feeling better today. got some sleep, the sun was out, I got to train a bit. so much to do. must sleep. but I'm not tired. that's part of my problem. as I get older my irregular sleep habits create some wild mood swings. I miss a couple nights of sleep and I get seriously depressed and get whacky. just watched Modigliani - film about said painter. ( Read more... )

so busy. I'm not sure if it helps or not. I've been fighting it but it's come upon me at last. that mood. I feel unbalanced. lonely. sorrowful. when I'm in these moods I tell myself that I have felt joy, but it's hard to remember when or what it was like. and it's worse at night. I used to love the night. the quiet and the solitude. It was a time ( Read more... )

I realized the other night that I've been totally unplayful lately. Between depression and trying to stay focussed on music and karate I've completely blown off lighthearted playfulness. I never thought I'd have to relearn playfulness. That's just strange.

mhm
home made rhubard pie
I had a crappy day and a pretty crappy winter as a whole, really. but spring is almost here and someone made me a rhubard tart. life doesn't seem so bad somehow.

incredibly bored and depressed. the long gray clubs me like it's favorite baby seal, seeing how many thumps are in a tootsie pop. Alex once laughed and called me King of the Outsiders. He meant it as an ironic insult but it just might be the case. nothing seems to matter enough to motivate and the horse latitudes are starving me out. so many ( Read more... )

every now and then I'm reminded that there are people out there with serious problems and that I actually have it pretty damned good.

http://rbevilacqua.blogspot.com/

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

sometimes I wonder whether I'm really alive or if I'm dead and just haven't realized it yet.

in the end, everyone will disappoint you

the new band is coming along. It's still just Dan and I, but we're starting to gel pretty well. I'm auditioning a bassist tomorrow night. He liked the demo songs I put up here so that's a good sign. There's at least one other bass player to audition, though he hasn't gotten back to Dan yet with a positive - yes I'll show up at such and such a time ( Read more... )