National Coming Out Day

[kuddliphish]

I am, in general, a pretty apathetic queer ally. I wrote a letter to my representatives years ago when Bush was bandying about the idea of an awful bigoted amendment, which is more than I've done for any other cause* but is still pathetically little. I've always had a bit of the "it gets better" philosophy which is to say I expect my

Comments

[kuddliphish]

Thanks!

[kuddliphish]

I'm glad to hear it. I do feel like I'm in uncharted territory here, so the vote of confidence is nice.

[beckiemoriello]

I was an au pair to a family with an 8, 6, and 3 year old. It appeared to everyone that the 6 year old was flamingly gay, which I suspect gave their mother additional motivation to let her kids know where she stood.

The mother would frame it in terms of boyfriends and girlfriends. That everyone can have either a boyfriend or a girlfriend. She specifically once mentioned that when she was younger she once had a girlfriend and then later had a boyfriend. (I have no idea whether she's actually bi, or was trying to make a point. She was married to a dude at the time.) Obviously much of their interaction was out of my presence, but somehow she got them to be so indifferent to gay/bi/straight that once the 8yo said that he liked boys and girls - although my personal take on him was that he's straight.

Just in case any of this gives you ideas.

[zathrus]

Where this approach gets interesting is when you mix it with the terminology of older generations; when my MIL talks about getting together with "a girlfriend," she means what I would refer to as "a friend," or if I wanted to be specific, "a female friend." Given that my kids interact more with their grandmothers than with people struggling with boyfriend/girlfriend romantic issues, I prefer to avoid this terminology so as to avoid confusion. Of course, YMMV; in other contexts, I can see this verbiage being useful. (Also, my kids are still young; discerning generational differences in terminology will become both easier and more necessary as they get older.)

Newt

[kuddliphish]

My mom does the same thing--her usage is a little different, but there is clearly no romance intended or implied. I've also heard people of our generation do this too, which messes up my interpretation filter even more.

[kuddliphish]

Thanks for the thoughts. I'll have to think about how I want to broach ideas of bisexuality, since that adds a layer of complexity, but is also an important issue to address.

It's unfortunate that "girlfriend" in particular isn't unambiguous in its use. My mother uses it to mean childhood friend as far as I can tell, and will sometimes even refer to my girlfriends, which always causes me a double take.

[dancingsinging]

How excellent that you're thinking about this, and jumping in with it

[tigresa]

It's cool that you have started to address this, even though it feels awkward/uncomfortable. We've talked about it in general terms, but mostly in a vague "some women like to be with women and some men like to be with men" way.

Interesting thing to note: my mom never talked to us about being gay or being supportive of gay people. (Incidentally, I think of "gay" as applying to either gender.) Nonetheless, I never grew up feeling threatened by or opposed to gay people, and it wasn't till I was an adult that I found out that some of my mom's favorite people are gay. So my guess is that even if you never find a way to voice your perspective, it will transmit to your kids.

I also find bisexuality an important issue, since I think it's a lot more widespread but yet also much less okay to talk about. Not that I know how to talk about it or anything! :)

[beckiemoriello]

Another thing that just occurred to me is to make sure to remain open to the possibility that anyone could turn out gay. Most parents say things to their kids like, "One day when you get married, your husband..." or "You say you don't like girls now, but just wait a few years..." I'd be careful to refer to their future spouse as a spouse, and future bf/gf as partner, or even bust out with "When you have a boyfriend or girlfriend..."