(no subject)
may as well, nothign better to do.
the dreams i have about the pretty knife are turning into a story o_O;; it's so confusing..
heh, i've been having this recurring dream, and it's kind of scaring me sometimes ^^' but only because i've had it every day for the past.. 2 weeks now? maybe it was 2 and a half. so anyway...
it starts out in this big school and such and i'm talking with aura, but after a while he starts ignoring me and such. so i go and see devharusaki who is in a pool and her boyfriend is sitting by the side of the pool next to her (and he happens to look kind of like ryuutarou... so i'm jealous xD) i notice a short distance away the pretty knife i've been talking about (i think it was in this journal) i still want to go get it, but i think "maybe later..." because i dont' really feel like getting up.
then i try to say something to aura again and he gets mad at me and says "why don't you just die? look, there's a knife over there, go stab yourself with it" and, not wanting to argue, i go over to where the pretty knife is and i stab myself. it's quite interesting actually... because so many times i haven't been able to get to the knife, and in this dream, i get it so easily... hm, i wonder if that means anything?
after that, i'm dead but i'm still in the school and, i see the knife and it's all bloody (probably because i just stabbed myself with it xD) and someone is looking at it and says "it's not clean anymore..." or something like that. and really it's not... it's not pretty anymore because my blood is too.. um not pure? or not clean? i forgot what the word to describe it with is... but yeah. because my blood isn't "clean" enough, the knife isn't pretty anymore, and for whatever reason my dead self begins to cry.
then harusaki laughs but says something about how the knife is ruined now, and aura says "who cares? at least she's dead now"
o_O; um... yeah, then i wake up... XD
o__o; it changed.. slightly but it changed...
now instead of it just ending like it did in the previous journal, i get my own tiny funeral. there are no flowers, no eulogies, and not that many people (and those who *were* there either were really happy or just there to put my coffin in the ground XD), but at least i get buried. actually that's about all that happens... haha. well no, i got to see the knife again. but it still wasn't clean... ;_; my poor knife...
it's really nothing special, but i guess after having the same dream for two weeks in a row, *anything* different is interesting, you know?
my friends are starting to worry about me because it won't go away. so i may as well take the time to tell you all that i won't kill myself because of this (or anything else for that reason)... i'm really afraid to try anything like that, so there's no way i could ever go through with it. besides, i'd miss all of you too much...
...not quite recurring anymore.
i mean, i still have it, but it's not like every night or anything now. but now there's a new one that i get, when i'm not dreaming about the first one (http://gothiclolita415.deviantart.com/journal/4683989/)
so here's the next one. i guess it just follows what happens after the first one.
so now my body is in the ground rotting but my spirit is wandering around. and i get to see how happy everyone is without me x_X; it gets really depressing ;__; i won't really go into it that much, unless you ask me to.. in the dream i specifically see harusaki, aura, kat, sano-chan, alex, yahiko, MJ, and ching (although i must add, harusaki is living quite a happy life married to her ryuutarou-clone boyfriend... i'm jealous haha) well anyway, i kind of walk around for a while until someone sees me! O__o; and it happens to be this little girl who i tutor.. she gets really scared because apparently my image is still bloody and so she runs away.. but yeah, the knife.. it's still dirty. and in the dream, i'm *really* sad about that... my poor knife ;__;
ok... so i'm getting that first dream i talked about less. even the second one i don't have that much. but now there's a new one and it's getting kind of scary, just because i have it so much x_x;
well anyway it starts out alright. i'm in mitsuwa looking at the latest issue of shoxx (which happens to be featuring janne da arc..?) and apparently the knife is still dirty but i'm alive! O_o;
harusaki is even still married to her ryuutarou clone husband! o_o; and yet, i'm still alive?? O_o;;
right... well apparently her ryuutarou-clone husband doesn't really like me that much. X_X; so yahiko is there and the ryuutarou clone tells him to go get the knife to kill me with it. but yahiko doesn't want to because the knife is too dirty, and he doesn't want to get the blood on himself. aura won't touch the knife either... says something about how i touched it so he doesn't want anything to do with it anymore. and neither will... bernedette? (bernedette is a girl in my class) how did she get in there? :XD: ahaha... well she refused to touch it too.
the fact that so many people don't like me is kind of overwhelming so i grab the knife and frantically try to clean it. which doesn't seem to be working that well until i accidentally cut myself with it. and as i'm losing blood, the knife gets cleaner and cleaner... so this time i purposely cut myself and the knife gets cleaner again... finally i've bled to death but the last thing i see before i die is the knife, which is now clean...
^^; i really have no idea what it means.....
so i've been having that dream about the dirty knife becoming clean again A LOT... like everyday since i've last mentioned it... according to this, that was the 13th of march which means... it's been 11 days now. hmmm that's got to mean something.
so here's what i've realized from having the dream somany times in a row (and this is all stuff that probably isn't relevant btw):
harusaki, you look really great with your ryuutarou-clone husband...even if i don't know what you look like. don't divorce him for my sake. oh wait, this is a dream.. but if you ever DO find a ryuutarou-clone to be your husband, and if he ever even meets me, let alone hates me, don't divorce him just because of me, ok?
that issue of shoxx DIDN'T feature janne da arc. it featured la'cryma christi
the mitsuwa bookstore is named asahiya books, but the store i'm in is named something else....
yeah so like i said, nothing special. aura, yahiko, and bernedette still want nothing to do with the knife because i made it dirty. but then at the end i make it clean. i wonder if they will still avoid it after it is clean? hmmm it's all so very interesting, but so confusing at the same time..
the dreams i have about the pretty knife are turning into a story o_O;; it's so confusing..
heh, i've been having this recurring dream, and it's kind of scaring me sometimes ^^' but only because i've had it every day for the past.. 2 weeks now? maybe it was 2 and a half. so anyway...
it starts out in this big school and such and i'm talking with aura, but after a while he starts ignoring me and such. so i go and see devharusaki who is in a pool and her boyfriend is sitting by the side of the pool next to her (and he happens to look kind of like ryuutarou... so i'm jealous xD) i notice a short distance away the pretty knife i've been talking about (i think it was in this journal) i still want to go get it, but i think "maybe later..." because i dont' really feel like getting up.
then i try to say something to aura again and he gets mad at me and says "why don't you just die? look, there's a knife over there, go stab yourself with it" and, not wanting to argue, i go over to where the pretty knife is and i stab myself. it's quite interesting actually... because so many times i haven't been able to get to the knife, and in this dream, i get it so easily... hm, i wonder if that means anything?
after that, i'm dead but i'm still in the school and, i see the knife and it's all bloody (probably because i just stabbed myself with it xD) and someone is looking at it and says "it's not clean anymore..." or something like that. and really it's not... it's not pretty anymore because my blood is too.. um not pure? or not clean? i forgot what the word to describe it with is... but yeah. because my blood isn't "clean" enough, the knife isn't pretty anymore, and for whatever reason my dead self begins to cry.
then harusaki laughs but says something about how the knife is ruined now, and aura says "who cares? at least she's dead now"
o_O; um... yeah, then i wake up... XD
o__o; it changed.. slightly but it changed...
now instead of it just ending like it did in the previous journal, i get my own tiny funeral. there are no flowers, no eulogies, and not that many people (and those who *were* there either were really happy or just there to put my coffin in the ground XD), but at least i get buried. actually that's about all that happens... haha. well no, i got to see the knife again. but it still wasn't clean... ;_; my poor knife...
it's really nothing special, but i guess after having the same dream for two weeks in a row, *anything* different is interesting, you know?
my friends are starting to worry about me because it won't go away. so i may as well take the time to tell you all that i won't kill myself because of this (or anything else for that reason)... i'm really afraid to try anything like that, so there's no way i could ever go through with it. besides, i'd miss all of you too much...
...not quite recurring anymore.
i mean, i still have it, but it's not like every night or anything now. but now there's a new one that i get, when i'm not dreaming about the first one (http://gothiclolita415.deviantart.com/journal/4683989/)
so here's the next one. i guess it just follows what happens after the first one.
so now my body is in the ground rotting but my spirit is wandering around. and i get to see how happy everyone is without me x_X; it gets really depressing ;__; i won't really go into it that much, unless you ask me to.. in the dream i specifically see harusaki, aura, kat, sano-chan, alex, yahiko, MJ, and ching (although i must add, harusaki is living quite a happy life married to her ryuutarou-clone boyfriend... i'm jealous haha) well anyway, i kind of walk around for a while until someone sees me! O__o; and it happens to be this little girl who i tutor.. she gets really scared because apparently my image is still bloody and so she runs away.. but yeah, the knife.. it's still dirty. and in the dream, i'm *really* sad about that... my poor knife ;__;
ok... so i'm getting that first dream i talked about less. even the second one i don't have that much. but now there's a new one and it's getting kind of scary, just because i have it so much x_x;
well anyway it starts out alright. i'm in mitsuwa looking at the latest issue of shoxx (which happens to be featuring janne da arc..?) and apparently the knife is still dirty but i'm alive! O_o;
harusaki is even still married to her ryuutarou clone husband! o_o; and yet, i'm still alive?? O_o;;
right... well apparently her ryuutarou-clone husband doesn't really like me that much. X_X; so yahiko is there and the ryuutarou clone tells him to go get the knife to kill me with it. but yahiko doesn't want to because the knife is too dirty, and he doesn't want to get the blood on himself. aura won't touch the knife either... says something about how i touched it so he doesn't want anything to do with it anymore. and neither will... bernedette? (bernedette is a girl in my class) how did she get in there? :XD: ahaha... well she refused to touch it too.
the fact that so many people don't like me is kind of overwhelming so i grab the knife and frantically try to clean it. which doesn't seem to be working that well until i accidentally cut myself with it. and as i'm losing blood, the knife gets cleaner and cleaner... so this time i purposely cut myself and the knife gets cleaner again... finally i've bled to death but the last thing i see before i die is the knife, which is now clean...
^^; i really have no idea what it means.....
so i've been having that dream about the dirty knife becoming clean again A LOT... like everyday since i've last mentioned it... according to this, that was the 13th of march which means... it's been 11 days now. hmmm that's got to mean something.
so here's what i've realized from having the dream somany times in a row (and this is all stuff that probably isn't relevant btw):
harusaki, you look really great with your ryuutarou-clone husband...even if i don't know what you look like. don't divorce him for my sake. oh wait, this is a dream.. but if you ever DO find a ryuutarou-clone to be your husband, and if he ever even meets me, let alone hates me, don't divorce him just because of me, ok?
that issue of shoxx DIDN'T feature janne da arc. it featured la'cryma christi
the mitsuwa bookstore is named asahiya books, but the store i'm in is named something else....
yeah so like i said, nothing special. aura, yahiko, and bernedette still want nothing to do with the knife because i made it dirty. but then at the end i make it clean. i wonder if they will still avoid it after it is clean? hmmm it's all so very interesting, but so confusing at the same time..