grumpy am i?
time for an update, and an explanation it is perhaps.
i may have been kinda harsh on LiveJournal recently, ok, i admit, ive been very harsh, but if i was its just me stating a perspective of the truth in the bluntest way possible.
Me coming here seems to have severely cut back whatever patience i may have had when it comes to my friends being absolute fucktards, or i mean, going on and on about things which arent true or outright stupid and ridiculous.
Me snapping at Kaz about Jarv was me being irritated because she couldnt drop the issue, or get over it, but we've talked about that and cleared things up.
'Course, now she appears to have sworn off men totally, or given up on relationships on the whole anyway, which is dumb.
You'll meet someone eventually you twit, dont take it so personally that he hasnt shown up yet and think that all men are totally fucked and absolutely neanderthals because you had one relationship go sour.
Dont think that no one will ever love you, or that no guy will ever love you, its a fact that every person will have at least one true love in their life, so cheer up. And if that just makes you think that im "judging" you again, or telling you how to live your life, then just remember that your friends love you, not me though, youve called me tool way too many times, you bitch :p
Now comes Doug, you stupid bastard. You and I have talked many times about ourselves, or about the nature of people, and you seem to have taken it into your GODDAMN THICK HEAD that those who leave for uni purposefully forget those friends they leave behind at their hometowns.
If you cant guess, thats me and jarv and all that, and you and Chloe are in the hometown. Now, we have argued about this, and i have rationally and logically explained WHY it is that those who are at uni have less time for those who are no longer front and center in their immediate lives.
We here at university have less time to keep in touch as much as we want or should. We have classes, a mound of homework, continually struggle with pressure/stress, are meeting new people, and continuously trying to adapt to our environments to SURVIVE, and to stay SANE. FUCK man, FUCK.
Ive only been here 2 weeks, and i KNOW how easy this transition has been for me compared to many others, like Morgan, Tom, Kaz, because im here, living with relatives, who help support me, while they have no one, NO ONE to lean on, as they start their new lives as adults.
.....and here you are, continuously dropping insiduous little comments that we dont give a goddamn motherfucking cockwrenching FUCK about you because youre in that fucking little HELL HOLE THAT WE CALL HOME, THAT THESE PEOPLE, YOUR FRIENDS, CALL HOME! THAT I CALL HOME. THAT YOUR FRIENDS ARE HOMESICK FOR. ......"after all, im only just a stupid little Broken Hillman" or whatever you said......and you wonder why i am harsh? I dont give a shit if it was just a joke, or you were only kidding, because since i cant see your goddamn face i cant TELL that can i? or on msn.
So stop it, i dont want to here shit like that any more, youre our friend whereever the hell you are, you too Chloe, and we all miss you in some way, no matter what they say, hell, im sure even Luke would like you to be around so he can insult your stupid ass.
Ive run out of steam on the stupid friends issue now, but you all know who you are, telling these stupid lies to yourselves which do nothing but demean yourselves and fucking spit on those that call you friend.
Now....onto relationships! wooohoooo yeah!! <---(sarcasm)
This is for all you single people out there. More those who seem to think that every one fucking hates your ass because youre alone in the world without a lover or partner. Thats absolute bullshit.
Life has its ups and downs, but its good and can even be great with out a partner there with you.
Ive heard people say that life is absolute shit because they dont have a girlfriend, and that theyll die alone because theyre pathetic.
Well heres my view, and has been for a long while, after i recovered from an incident which i will explain later.
Life when youre single is ok, life can be good, it can sometimes be great, but when you have a lover or partner, it only adds to the sweetness, only makes things better, and as such, not having a partner does not make life by default crap. Do you get what im trying to say here? huh?!
Some of you may call me a hypocrite, and point to some of my earlier entries where ive said that i was bored or feeling down, and "you know, the usual, no girlfriend etc etc", but i NEVER thought that life was crap without one, or specifically BECAUSE i didnt have one, nor did it effect my self esteem, leading me to believe that i was worth absolutely nothing because someone didnt deign to notice me and want to be with me.
ok, what now? lets see....
I want to talk about Frances.
Frances, who was my girlfriend for 4 years, from year 8 to year 12. We had a great time together, supporting each other, being someone we could each rely on, we had our share of fights, even a few major ones, which both our stubborness caused to be much worse than they should have been.
We laughed, we cried, we played, and we were the jesters, the amusement for our group, the ones that you could always count on to be unpredictable as hell. She was the niche in my brain, the one that my mind had grown around, the one that was torn away, that caused such pain, such agony, such suicidal depression.
So, from year 8 to year 12? thats what? 14 to 18? sounds about right. Do you think someone of that age could even know the concept of love? Could feel love?
I once asked Doug if he thought that i had loved her, and he said "of course not, real love is forever, if you loved her you would still be with her"
I sat there and stared at Doug for maybe 5-10 seconds, and within that time, i imagined killing him at least 100 different ways, it was the closest ive ever come to doing deliberate grievous bodily harm to another person before, or since.
I couldnt believe the absolute naievete`....love? love is forever? what shit.
i tell you all now that i did love Frances, as much as someone at that age could possibly love someone, and that a part of me always will love that cheery eyed little girl who i once gave the shock of her life, while she was sitting in a hospitable bed recovering from surgery, with a drip in her arm. heh heh.
But that was Frances before, she disappeared a long time ago, not the one that we know now, no offence Frances.
So i also tell you that Love, People, and Time are all the same thing.....Change. Love changes, just like people, and requires work to be kept alive, it constantly evolves, and if the work isnt put into the relationship, the love, then that love will die, it will wither away, and guess what is left behind in its place? Everyones favourite friend, bitterness, anguish, despair.
You all wonder why the fuck im grumpy? Why i short shrift those that irritate me? well i just explained it, im just so tired of people that i love and that i miss acting so CHILDISH, so silly. And silly is pretty much what describes it so well.
Hell, sometimes im just plain tired heh.
Morgan, today, i thought about you constantly. I had the insane urge to get on a train to Sydney and catch a plane to Melbourne, from there catch a taxi to your university and knock on your door. Youd answer, look at me and say "what the fuck?"
And id give you the biggest hug ever, and smother you in kisses, and never want to leave you again.
I miss you Morgan, so much, i miss you so much more than my home or my family, i miss you even more than my friends, who can get fucked if they take offence to me writing that.
I promise you Morgan, no matter what it takes im going to see you this holidays, ill try my goddamn hardest to make it happen.
My Sea Biscuit.
I need a drink of alcohol very badly, i just want to drink and not have to worry, to forget, to just feel the rush and the vibration in my skull, its been so long since ive had a good drink.
So....what the fuck do you all think of that eh? offended? get fucked. irritated? get fucked. think youre not my friend anymore? go fuck yourself.
Sat back and thought "man, he really cares about us"? Good for you, ill buy you a drink when i see you next.
Yeah, i miss you all, even you doug, the one who thinks that all us uni-goers dont give a shit about you small town fucks.
Night all, ill be thinking about you, be safe, be well, be happy, and i will see you all soon
i may have been kinda harsh on LiveJournal recently, ok, i admit, ive been very harsh, but if i was its just me stating a perspective of the truth in the bluntest way possible.
Me coming here seems to have severely cut back whatever patience i may have had when it comes to my friends being absolute fucktards, or i mean, going on and on about things which arent true or outright stupid and ridiculous.
Me snapping at Kaz about Jarv was me being irritated because she couldnt drop the issue, or get over it, but we've talked about that and cleared things up.
'Course, now she appears to have sworn off men totally, or given up on relationships on the whole anyway, which is dumb.
You'll meet someone eventually you twit, dont take it so personally that he hasnt shown up yet and think that all men are totally fucked and absolutely neanderthals because you had one relationship go sour.
Dont think that no one will ever love you, or that no guy will ever love you, its a fact that every person will have at least one true love in their life, so cheer up. And if that just makes you think that im "judging" you again, or telling you how to live your life, then just remember that your friends love you, not me though, youve called me tool way too many times, you bitch :p
Now comes Doug, you stupid bastard. You and I have talked many times about ourselves, or about the nature of people, and you seem to have taken it into your GODDAMN THICK HEAD that those who leave for uni purposefully forget those friends they leave behind at their hometowns.
If you cant guess, thats me and jarv and all that, and you and Chloe are in the hometown. Now, we have argued about this, and i have rationally and logically explained WHY it is that those who are at uni have less time for those who are no longer front and center in their immediate lives.
We here at university have less time to keep in touch as much as we want or should. We have classes, a mound of homework, continually struggle with pressure/stress, are meeting new people, and continuously trying to adapt to our environments to SURVIVE, and to stay SANE. FUCK man, FUCK.
Ive only been here 2 weeks, and i KNOW how easy this transition has been for me compared to many others, like Morgan, Tom, Kaz, because im here, living with relatives, who help support me, while they have no one, NO ONE to lean on, as they start their new lives as adults.
.....and here you are, continuously dropping insiduous little comments that we dont give a goddamn motherfucking cockwrenching FUCK about you because youre in that fucking little HELL HOLE THAT WE CALL HOME, THAT THESE PEOPLE, YOUR FRIENDS, CALL HOME! THAT I CALL HOME. THAT YOUR FRIENDS ARE HOMESICK FOR. ......"after all, im only just a stupid little Broken Hillman" or whatever you said......and you wonder why i am harsh? I dont give a shit if it was just a joke, or you were only kidding, because since i cant see your goddamn face i cant TELL that can i? or on msn.
So stop it, i dont want to here shit like that any more, youre our friend whereever the hell you are, you too Chloe, and we all miss you in some way, no matter what they say, hell, im sure even Luke would like you to be around so he can insult your stupid ass.
Ive run out of steam on the stupid friends issue now, but you all know who you are, telling these stupid lies to yourselves which do nothing but demean yourselves and fucking spit on those that call you friend.
Now....onto relationships! wooohoooo yeah!! <---(sarcasm)
This is for all you single people out there. More those who seem to think that every one fucking hates your ass because youre alone in the world without a lover or partner. Thats absolute bullshit.
Life has its ups and downs, but its good and can even be great with out a partner there with you.
Ive heard people say that life is absolute shit because they dont have a girlfriend, and that theyll die alone because theyre pathetic.
Well heres my view, and has been for a long while, after i recovered from an incident which i will explain later.
Life when youre single is ok, life can be good, it can sometimes be great, but when you have a lover or partner, it only adds to the sweetness, only makes things better, and as such, not having a partner does not make life by default crap. Do you get what im trying to say here? huh?!
Some of you may call me a hypocrite, and point to some of my earlier entries where ive said that i was bored or feeling down, and "you know, the usual, no girlfriend etc etc", but i NEVER thought that life was crap without one, or specifically BECAUSE i didnt have one, nor did it effect my self esteem, leading me to believe that i was worth absolutely nothing because someone didnt deign to notice me and want to be with me.
ok, what now? lets see....
I want to talk about Frances.
Frances, who was my girlfriend for 4 years, from year 8 to year 12. We had a great time together, supporting each other, being someone we could each rely on, we had our share of fights, even a few major ones, which both our stubborness caused to be much worse than they should have been.
We laughed, we cried, we played, and we were the jesters, the amusement for our group, the ones that you could always count on to be unpredictable as hell. She was the niche in my brain, the one that my mind had grown around, the one that was torn away, that caused such pain, such agony, such suicidal depression.
So, from year 8 to year 12? thats what? 14 to 18? sounds about right. Do you think someone of that age could even know the concept of love? Could feel love?
I once asked Doug if he thought that i had loved her, and he said "of course not, real love is forever, if you loved her you would still be with her"
I sat there and stared at Doug for maybe 5-10 seconds, and within that time, i imagined killing him at least 100 different ways, it was the closest ive ever come to doing deliberate grievous bodily harm to another person before, or since.
I couldnt believe the absolute naievete`....love? love is forever? what shit.
i tell you all now that i did love Frances, as much as someone at that age could possibly love someone, and that a part of me always will love that cheery eyed little girl who i once gave the shock of her life, while she was sitting in a hospitable bed recovering from surgery, with a drip in her arm. heh heh.
But that was Frances before, she disappeared a long time ago, not the one that we know now, no offence Frances.
So i also tell you that Love, People, and Time are all the same thing.....Change. Love changes, just like people, and requires work to be kept alive, it constantly evolves, and if the work isnt put into the relationship, the love, then that love will die, it will wither away, and guess what is left behind in its place? Everyones favourite friend, bitterness, anguish, despair.
You all wonder why the fuck im grumpy? Why i short shrift those that irritate me? well i just explained it, im just so tired of people that i love and that i miss acting so CHILDISH, so silly. And silly is pretty much what describes it so well.
Hell, sometimes im just plain tired heh.
Morgan, today, i thought about you constantly. I had the insane urge to get on a train to Sydney and catch a plane to Melbourne, from there catch a taxi to your university and knock on your door. Youd answer, look at me and say "what the fuck?"
And id give you the biggest hug ever, and smother you in kisses, and never want to leave you again.
I miss you Morgan, so much, i miss you so much more than my home or my family, i miss you even more than my friends, who can get fucked if they take offence to me writing that.
I promise you Morgan, no matter what it takes im going to see you this holidays, ill try my goddamn hardest to make it happen.
My Sea Biscuit.
I need a drink of alcohol very badly, i just want to drink and not have to worry, to forget, to just feel the rush and the vibration in my skull, its been so long since ive had a good drink.
So....what the fuck do you all think of that eh? offended? get fucked. irritated? get fucked. think youre not my friend anymore? go fuck yourself.
Sat back and thought "man, he really cares about us"? Good for you, ill buy you a drink when i see you next.
Yeah, i miss you all, even you doug, the one who thinks that all us uni-goers dont give a shit about you small town fucks.
Night all, ill be thinking about you, be safe, be well, be happy, and i will see you all soon