(no subject)
Normally don't write or talk about this kind of stuff. Most of the time I talk about sex is typically in jest. I'm really not bashful talking about it. It's just most people don't want to know this part of someones life. There is some stuff I just need to spill out because its bad to bottle it up.
Hell, I don't even know where to begin. I'm just so sexually starved. Cheri and I haven't had sex in almost 2 years and its been months since we last fooled around. masturbation just does not provide me with the intimate closeness and human touch I crave.
What frustrates me is I know its not by Cheri's choice not to have sex. It just hurts her too much. To solve two problems (her ovarian cysts and endometriosis) we've created another. Her gynecologist said she should be fine but she just hurts. We tried ample amounts of moisturizing techniques, lubes, and being really really slow but event clitoral stimulation and arousal hurt. So intercourse with her is 100% out of the question.
We have fooled around sometimes. But she has no drive or interest in it and she doesn't miss sex at all (or at least she says) and I do. So once in a while put up with my advances and we'll fool around. But more often then not shes just too tired or in to much pain to want to do anything. I shouldn't be upset at this, Its not something she can control, I'm not mad at her for saying no, and I do respect when she says no. But watching porn and masturbation bothers her, not for the fact that its porn but its often at night and the flashing of my monitor bothers her. Then Masturbating in the bathroom give me a cold empty feeling.
We have loosely talked about opening up the relationship, allowing me to sleep with others but I feel funny about that. I've always been monogamous and although I know it works for others it seems so foreign to me. There would be a lot to discuss with her should we try that and I'm not sure how well it would work. I don't think myself much of a catch in that respect, Foot rubs and hugs are not the first thing that come to mind with trying to get someone in the bed. Cheri and I have talked about all this but neither of us are sure of what to do.
I guess I'm just looking for other ideas or alternatives and if you are still reading fell free to reply. Any constructive input is welcome.