Just ignore this
I'm sorry I haven't been around much..I, well..I've just been waiting for this feeling of disconnection to go away. It's as if I'm surrounded by people, but I can't see their faces. Alone in a crowd. What's worse is that I'm doing it to myself. People are reaching out to me, and lately..lately I've just been pushing them away. Why do I keep doing this to myself?! Why..? I don't understand.
I mean, I try to stay happy all the time, I really do..but I'm so tired now. Life hurts, sometimes. I just want to fall into a meaningless oblivion, drown in a welcome void.
I know. I'm usually not like this, but things will get better. I promise.. ^^ I just need some time to think
TO WAITING
You spend so much of your time
expecting to become
someone else
always someone
who will be different
someone to whom a moment
whatever moment it may be
at last has come
and who has been
met and transformed
into no longer being you
and so has forgotten you
meanwhile in your life
you hardly notice
the world around you
lights changing
sirens dying along the buildings
your eyes intent
on a sight you do not see yet
not yet there
as long as you
are only yourself
with whom as you
recall you were
never happy
to be left alone for long
-W.S. Merwin