In the garden of Adam baby
American Idol, y so painful to waaaatch. So the first batch of top 36ers were more boring than watching a catatonic schizophrenic watching paint dry. Was starting to think it was going to suck immense balls like Jordin-I-had-to-take-a-moment-to-remember-her-full-name-Sparks' year when VFTW brought the win:
OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Dear Mr. Lambert,
It's tempting to say you should win American Idol. Ten times over.
But you're too good for Idol. I hope you:
make the Top 12, so that you can then -
throw in some Queen, Bowie, Jeff Buckley (dare I hope they even have Kate Bush in the AI songbook?) -
before the judges (and hence the sheeple @ 90% of American viewers) decide they don't bloody get you -
but you, being a flaming paragon of flaming proceed to give Seacrest the dicking of his life (because clearly Simon doesn't put out that way) -
before they boot you out.
That will of course be a huge commercial mistake for them, but absolutely awesome for you because you can then do a Chris Daughtry @ screw 19 Entertainment in the ass in the unpleasurable way by selling way more records than whichever hapless sod they've manipulated into winning AI, except do it 10 times more fabulously.
xoxo Mel
p.s. Don't let the stylists/producers pussy you into some My Chemical Romance caricature. BE YOURSELF BB BCOS YOURSELF IS MORE FABULOUS THAN NORMUND GENTLE ALTHOUGH NORMUND IS PRETTY AWESOME I WISH YOU WEREN'T IN THE SAME GROUP
Click to viewOH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Dear Mr. Lambert,
It's tempting to say you should win American Idol. Ten times over.
But you're too good for Idol. I hope you:
make the Top 12, so that you can then -
throw in some Queen, Bowie, Jeff Buckley (dare I hope they even have Kate Bush in the AI songbook?) -
before the judges (and hence the sheeple @ 90% of American viewers) decide they don't bloody get you -
but you, being a flaming paragon of flaming proceed to give Seacrest the dicking of his life (because clearly Simon doesn't put out that way) -
before they boot you out.
That will of course be a huge commercial mistake for them, but absolutely awesome for you because you can then do a Chris Daughtry @ screw 19 Entertainment in the ass in the unpleasurable way by selling way more records than whichever hapless sod they've manipulated into winning AI, except do it 10 times more fabulously.
xoxo Mel
p.s. Don't let the stylists/producers pussy you into some My Chemical Romance caricature. BE YOURSELF BB BCOS YOURSELF IS MORE FABULOUS THAN NORMUND GENTLE ALTHOUGH NORMUND IS PRETTY AWESOME I WISH YOU WEREN'T IN THE SAME GROUP