(no subject)
to be completely honest i really have no idea what is going on. did friday mean anything at all? or was i just being delusional? maybe im stressing too much over this. but then again maybe not. i dont kno how to read minds, especially those of guys, but shouldnt there have been some sort of sign if it was real? and not just an innocent invite? i suppose not dating during school is taking its toll. thats another thing.. if it IS real, how do i act in school? go about normally? or make special trips to say hi when i c him in the hallway? *shakes head* ok. i must straighten out what is going on between us before i worry about stuff like that. if i was a little more comfortable around him (and not just a nervous wreck) i wouldve hinted at it, or atleast asked. maybe even said something to the effect of "u kno, u still owe me a movie, and im holding u to ur promise!" (or maybe something a bit less odd sounding). but nooo.. ive -never- really been comfortable around him (unless u count my hand shaking like mad and me sounding like a total moron in my nervousness). when i say never, its not far from the truth. if i was to be completely honest with myself, id admit to myself that hell, ive basically liked him since the 9th grade. but then at the same time, i have a memory of me being in one of my classes in the -8th- grade, and me being skiddish around him then too. *spazzes out* it was just brought to the surface really this year, but to think it was for that long that i was crushing on him.. and i have no idea! i had like never even talked to him before this year.. ._.
to summarize, i just wish the truth would become clear to me, and soon. i dont want to act like a total idiot/be all shy around him (as much as b4) if there -is- something between us, nor do i want to act too forward if we arent. and id love for something to be there.. *sigh*
in non-personal, but still pathetic, news, procrastination has hindered my progress on my scholarships and junk.. bleh. too lazy to fill 'em out.. nevermind write essays.
"I need an answer,
what was the question?
I can't remember."
"Come and take my breath away."
-BB