[008] †
[Private]
Until I was engaged to be married, my primary concern in life was seeing as much of the world as I could. I understood, logically, the purpose of having a career and staying in one place and building up a reputation and a fortune and staying inside one's little space of the earth, but it all seemed to desolate to me - to stay in one tiny speck while a whole world was out there. Even so, what I've seen and experienced is still only one tiny grain of sand in a desert. I have no doubt of that.
Even when Cecilia and I were to be married, when I'd finally decided on settling down in a real estate office, I'd accepted a job that took me back to Romania for weeks, postponing our marriage. I told myself it was because I needed to be seen as a serious man about my job. I told myself it was only because it was Romania - it was home, the home I'd left as a boy and never returned to, knowing there was nothing left for me there. But was it because I'm simply no good at staying still? Would I have been a failure to her, as a husband? Would I have been miserable trapped in London?
To me oddest nature of this place is it's ability to be everything at once. It is intriguing and fascinating in that it offers a crossroads of every walk of life possibly imaginable, every time, every culture, every world. The frustration and loneliness and pain stems from that factor, as well. All the information in the universe at my fingertips, and all of it useless. A particularly complex equation.
[/Private][though why anyone would want to hack tl;dr introspective babble is beyond me]
I have the most peculiar sensation of being watched, lately, yet find no culprit. I assume if there truly are 'deities', they'd be omnipresent, so perhaps it is the City itself... unsettling.