In which I analyze my feelings on character deaths
Buuuuuuu. I was expecting death because all I ever hear about Joss Whedon shows is that if two people are in love one of them has to die, but since there were basically three pairings on this show I was just praying it wouldn't be Wash or Zoe. I couldn't see the screen through my tears for a minute. At least I knew to expect the death, though. I think there's only been one character death that I watched as it aired and that really felt real to me (Jimmy on Smallville; I add that qualifier because I don't feel like I processed Tess dying for a few reasons); I don't want to imagine what a mess I would have been if I hadn't been prepared for Torchwood, even though I complained about having all that spoiled for me at the time.
I've been meaning to write something up about how I'm dealing with character deaths lately, anyway. I didn't even really cry watching Epitaph Two for some reason, but maybe it's because I was tired and trying to keep quiet since I didn't have the place to myself. Or maybe it's just that I was a bit stunned at first. But I've since cried over graphics of Topher, so. It's basically just him and Bennett that I'm broken over, there. Maybe not knowing it was coming is what made me take longer to react to it, unlike the Torchwood deaths that I was dreading long before I got to them. But maybe I just react to every story on every show differently, since I didn't know who was going to die in Serenity and I cried pretty hard over Wash half an hour ago.
I'm sitting here analyzing my reactions to character deaths because I don't fare well with really sad fiction, and I generally try to avoid it. (I think this all goes back to watching the Korean drama Sang Doo, Let's Go To School! in grade 10. It was basically 16 hours of pain and misery, and I honestly think it gave me this aversion to sad fiction. Though it probably also has to do with some desire for escapism and happy fantasy and wanting my fiction to cheer me up, or something.) So I've usually tried to keep myself away from anything with a lot of character deaths, but my new found hobby of WATCHING ALL THE SHOWS has kind of made that difficult to keep up. After Torchwood, I guess I'm ready to accept watching things where I know characters will die. I still don't like it, but I know that it happens on good shows, so I'm just preparing myself for it and experiencing what every other fan of these shows experiences, now. The sad stuff definitely doesn't take away from how good the shows are, and it is exciting and powerful if a show can really make you feel something like this. But obviously I still wish all of my babies could live.
And this is probably why I'm never going to be a writer. I'm such a baby that I probably couldn't handle putting my characters through pain.