke again.
“Himchan went out if you were looking for him.”
Yong Guks brows furrowed, it was rather abnormal for Himchan to leave the dorm at a late hour.
He tried to suppress the question that formed in his mind but it still made its way pass his lips.
“Where’s Zelo?” his voice came out a little too sharp, a little too uneasy.
Youngjae blinked his eyes on the oddness of his question, a little frown on his face he turned his head to look at Daehyun for a second, as if to see if the other got the link.
Yong Guk bit his cheek in punishment for his unrelated questioning.
“He’s with Jongup playing games I think.” Youngjae said, with a slightly confused tone in his voice, now looking back at him.
Daehyun behind him shrug his shoulders.
An odd silence filled the air and Yong Guk wasn’t too sure what to say or do but again Youngjae was the first to speak.
“We’re watching a movie mind to join us?”
Daehyun sighed, just quietly but Yong Guk noticed.
Was it because he was uncomfortable with him being around or because he wanted to spend time with Youngjae alone? He couldn’t determine.
Daehyun was a kid like that, he would notice tension around him, he’d know when someone wasn’t feeling well and it would make him feel uncomfortable as well.
That’s why he tended to avoid unpleasant encounters.
He wasn’t the type to get involved or speak what was on his mind.
Also Yong Guk knew that he liked to spend time with Youngjae, he wasn’t sure but somehow Daehyun seemed to be a little more open with Youngjae than anyone else.
Youngjaes invitation was a bother to Daehyun one way or the other.
If things were a little different, he probably would have left them alone but right now he needed some distraction.
Still a little sorry for Daehyung he smiled at Youngjae and nodded.
“I’m totally in.”
He sat on the couch, squished next to Yongjae who kept moving throughout the movie, raising his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, dropping them back to the floor, rolling left, turning right.
He just couldn’t remain still and Young Guk wondered if he had ever seen someone being so busy while watching TV.
Every few minutes Youngjae leaned to Daehyun asking him a question about that was going on in the movie; he just couldn’t seem to gasp the rather complex storyline.
Daehyun smiled back at him every time and whisper the linkage of events into his ear, trying not to disturb Yong Guk from watching.
Halfway through the movie Yong Guk stopped focusing on the screen and started to watch the two of them from the corner of his eyes.
They were so natural around each other, Youngjae didn’t even have to lean towards the other anymore, Daehyun already seemed to know when the other got lost on the story and turned to enlighten him without being asked to.
Youngjae held out the snackbox to the other, Daehyung would refill his glass with Coke when it was empty.
They whispered jokes to each other, little scenarios they made up in their heads, perverted words of the movie and laughed in unison.
Yong Guk couldn’t help but feel a little jealousy creeping up his bones.
He dropped his head on the headrest and stared at the ceiling, his lips formed into the resemblance of a small pout.
His bandmates seemed involved in their own world and it gave way to his thoughts and lead them to drift off again.
Back to Zelo, back to Himchan.
He knew he had to do something, anything he just couldn’t gather up the courage.
He was being a coward.
The more time past he harder it got to differ his thoughts.
Inside his calm outer shell his mind fought a battle of its own.
He sighed, unfortunately in a rare moment of silence between the two friends beside him and two pairs of brown eyes turned to him with questioning looks.
He scratched his neck and send them one of his gum showing bright smiles.
“We’re out of Coke. I’ll be right back.” He excused himself, their eyes followed him as he stumbled towards the kitchen, he could feel their confused gaze in his back.
He knew he was starting to be obvious, all of them slowly started to notice about him being weird.
Jongup had come up to him already, the others had found him loiter in front of Himchans room and they probably realized by now that something was off.
He shook his head, a long stretched sigh leaving his lips.
He bend down to the fridge to get a bottle of coke from the lower shelf.
In the corner of his eye he noticed a pink mob of hair and took a deep breath before getting up..
Zelo flinched when he straightened his back and was noticed by him.
His gaze dropped to the floor and he turned on his heels ready to dash out the kitchen, away from Yong Guk.
“You won’t even look at me directly anymore.”
The complaint slipped his lips faster than his sanity allowed.
Zelo stopped in his tracks, his head hanging.
“You’re the same.” Came the response, his voice was clear but drenched in sadness.
The younger turned his head, for the first time in what seemed like ages their eyes met again.
Yong Guk opened his mouth to respond but there were no words coming out from his throat at all.
Zelo looked at him expectantly, his lips trembling and he bit down on them to stop the shaking.
Yong Guk could see Zelos face had gotten weary, his eyes seemed so dim and the sadness that occupied them was conspicuous.
His mouth closed again and he sighed.
He couldn’t get himself to say anything; he didn’t even know where to start to declare himself.
Zelo licked his lips looking to the side now.
He sighed and turned around, dragging himself out the kitchen, his head hanging again and he looked so small and fragile.
Yong Guk only stood there, watching as the figure dissolved in the darkness of the corridor.
He wasn’t able to move an inch.
His hands clenched into his hair, pulling on the roots until it hurt.
He wanted to scream.
It was somewhat pass 3 am, his bandmates had strolled off to bed about an hour ago and Yong Guk was still sitting in the living room.
The dvd had reset to the main-menu and kept playing the same slightly annoying jingle over and over again.
He was too lazy to grab the control and turn it off though so he just sat there staring at the ceiling, his hands folded on his belly.
He tried to tell himself otherwise but as a matter of fact he was waiting for Himchan to return.
He held no expectations as to what was going to happen when the other walked through the door.
There was still this urge inside of him that wanted to smack his fist into Himchans face for whatever game he was playing with Zelo
But all thoughts on the maknae aside, as hard as it was to ignore them, there was something that tortured him just as much.
And that was the obvious loss of his best friend.
It was the way he looked at him, how he purposely kept gazing at him in a way that shook his heart.
Everything he’d shared with Himchan, had shattered into pieces, thousands of them and it was adding to the riot inside of his chest.
He just couldn’t gasp why it had turned out this way.
There was not obvious reason and he had no idea how he wanted to approach Himchan on the matter.
He needed everything resolved but as much as he wished to go back to how things had been he knew it was impossible.
Because there was Zelo on his mind after all and there was no way he could forgive Himchan if the younger was involved.
He heard the keys rattle outside the door, scratching over the keyhole.
Something made him want to check his watch and count the seconds it would take the other to unlock the door.
Instead he got off the couch and walked towards the front door.
He heard the keys drop onto the ground followed by a growled “Shit!”
He tore the door open with a strong pull.
Himchan was kneeling in front of the door, keys in his hand, unsteadily swaying on his feet.
Yong Guk crocked his head and raised an eyebrow.
Himchan was obviously tipsy, probably a little more than that.
Still he didn’t seem embarrassed at all, as he kneeled on the ground looking up into Yong Guks face.
A slightly crocked smirk appeared on his face.
He snorted and lifted off the floor about to push pass his leader.
Yong Guks arm blocked his way.
“You not gonna tell me where you’ve been?” The older asked his head turned to face Himchan who had bumped against his arm.
“It’s none of your business” the younger stated, pushing against him to get into the apartment, his eyes facing forward not sparing Yong Guk a look.
“It used to.” The words fell dry from his lips as his mind kept replaying pictures of them having drinks together, toasting and laughing.
Similar to how his dongsaengs had been this evening.
Where had those times gone to?
Himchan turned to face him, his expression cold and distant.
“Well not anymore.” He hissed, his eyes gleaming with aversion.
Yong Guk felt the blood rush through his body.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he hissed, his cheeks starting to burn up in anger.
And what the hell is going on with you and Zelo, he wanted to add but swallowed the words down his throat.
He felt like right now it was about Himchan and him he would need to find another time to ask about Zelo.
Himchan snorted, a little fake laughter passed his lips.
Yong Guk only stared at his friend in disbelieve, his brows furrowed and he was sure he looked beaten.
There had been times where he was able to read each and every one of Himchans thoughts, now it was like staring at a plain black wall.
It was painful.
He dropped his arm and Himchan slid pass him.
“You’re one to say that.” His voice came out in a sharp tone as he turned around to eye Yong Guk with an almost reproachful look on his face.
Yong Guk shook his head, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and biting down on it; he couldn’t help but roll his eyes.
It only earned him another one of Himchans scoffing noises before he disappeared into the corridor.
Yong Guks fist smashed into the wall as a loud growl drew from his throat.