2 Years Worth of Heartbeats Late
Title: 2 Years Worth of Heartbeats Late
Author: kuro_kakeru
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun; Suho/Baekhyun; slight!Kai/Do; slight!Sehun/Luhan
Genre: Slight angst, drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Baekhyun loved him 2 years ago, Chanyeol loved him back 2 years later.
A/N: and it's also been 2 years since I last wrote something... that I actually finished =)))
“Congratulations to us!"
“Can’t you stay quiet? Who knows, we might not graduate because of being too noisy.”
“You’re just too paranoid. Look around you, everyone’s taking a lot of pictures. Today is our last assembly before graduation so loosen up a little. I don’t think we’ll get scolded because of being too happy? Right Baekhyun?”
Luhan was right. Baekhyun looked around him and nodded. He was getting emotional because of seeing his surroundings. It felt like he wasn’t ready to graduate college yet. Time passed so fast.
“What to do? I feel like crying already.” Baekhyun laughed as he tried to resist his tears but suddenly hissed in pain as he felt someone hit his head.
“Aren’t you really going to change that eyeliner drama queen persona of yours? Carl Jung should have patterned on his archetypes based on you! He should’ve named it Queen B. B for Baekhyun and not Beyonce.” Jongdae said.
“Shut up!” He barked back. He thought that bad jokes were a trait for psychology majors, because they kept making up jokes despite the fact that other people won’t understand their concepts and references.
Bad jokes aside, Baekhyun loved being a psychology major. He didn’t regret taking it as his college program. He learned a lot about himself, his family members, his friends, and basically everyone around him. Through this type of college life he chose, he met a lot of people and thought that he fell in love twice.
He can still remember seeing the bastard whom he dated for a couple of months then suddenly went AWOL on him. That Yixing bastard’s reaction was very much fresh in his mind when the eyeliner queen cursed and gave him the middle finger as they passed through the corridor some time last week.
It was the first and last time he saw the Chinese- exchange student after sending his texts: “Aren’t we going to meet tonight?”, “I’m on my way home, would like to eat dinner?”, ”Please reply to my messages.” It took a lot of thinking and head spanking before Baekhyun got the idea that the Chinese man wanted nothing but his body. The last time Yixing went to his dorm, he asked him like 1000 times if he wanted to go to the motel with him. Baekhyun wasn’t easy, of course he would say no. And thus, the texts were sent and were most likely received then ignored.
“Fuck you.” He calmly told him as he raised his middle finger and continued walking with his friends. He saw Yixing look back at him wide eyes as his friends gathered around him and asked what was that all about.
Baekhyun laughed at the memory but his thoughts were suddenly cut-off as Luhan blocked his view.
“Okay! Don’t look anywhere else but me got it?” He beamed and Baekhyun tilted his head towards him.
“Why what’s wrong? Jongdae asked. Luhan anwered by pointing his head towards the corner of the corridor.
“Oh my isn’t that-“
“Sshhhh… Be quiet.”
Baekhyun scoffed, “Wouldn’t I be more curious to know who the heck are you guys hiding from me? No one can ruin this day this queen’s day you kno-“ He couldn’t even finish his sentence after seeing the person who was passing by. That height, those big ears, those round eyes. All too familiar.
He immediately cut his eye contact and looked at Luhan’s polo instead when the said tall man surprisingly looked at him as well. The tall man hesitated for a while, before he continued walking.
“I’m not seeing illusions right? That was really Park Chanyeol right?” Kyungsoo asked with his eyes wider than saucers. “What is he doing here? Didn’t he graduate last year? I don’t get-“
“He didn’t graduate.” Baekhyun cut off his sentence.
“What?!”
----
“Did you know…” Chanyeol suddenly spoke, as the both of them were alone inside the bathroom of the event organizer’s hotel room numbered 1004.
They were getting ready for the graduation ball of Chanyeol’s batch. He was a year older, with the rest of their bandmates. Baekhyun was the only person in the band who will be left alone in the university. The guitarist stopped styling his hair as he looked at Baekhyun, then down at the floor.
“I’m not graduating this year.” He whispered.
The smaller man froze. It was like the blood on his face suddenly stopped flowing. What was he to say?
“I failed a subject because I overslept during the final exam. They didn’t let me take it anymore.” He half-laughed because really, it was kind of a stupid reason.
Baekhyun looked at him, badly wanted to hold him and comfort him. But he was afraid because all the walls he built to be protected from this guy will crumble into pieces. If he even gets the slightest contact with him, he might fall again with no one there to catch him. Again.
He swallowed the lump on his throat and carefully reached for Chanyeol until-
“Hey Baek! Do you have styling wax? I think I left mine!” Jongin, their band drummer, asked obnoxiously as he entered and rummaged at the sink.
The vocalist abruptly retracted his hand.
“Here! I have some! Don’t just use too much. That’s my favorite brand.” Chanyeol put on his signature smile as he styled the non-existend lost strand on his forehead. “I’ll see you guys outside.” Suddenly Baekhyun feels as if he won’t be able to sing properly during the party later.
-----
“Can I hug you?” Chanyeol asked. Everyone else were busy cleaning up the venue and Baekhyun suddenly found himself standing in front of Chanyeol in room 1004. The vocalist was even the first one to hold onto him. The hug was light but Baekhyun couldn’t breathe. And he didn’t want to let go. He just wished for time to stop first so he could feel Chanyeol one last time before they say goodbye.
The tall man was the first one to initiate letting go but his hands found themselves holding onto the latter’s arms to keep him in place. “Well, there’s an after party with my batchmates at the bar just across the hotel. I hope you get home safely.” He let go of Baekhyun and smiled one last time, before leaving the room.
“Don’t go.”
-----
“Hey Baek, didn’t Chanyeol get his diploma last summer because he cross enrolled subject in another university? And Jongin’s probably with him too since he failed a major subject.” Luhan asked and the gloomy boy nodded.
“Maybe he was required to attend this year’s assembly because he didn’t attend theirs last year.” Jongdae continued before putting his arm around his bestfriend. “Don’t let your mood get dragged down just because he’s here. You won’t be able to interact with him anyways.” That was true. Chanyeol was with his own set of friends, there was no way Chanyeol would get in the way of his day right? He knew that he was mad at him right?
----
“Are you starting to get irritated at me?” Chanyeol asked as he cuddled Baekhyun even tighter. They were at Jongin’s room after one of their benefit gigs. The vocalist thought that the other quit the band because they weren’t able to reach him after the graduation ball. A year later, they get a call for a concert and Chanyeol happily asked if he could play guitar for the band again.
“I have no reasons to get irritated at you.” Baekhyun replied but then Chanyeol’s hand started roaming around his body. “If I do this, will you get irritated?” the other just sighed in frustration.
“At the scale of 1 to 10. How irritated are you right now?”
“I don’t know. 6?”
“What do I have to do to make it 7?”
Baekhyun had enough.
“Move. I’m going to change clothes.” He stood up to get his bag and proceeded to the bathroom.
After refreshing up, he decided to go back to the room and just sleep, no more contact with the dumb guitarist. He went out of the bathroom and saw Jongin busy talking with Tao, their bassist, and Chanyeol about Tao’s second year anniversary with his lover. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk to any of them now.
Once settled on the bed, he took out his earphones so he could sleep with nothing but music. Suddenly half a song later the bed dipped and someone was hugging from behind. Again.
“What are you listening to?” he knew that deep voice.
“Nothing. Mind your own business.” He tried but Chanyeol thought that it was a better idea to place a blanket over them and keep the other closer to him.
“I have to go home in a few. My flatmates are asking me to drink with them.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“I don’t want you to leave because it’s friggin’ 2am in the morning. It’s not safe anymore. But if you want to go home, then that’s fine. I don’t care.”
“I’ll ask you again. Do you want me to leave?”
“Leave if you want to.”
“Answer me properly.” Chanyeol insisted as he turned Baekhyun around and held his face. “Look at me.” And he did what he was told so. “Do you want me to leave?” Baekhyun was trying so hard to hold back his tears.
“For what happened 2 years ago, I’m sorry.” Chanyeol blurted out after chewing his lower lip.
Baekhyun was starting to get frustrated. What did this man want from him? Why did he desperately want Baekhyun to get mad at him? Everything happened 2 years ago and he forgave him as soon as he said sorry. The issue was over. He was positive that he doesn’t have feelings for him anymore. He was already dating Suho, another guy from their college. It was clear for everyone, but Chanyeol keeps on coming back for him as if his feelings were still there and as if Chanyeol had feelings for him as well.
Baekhyun was very sure. He loves Suho and has stopped loving Chanyeol a year and a half ago.
He thanked the heavens because at that moment, Jongin and Tao decided to barge in the room, although Chanyeol didn’t stop and put the blanket up until their heads. His hands continued roaming on the other’s body. Baekhyun tried so much to stop his hands but it feels as if he’s lost all control. He could feel Chanyeol’s breath at the back of his neck and he gasped feeling cold hands on his chest.
“Please stop.” He pleaded then bit his lip, trying so hard to suppress the moan but failed. His big hands on his body just felt too good. Hearing this, Chanyeol’s right traveled to the other’s mouth to keep him quiet. Feeling his left hand traveling at the zipper of Baekhyun’s pants made him go back to his senses and his own hands found their way to the other’s wrist.
“Chanyeol-ah didn’t you say you were going home?” Jongin asked.
“Yeah. I was just about to go.” He said as he slipped out of the bed and went for his things.
“Goodbye Baekhyun.” The said man only closed his eyes and let his tears fall.
That was the moment Baekhyun decided that Chanyeol will officially be seen-zoned in Facebook.
-----
“Hey, are you looking for someone?” Luhan asked worriedly as he looked at the eye-liner diva trying his best to stretch his neck in search for someone- he meant something. Yeah, let’s just go for something.
“You know you look like an awkward dwarf giraffe trying to reach a leaf to eat.” Jongdae commented.
“I wasn’t looking for someone deadtwat. I was looking for… my favorite tree…?”
“Your what?”
“I was… looking for Kyungsoo… Yeah. Kyungsoo.” Let’s just go with Kyungsoo. Baekhyun started to search for his MIA friend and ignored Luhan’s eyes rolling because obviously Baekhyun was looking for someone else.
He finally caught sight of his owl-eyed friend and went towards him. But stopped midway when he saw whom he was conversing with. His friend was conversing with Jongin, and Jongin was standing beside Chanyeol, who was now staring back at him.
He didn’t know what happened but his feet started walking towards them. He thought that it was a good idea to tell Kyungsoo their whereabouts but found his excuse stupid. So he took all his strength to just pass by them.
As he was just about to brush Chanyeol’s shoulder, the taller put out his hand and placed it on his shoulder, as if telling him to stop, but he knew better. He was supposed to act mad at him so he did what he had to do. He brushed it off and continued to walk forward, heading for the washroom.
Jongin and Kyungsoo could only blink at them and tried their best to make a smile on Chanyeol’s disappointed face.
Baekhyun kept shaking his head. Who was he kidding? He knew that he was searching for Chanyeol in the first place. He was uncomfortable with him being there but at the same time he was so relieved to see him still there.
I am so confused and disturbed right now. I got to stop searching for him.
But he wasn’t someone who could keep promises well so in the end he kept searching for the man even after the program started. He kept turning around on his seat and feel relieved for a couple of minutes after seeing that Chanyeol hasn’t left the assembly yet.
“Stop squirming like a little bitch Baek!” Luhan hissed and the other could mutter a soft ‘sorry’ in return.
“Hey, excited for the party later?” Jongdae asked.
“Hell yeah. I think Kyungsoo’s even more excited because Jongin is here...” Luhan sheepishly replied, but Baekhyun faltered. Does that mean Chanyeol would be there later too? “Although I doubt they’ll be there at the party anyway that’s why Kyungsoo’s sitting with Jongin. Psh.
Those two should really start dating now. They’re too obvious.”
Baekhyun looked at his left and yes he felt relieved again ‘cause Chanyeol was still there, and Kyungsoo was indeed sitting with them.
“Baekhyun, Why aren’t you sitting with Suho anyway?” Luhan asked.
I don’t want Chanyeol to know that I’m seeing someone else…?
“Of course you guys are more important to be with at our last day of school! Suho said it was fine. 4 years of friendship is more important than 10 months of dating.”
The assembly ended as everyone cheered. Students swarmed outside of the assembly hall and Baekhyun continued his search for the yoda but this time he failed. The number of students were just too many.
“Let’s go! We still have 5 more hours to eat dinner and get ready for the le party!” Jongdae cheered as he grabbed Luhan and Baekyun’s wrist and went for the door. That was the last time Baekyun saw Chanyeol for the nth time.
-----
“Can we talk?” Chanyeol asked as he followed Baekhyun who was pretty much now already jogging just to lose the other.
“No. I’m busy.”
“Then I’ll wait for you later 6pm outside the building. I’ll be there!” Chanyeol shouted as he stopped walking and watched the other walk away.
True enough, Chanyeol was waiting for him just outside their college’s entrance.
“What are you doing here?”
“I said we should talk.”
Baekhyun sighed and walked but this time slowly.
“Can we just… sit somewhere please?”
The both of them were seated at opposite ends of the bench. The campus was full of pretty lights during the night, that’s why it was a popular dating site for couples, but Baekhyun’s case wasn’t romantic at all.
“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol started.
“For what?”
“For everything.”
“What’s everything?”
“For holding your hand, for flirting with you, for ordering you to do things that you didn’t want to do, for being romantic around you.”
Every sentence mother fuckin’ hurt Baekhyun.
“I like someone else. Everyone knows. I like Kris.” Baekhyun knew as well. Kris was a good friend of his who was 2 years older than him.
“Any of what we did wasn’t true? Even a tiny bit of it was just you playing around?”
“I wouldn’t say playing around, ‘cause that would hurt you-“
“Then what the fuck was it?!” Baekhyun answered back a little too loudly this time.
“I was just trying to test if you really loved me or not. If what they told me was true or not.” Baekhyun scoffed. Chanyeol was a selfish coward.
“Then you could’ve asked me! It’s not a big deal for me anyway!”
“Then why did you cry the time when Kris told you the truth?! Don’t mock me. I saw you crying when Kris told you that nothing between us was real!”
“Because I thought I could trust you! I trusted you more than I loved you!” Baekhyun fought back the tears. He can’t cry. He’s Byun Baekhyun.
He’s the eye-liner diva of the university. Nothing can hurt him.
“So all this time… The late night talks, me being honest with you, me telling you stories of my life, me contended with wanting to be your close friend, me wanting to spend more time with you… It meant nothing to you.”
“Baekhyun that’s not true. I-“
“I don’t want to hear anything else. I’m fine. Can I go home now? Please?” He pleaded but looked anywhere else but the other’s eyes.
“At least let me walk you home-“
“No.” He stopped him with his hand. “I’ll be fine.”
Who was he kidding?
“I can go home by myself.” But Chanyeol was not having any of it. He was still following Baekhyun up until they reached the main intersection.
“Chanyeol, please. Leave me alone.” Baekhyun said and finally Chanyeol did stop following him.
----
“BYUN BAEKHYUN! WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO WHAT I WAS SAYING?!” Luhan shouted as he waved a hand in front of him.
“Wha- what? I’m sorry. I was just thinking.” Luhan sighed at his friends answer. They were at Jongdae’s apartment getting ready for the party.
“I said, I was thinking of applying eye-liner too but I don’t know how.”
“Luhan, you look better without it. I promise.” Baekhyun laughed.
They were busy changing their clothes when Kyungsoo entered.
“Hey guys!” He smiled.
“So that’s what happens with bros before hoes huh?” Jongdae commented and Kyungsoo hugged him.
“I’m sorry but I wanted more time with Jongin. It’s been a while since we talked in person you know.” He blushed. “And I don’t think they’ll be at the party later. Jongin told me he and Chanyeol were invited to drink with Suho and other people from the Biology department.”
“But won’t Suho be there at the party later Baekhyun?” Jongdae looked at his friend who was now busy applying his signature eye-liner style.
“Yup. He told me before hand that he’ll be late anyways so I’m good.”
A few strokes later…
“There! I’m finished!” Baekhyun said as he looked at his reflection. He looked perfect as always. He made extra sure that he was wearing tight pants for Suho’s view, a nice top to accentuate his sexy curves, and his eye make-up that made him look like a sexy vixen.
“Wow Baek. You look hot. You’ve really outdone yourself tonight. Usually you’ll play like an angel during parties.” Luhan cat-whistled.
“It’s our last college party and I want to make the most out of it. Not bad yourself. Looks like you really planned for this.”
“I told myself that this would be the last time I would try to flirt with Oh Sehun. If this night doesn’t work out, then I’m out.” He snickered.
__
The party was held at the rooftop of the building a few minutes away from their campus. From the ground floor, you could already hear people cheering and the bass dropping and this made the 4 males even more excited.
As soon as they reached the venue, they started heading for the drinks and chatted with their other friends. Baekhyun caught sight of Sehun finding his way to Luhan and smiled.
“Wanna go for a shot?” Jongdae invited.
“You know I don’t drink!” Yes, Baekhyun didn’t like drinking ‘cause from what his family told him, the diva spoke in mixed English-Japanese-Korean-German when drunk. He didn’t even take German language classes. Getting him drunk was the last best idea on earth.
“Fine!” The other hissed at him but nonetheless continued partying. They were busy dancing until Kyungsoo went towards the door and greeted someone. Baekhyun followed him and froze.
It was Jongin and Chanyeol.
“Hey sexy thing.” He felt arms draped around him and turned around abruptly. It was Suho. He panicked for no reason.
“Hi. I’m sorry I got surprised.” He tried to laugh it out. “I’ll just go get us some drinks okay.” He winked at his boyfriend.
As he was waiting for their drinks at the bar, someone poked his side and saw Chanyeol trying to greet him.
“Hey.” He said.
“Hi.” That was all Baekhyun replied as he grabbed their drinks and went back to where Suho was. So far he was doing very well avoiding him.
“Is that an alcoholic drink you’re holding?” Suho asked and the other nodded.
“Babe, you know you can’t handle your alcohol well.” He said worriedly. This was one of the few things of what Baekhyun loved about Suho. He was very caring but the other just smirked again and drank his glass in one shot.
“I wanna be naughty for you tonight.” He sexily whispered and felt the other shudder. He led Suho to a nice secluded place for some hot and safe play. He caught sight of Chanyeol playing beer pong and didn’t fail to notice the two making their way somewhere else.
Baekhyun pushed Suho lightly on a pillar and pressed his body against him.
“What’s with you?” His date asked. Hands were busy roaming on his back. He was enjoying this too but Baekhyun was an innocent kid. He was one of the most oblivious people when it comes to sex talk and is a person who hasn’t even had his first kiss yet so seeing him like this was really new.
“Nothing. I just wanna touch you.”
“Okay. But not too much okay? People are watching. Maybe it’s just the alcohol Baek. I know you want to take things slow and I want to respect that.” This was another of the things Baekhyun loved about Suho. He loves to play naughty, but knows their boundaries and knows Baekhyun’s limit when it comes to physical contact.
They were both busy flirting around when Baekhyun saw Chanyeol deeply staring at them. Maybe one of the reasons why he was busy being naughty with Suho tonight was because he wanted to know what Chanyeol would do. If he would get jealous, or mad…
He saw Chanyeol walking round and round. He actually tried getting close to them but in the end hesitating and failing. Seeing Chanyeol slumped out on a chair looking depressed made Bakehyun stop.
“Suho. I need to tell you something.” He looked down at the floor.
“What is it?” the other asked worriedly as he held Baekhyun’s face on his hands.
“Do you remember the guy I told you about? The one who just flirted with me just to see if I really liked him or not?” Suho just looked at him as a sign that he was just listening.
“That guy is… Chanyeol.” Finally Baekhyun looked at the other and was surprised to see Suho just smiling at him.
“Aren’t you mad?” He asked.
“Why would I be mad? You told me you loved me back and I trust you Baek.” Baekhyun smiled at his answer. Suho really loved him and that made him happier than anyone else.
“Do you want to make him jealous?” He jokingly asked and Baekhyun laughed. Suddenly he wasn’t feeling naughty anymore, he just wants time with Suho and his closest friends in college.
“Hey Suho! You should try this beer funnel thing! It’s awesome!” The obviously drunk Jongin cheered. He had his arm around Kyungsoo who looked equally drunk.
“Jongin, you better hold your drinks!” He replied. They were having a fun when suddenly Baekyun felt someone tugging at his shirt.
“Can we talk?” It was Chanyeol. Baekhyun looked at Suho and the other just nodded with a smile. Baekhyun smiled back and they moved to a more secluded area. A floor lower along the dimly lit corridors is just fine.
He’s content because Chanyeol wanted to talk to him again but at the same time worried because he knew Chanyeol wouldn’t resist the chance to confuse the fuck out of him countless times already. Chanyeol wouldn’t resist the chance to use him, exhaust him, and Baekhyun willingly let him.
“We’re going to have ‘the talk’ again?” He snarled as he stood against the wall, while Chanyeol was on the other side. Baekhyun thought that it was best if he didn’t look at the other, or else he would cry. He’s not sure, but he doesn’t want to take the risk.
“I’m sorry.”
There it is again. You’re saying sorry again. Let me guess. You’ll say: “I’m sorry because of what happened 2 years-“
“I’m sorry if I keep on pushing myself into your life.” The vocalist was taken aback. He didn’t expect that to hear from him in a million light years. Baekhyun looked towards the window and sighed. He doesn’t want to do this anymore.
“Okay. You can go back at the party first.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to.” The other sighed. A few minutes have passed and neither of them said anything.
“Can we… Can we just sit for a while? Please?” Baekhyun didn’t need him to tell him that. He was just about to sit on the floor anyways.
“Baekhyun-ah. Do you even know me?” The other looked at his shoes. “How well do you even know me?”
“I thought…” He started but Chanyeol made his way next to him, their shoulders brushing against each other. “What did you say?”
“I thought… You were a friend. I thought you were kind, but I guess I was wrong.”
“I’m not the kind of person you think I am.”
“Now I know that very well.”
“Baekhyun, I’m a broken man. I’m addicted to drinking, smoking… I live a sad and confused life. I’m that kind of person. But I am honest. It’s true that I flirted with you just to verify if you liked me or not. You were too kind and I took advantage of that.” Baekhyun was just listening and not saying word.
“I just really wanted you to be mad at me because that’s the only way I could feel guilty. I wanted you to hate me because that way I could really feel that I have wronged you. You’re too kind Baekhyun. I know I hurt you bad but you forgave me too easily. You’re… too kind.” He continued and this time, it was Baekhyun’s turn to speak.
“It was so hard to act mad at you Yeol.” The other smiled at the nickname. He missed that. “No matter how hard I try, no matter how much you’ve hurt me. I can’t get myself to hate you.” He kept going.
“That night in Jongin’s house… Why did you keep on asking me if I wanted you to go home?” Chanyeol snickered at the question.
“Because…” He hesitated to answer for a while.
“Maybe I didn’t really want to go home that night. I wanted to stay by your side. I wanted to wake up with you beside me. Maybe… I just really wanted to hear from you that you didn’t want me to leave. That you wanted me by your side, that you wanted to wake up with my arms around you.” Chanyeol softly scoffed. He suddenly felt really stupid now but he knew that he needed to tell Baekhyun everything or else it would be too late.
“The past 2 years, maybe I was really just in denial because I loved Kris too much that I thought it would be impossible for me to love someone else. But you know, the feeling was never mutual. Kris loves Tao. They got together a few weeks after we had the talk. And it didn’t hurt like I thought it would because I knew I had you.” Baekhyun’s breath hitched at what he heard. “I guess… I was really in denial.”
Chanyeol stood up and pulled the other with him.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I love you.” He looked at Baekhyun.
“I’m still in love with you Byun Baekhyun.” Chanyeol’s hand searched for the other’s hand as he whispered his confession. “What do we do now?”
The only thing that Baekhyun could answer was: “What do you want to happen?”
“I don’t know.” He hesitated. He wanted Baekhyun to tell him that he still loved him back.
Chanyeol was broken and it pained Baekhyun to see him like this. He always hated seeing him fragile. He wanted to hold him badly at times like this and he did.
Baekhyun hugged Chanyeol that it made him feel as if he was the most important person for him.
“I have something to confess to you too.” Baekhyun said and the other hummed in response.
“The reason why I loved your touch and the reason I let you touch me was because it always made me feel safe.” Baekhyun held him tighter. “I feel protected when I’m with you.”
“Don’t.” Chanyeol answered back. “Because you’ll turn out to be the one who’ll protect me. I can’t protect you Baekhyun.” At this point Baekhyun wanted to cry so badly. Chanyeol was too sincere. Baekhyun’s heart couldn’t take it.
Chanyeol then pushed him gently at the wall and started kissing the other’s neck. Baekhyun hummed. He kept kissing his neck as his hands started roaming around his body while Baekhyun’s hands were idle on his back. No matter what Chanyeol did to him, it always made him safe and warm. Then his lips found them traveling on his collarbone, his jaw, his right cheek… then stopped.
“Baekhyun, you’re too beautiful. I badly want to kiss you right now. Will you let me?” He whispered hotly to the other’s ear.
If this were the old and very naïve Baekhyun, he would have said ‘yes’. But he’s different. He’s smarter now.
You told me you loved me back and I trust you Baek.
He loves Suho and this was how Baekhyun loved, whole-heartedly and genuinely. This kind of love was stronger. Chanyeol had his chance, and didn’t really deserve someone like him.
“No Chanyeol. I don’t want to do this.” The taller only stared at him and smiled bitterly after a few seconds.
“I understand.” He replied but still held onto him. “Let me ask you again Baekhyun… What do we do now?”
This time Baekhyun confidently looked at his eyes. “We’ll be friends. We’ll be good friends Chanyeol.” He sincerely smiled at him.
“Can’t we be ‘mega’ friends instead?” He laughed. He could still make a joke out of the situation but really, it broke Chanyeol’s heart. But he was a coward and it took him 2 years to finally be honest with himself. Now the only person who made him feel wonderful was at the hands of someone else. He has to accept that fact. He let his chance slip away.
“Shall we go back to the party?” Chanyeol offered and the shorter cheerfully nodded at him, but even before Baekhyun could reach the stairs, he felt being pulled back into a warm hug.
“I wonder when will I see you again?” Chanyeol held him tight.
“I don’t know.” Baekhyun just whispered and held him back. When Chanyeol let go of him, he carefully placed a kiss on the other’s forehead.
“I just hope that it’s soon.”
“Me too.”
But they weren’t fooling anyone. They both knew that being friends isn’t the best decision. Chanyeol will need his space to move on; Baekhyun has already moved forward with someone else. The feeling of longing for each other for 2 years was stronger than steel caused by bitterness. It was at this moment. This moment of letting go that they totally became free from one another.
They can never be friends, because there will always be something between them that is silent.
Maybe they fell in love when they’re not supposed to. Maybe they fell in love at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons, and for the wrong decisions. The kind of love that will be bad for the both of them.
Maybe it was their role in each other’s lives. Fate made them meet at random moments of their life. Fate made them get back together. Fate tried breaking them apart. Fate made them decide that they were present in each other’s life for a lesson. They are grateful and unregretful.
Their chapter would end sooner or later.
It should end.
It will end.
It has ended.
~~~~~~~
A/N: After 2 years of non stop academic writing I finally had the time to write something artistic again! WOOHO. I just graduated college guys. congratulate me. =))))))))
Free Counter
Comments are very much appreciated and loved!
Author: kuro_kakeru
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun; Suho/Baekhyun; slight!Kai/Do; slight!Sehun/Luhan
Genre: Slight angst, drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Baekhyun loved him 2 years ago, Chanyeol loved him back 2 years later.
A/N: and it's also been 2 years since I last wrote something... that I actually finished =)))
“Congratulations to us!"
“Can’t you stay quiet? Who knows, we might not graduate because of being too noisy.”
“You’re just too paranoid. Look around you, everyone’s taking a lot of pictures. Today is our last assembly before graduation so loosen up a little. I don’t think we’ll get scolded because of being too happy? Right Baekhyun?”
Luhan was right. Baekhyun looked around him and nodded. He was getting emotional because of seeing his surroundings. It felt like he wasn’t ready to graduate college yet. Time passed so fast.
“What to do? I feel like crying already.” Baekhyun laughed as he tried to resist his tears but suddenly hissed in pain as he felt someone hit his head.
“Aren’t you really going to change that eyeliner drama queen persona of yours? Carl Jung should have patterned on his archetypes based on you! He should’ve named it Queen B. B for Baekhyun and not Beyonce.” Jongdae said.
“Shut up!” He barked back. He thought that bad jokes were a trait for psychology majors, because they kept making up jokes despite the fact that other people won’t understand their concepts and references.
Bad jokes aside, Baekhyun loved being a psychology major. He didn’t regret taking it as his college program. He learned a lot about himself, his family members, his friends, and basically everyone around him. Through this type of college life he chose, he met a lot of people and thought that he fell in love twice.
He can still remember seeing the bastard whom he dated for a couple of months then suddenly went AWOL on him. That Yixing bastard’s reaction was very much fresh in his mind when the eyeliner queen cursed and gave him the middle finger as they passed through the corridor some time last week.
It was the first and last time he saw the Chinese- exchange student after sending his texts: “Aren’t we going to meet tonight?”, “I’m on my way home, would like to eat dinner?”, ”Please reply to my messages.” It took a lot of thinking and head spanking before Baekhyun got the idea that the Chinese man wanted nothing but his body. The last time Yixing went to his dorm, he asked him like 1000 times if he wanted to go to the motel with him. Baekhyun wasn’t easy, of course he would say no. And thus, the texts were sent and were most likely received then ignored.
“Fuck you.” He calmly told him as he raised his middle finger and continued walking with his friends. He saw Yixing look back at him wide eyes as his friends gathered around him and asked what was that all about.
Baekhyun laughed at the memory but his thoughts were suddenly cut-off as Luhan blocked his view.
“Okay! Don’t look anywhere else but me got it?” He beamed and Baekhyun tilted his head towards him.
“Why what’s wrong? Jongdae asked. Luhan anwered by pointing his head towards the corner of the corridor.
“Oh my isn’t that-“
“Sshhhh… Be quiet.”
Baekhyun scoffed, “Wouldn’t I be more curious to know who the heck are you guys hiding from me? No one can ruin this day this queen’s day you kno-“ He couldn’t even finish his sentence after seeing the person who was passing by. That height, those big ears, those round eyes. All too familiar.
He immediately cut his eye contact and looked at Luhan’s polo instead when the said tall man surprisingly looked at him as well. The tall man hesitated for a while, before he continued walking.
“I’m not seeing illusions right? That was really Park Chanyeol right?” Kyungsoo asked with his eyes wider than saucers. “What is he doing here? Didn’t he graduate last year? I don’t get-“
“He didn’t graduate.” Baekhyun cut off his sentence.
“What?!”
----
“Did you know…” Chanyeol suddenly spoke, as the both of them were alone inside the bathroom of the event organizer’s hotel room numbered 1004.
They were getting ready for the graduation ball of Chanyeol’s batch. He was a year older, with the rest of their bandmates. Baekhyun was the only person in the band who will be left alone in the university. The guitarist stopped styling his hair as he looked at Baekhyun, then down at the floor.
“I’m not graduating this year.” He whispered.
The smaller man froze. It was like the blood on his face suddenly stopped flowing. What was he to say?
“I failed a subject because I overslept during the final exam. They didn’t let me take it anymore.” He half-laughed because really, it was kind of a stupid reason.
Baekhyun looked at him, badly wanted to hold him and comfort him. But he was afraid because all the walls he built to be protected from this guy will crumble into pieces. If he even gets the slightest contact with him, he might fall again with no one there to catch him. Again.
He swallowed the lump on his throat and carefully reached for Chanyeol until-
“Hey Baek! Do you have styling wax? I think I left mine!” Jongin, their band drummer, asked obnoxiously as he entered and rummaged at the sink.
The vocalist abruptly retracted his hand.
“Here! I have some! Don’t just use too much. That’s my favorite brand.” Chanyeol put on his signature smile as he styled the non-existend lost strand on his forehead. “I’ll see you guys outside.” Suddenly Baekhyun feels as if he won’t be able to sing properly during the party later.
-----
“Can I hug you?” Chanyeol asked. Everyone else were busy cleaning up the venue and Baekhyun suddenly found himself standing in front of Chanyeol in room 1004. The vocalist was even the first one to hold onto him. The hug was light but Baekhyun couldn’t breathe. And he didn’t want to let go. He just wished for time to stop first so he could feel Chanyeol one last time before they say goodbye.
The tall man was the first one to initiate letting go but his hands found themselves holding onto the latter’s arms to keep him in place. “Well, there’s an after party with my batchmates at the bar just across the hotel. I hope you get home safely.” He let go of Baekhyun and smiled one last time, before leaving the room.
“Don’t go.”
-----
“Hey Baek, didn’t Chanyeol get his diploma last summer because he cross enrolled subject in another university? And Jongin’s probably with him too since he failed a major subject.” Luhan asked and the gloomy boy nodded.
“Maybe he was required to attend this year’s assembly because he didn’t attend theirs last year.” Jongdae continued before putting his arm around his bestfriend. “Don’t let your mood get dragged down just because he’s here. You won’t be able to interact with him anyways.” That was true. Chanyeol was with his own set of friends, there was no way Chanyeol would get in the way of his day right? He knew that he was mad at him right?
----
“Are you starting to get irritated at me?” Chanyeol asked as he cuddled Baekhyun even tighter. They were at Jongin’s room after one of their benefit gigs. The vocalist thought that the other quit the band because they weren’t able to reach him after the graduation ball. A year later, they get a call for a concert and Chanyeol happily asked if he could play guitar for the band again.
“I have no reasons to get irritated at you.” Baekhyun replied but then Chanyeol’s hand started roaming around his body. “If I do this, will you get irritated?” the other just sighed in frustration.
“At the scale of 1 to 10. How irritated are you right now?”
“I don’t know. 6?”
“What do I have to do to make it 7?”
Baekhyun had enough.
“Move. I’m going to change clothes.” He stood up to get his bag and proceeded to the bathroom.
After refreshing up, he decided to go back to the room and just sleep, no more contact with the dumb guitarist. He went out of the bathroom and saw Jongin busy talking with Tao, their bassist, and Chanyeol about Tao’s second year anniversary with his lover. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk to any of them now.
Once settled on the bed, he took out his earphones so he could sleep with nothing but music. Suddenly half a song later the bed dipped and someone was hugging from behind. Again.
“What are you listening to?” he knew that deep voice.
“Nothing. Mind your own business.” He tried but Chanyeol thought that it was a better idea to place a blanket over them and keep the other closer to him.
“I have to go home in a few. My flatmates are asking me to drink with them.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“I don’t want you to leave because it’s friggin’ 2am in the morning. It’s not safe anymore. But if you want to go home, then that’s fine. I don’t care.”
“I’ll ask you again. Do you want me to leave?”
“Leave if you want to.”
“Answer me properly.” Chanyeol insisted as he turned Baekhyun around and held his face. “Look at me.” And he did what he was told so. “Do you want me to leave?” Baekhyun was trying so hard to hold back his tears.
“For what happened 2 years ago, I’m sorry.” Chanyeol blurted out after chewing his lower lip.
Baekhyun was starting to get frustrated. What did this man want from him? Why did he desperately want Baekhyun to get mad at him? Everything happened 2 years ago and he forgave him as soon as he said sorry. The issue was over. He was positive that he doesn’t have feelings for him anymore. He was already dating Suho, another guy from their college. It was clear for everyone, but Chanyeol keeps on coming back for him as if his feelings were still there and as if Chanyeol had feelings for him as well.
Baekhyun was very sure. He loves Suho and has stopped loving Chanyeol a year and a half ago.
He thanked the heavens because at that moment, Jongin and Tao decided to barge in the room, although Chanyeol didn’t stop and put the blanket up until their heads. His hands continued roaming on the other’s body. Baekhyun tried so much to stop his hands but it feels as if he’s lost all control. He could feel Chanyeol’s breath at the back of his neck and he gasped feeling cold hands on his chest.
“Please stop.” He pleaded then bit his lip, trying so hard to suppress the moan but failed. His big hands on his body just felt too good. Hearing this, Chanyeol’s right traveled to the other’s mouth to keep him quiet. Feeling his left hand traveling at the zipper of Baekhyun’s pants made him go back to his senses and his own hands found their way to the other’s wrist.
“Chanyeol-ah didn’t you say you were going home?” Jongin asked.
“Yeah. I was just about to go.” He said as he slipped out of the bed and went for his things.
“Goodbye Baekhyun.” The said man only closed his eyes and let his tears fall.
That was the moment Baekhyun decided that Chanyeol will officially be seen-zoned in Facebook.
-----
“Hey, are you looking for someone?” Luhan asked worriedly as he looked at the eye-liner diva trying his best to stretch his neck in search for someone- he meant something. Yeah, let’s just go for something.
“You know you look like an awkward dwarf giraffe trying to reach a leaf to eat.” Jongdae commented.
“I wasn’t looking for someone deadtwat. I was looking for… my favorite tree…?”
“Your what?”
“I was… looking for Kyungsoo… Yeah. Kyungsoo.” Let’s just go with Kyungsoo. Baekhyun started to search for his MIA friend and ignored Luhan’s eyes rolling because obviously Baekhyun was looking for someone else.
He finally caught sight of his owl-eyed friend and went towards him. But stopped midway when he saw whom he was conversing with. His friend was conversing with Jongin, and Jongin was standing beside Chanyeol, who was now staring back at him.
He didn’t know what happened but his feet started walking towards them. He thought that it was a good idea to tell Kyungsoo their whereabouts but found his excuse stupid. So he took all his strength to just pass by them.
As he was just about to brush Chanyeol’s shoulder, the taller put out his hand and placed it on his shoulder, as if telling him to stop, but he knew better. He was supposed to act mad at him so he did what he had to do. He brushed it off and continued to walk forward, heading for the washroom.
Jongin and Kyungsoo could only blink at them and tried their best to make a smile on Chanyeol’s disappointed face.
Baekhyun kept shaking his head. Who was he kidding? He knew that he was searching for Chanyeol in the first place. He was uncomfortable with him being there but at the same time he was so relieved to see him still there.
I am so confused and disturbed right now. I got to stop searching for him.
But he wasn’t someone who could keep promises well so in the end he kept searching for the man even after the program started. He kept turning around on his seat and feel relieved for a couple of minutes after seeing that Chanyeol hasn’t left the assembly yet.
“Stop squirming like a little bitch Baek!” Luhan hissed and the other could mutter a soft ‘sorry’ in return.
“Hey, excited for the party later?” Jongdae asked.
“Hell yeah. I think Kyungsoo’s even more excited because Jongin is here...” Luhan sheepishly replied, but Baekhyun faltered. Does that mean Chanyeol would be there later too? “Although I doubt they’ll be there at the party anyway that’s why Kyungsoo’s sitting with Jongin. Psh.
Those two should really start dating now. They’re too obvious.”
Baekhyun looked at his left and yes he felt relieved again ‘cause Chanyeol was still there, and Kyungsoo was indeed sitting with them.
“Baekhyun, Why aren’t you sitting with Suho anyway?” Luhan asked.
I don’t want Chanyeol to know that I’m seeing someone else…?
“Of course you guys are more important to be with at our last day of school! Suho said it was fine. 4 years of friendship is more important than 10 months of dating.”
The assembly ended as everyone cheered. Students swarmed outside of the assembly hall and Baekhyun continued his search for the yoda but this time he failed. The number of students were just too many.
“Let’s go! We still have 5 more hours to eat dinner and get ready for the le party!” Jongdae cheered as he grabbed Luhan and Baekyun’s wrist and went for the door. That was the last time Baekyun saw Chanyeol for the nth time.
-----
“Can we talk?” Chanyeol asked as he followed Baekhyun who was pretty much now already jogging just to lose the other.
“No. I’m busy.”
“Then I’ll wait for you later 6pm outside the building. I’ll be there!” Chanyeol shouted as he stopped walking and watched the other walk away.
True enough, Chanyeol was waiting for him just outside their college’s entrance.
“What are you doing here?”
“I said we should talk.”
Baekhyun sighed and walked but this time slowly.
“Can we just… sit somewhere please?”
The both of them were seated at opposite ends of the bench. The campus was full of pretty lights during the night, that’s why it was a popular dating site for couples, but Baekhyun’s case wasn’t romantic at all.
“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol started.
“For what?”
“For everything.”
“What’s everything?”
“For holding your hand, for flirting with you, for ordering you to do things that you didn’t want to do, for being romantic around you.”
Every sentence mother fuckin’ hurt Baekhyun.
“I like someone else. Everyone knows. I like Kris.” Baekhyun knew as well. Kris was a good friend of his who was 2 years older than him.
“Any of what we did wasn’t true? Even a tiny bit of it was just you playing around?”
“I wouldn’t say playing around, ‘cause that would hurt you-“
“Then what the fuck was it?!” Baekhyun answered back a little too loudly this time.
“I was just trying to test if you really loved me or not. If what they told me was true or not.” Baekhyun scoffed. Chanyeol was a selfish coward.
“Then you could’ve asked me! It’s not a big deal for me anyway!”
“Then why did you cry the time when Kris told you the truth?! Don’t mock me. I saw you crying when Kris told you that nothing between us was real!”
“Because I thought I could trust you! I trusted you more than I loved you!” Baekhyun fought back the tears. He can’t cry. He’s Byun Baekhyun.
He’s the eye-liner diva of the university. Nothing can hurt him.
“So all this time… The late night talks, me being honest with you, me telling you stories of my life, me contended with wanting to be your close friend, me wanting to spend more time with you… It meant nothing to you.”
“Baekhyun that’s not true. I-“
“I don’t want to hear anything else. I’m fine. Can I go home now? Please?” He pleaded but looked anywhere else but the other’s eyes.
“At least let me walk you home-“
“No.” He stopped him with his hand. “I’ll be fine.”
Who was he kidding?
“I can go home by myself.” But Chanyeol was not having any of it. He was still following Baekhyun up until they reached the main intersection.
“Chanyeol, please. Leave me alone.” Baekhyun said and finally Chanyeol did stop following him.
----
“BYUN BAEKHYUN! WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO WHAT I WAS SAYING?!” Luhan shouted as he waved a hand in front of him.
“Wha- what? I’m sorry. I was just thinking.” Luhan sighed at his friends answer. They were at Jongdae’s apartment getting ready for the party.
“I said, I was thinking of applying eye-liner too but I don’t know how.”
“Luhan, you look better without it. I promise.” Baekhyun laughed.
They were busy changing their clothes when Kyungsoo entered.
“Hey guys!” He smiled.
“So that’s what happens with bros before hoes huh?” Jongdae commented and Kyungsoo hugged him.
“I’m sorry but I wanted more time with Jongin. It’s been a while since we talked in person you know.” He blushed. “And I don’t think they’ll be at the party later. Jongin told me he and Chanyeol were invited to drink with Suho and other people from the Biology department.”
“But won’t Suho be there at the party later Baekhyun?” Jongdae looked at his friend who was now busy applying his signature eye-liner style.
“Yup. He told me before hand that he’ll be late anyways so I’m good.”
A few strokes later…
“There! I’m finished!” Baekhyun said as he looked at his reflection. He looked perfect as always. He made extra sure that he was wearing tight pants for Suho’s view, a nice top to accentuate his sexy curves, and his eye make-up that made him look like a sexy vixen.
“Wow Baek. You look hot. You’ve really outdone yourself tonight. Usually you’ll play like an angel during parties.” Luhan cat-whistled.
“It’s our last college party and I want to make the most out of it. Not bad yourself. Looks like you really planned for this.”
“I told myself that this would be the last time I would try to flirt with Oh Sehun. If this night doesn’t work out, then I’m out.” He snickered.
__
The party was held at the rooftop of the building a few minutes away from their campus. From the ground floor, you could already hear people cheering and the bass dropping and this made the 4 males even more excited.
As soon as they reached the venue, they started heading for the drinks and chatted with their other friends. Baekhyun caught sight of Sehun finding his way to Luhan and smiled.
“Wanna go for a shot?” Jongdae invited.
“You know I don’t drink!” Yes, Baekhyun didn’t like drinking ‘cause from what his family told him, the diva spoke in mixed English-Japanese-Korean-German when drunk. He didn’t even take German language classes. Getting him drunk was the last best idea on earth.
“Fine!” The other hissed at him but nonetheless continued partying. They were busy dancing until Kyungsoo went towards the door and greeted someone. Baekhyun followed him and froze.
It was Jongin and Chanyeol.
“Hey sexy thing.” He felt arms draped around him and turned around abruptly. It was Suho. He panicked for no reason.
“Hi. I’m sorry I got surprised.” He tried to laugh it out. “I’ll just go get us some drinks okay.” He winked at his boyfriend.
As he was waiting for their drinks at the bar, someone poked his side and saw Chanyeol trying to greet him.
“Hey.” He said.
“Hi.” That was all Baekhyun replied as he grabbed their drinks and went back to where Suho was. So far he was doing very well avoiding him.
“Is that an alcoholic drink you’re holding?” Suho asked and the other nodded.
“Babe, you know you can’t handle your alcohol well.” He said worriedly. This was one of the few things of what Baekhyun loved about Suho. He was very caring but the other just smirked again and drank his glass in one shot.
“I wanna be naughty for you tonight.” He sexily whispered and felt the other shudder. He led Suho to a nice secluded place for some hot and safe play. He caught sight of Chanyeol playing beer pong and didn’t fail to notice the two making their way somewhere else.
Baekhyun pushed Suho lightly on a pillar and pressed his body against him.
“What’s with you?” His date asked. Hands were busy roaming on his back. He was enjoying this too but Baekhyun was an innocent kid. He was one of the most oblivious people when it comes to sex talk and is a person who hasn’t even had his first kiss yet so seeing him like this was really new.
“Nothing. I just wanna touch you.”
“Okay. But not too much okay? People are watching. Maybe it’s just the alcohol Baek. I know you want to take things slow and I want to respect that.” This was another of the things Baekhyun loved about Suho. He loves to play naughty, but knows their boundaries and knows Baekhyun’s limit when it comes to physical contact.
They were both busy flirting around when Baekhyun saw Chanyeol deeply staring at them. Maybe one of the reasons why he was busy being naughty with Suho tonight was because he wanted to know what Chanyeol would do. If he would get jealous, or mad…
He saw Chanyeol walking round and round. He actually tried getting close to them but in the end hesitating and failing. Seeing Chanyeol slumped out on a chair looking depressed made Bakehyun stop.
“Suho. I need to tell you something.” He looked down at the floor.
“What is it?” the other asked worriedly as he held Baekhyun’s face on his hands.
“Do you remember the guy I told you about? The one who just flirted with me just to see if I really liked him or not?” Suho just looked at him as a sign that he was just listening.
“That guy is… Chanyeol.” Finally Baekhyun looked at the other and was surprised to see Suho just smiling at him.
“Aren’t you mad?” He asked.
“Why would I be mad? You told me you loved me back and I trust you Baek.” Baekhyun smiled at his answer. Suho really loved him and that made him happier than anyone else.
“Do you want to make him jealous?” He jokingly asked and Baekhyun laughed. Suddenly he wasn’t feeling naughty anymore, he just wants time with Suho and his closest friends in college.
“Hey Suho! You should try this beer funnel thing! It’s awesome!” The obviously drunk Jongin cheered. He had his arm around Kyungsoo who looked equally drunk.
“Jongin, you better hold your drinks!” He replied. They were having a fun when suddenly Baekyun felt someone tugging at his shirt.
“Can we talk?” It was Chanyeol. Baekhyun looked at Suho and the other just nodded with a smile. Baekhyun smiled back and they moved to a more secluded area. A floor lower along the dimly lit corridors is just fine.
He’s content because Chanyeol wanted to talk to him again but at the same time worried because he knew Chanyeol wouldn’t resist the chance to confuse the fuck out of him countless times already. Chanyeol wouldn’t resist the chance to use him, exhaust him, and Baekhyun willingly let him.
“We’re going to have ‘the talk’ again?” He snarled as he stood against the wall, while Chanyeol was on the other side. Baekhyun thought that it was best if he didn’t look at the other, or else he would cry. He’s not sure, but he doesn’t want to take the risk.
“I’m sorry.”
There it is again. You’re saying sorry again. Let me guess. You’ll say: “I’m sorry because of what happened 2 years-“
“I’m sorry if I keep on pushing myself into your life.” The vocalist was taken aback. He didn’t expect that to hear from him in a million light years. Baekhyun looked towards the window and sighed. He doesn’t want to do this anymore.
“Okay. You can go back at the party first.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to.” The other sighed. A few minutes have passed and neither of them said anything.
“Can we… Can we just sit for a while? Please?” Baekhyun didn’t need him to tell him that. He was just about to sit on the floor anyways.
“Baekhyun-ah. Do you even know me?” The other looked at his shoes. “How well do you even know me?”
“I thought…” He started but Chanyeol made his way next to him, their shoulders brushing against each other. “What did you say?”
“I thought… You were a friend. I thought you were kind, but I guess I was wrong.”
“I’m not the kind of person you think I am.”
“Now I know that very well.”
“Baekhyun, I’m a broken man. I’m addicted to drinking, smoking… I live a sad and confused life. I’m that kind of person. But I am honest. It’s true that I flirted with you just to verify if you liked me or not. You were too kind and I took advantage of that.” Baekhyun was just listening and not saying word.
“I just really wanted you to be mad at me because that’s the only way I could feel guilty. I wanted you to hate me because that way I could really feel that I have wronged you. You’re too kind Baekhyun. I know I hurt you bad but you forgave me too easily. You’re… too kind.” He continued and this time, it was Baekhyun’s turn to speak.
“It was so hard to act mad at you Yeol.” The other smiled at the nickname. He missed that. “No matter how hard I try, no matter how much you’ve hurt me. I can’t get myself to hate you.” He kept going.
“That night in Jongin’s house… Why did you keep on asking me if I wanted you to go home?” Chanyeol snickered at the question.
“Because…” He hesitated to answer for a while.
“Maybe I didn’t really want to go home that night. I wanted to stay by your side. I wanted to wake up with you beside me. Maybe… I just really wanted to hear from you that you didn’t want me to leave. That you wanted me by your side, that you wanted to wake up with my arms around you.” Chanyeol softly scoffed. He suddenly felt really stupid now but he knew that he needed to tell Baekhyun everything or else it would be too late.
“The past 2 years, maybe I was really just in denial because I loved Kris too much that I thought it would be impossible for me to love someone else. But you know, the feeling was never mutual. Kris loves Tao. They got together a few weeks after we had the talk. And it didn’t hurt like I thought it would because I knew I had you.” Baekhyun’s breath hitched at what he heard. “I guess… I was really in denial.”
Chanyeol stood up and pulled the other with him.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I love you.” He looked at Baekhyun.
“I’m still in love with you Byun Baekhyun.” Chanyeol’s hand searched for the other’s hand as he whispered his confession. “What do we do now?”
The only thing that Baekhyun could answer was: “What do you want to happen?”
“I don’t know.” He hesitated. He wanted Baekhyun to tell him that he still loved him back.
Chanyeol was broken and it pained Baekhyun to see him like this. He always hated seeing him fragile. He wanted to hold him badly at times like this and he did.
Baekhyun hugged Chanyeol that it made him feel as if he was the most important person for him.
“I have something to confess to you too.” Baekhyun said and the other hummed in response.
“The reason why I loved your touch and the reason I let you touch me was because it always made me feel safe.” Baekhyun held him tighter. “I feel protected when I’m with you.”
“Don’t.” Chanyeol answered back. “Because you’ll turn out to be the one who’ll protect me. I can’t protect you Baekhyun.” At this point Baekhyun wanted to cry so badly. Chanyeol was too sincere. Baekhyun’s heart couldn’t take it.
Chanyeol then pushed him gently at the wall and started kissing the other’s neck. Baekhyun hummed. He kept kissing his neck as his hands started roaming around his body while Baekhyun’s hands were idle on his back. No matter what Chanyeol did to him, it always made him safe and warm. Then his lips found them traveling on his collarbone, his jaw, his right cheek… then stopped.
“Baekhyun, you’re too beautiful. I badly want to kiss you right now. Will you let me?” He whispered hotly to the other’s ear.
If this were the old and very naïve Baekhyun, he would have said ‘yes’. But he’s different. He’s smarter now.
You told me you loved me back and I trust you Baek.
He loves Suho and this was how Baekhyun loved, whole-heartedly and genuinely. This kind of love was stronger. Chanyeol had his chance, and didn’t really deserve someone like him.
“No Chanyeol. I don’t want to do this.” The taller only stared at him and smiled bitterly after a few seconds.
“I understand.” He replied but still held onto him. “Let me ask you again Baekhyun… What do we do now?”
This time Baekhyun confidently looked at his eyes. “We’ll be friends. We’ll be good friends Chanyeol.” He sincerely smiled at him.
“Can’t we be ‘mega’ friends instead?” He laughed. He could still make a joke out of the situation but really, it broke Chanyeol’s heart. But he was a coward and it took him 2 years to finally be honest with himself. Now the only person who made him feel wonderful was at the hands of someone else. He has to accept that fact. He let his chance slip away.
“Shall we go back to the party?” Chanyeol offered and the shorter cheerfully nodded at him, but even before Baekhyun could reach the stairs, he felt being pulled back into a warm hug.
“I wonder when will I see you again?” Chanyeol held him tight.
“I don’t know.” Baekhyun just whispered and held him back. When Chanyeol let go of him, he carefully placed a kiss on the other’s forehead.
“I just hope that it’s soon.”
“Me too.”
But they weren’t fooling anyone. They both knew that being friends isn’t the best decision. Chanyeol will need his space to move on; Baekhyun has already moved forward with someone else. The feeling of longing for each other for 2 years was stronger than steel caused by bitterness. It was at this moment. This moment of letting go that they totally became free from one another.
They can never be friends, because there will always be something between them that is silent.
Maybe they fell in love when they’re not supposed to. Maybe they fell in love at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons, and for the wrong decisions. The kind of love that will be bad for the both of them.
Maybe it was their role in each other’s lives. Fate made them meet at random moments of their life. Fate made them get back together. Fate tried breaking them apart. Fate made them decide that they were present in each other’s life for a lesson. They are grateful and unregretful.
Their chapter would end sooner or later.
It should end.
It will end.
It has ended.
~~~~~~~
A/N: After 2 years of non stop academic writing I finally had the time to write something artistic again! WOOHO. I just graduated college guys. congratulate me. =))))))))
Free Counter
Comments are very much appreciated and loved!