VF Fic - Blue Moon
Title: Blue Moon
Series: Viewfinder
Main Character: Fei Long
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Yamane Ayano
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2141
I'm grateful for all comments and information given on topic discussing the sample page of Naked Truth 7 at club_sion They have inspired me to write this fan fiction.
"Fei-sama, you've eaten your dinner today!"
Little Tao excalimed when he came to remove his master's dinner tray. He was so glad to see Fei Long started to have his appetite back.
"Yes, I have.", Fei smiled.
"I'm so pleased."
Tao took the tray in his hands, his eyes sparkled.
"You look very happy, Tao."
Fei Long said as he softly laughed.
"Of course, I am! Everybody in Beishe has been so worried because you haven't touched your food at all since you got injured."
"Oh, Have they?"
"Yes. We want you to get well quickly."
Tao put the tray away, and came back to refill jasmine tea for him. Somehow, Fei Long always found its fragrance so soothing..
"Would you like me to wash your hair tonight, Fei-sama?"
Because of his wound, he still could not take shower properly. But with Tao's help he at least could always have his hair washed and combed as often as he wanted.
"That would be good. But you'd better go take shower and do your homework first. I'd like to just lie down for a while too."
He took a sip of his tea, looking rather thoughtful again. And Tao knew it was time to let his master enjoyed his quietness .
"I'll come back later then."
Fei Long nodded, and soon the boy disappeared.
When he was left alone, Fei Long looked out the window. The moon was full that night, and it was such a lovely sight.
This brought back some memories he was really fond of.
When Yan Zhui and him were just young boys, there would be times when their father did not have to go out in the evening. The late master of Beishe would let his sons come to stay with him in his study room after dinnertime. He remembered how Yan Zhui and him used to be so happy when such occasions came, because that made them feel like grown-ups. Most of the time, they were not allowed to go in or make noise when they passed their father's study room. Thus whenever they got the permission to be with their father there, it was like a privilege.
While Yan Zhui liked to look at hundreds of short knives Liu senior had collected when he was merely a teenage boy, Fei Long would just sit quietly next to his father who most of the time occupied himself with a book. Recognising Fei Long's presence, he would reached out and stroke his little son's hair. Sometimes when Fei Long fell asleep on his lap, he would be woken up later by Yan Zhui who felt he did not get enough attention from his father.
Then, there was one evening when Yan Zhui came down with fever and had to stay in bed all day, so it was only Fei Long who came to be with Liu senior in his study room. He sat beside father as usual. However, Liu was surprised to see Fei Long pulled away when he tried to pat his head.
"What's wrong, Fei?"
"Brother doesn't like it.", he said with tearful eyes.
"He asked me never to sit next to you or sleep on your lap again. He said I'm not your real son. I don't deserve to be so close to you."
Father looked at him and smiled, but a rather sad smile.
"That's not true."
He put the book away and lifted little Fei Long up to sit on his lap.
"Remember, Fei Long, no matter what others say, you are my son."
Liu brushed his chin against the child's soft silky hair.
"You are my son."
"Really?"
He started to weep.
"People are telling lies about me not being your son, aren't they?"
"Yes, if they say something like that, they all are liars."
Fei Long still remembered the warmth of his father's embrace till this moment..
"Don't cry, Fei Long. Why would you believe someone else more than your own father?"
Cradling him in his arms still, he wiped Fei Long's tears away.
That night his father did not pick up the book again. He kept holding him, and stroke his hair till he slowly fell asleep. They both watched the full moon outside in silence.
The record his father playing that night was some kind of Western music, not Chinese oldies as usual. He did not know what the song called, but since then he remembered the tune very well.
Full moon as beautiful as this always made him recall of that special time, when father insisted he was his real son and held him close. Seemed as if no one could come between them, not even his ill-tempered elder brother.
Fei Long closed his eyes. He would cherish this memory till the end of time.
Still, it hurt him so deeply whenever he thought of the night his father died in his arms. Blood was everywhere.
'Despite the fact that you are such a gentle and faithful son, I never once praised you or gave you a word of comfort..'
'You are unmistakably my son. You are my pride. That will not change.'
The young leader of Beishe bit his lips, and shut his eyes tight when he started to feel tears brimming his eyes..
Father, if only I had believed more in your love, I would never walk away.
It was all my fault. I should have never turned my back on you..
Someone was stroking his hair..
"Who are you?"
Fei Long tried to open his eyes but he could not. He could only felt the warmth and tenderness of that hand.
"Don't touch me! Let go!"
".........."
"Who are you?!?"
He asked again, and this time he could hear his own voice shook terribly. He was about to cry.
"You have no right to be kind to me!"
He should have thought of his father, but this reminded him of another man..
"If you were here to make me trust you only to betray me again, I will certainly pull the trigger this time. I swear!!"
That rainy night, someone stopped him from going back to see his sick father.
Why did he do what he did to stop him? Why did he do what he did to divert his sadness and anxiety away?
Fei Long tried to get away from that hand, but with each stroke on his hair he became more defenceless. He could not escape no matter what he did.
"Please let me go.."
He begged.
"I don't want to fall into your trap anymore!"
Not anymore. No.
Then, he heard the music coming softly from somewhere, and once he recognised the tune he just bursted into tears.
It was the Western music he heard in his father's study room that night, the only night he felt father once loved him as much as he loved Yan Zhui.
"Fei.."
His father's voice..
"Father?"
How come he could not open his eyes?
"Father, I cannot see you."
Reaching out for his father's hands, but there was only emptiness.
"Please don't go, father. Please don't forsake me."
"I'm sorry I walked away from you once. But please don't punish me this way."
He heard himself crying bitterly.
"Who else will love me?!?"
"I know I must be strong, but my world is so cold."
"Now that you are gone, who else will love me?!? Who will shelter me?!"
Fei Long could feel his lips quivering, his voice trembling.
"I am not so strong. I cannot go on.."
"You are, and you can."
He heard his father replied.
"Gather your strength and live on. All the answers to your questions lie in the future."
"No.."
Fei Long tried to grab the hand that suddenly stopped stroking his hair.
"Father, don't leave me again!"
"You are my son. I know you will make me proud."
He cried, just like when he was with father in the study room that night. But this time there was no one to dry his tears. He was left in complete darkness, only that soft, mellow tune was still playing..
"Please.. don't leave me."
Fei Long sobbed
"Don't leave me.."
Am I destined to be so unloved and unwanted?
He only knew the tune when he was a child, but as he grew up he learnt more about the song and remembered the lyrics by heart..
Blue Moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
It was darkness everywhere and he could not stop crying. He could not find the way out. He was confined.
Blue Moon
You know just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for
And just when Fei Long was about to give in, when he was about to let himself go, someone drew him close and pressed Fei Long's face against his chest.
".........."
He could hear the heartbeat of that person but he could not see his face.
"What a beautiful moon we have tonight.."
That voice was spoken softly in the language he was not used to, but could understand.
"What a beautiful face too, even if there was trace of tears.."
This touch, this embrace, this person.. he had never known before.
But how come he did not try to resist?
"You are not lost. Someday you will be found."
He whispered.
"You will be found."
And then there suddenly appearded before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked to the Moon it turned to gold
For a very long time, that myterious stranger held him tight.
And for the first time since the death of his father, Fei Long felt he had found somewhere he truly belonged.
"Fei-sama.."
".........."
"Fei-sama?"
Fei Long slowly opened his eyes.
".........."
Tao was staring back at him, looking concerned.
"Oh, Tao.. "
He turned the other way, knowing that Tao must have noticed tears that stained his face.
"I just.. fell asleep."
So everything was just a dream?
Fei Long let out a soft sigh.
"Is everything all right? Are you in pain, Fei-sama?"
The little one kept staring at him innocently.
"I'm fine. Don't worry."
"Then would you like to have you hair washed?"
This time, Fei Long could not help smiling at the little butler for his attentiveness.
"And have you finished your homework?"
"Yes, I have!"
Tao told him enthusiastically.
"I finished it as soon as possible because you told me to."
"I hope you were careful with maths, or your teacher would be upset when she corrected your homework tomorrow."
Tao just grinned, meaning he was doing homework in a hurry as usual.
That beaming face, however, could stop Fei Long from giving any further lecture.
"Well, then.."
Fei Long slowly got up from his chair.
"I think I'll need your help to wash my hair again tonight."
"My pleasure!"
He helped Fei Long stand on his feet, and took Fei Long's hand in his.
"You don't need to hold my hand. It is all right for me to walk."
Tao shook his head.
"No, you must not walk without anyone's support, or I'll go get your wheelchair."
"Don't bother. We are just going to the bathroom, aren't we?"
"Then you must let me support you."
The little guy insisted.
Fei Long began to laugh.
"Why are you laughing?"
Tao sulked. That laughter hurt his macho pride a little bit, after all.
"I am twice your height, Tao."
"So? Being taller does not mean you can never trip and fall!"
That's true..
"All right. You win."
Fei Long finally let the child hold his hand. Tao was therefore obviously pleased and proud.
"What?"
The man asked when he noticed Tao suddenly stopped walking.
"Have you noticed the moon tonight, Fei-sama? It is beautiful."
He glanced through the window.
"Yes, I have."
Fei Long looked at the brightest thing in the sky again.
"It's so golden, don't you think?"
".........."
"I guess so."
He murmured. His mind went back to his childhood memories and the dream he just had...
And then there suddenly appearded before me
The only one my arms will ever hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked the Moon had turned to gold
Blue Moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
'Gather your strength and live on. All the answers to your questions lie in the future.'
'You are my son. I know you will make me proud.'
His father had died many years ago, so it was just a dream.
Still, the message meant so much to him...
Father, you were right.
I must live on.
::: The End :::::::
Yellow Pages
Series: Viewfinder
Main Character: Fei Long
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Yamane Ayano
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2141
I'm grateful for all comments and information given on topic discussing the sample page of Naked Truth 7 at club_sion They have inspired me to write this fan fiction.
"Fei-sama, you've eaten your dinner today!"
Little Tao excalimed when he came to remove his master's dinner tray. He was so glad to see Fei Long started to have his appetite back.
"Yes, I have.", Fei smiled.
"I'm so pleased."
Tao took the tray in his hands, his eyes sparkled.
"You look very happy, Tao."
Fei Long said as he softly laughed.
"Of course, I am! Everybody in Beishe has been so worried because you haven't touched your food at all since you got injured."
"Oh, Have they?"
"Yes. We want you to get well quickly."
Tao put the tray away, and came back to refill jasmine tea for him. Somehow, Fei Long always found its fragrance so soothing..
"Would you like me to wash your hair tonight, Fei-sama?"
Because of his wound, he still could not take shower properly. But with Tao's help he at least could always have his hair washed and combed as often as he wanted.
"That would be good. But you'd better go take shower and do your homework first. I'd like to just lie down for a while too."
He took a sip of his tea, looking rather thoughtful again. And Tao knew it was time to let his master enjoyed his quietness .
"I'll come back later then."
Fei Long nodded, and soon the boy disappeared.
When he was left alone, Fei Long looked out the window. The moon was full that night, and it was such a lovely sight.
This brought back some memories he was really fond of.
When Yan Zhui and him were just young boys, there would be times when their father did not have to go out in the evening. The late master of Beishe would let his sons come to stay with him in his study room after dinnertime. He remembered how Yan Zhui and him used to be so happy when such occasions came, because that made them feel like grown-ups. Most of the time, they were not allowed to go in or make noise when they passed their father's study room. Thus whenever they got the permission to be with their father there, it was like a privilege.
While Yan Zhui liked to look at hundreds of short knives Liu senior had collected when he was merely a teenage boy, Fei Long would just sit quietly next to his father who most of the time occupied himself with a book. Recognising Fei Long's presence, he would reached out and stroke his little son's hair. Sometimes when Fei Long fell asleep on his lap, he would be woken up later by Yan Zhui who felt he did not get enough attention from his father.
Then, there was one evening when Yan Zhui came down with fever and had to stay in bed all day, so it was only Fei Long who came to be with Liu senior in his study room. He sat beside father as usual. However, Liu was surprised to see Fei Long pulled away when he tried to pat his head.
"What's wrong, Fei?"
"Brother doesn't like it.", he said with tearful eyes.
"He asked me never to sit next to you or sleep on your lap again. He said I'm not your real son. I don't deserve to be so close to you."
Father looked at him and smiled, but a rather sad smile.
"That's not true."
He put the book away and lifted little Fei Long up to sit on his lap.
"Remember, Fei Long, no matter what others say, you are my son."
Liu brushed his chin against the child's soft silky hair.
"You are my son."
"Really?"
He started to weep.
"People are telling lies about me not being your son, aren't they?"
"Yes, if they say something like that, they all are liars."
Fei Long still remembered the warmth of his father's embrace till this moment..
"Don't cry, Fei Long. Why would you believe someone else more than your own father?"
Cradling him in his arms still, he wiped Fei Long's tears away.
That night his father did not pick up the book again. He kept holding him, and stroke his hair till he slowly fell asleep. They both watched the full moon outside in silence.
The record his father playing that night was some kind of Western music, not Chinese oldies as usual. He did not know what the song called, but since then he remembered the tune very well.
Full moon as beautiful as this always made him recall of that special time, when father insisted he was his real son and held him close. Seemed as if no one could come between them, not even his ill-tempered elder brother.
Fei Long closed his eyes. He would cherish this memory till the end of time.
Still, it hurt him so deeply whenever he thought of the night his father died in his arms. Blood was everywhere.
'Despite the fact that you are such a gentle and faithful son, I never once praised you or gave you a word of comfort..'
'You are unmistakably my son. You are my pride. That will not change.'
The young leader of Beishe bit his lips, and shut his eyes tight when he started to feel tears brimming his eyes..
Father, if only I had believed more in your love, I would never walk away.
It was all my fault. I should have never turned my back on you..
Someone was stroking his hair..
"Who are you?"
Fei Long tried to open his eyes but he could not. He could only felt the warmth and tenderness of that hand.
"Don't touch me! Let go!"
".........."
"Who are you?!?"
He asked again, and this time he could hear his own voice shook terribly. He was about to cry.
"You have no right to be kind to me!"
He should have thought of his father, but this reminded him of another man..
"If you were here to make me trust you only to betray me again, I will certainly pull the trigger this time. I swear!!"
That rainy night, someone stopped him from going back to see his sick father.
Why did he do what he did to stop him? Why did he do what he did to divert his sadness and anxiety away?
Fei Long tried to get away from that hand, but with each stroke on his hair he became more defenceless. He could not escape no matter what he did.
"Please let me go.."
He begged.
"I don't want to fall into your trap anymore!"
Not anymore. No.
Then, he heard the music coming softly from somewhere, and once he recognised the tune he just bursted into tears.
It was the Western music he heard in his father's study room that night, the only night he felt father once loved him as much as he loved Yan Zhui.
"Fei.."
His father's voice..
"Father?"
How come he could not open his eyes?
"Father, I cannot see you."
Reaching out for his father's hands, but there was only emptiness.
"Please don't go, father. Please don't forsake me."
"I'm sorry I walked away from you once. But please don't punish me this way."
He heard himself crying bitterly.
"Who else will love me?!?"
"I know I must be strong, but my world is so cold."
"Now that you are gone, who else will love me?!? Who will shelter me?!"
Fei Long could feel his lips quivering, his voice trembling.
"I am not so strong. I cannot go on.."
"You are, and you can."
He heard his father replied.
"Gather your strength and live on. All the answers to your questions lie in the future."
"No.."
Fei Long tried to grab the hand that suddenly stopped stroking his hair.
"Father, don't leave me again!"
"You are my son. I know you will make me proud."
He cried, just like when he was with father in the study room that night. But this time there was no one to dry his tears. He was left in complete darkness, only that soft, mellow tune was still playing..
"Please.. don't leave me."
Fei Long sobbed
"Don't leave me.."
Am I destined to be so unloved and unwanted?
He only knew the tune when he was a child, but as he grew up he learnt more about the song and remembered the lyrics by heart..
Blue Moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
It was darkness everywhere and he could not stop crying. He could not find the way out. He was confined.
Blue Moon
You know just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for
And just when Fei Long was about to give in, when he was about to let himself go, someone drew him close and pressed Fei Long's face against his chest.
".........."
He could hear the heartbeat of that person but he could not see his face.
"What a beautiful moon we have tonight.."
That voice was spoken softly in the language he was not used to, but could understand.
"What a beautiful face too, even if there was trace of tears.."
This touch, this embrace, this person.. he had never known before.
But how come he did not try to resist?
"You are not lost. Someday you will be found."
He whispered.
"You will be found."
And then there suddenly appearded before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked to the Moon it turned to gold
For a very long time, that myterious stranger held him tight.
And for the first time since the death of his father, Fei Long felt he had found somewhere he truly belonged.
"Fei-sama.."
".........."
"Fei-sama?"
Fei Long slowly opened his eyes.
".........."
Tao was staring back at him, looking concerned.
"Oh, Tao.. "
He turned the other way, knowing that Tao must have noticed tears that stained his face.
"I just.. fell asleep."
So everything was just a dream?
Fei Long let out a soft sigh.
"Is everything all right? Are you in pain, Fei-sama?"
The little one kept staring at him innocently.
"I'm fine. Don't worry."
"Then would you like to have you hair washed?"
This time, Fei Long could not help smiling at the little butler for his attentiveness.
"And have you finished your homework?"
"Yes, I have!"
Tao told him enthusiastically.
"I finished it as soon as possible because you told me to."
"I hope you were careful with maths, or your teacher would be upset when she corrected your homework tomorrow."
Tao just grinned, meaning he was doing homework in a hurry as usual.
That beaming face, however, could stop Fei Long from giving any further lecture.
"Well, then.."
Fei Long slowly got up from his chair.
"I think I'll need your help to wash my hair again tonight."
"My pleasure!"
He helped Fei Long stand on his feet, and took Fei Long's hand in his.
"You don't need to hold my hand. It is all right for me to walk."
Tao shook his head.
"No, you must not walk without anyone's support, or I'll go get your wheelchair."
"Don't bother. We are just going to the bathroom, aren't we?"
"Then you must let me support you."
The little guy insisted.
Fei Long began to laugh.
"Why are you laughing?"
Tao sulked. That laughter hurt his macho pride a little bit, after all.
"I am twice your height, Tao."
"So? Being taller does not mean you can never trip and fall!"
That's true..
"All right. You win."
Fei Long finally let the child hold his hand. Tao was therefore obviously pleased and proud.
"What?"
The man asked when he noticed Tao suddenly stopped walking.
"Have you noticed the moon tonight, Fei-sama? It is beautiful."
He glanced through the window.
"Yes, I have."
Fei Long looked at the brightest thing in the sky again.
"It's so golden, don't you think?"
".........."
"I guess so."
He murmured. His mind went back to his childhood memories and the dream he just had...
And then there suddenly appearded before me
The only one my arms will ever hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked the Moon had turned to gold
Blue Moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
'Gather your strength and live on. All the answers to your questions lie in the future.'
'You are my son. I know you will make me proud.'
His father had died many years ago, so it was just a dream.
Still, the message meant so much to him...
Father, you were right.
I must live on.
::: The End :::::::
Yellow Pages