Blerg. I don't want to go out shopping, but I really need to. I suppose in these situations, it's better to just do what I absolutely need to and do the rest on a week day. I don't general leave the house on weekends much ( Read more... )

While working out today I was looking at the pictures above my TV. There's a family picture from last summer and a bridal party picture from my wedding, both of which Marie is in. I had a long moment of unreality in which I tried really hard to convince myself that Marie was dead. I'm still mostly in that headspace. I'm not going to fight too ( Read more... )

For some reason, it was really hard to want to get an oil change today. I almost started crying several times. The men there were so nice, one even complimented my hat, and it didn't take long at all. Sometimes small things are painful. All I wanted to do was go home.

I have the bitter taste of tears at the pit of my stomach. I thought I was sleepy from reading but when I turned out the light my eyes popped open ( Read more... )

Sometimes I wish I could be back at Marie's memorial service. I cried then. People came up to me and I was grateful and touched they were there, and I cried. Sobbed. Wept actual tears. Right now, the best I can do is sniffle and have a couple tears run down my cheeks. I would be nice to be back in a place where my mind didn't keep my body ( Read more... )

yesterday, my niece, who survived an intense heart surgery almost two months ago, died of possible heart failure.

a couple hours later, i found out that my younger sister died from falling off a cliff.

sunday i'm going to fly from my home town the philadelphia to go look after my niece while my other niece is being being. she has a rare, rare heart defect and has to have who knows how many surgeries. and the reason no one knows is that it's incredibly hard to tell when she's in-utero. she has a great surgeon and children's hospital of ( Read more... )

how did i eff-up no bake cookies? over a pound of dessert in the trash can.

i can't breath deeply, i'm coughing every time i have to walk around. i'm not happy :( i want to do art, but my head is so weird. i don't want to do the things i need to do in the next few days, but i NEED to do them. i need to go to the gyno, have my little brother over (or else this would be the third time i'm having to cancel with him), and ( Read more... )

i crave having child. daily.

that is all.