Talks rather than silence
Chapter eleven - Talks rather than silence
Zelo had asked him to keep whatever was going on between them a secret for now.
He wasn’t sure why because he was so happy about all the “we’re going steady shit” that was going on he felt like screaming it out for the world to hear.
Jongup knew, ever since his clash with Himchan and certainly Himchan knew damn well what was going on.
For Youngjae and Daehyun he wasn’t sure.
They either had put things together by now or at least Youngjae was going to notice once his world stopped revolving around his best friend for once.
Yong Guk sucked on his bottom lip as he thought of Youngjae.
That guy was so all over Daehyun, never leaving his site but it by no means meant he didn’t realize his surrounding, far from that actually.
He pretty much knew everything even without being able to put his finger on the facts.
He wondered if Youngjae had ever thought of dating Daehyun.
Turning the idea over and over in his mind he finally shook his head.
Not everyone was as crazy as him.
He sighed.
Zelo looked up at him from his bed, where he was laying in front of the laptop checking their ratings on various internet platforms.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked and sat up.
Yong Guks lips formed a crooked smile.
“Randomness.” He said and turned back to his own laptop.
He tipped away on the keyboard for a while and inside his chest his heart fluttered.
It was nice to be around Zelo again, to have him sit in his room so casually.
Still he wasn’t quiet able to grasp the fact that everything had started to resolve on its own.
Even though Zelo and him weren’t dating, he wouldn’t call it that at least, they were on their way to do so.
At least Yong Guk hoped it was like that.
It did feel like it, though they didn’t touch like they had before but it was so much more intense now.
Because his skin would tingle at the slightest touch and his heart would pound harder just from having Zelo near.
It was another state of them having “something” without determining what exactly it was but this time it felt right.
Maybe Zelo was just waiting on how things turned out just like he was, though somehow he felt he was rather drowning in the moment than waiting for it to pass on to the next.
He wanted all of this, all the little times when his heart forgot to beat regularly.
He was completely absorbed in his thought when he felt Zelos glance in his back.
He swallowed hard.
It wasn’t a pleasant feeling; his skin tingled as if something was coming up that he’d be better off avoiding.
“This is all.” Zelo said with a sigh and Yong Guks brows furrowed.
He didn’t know if he wanted to ask but he did anyway.
“What is?” his voice was low while his eyes fixed on the monitor.
“Except that one time…” Zelo said but his words didn’t seem to make sense when he spoke in cut off sentences.
This time he decided not to ask what the maknae meant.
He still felt his eyes drill into his neck and it made him feel more than just slightly uncomfortable.
“Because it bothers you.”
Another of Zelos incomprehensible sentence drifted though the room and Yong Guk was getting irritated.
He sighed and shook his head.
“Please if you’re going to say something just say it.” He said his voice a little more harsh and cutting than he had intended and he heard Zelo inhale sharply.
“I know it doesn’t change anything for you but…” Zelo cut himself off again and Yong Guk finally turned around.
The maknae was fumbling around with the hem of his shirt, looking down on his hands while he obviously tried to sort the words in his head.
“It was only once.” He said then and Yong Guk crooked his head to the side, his eyes furrowed, deep creases covering his forehead.
All the information sank slowly into his mind and as he processed them one after the other they started to form a picture.
He would have been amazed at his ability of putting everything together if it weren’t for the shock that suddenly ran down his spin.
His eyes widened as he stared at the boy in front of him, who was still pulling on the fabrics of his shirt, eyes cast down.
Somewhere inside of him he hoped he had taken the information in a wrong way as the thought that ran through his head tug at his heart.
“Why are you even telling me?” he asked, trying to keep his voice from wavering.
A long pause of silence filled the room, with Zelos eyes flickering from one spot to the other while Yong Guks remained glued to him.
“Because I just needed you to know I guess.” Yong Guk opened his mouth to reply but closed it again when Zelo started talking again.
“I’m not a slut.” The last word was almost a whisper and Yong Guk shook his head trying to convert he wasn’t thinking that either.
His head was too slow to provide him a reply so he only looked at Zelo.
How he bit his lip and Yong Guk felt his teeth scratching over his own as he watched Zelo shifting on the bed uneasly.
The maknae took a deep breath and Yong Guk was about to jump off his chair and towards Zelo when he heard his voice again.
“It was only once and it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t to hurt you, it just happened and that is all. I don’t want you to hate me for it, nor hate him. I just don’t know what to do.”
Zelo spoke more to himself than to him and Yong Guk saw how the tears welled up in his eyes and Zelo trying to wipe them off into the sleeve of his sweater.
Yong Guk was slightly panicking.
The lump that formed in his throat seemed to get bigger with every second he looked at the other.
Only minutes ago they had sat together all natural and calm and now Zelo was in front of him, crying.
He was crying over things that should be long resolved and forgotten, things that he had pushed until they became an issue.
If it weren’t for the way he had reacted maybe Zelo wouldn’t need to feel like this now.
He had stretched the topic up to the point where Zelo was no longer just ashamed, he obviously had been turning the matter in his head and come to the conclusion that he was the one to blame.
That he was the one Yong Guk blamed and that he was judging him for it.
He had thought of all the things Yong Guk had meant to clarify during the time Jongup had shielded the maknae.
Somewhere along the way of his “happy ever after” fairytale he’d forgotten to let Zelo know about all the things he’d wanted to say.
He’d been a little too blinded by the fact that Zelo had suddenly turned calm and composed when he had probably been fighting these inner battles all the time.
Big, hot drops rolled down Zelos cheeks as he stared out the window.
He didn’t even bother to wipe them off anymore as he sucked in his bottom lip.
Yong Guk felt like crying as well, because once again he was sorry for how stupid he’d been.
For not letting Zelo know he didn’t blame him that everything was alright.
He still couldn’t assure him he’d forgive Himchan but he had promised to try, at least try to forget and ignore.
“Zelo.” He addressed him, his voice soft and carrying.
The other didn’t look up so Yong Guk got off from his chair and walked over to him slowly; sinking down next to Zelo on the bed he wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“It’s ok. I know…I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say but Zelo turned in his embrace, snuggling up against his chest.
“I just want you to know.” He mumbled into the fabric of Yong Guks shirt and the leader nodded just a little.
His hand ran through Zelos hair with gentle movement and he placed a kiss on top of his pinkish locks.
“It’s alright.” He said and pulled Zelo closer, wrapping his arms around him tightly.
Sometimes he was plain stupid.
Zelo had asked him to keep whatever was going on between them a secret for now.
He wasn’t sure why because he was so happy about all the “we’re going steady shit” that was going on he felt like screaming it out for the world to hear.
Jongup knew, ever since his clash with Himchan and certainly Himchan knew damn well what was going on.
For Youngjae and Daehyun he wasn’t sure.
They either had put things together by now or at least Youngjae was going to notice once his world stopped revolving around his best friend for once.
Yong Guk sucked on his bottom lip as he thought of Youngjae.
That guy was so all over Daehyun, never leaving his site but it by no means meant he didn’t realize his surrounding, far from that actually.
He pretty much knew everything even without being able to put his finger on the facts.
He wondered if Youngjae had ever thought of dating Daehyun.
Turning the idea over and over in his mind he finally shook his head.
Not everyone was as crazy as him.
He sighed.
Zelo looked up at him from his bed, where he was laying in front of the laptop checking their ratings on various internet platforms.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked and sat up.
Yong Guks lips formed a crooked smile.
“Randomness.” He said and turned back to his own laptop.
He tipped away on the keyboard for a while and inside his chest his heart fluttered.
It was nice to be around Zelo again, to have him sit in his room so casually.
Still he wasn’t quiet able to grasp the fact that everything had started to resolve on its own.
Even though Zelo and him weren’t dating, he wouldn’t call it that at least, they were on their way to do so.
At least Yong Guk hoped it was like that.
It did feel like it, though they didn’t touch like they had before but it was so much more intense now.
Because his skin would tingle at the slightest touch and his heart would pound harder just from having Zelo near.
It was another state of them having “something” without determining what exactly it was but this time it felt right.
Maybe Zelo was just waiting on how things turned out just like he was, though somehow he felt he was rather drowning in the moment than waiting for it to pass on to the next.
He wanted all of this, all the little times when his heart forgot to beat regularly.
He was completely absorbed in his thought when he felt Zelos glance in his back.
He swallowed hard.
It wasn’t a pleasant feeling; his skin tingled as if something was coming up that he’d be better off avoiding.
“This is all.” Zelo said with a sigh and Yong Guks brows furrowed.
He didn’t know if he wanted to ask but he did anyway.
“What is?” his voice was low while his eyes fixed on the monitor.
“Except that one time…” Zelo said but his words didn’t seem to make sense when he spoke in cut off sentences.
This time he decided not to ask what the maknae meant.
He still felt his eyes drill into his neck and it made him feel more than just slightly uncomfortable.
“Because it bothers you.”
Another of Zelos incomprehensible sentence drifted though the room and Yong Guk was getting irritated.
He sighed and shook his head.
“Please if you’re going to say something just say it.” He said his voice a little more harsh and cutting than he had intended and he heard Zelo inhale sharply.
“I know it doesn’t change anything for you but…” Zelo cut himself off again and Yong Guk finally turned around.
The maknae was fumbling around with the hem of his shirt, looking down on his hands while he obviously tried to sort the words in his head.
“It was only once.” He said then and Yong Guk crooked his head to the side, his eyes furrowed, deep creases covering his forehead.
All the information sank slowly into his mind and as he processed them one after the other they started to form a picture.
He would have been amazed at his ability of putting everything together if it weren’t for the shock that suddenly ran down his spin.
His eyes widened as he stared at the boy in front of him, who was still pulling on the fabrics of his shirt, eyes cast down.
Somewhere inside of him he hoped he had taken the information in a wrong way as the thought that ran through his head tug at his heart.
“Why are you even telling me?” he asked, trying to keep his voice from wavering.
A long pause of silence filled the room, with Zelos eyes flickering from one spot to the other while Yong Guks remained glued to him.
“Because I just needed you to know I guess.” Yong Guk opened his mouth to reply but closed it again when Zelo started talking again.
“I’m not a slut.” The last word was almost a whisper and Yong Guk shook his head trying to convert he wasn’t thinking that either.
His head was too slow to provide him a reply so he only looked at Zelo.
How he bit his lip and Yong Guk felt his teeth scratching over his own as he watched Zelo shifting on the bed uneasly.
The maknae took a deep breath and Yong Guk was about to jump off his chair and towards Zelo when he heard his voice again.
“It was only once and it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t to hurt you, it just happened and that is all. I don’t want you to hate me for it, nor hate him. I just don’t know what to do.”
Zelo spoke more to himself than to him and Yong Guk saw how the tears welled up in his eyes and Zelo trying to wipe them off into the sleeve of his sweater.
Yong Guk was slightly panicking.
The lump that formed in his throat seemed to get bigger with every second he looked at the other.
Only minutes ago they had sat together all natural and calm and now Zelo was in front of him, crying.
He was crying over things that should be long resolved and forgotten, things that he had pushed until they became an issue.
If it weren’t for the way he had reacted maybe Zelo wouldn’t need to feel like this now.
He had stretched the topic up to the point where Zelo was no longer just ashamed, he obviously had been turning the matter in his head and come to the conclusion that he was the one to blame.
That he was the one Yong Guk blamed and that he was judging him for it.
He had thought of all the things Yong Guk had meant to clarify during the time Jongup had shielded the maknae.
Somewhere along the way of his “happy ever after” fairytale he’d forgotten to let Zelo know about all the things he’d wanted to say.
He’d been a little too blinded by the fact that Zelo had suddenly turned calm and composed when he had probably been fighting these inner battles all the time.
Big, hot drops rolled down Zelos cheeks as he stared out the window.
He didn’t even bother to wipe them off anymore as he sucked in his bottom lip.
Yong Guk felt like crying as well, because once again he was sorry for how stupid he’d been.
For not letting Zelo know he didn’t blame him that everything was alright.
He still couldn’t assure him he’d forgive Himchan but he had promised to try, at least try to forget and ignore.
“Zelo.” He addressed him, his voice soft and carrying.
The other didn’t look up so Yong Guk got off from his chair and walked over to him slowly; sinking down next to Zelo on the bed he wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“It’s ok. I know…I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say but Zelo turned in his embrace, snuggling up against his chest.
“I just want you to know.” He mumbled into the fabric of Yong Guks shirt and the leader nodded just a little.
His hand ran through Zelos hair with gentle movement and he placed a kiss on top of his pinkish locks.
“It’s alright.” He said and pulled Zelo closer, wrapping his arms around him tightly.
Sometimes he was plain stupid.