May 23, 2005 20:46
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I cut myself yesterday. Just a little on the back of my wrist... It looks like cat scratches. I told him about it and he was very upset because I was upset when I found out he once did it. I didn't tell him what I did it with because it made me feel like a middle schooler. All I had was a safety pin. It felt good... A punishment for hurting him, I suppose.
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are we there yet?
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I wonder if I am going to kill myself. I like pain. I am a masochist. I have taken 16 lashes from a two pronged leather whip, and wished that I could stand more.
The only reason I don't hurt myself anymore is because now I have a lover who will hurt me for me. And he won't kill me, or do any permanent damage.
Part of me wishes he would.
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