I still feel anxious all the time. It doesn't seem like there is anything I can do about it. My chest always feels tight and every little spasm or palpitation makes me freak out. The pills aren't really helping except with the cessation of smoking. Which is nice. I can make myself feel not anxious by drinking. But every time I drink I feel sick and ( Read more... )

On July 22nd I started taking anti-depressants. Not because I'm depressed, but because I have terrible anxiety and panic attacks. At least I don't think I'm depressed. Anyways, the doctor said I should take them. I chose drugs over sessions or therapy because I don't want to talk to anyone. Why should I when I can just get high instead. I know it's ( Read more... )

I guess I should start using this again.
Today I feel really bored, smelly, and greasy.

I feel like I'm doing it wrong. Ya know, life. And stuff.
Whatever. I'm going to eat cold pizza, so I think I got that right.

I feel like I'll never truly get anything right. I have the grandest ambitions, but I go about trying to achieve them the wrong way.

I can't stick with anything long enough to see it develop and I stick with self destructive things too long (this isn't even about girls, just my depressing life).

Just found out my friend from high school has hodgkins lymphoma. This sucks.
I really hope he gets better. He told me that he has a 90% chance to live, but the 10% scares me.
Fuck. It makes me think about how precious living is.

It sucks living far from someone you really like or connect to.
But i guess it sucks less than being in love with someone who treats you like shit.

God, Arizona is a shithole.

I got a really nice, heartfelt hug today.
I forgot how good those felt.
Still in an emotional rut, but I will be less candid about it.

I am documenting my first day of quitting smoking ( Read more... )

I am now friends with Tigran Hamasyan on facebook.

Pretty giddy.

I also just added Nate Wood.