(no subject)
At about three A.M, Isaac climbs into my bed and I put my hands on his cheeks and notice that he’s been crying. I kiss his forehead and put my arms around him and just hold him while singing a song I wrote to him. The next morning I am already awake and he wakes up and I say "Hey, you okay?" He gives me a sad smile and says, "Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for being there." I say "No problem." I run my hand in his hair and kiss his cheek. Then Isaac gets up and grabs his clothes and goes to take a shower. I get up and go to the other bathroom and take a shower and I walk in and this guy that I didn’t know is standing in the middle of the bathroom. He had dropped his towel so he now had nothing on. I stood there and he’s looking at me with this grin on his face and says, "You see anything you like?" I am still standing there just looking at him not going anywhere below his waist. Then he begins to move closer to me and I am backing up and as I’m backing up I run into the door and he says "I see a lot of things that I like," then he begins to run his hand up my leg and my legs are stuck there like they are glued to the floor. So I try to scream but nothing comes out but air. He says, "You know the steam kind of dries your throat out." Then I begin to swallow and he notices it and I then try to scream and he runs really close up to me pushing me onto the door and pressing up against me and he has his hand over my mouth and the look in my eyes is one of a ‘scared out of my mind’ look. He is pressed up against me and he forces my legs open and he moves the material from my panties out of the way with one hand as the other goes back to my mouth. By this time I am crying and I am whimpering through his hand, then he begins to rub his thumb over my clit and he says "Ooo I see someone’s already wet for me." I jerk to the side making his hand slip out from my panties and I’m finally able to move and I unlock the door with my left hand and run out and I run back to my room and into my closet and I lock the door and I am sitting in the corner of it and crying and Isaac comes into the room and Taylor and Zac are both at the door trying to get me to open the door and finally I let them in and Isaac comes over and tries to touch me and I begin to scream, cry, push his hands away, and yell "Don’t touch me! Keep your hands off of me!! Don’t touch me!" Isaac pulls back and says, "Okay just tell us what happened…" I say, still crying hysterically, they can barely understand what I’m saying but they make it out, I say "There was a guy…his hands…touching me…" I have my legs curled to my chest and I speak again, "He... bathroom…he tried…. rape…" I cry even harder and lean my forehead on my knees and Isaac looks furiously at Taylor and says "No, you didn’t bring him here! You know how he is! You didn’t bring him here! Tell me you didn’t!" Taylor says, looking at Isaac’s fury, "I’m sorry, he asked to come and before I could answer he hung up and was on his way." Isaac says "This is going to scar her for a very long time!" Zac is over there sitting by me and he tries to stroke my hair but I smack his hand away and he says, "I’m not going to hurt you…I promise…" I still push him away and says "I don’t care just don’t touch me!" Then Isaac turns around and says, "Don’t touch her Zac!" Zac flinches a bit at the look in Isaac’s eyes and Isaac looks back to Taylor and says "Move!" Then he pushes Taylor out of the closet and he is walking furiously down the hall and is mumbling to himself "This is the last time he’ll do this to anyone!" Then he runs into him in the dining room and Paul says "Oh hey Isaac!" Isaac looks at him and punches him in the face and Paul gets up and says, "What was that for?!" Then Isaac pushes him up against the nearest wall and says, "You don’t touch her! You hear me! Don’t you ever lay a hand on her again!" Paul looks at him and says "And who are you her daddy?!" Isaac punches him again and says "Don’t talk smart to me! What did you do to her?!" Paul says, "I was just having some fun and trying to get me some you know!" Isaac slams him against the wall still with the same fury in his eyes and says, "You don’t lay a hand on her ever again! You touch her again and you’re dead! I know you’re Taylor’s friend and all but if you were really his friend you wouldn’t do what you did to get here!" Paul looks at Isaac like ‘Okay man’ and says, "Yeah, I know but then I wouldn’t be me, then would I?!" Then Paul pushes Isaac back and Isaac releases him and Taylor and Zac walk out and I’m walking between them and I see Paul and I just look away. I whisper something to Taylor and he walks away and he comes back with my clothes and he hands them to me and I go and take a shower in the bathroom Isaac had. I begin to scrub myself in the places that Paul touched mostly between my legs and as I am doing that I cry. I am crying loudly and Isaac is out there and he hears me and he looks at Paul and says, "Look what you did!" Paul says "She’ll get over it she’ll realize it felt good." Isaac says "You…uuuhhh... I could kill you!" Then Isaac lunges at Paul and he knocks him down and is beating him to a pulp and Zac goes over and pulls Isaac off of Paul for the sake of him not killing Paul. Paul’s nose is bleeding and he gets up and Isaac looks at him and Paul says "Later Taylor I’m leaving." Isaac yells, "You shouldn’t have come in the first place!" Then Paul grabs his bag and walks out the door. At that point they heard the shower turn off and I am getting dressed Isaac comes to the door and says, "Are you okay?" I had gotten dressed and I open the door and just throw my arms around him and cry. He holds me and says, "Shh, it’ll be okay, he’s gone now." I continue to cry on his shoulder while he rubs my back.
Later that day, Lori and Chloe come over and I’m sitting on the couch very quietly. Taylor is finally starting conversation. So we talk for a little while and Isaac, Taylor and Zac leave the room and leave Lori, Chloe and I out there. Then Chloe says, "What’s wrong? You’ve been quiet the whole time." I just look and give a sad smile and Lori says, "Are you okay?" I look up at for the first time at them and begin to cry and say, "No, I’m not. If you only knew what happened…I was almost raped today…I was soo scared…I felt so helpless…" Lori looks at me sympathetically and comes and puts her arm around me as well as Chloe and Lori says "Oh my gosh, I’m sorry…that bastard…and who’s this guy?!" I say, "One of Taylor’s friends from Tulsa." Lori says "And he let him come down here?!" I say "Not exactly, he said that his friend asked him and before he could answer he hung up and was already on his way…" Lori says, "Oh, ugh…I’m really sorry…" I say, "It’s okay…" Then Lori and Chloe sit and console me and we talk about other things to get my mind off of that. Later that night after Lori and Chloe go home Isaac comes back out there and I had fallen asleep on the couch and Isaac picks me up and carries me to my room. He puts the covers over me and he walks away and I grab him and pull him back to the bed and he lies down beside me and I face him and he kisses my forehead and then he tells me to turn backward and so I do and he puts his arms around me and holds me while I sleep.
The next morning I wake up and I turn over and Isaac’s still lying beside me and he says, "You okay?" I say "Yeah, because my angel is here." Then I kiss his cheek and smile at him and he gets up and says, "Come on lets get you some breakfast." So I get up and he takes my hand and we go to the kitchen and I fix something to eat. Then we sit down at the table and I begin to eat and he’s looking at me and I look at him and say "What? Do I have something on my face?" Isaac says, "Yes." I say "What? What’s on my face?" Isaac says "Beauty…" I say, "Aww, you’re so sweet." He gives me a small smile and I finish eating and I take my plate in the kitchen and when I come out Isaac stops me and looks straight into my eyes and says "as soon as your finished brushing your teeth and everything meet me in your room we need to talk." I say "Okay." So I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth and wLori up and then I go to my room and Isaac shuts the door behind me. I look at him and he says "I meant to talk to you before you got up." I say "Really, well, better now than never." Isaac says, "Yeah, well, I wanted to say this because I think we’re ready." I say "Oh yeah, really?" Isaac says "Yeah, I want to be with you Cari…I've wanted to be with you for the longest time...You don't know how long I have waited for this moment...and now that it's here I'm not going to let it pass me by." I say, "Aww…I wanna be with you too…but do you really think we’re ready?" Isaac says "Well, yes, lately all I can think about is you...and what it would be like if we were together...I mean just to feel your lips on mine would be pure bliss…when I laid there with you I thought about how good it would feel to lay with you for the rest of my life…I know you’re the one that has been chosen for me…I know it…I know you’re the one…please don’t say no…I really want you and I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life." I say, "Why would I say no? I've waited for this moment too...I mean I never thought you would like me like that and if at all not this much…you wanna know something?" Isaac says, "What is it?" I say "Are you sure you wanna hear it?" Isaac says, "Yeah, it can’t be that bad right?" Then he gives me this look as if to say ‘It’s not bad right?’ I say, "Well, you know when you told me you have always felt about me the way I feel about you…well, I didn’t really believe you…I thought you were just saying that to make me feel better…" Isaac comes up to me and puts his arms on my shoulders and begins to rub them and says, "Now why would I do a thing like that? I mean if I didn’t love you as a friend and the love of my life don’t you think I would have gotten a little more mad at you when you made her cry and defended her a lot more when you hassled her? But no I couldn’t because I knew even though you hated to be mad at me as much as I hated to be mad at you… I know you’re the kind of person that can only take so much I mean sometime or another you were going to not even be my best friend anymore… but I could never stay mad at you… I could never bear to see hurt in your eyes I mean that time when you made her cry and I wouldn’t listen and I gave you that cold look like I didn’t care… I couldn’t hold it…trust me I really wanted to be mad at you I really did but as hard as I tried and I tried hard but my gut told me that I was crazy and I figured I could never be or stay mad at you… because I love you way too much…why did you not trust me?" I say, "I just never thought you would ever love me like that regardless of how I felt about you…I thought it was hopeless...I thought it could never happen..." Isaac says "But I do…so much more than you think…" Then he slowly walks up to me and begins giving me short soft kisses and then he stops and puts his hand on the side of my right cheek and I say, softly, "More…" Isaac says "What?" I say, still softly, "I want more…" Isaac bites his lip and kisses me long and hard as I returned it. As we we're kissing Taylor walks in and says "Hey Cari I…" then he trails off when he sees what we’re doing. Isaac and I at this time had stopped what we were doing and Taylor is looking at me and he gives me his what he calls his ‘oh so sexy’ grin which I think is very goofy. The only one he’ll say that it’s sexy to is me because he knows me. Anyway, I push him out and say, "Excuse you..." while blushing. I go back to Isaac and he looks me in the eye and says, "Now where were we?" Then he began to kiss me again. Then we stop and he grabs my hand and we walk out of the room and walk in there with Zac and Taylor. Isaac says "I’m gonna go out and get a few things I’ll be back." I say, "Okay, hurry back." Isaac says, "I will." Then he kisses me and leaves and I’m standing in the dining area blushing when I see Taylor’s grin and Zac’s smile and Taylor comes over to me and says "So you together?!" I say "Yeah! We are! Oh my gosh I’m so happy! I love him!" Taylor hugs me and says "Congratulations! Now aren’t you glad you told him how you felt?!" I say "Yes I really am I love you Taylor!" I kiss Taylor on the cheek and hug him and I say, "If he asked me to marry him right now I would say yes!" I let go of Taylor and then Zac comes over and picks me up says "Congratulations! I think you’ve just made our brother the happiest man in the universe!" I say "Hey that’s only supposed to be said on the wedding day!" Zac says, "Yeah, I know sorry but he’s just so happy just being with you rather than you know just your friend." I say "Yeah I know, guys I’m so happy!" Taylor says "Yes you told us that already!" I then sit down and Taylor says "Now about my relationship…" I say "Huh?" Taylor says "You know the one where I REALLY want to be with your friend Lori?!" I say "Oh yeah! Okay, you talked to her yesterday right?" Taylor says, "Yeah, but it was more a group thing I want to talk to her alone." I say "Then go to her house and talk to her." Taylor says, "I just can’t do that! I just can’t go walking up to her door and knock and say "Umm hi I would like to get to know you better how about we go out sometime!" I say "Of course not silly just go up and talk like you are her friend!" Taylor says "But I can’t you know I can’t talk when I’m nervous!" I say "Taylor you’ve talked to plenty of girls and not stuttered a word! I know you can do it!" Taylor says "But I wasn’t interested in them! I’m interested in her though!" I say "I know you are…I can’t do it for you though." Taylor says "Why not?! She’s your friend!" I say, "Because you have to do it yourself!" Taylor says "But..." I say "But nothing! You’re doing this by yourself." Taylor says "Ugh you’re so mean!! Why Cari Why?!" I say "Taylor you have to get over this shy thing. You’re never gonna get a girlfriend that way! Plus then she'll think you can't do anything for yourself." Taylor says, "So you’re saying that I should be more aggressive?!" I say "Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying see I knew you were a smart guy!" Taylor looks at me wide eyed and hits my shoulder and says, "Now that was mean! That was totally not called for!" I laugh and he says "That’s okay I know your number! I don’t think I like you very much anymore!" Then he begins to pout and turn away and I turn around and go and put my arms around his shoulders from the back and say, "I’m sorry Taybear, I still love you though!" Then I let go and turn and he turns with me and says, "What are you trying to do torture me?! What’s with the Taybear?!" I laugh and say, "I know you hate that name and well, I think it’s funny!" Taylor says, "Well, I don’t think it is so will you cut it out! Where did you get it from anyway?!" I say "Well, one day I was looking at a stuffed bear I had and he reminded me of you so I started calling him Taybear and I think it’s funny!" Taylor says, "Ugh…and you are my best friend. Thanks a lot!" Then he turns around again and I say, "I really am sorry Taylor I love you! Don’t be mad at me please!! I hate when you’re mad at me!" Taylor gives me that grin and says "Yep I’m mad at you! You give me no respect at all!" I say "Taylor come on don’t be mad at me I’ll do anything if you just won’t be mad at me!" Taylor says "Anything?" I say "Anything just don’t be mad at me!" Taylor grins and says, "Help me get Lori." I say, "I can’t do that I told you I wasn’t!" Taylor says, "I’m mad at you!" I say, "Please don’t anything but that please?!" Taylor says "No first offer you said anything!" I say "But…" Taylor says "Anything!" I say, "Okay okay I’ll help you get Lori..." Taylor smiles at me and says "Thank you!" Then he gives me a hug and kisses my cheek and I say "Ewwww…best friend slobber!!" Taylor says "You know you like it! Admit it you know you like it!" I say "No I don’t! Ewwww!" Taylor says "Okay I’m gonna do it until you say you like it!" Then he starts to chase me and he grabs me and begins to lay big wet sloppy kisses on my cheek while I’m making these faces and all of sudden the door open and standing in the door way are Chloe, Lori and Isaac. Isaac comes from behind them and says, "I told them to come on in." Taylor lets go of me and he just lets his eyes wonder embarrassed from Isaac, to Chloe and then to Lori and back around again and then he leaves and walks back to my room and I am standing there and I wipe my cheek off and laugh and say "Hey guys, what’s up?" Lori looks at me and says, "Not much, what was that?!" I say, "Taylor was bugging me and well, he started to kiss my cheek because he loves his best friend so much." Lori laughs and looks and says, "He seemed like he was having a ton of fun." I say, "Yeah, anyway lets get off of that." Lori says "Yeah, where’s Zac?" I say "In fact I don’t know, Isaac where is Zac?!" Isaac says "Oh he went somewhere with our parents." I say, "Okay, so what’s up you guys?!" Lori says, "Not much, just came over to visit." Chloe says "Yeah, what about you?" I say "Not much." Isaac comes in the room and says, as he sits down next to me, "Not much? So being with me isn’t much?" I smile at him and say "Yes it’s a lot I just didn’t want to you know flaunt it and all." Isaac says, "Go ahead I want the whole world to know that I am with the girl that I love and have always loved!" I smile at him and laugh and he kisses me and he says, "Lunch is cooking in the kitchen." I say, "Cool what are we having?" Isaac says, "It’s a surprise!" I say "Aww…" Isaac says, "You’ll love it! I promise!" I say "Okay." Then he kisses my neck and Chloe says "Aww how cute!" Lori giggles and says "Congratulations!" Chloe says "Finally she gets the man she loves!" I begin to blush but I laugh and then we eat lunch and we are all sitting at the table and I say "Oh my gosh Isaac how did you remember?!" Isaac says "Well, I always used to see your mom make it for you. I remember her standing there she said you liked fried Bologna with Bacon, Lettuce, Tomatoes and mustard. Oh and she said you liked the bread to be toasted and it didn’t matter whether it is white or wheat." I say "Yeah, that’s my favorite! I love it!" Isaac says "What about me?!" I say, "I love you too! More than this sandwich!" Then I finished eating my sandwich and we all finish eating our lunch.
Later that day, Taylor came out of my room and sat in the living room with us and we were talking and Zac and the rest of their family walked in. They were bringing him back but were going to spend some time over here. Immediately when Diana walked in she goes to Isaac and says "Oh I’m so sorry about Jennifer you must be so crushed!" Isaac hugs his mom and she says, "I really liked her you know…" Isaac says, "It’s okay mom I was upset about it before…but I’m over it. Plus she gave me a good reason why she was breaking up with me and it was a very good one." Diana looks at him and says "And what’s that?! Why on earth would she hurt my boy?!" Isaac says, "So I could be with the girl I really love." Diana says "Oh, and who’s that?!" Isaac says "Mom!" Diana says, "I’m just kidding! You and Cari are together?!" Isaac says, "Yes mom, we are!" Diana hugs him again and says "Awww I’m so happy for you! My boy is going to be married soon!" Isaac says "Whoa mom! Jumping the gun a little there are we?!" Diana says "Well, you two have known each other forever! I couldn’t imagine why you two wouldn’t get married! I mean, don’t you want to marry her?!" Isaac says, "Of course I do just not right now, there’s too much going on." Diana says "Like what?!" Isaac says, "Well, it’s personal." Diana says "Oh okay, sorry if I’m butting in." Isaac says, "It’s okay mom it lets me know that you care." Diana smiles and says "Well we just dropped by to see how you all were and drop off Zac. We’ll see you later." Isaac says, "Okay mom. Love ya." Diana says, "I love you too." Then she hugs Isaac and then Taylor and Zac and they all turn and leave.
We decided to have a little sleep over that night. Besides the guys and I it was Lori and Chloe. We all stayed up watching movies and having funny conversations about weird things. That night Isaac, Taylor, Chloe and I were the first to go to sleep. Zac and Lori stayed up and talked. Zac says, "Hey Lori, come with me so we can talk without worrying about waking people up." Lori shrugs and says "Okay." So they get up and walk out of my room and go into the living room and sit across from each other in the living room. Zac says "You know what?" Lori says "What?" Zac says, "When I first met you, you were this quiet girl who barely said a word. But now we talk and I feel like we connect in a very good way." Lori says, "Yeah, I like that." Zac says "Yeah me too. You understand me I mean you are there eye to eye following my every word. It’s like you know where I’m coming from. Don’t you just feel like there are times when you think no one understands anything you are saying? I mean they might say they do but they really don’t." Lori says, "Yeah, I feel like that a lot." Zac says, "Yeah, I mean I’ve known Cari what all my life and I hate to say it but sometimes she doesn’t even understand. I thought I was dreaming when we connected so well I was like whoa this has to be a dream." Lori says, "Yeah, we connect very well, I mean I was even amazed. It was almost scary." Zac says "I know this is kind of sudden and I know I haven’t known you that long but I find this attraction to you that’s indescribable." Lori looks at him and says "Yeah." Then Zac looks her in the eyes and just moves closer to her and kisses her. She was surprised but surprisingly kisses back. That was a short kiss because Zac pulled away and looked at her again and then he puts his hand on the side of her face and kisses her again this time longer and more sensual. He stops and bites his bottom lip and looks to the side and Lori sits and looks down while she blushes. They look up at each other and Zac says "Umm…sorry…" Lori says, quietly, "Yeah, it’s okay…" Zac says, "That was weird…" Lori says, "Yeah, it was." Zac says, "I enjoyed it though. I like you." Lori says, "I can’t exactly complain. I mean I like you too." Zac says "Yeah, well, we better get to bed." Lori says "Yeah." So they get up and go to my room and go to bed.
The next morning we all get up and eat breakfast and we are sitting in the living room talking and Zac and Lori are sitting next to each other and Chloe next to Lori, Taylor and Isaac are next to me. Zac and Lori were talking so they were facing each other and Zac kept taking his hand and running it through her hair and Taylor was giving him a death glare. Zac was smiling at Lori and she was smiling back as they were talking. I sense some major heat coming from Taylor. Taylor then got up and walked back to my room. We talk for a little longer and then Chloe and Lori go home. Chloe walked out first and Zac was talking to Lori as she left. Zac says, "It was great hanging out with you. We should do it again maybe alone." Lori smiles and says "Yeah, I’ll talk to you later." Zac says, "Okay, bye." Lori says "Bye." So then they leave and I look at Zac and he walks in all dreamy eyed and I smile at him and Zac says "Isn’t she wonderful?" I say, "So that’s why you’ve been hanging around her a lot." Zac says "No, I like her but I also think she’s very cool to hang out with too." Then Taylor walks into the room and gives this look to Zac and says, "What do you think you are doing?!" Zac says, "What are you talking about?" Taylor says, "Flirting with Lori like that!" Zac says, "What is your problem Taylor? Why are you getting so mad about this?" Taylor says, "Well, if you haven’t caught the hint yet? I like Lori!" Zac says "Oh I see so just because you like her means that if I like her too I have to give her up for you?!" Taylor says, "That would be nice!" Zac says, "How much of an inconsiderate selfish jerk can you be?! I mean all you can think about is yourself! I didn’t know you could be so selfish!" Taylor stays quiet and Zac says, "Yeah, you know I’m right. I don’t mean to be mean because I love you but I never thought my own brother could be so selfish." Taylor looks at him and looks down and Zac hugs him and Taylor says, "I’m sorry…" Zac says, "It’s okay, I still love you." Then Zac let go and Taylor went a sat down while Zac went back to my room to get a few things. Taylor grabs my arm and pulls me outside and we go and sit inside their van to talk. Taylor says, "What am I supposed to do now?" I say "I don’t know, I mean they’re not together yet." Taylor says, "Yeah, but there are a billion signs that it is going to happen soon!" I say, "I know." Taylor says "I can’t believe he is doing this to me!" I just look at him and he says "Oh so when I need you the most you can’t tell me anything?!" I say "I don’t exactly know what to tell you…I mean you two just happen to want to same girl…I can’t prevent that I mean I can’t make one of you think differently about her." Taylor says "Crap! This sucks I want her but I just wasn’t fast enough." Then Taylor starts to cry a little and I say "Oh no Taylor don’t cry…we know how you get when you cry…" Taylor cries a little harder and says, "I can’t help it…I wanted her…and I still do…but now I can’t have her…I’m never going to be with anyone…" I say "See there you go with that I’m never going to date thing again…come on cut that out…" Then I hold him and sit with him in the car while he cries out his sorrows.
Later that day we go back inside the house and Zac is now back in the living room as well as Isaac and almost immediately when I open the door Isaac gets up and comes to me and takes my hand to go and sit with him. He smiles at me and says, "I missed you." I smile back and say, "I missed you too." He kisses me and says "Why didn’t we do this earlier? I mean we already knew we loved each other." I say, "I don’t know but I’m just glad we’re together now." Isaac says "Me too." Then he kisses me again and we stand there. Taylor had gone back to my room to cry again I’m sure. Zac looks at me and says "Is Taylor all right?" I say, "No, he’s very sad and depressed." Zac says, "Should I go and talk to him?" I say "No he needs his alone time right now." Zac says "Okay." So Zac just sits there feeling bad for his brother but that wasn’t going to stop him from going after Lori. This is the one girl that makes him happy and he wasn’t about to let her go. Yeah he could go for Chloe but then he’d only be doing it to make his brother happy. Zac looks to me again and says "Do you think I’m being selfish by not letting Taylor go for her instead of me?" I say "Well, no actually I don’t I mean it’s just you like her and so does he. No one can help that. I wouldn’t call it selfish to not give up the one you like to another." Zac says, "Okay because I don’t want to be selfish. I really do like her. She’s great." I say "Yeah I know. I met her on my first day of school and she is just so awesome. I love her." Isaac says "What kind of love?" I say, "What should it matter to you?" Isaac says, "Because I’m your boyfriend and I wanna know if there’s something you haven’t told me." I say, "Well, there is, I haven’t told you this but I’m bi and I like girls too." Isaac looks at me and says "I feel so unloved you not sharing this deep dark secret with your best friend and now your boyfriend. That hurts." He pretends to cry and I say, "But baby I’ll always love you more." Isaac says "Really?" I say, "Of course, I could never get enough of you." Then I kiss him long and hard and he says, "I’m convinced. Now but truthfully you’re not really bi are you?" I say "And if I was?" Isaac says "Oh that would be fine just don’t cheat on me with a girl or a guy that’s all." I say "I’m not bi Isaac I was just playing with you." Isaac says, "Okay because mine started off as a harmless joke too but you know how I am." I say, "Yeah, always have to make sure." Isaac says, "Yep, I love you so much. You always understand." I say, "I love you too." Isaac kisses me and we stop and I just run my fingers through his hair.
So Isaac and I sit in the living room sitting rather close to each other. Later that day, Isaac and I had decided to go out. We went to see a movie and out to dinner. Lori decided to drop by, she rang the doorbell and Taylor answers and says "Hey, what’s up?" Lori says "Hey, not much is Cari here?" Taylor says, "No actually she’s not her and Isaac decided to go out." Lori says "Okay, well is Zac here then?" Then felt this groan well up in his throat that wanted to come out when Zac came out of my room and comes to the door and says, "Yes, I’m here!" Lori smiles and says "Hey." Zac says "Come on in," grabbing her by the hand and pulling her inside. Zac takes her and they sit on the couch in the living room and Taylor sits on the love seat on the other side of the room and Zac kind of glances over there and says "You wanna go for a walk?" Lori says "Sure." So they get up and walk outside. Zac and her are walking and Zac says, "How are you?" Lori says "I’m fine and you?" Zac says, "I’m good. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I mean I can’t get you off my mind." Lori smiles and blushes a bit and Zac says, "I really like you, I mean I haven’t gotten this close to a girl in so long. In fact, I’ve never gotten close to a girl. But you’re different it’s like you are the one I’ve needed all my life." Lori says "You’re sweet Zac, I didn’t think they made guys like you anymore." Zac laughs and says "Well, I guess I’m one of the few, I know we haven’t known each other long but it’s a weird thing but a good weird thing." They come to this park and they sit down on a bench and he turns to her and he says, "Can I tell you something?" Lori says "Sure." Zac says "But you can’t tell anyone else especially Cari because she would worry so much about me and would beg my parents to let me stay here. I’m kind of surprised she loves me that much." Lori says "Really, why?" Zac says, "I don’t know, I just never thought someone would love me like that. Of course she loves me like a brother but I mean if something’s wrong she is concerned about it. I tried to run away from home once and she took me in and we went to this other place and she talked to me and told me that I had to go back but she let me stay away for a while. I mean she’s like the big sister I never had. She grew up with us and if I could show her how much that means to me I would but I can’t. But because of that I can’t tell her some things because she would worry and I don’t want her to worry…" Lori looks at him concerned and says, "What is it? What’s wrong?" Zac says "Well, while she was there with us she kept me stable I mean she practically lived at my house so if I did something which sometimes I did she’d always be there. I mean I’m bad when it comes to dealing with pain…I can’t handle it so I cut myself to make it go away…She knows that I cut…but before she left she made me promise that I wouldn’t do it anymore…I thought this would help because if I had an incentive I wouldn’t do it…but I’ve failed…I’ve cut myself a lot during the last year…" Lori says "Why? Why do you do this?" Zac says "I think life sucks…because so much has happened that has just made me want to give up and the only thing that has kept me from doing it is Cari and now you…I mean my brothers don’t know that I’m a cutter nor my parents…she’s always been there for me…I mean if she was old enough I would call her my second mother that understood everything…I can’t exactly explain what’s made me this way right now because…well, it’s hard…" Lori says, "I understand." Zac says "I’m glad…thank you…you don’t know how much that means to me…you know…there was one time that I actually almost did die from cutting and losing too much blood…I cut myself one time and it was before she had come over…no one was home but Isaac and he was in the backyard…so Cari let herself in and when she walked in…she heard this really loud crying…and so she ran around the house frantically searching for where I was…because I changed my spot every time…so she finally found me and we had linoleum flooring so it was easy to clean up and she found me holding my wrist as blood was still spilling out of it onto the floor and she grabbed me and says ‘We are going to get you to a hospital.’ I said ‘No I’ve done this before can’t you just stop it.’ She said ‘No this is way too much blood you have never lost this much blood before. We have to get you to a hospital." I fought with her…I said ‘No I don’t want to go just leave me here!’ She said ‘No I will not, I love you too much for that, I will not leave you here…" She had begun to cry now and by that time a lot more blood than I expected poured out of my arm and I was getting awfully pale…all that time arguing could have been spent tying up my arm to keep the blood from pouring out…but no…I wouldn’t have that…I then fell backwards into my own blood seeing as the puddle had surrounded me…I was weak and was near death…I said, weakly, ‘Cari I’m sorry…’ She cradled me into her arms and began to cry hard…and said ‘No you are not going to die on me! You are not going to!" Then all I remembered was in her car my arm was wrapped up and on the way to the hospital and I weakly said ‘I’m getting blood on your seats…’ seeing as I was covered in it…She looked over at me and said ‘Don’t speak…I don’t care…’ Then we got to the hospital and went to ER and I got stitches. I had to stay at the hospital for two days and when we got back…she stayed with me both days…well, when we got back her and Isaac got into this really big fight…It was the epitome of all of their fights…She walked in and everyone came to the door and Isaac says ‘Hey.’ She came up to him and slapped him…at this time they hadn’t seen the room I was in because no one really goes in there and that’s why I chose it because I was sure no one would find me but Cari wouldn’t stop looking until she found me…Well, anyway, she slapped him hard across the face…he screamed in pain and asked ‘What was that for?!’ Everyone was looking at her like what’s going on? Why did you do that? She said ‘That was for not being aware of things!’ Isaac said ‘What are you talking about?!’ She said ‘Where were you at two days ago?!’ Isaac said ‘I was here why?!’ She said ‘Where here were you at?’ Isaac says, "I was sitting right out in front of the back door. Can I ask what this is all about?!’ She said ‘I know I could hear things through that door and when I walked in your house two days ago it was pretty quiet so you could have heard Zac crying inside right?" Isaac looks at me puzzled and says ‘He was crying I thought he was screaming he does that sometimes. What was he crying about?’ She said ‘Because he cut himself and he was losing a lot of blood! That’s why!’ Isaac said ‘On purpose or on accident?’ She said ‘Well, he meant to cut himself…I’m not sure whether it was supposed to be like that or not…’ Isaac said ‘He’s a cutter?’ I say "Yes, and you know that! I told you remember! Three days ago before your parents and Taylor left I told you that he is a cutter so you have to keep your eye on him! Don’t you remember that?! Or do you not listen to me anymore?! The only reason I couldn’t be there was because I had something to do that morning so I couldn’t! But you’re older than me and that is your brother you should have watched him!’ Isaac said ‘Well he’s here now isn’t he?!’ She said ‘You just don’t understand why I'm so mad, do you? The point isn't that he's here now...The point is that three days ago if I hadn't of walked in your brother would be dead right now... do you understand that?…or do I have to show you?! Come with me…’ Then I grabbed her arm when everyone started to follow and she looks back at me and I am starting to cry again and I said ‘Don’t show them please…for me…’ She granted my request and didn’t show them…then she just looked at Isaac and said ‘I’m ashamed to love you so much…’ She had then begun to cry and turned to leave…I moved in front of her and she hugged me and says ‘I don’t want to have to feel the pain I felt again okay…please don’t do it again…’ I was still crying but agreed with her request…I never did it that hard again but I have cut myself still…" Lori looks at him and hugs him and says, "I’m sorry…" Zac says, "It’s okay…it wasn’t that long ago now that I think of it…I wish it would just go away…" Lori is rubbing his back and says, "I know," Zac starts to cry and he says, through his tears, "I’m sorry…I’ll understand if you don’t want to be associated with me anymore…" Lori says, "No, it’s okay, really it is." Zac says, "Are you sure?" Lori says, "Yeah, I’m sure." Then they got up and began to walk back to my house. As they were walking Zac says "I don’t know how Isaac couldn’t see that she loved him I mean that gave it away that one line ‘I’m ashamed to love you so much…’ I thought for sure he would know which way she meant but unfortunately he didn’t. She was so mad at him I mean she refused to talk to him for weeks he thought she’d never talk to him again and so did I. I mean she’d come over and all but to see Taylor and I when usually it was Isaac she was looking for and when Isaac came in the room she’d take us and leave or she would just pretend he wasn’t there. Finally, he got the guts to make her talk to him. He did this by locking her in his room to where she couldn’t get out. She was nearly furious because he did this but she didn’t kill him, she wanted to but she contained herself. Well, Isaac starts to speak and says ‘Why don’t you want to talk to me?’ She says ‘You should know why I don’t want to talk to you…’ Isaac says ‘Actually I don’t would you enlighten me?’ She says ‘God Isaac…your brother almost died and you don't seem to even care remotely…’ Isaac says ‘Oh you still have a stick up your butt about that?’ She looks at him crazy and says ‘Yes I do, but I don't expect you to understand...cause you don't care…’ Isaac says ‘I mean he looked fine when he came back.’ I then heard her voice begin to crack and she says ‘But he wasn’t…he wasn’t fine Isaac…but you don’t understand and I don’t think you ever will…’ Isaac stays quiet for a moment and says ‘There’s another thing I wanted to ask you.’ She says ‘What is it?’ Isaac says ‘What did you mean when you said ‘I’m ashamed to love you so much’?’ She looks down and is sobbing now and says ‘God Isaac are you that blind...If you don't know that already you don't deserve to know…’ Then she left the house crying. I think that’s the real reason she never told him. She tried once and it didn’t come out clear enough. Now I’m sure you’re tired of me talking about Cari and Isaac so I’m gonna stop." Lori laughs a little and says "You know Cari was ranting and raving about you guys almost every second of the day. She gave us the run down on each one of you guys." Zac says, "That’s Cari, she loves us. I mean she has two homes. She calls our parents mom and dad." Lori says "Yeah, I could understand that because I mean you say she was over there almost all the time every day of the year." Zac says "Yeah she was. She’s great and if it wasn’t for her I would have never met you." Lori smiles and Zac bites his lip and they are in front of my house at the moment. Zac looks at Lori and says, "I don’t wanna go inside just yet it’s a beautiful day. Can we sit out here for awhile?" Lori says "Sure." Zac smiles and says, "Yeah, it sure is beautiful isn’t it? I mean I’ve never seen a sunset so beautiful." Lori smiles and says "Yeah." Zac says, "Yeah, it’s just so different." Lori says "How is it different?" Zac says, "Because I have someone to share it with." Lori smiles and blushes a little and Zac smiles back at her and leans over and kisses her. After a few minutes he pulls away and bites his lip and says "Sorry." Lori says, "It’s okay." Zac says, "Really, I mean you didn’t mind?" Lori says, "Would I have kissed back if I minded?" Zac says, "I guess not." Lori smiles at him and kisses him and moves closer to him and he put his arms around her.