Fic: Drowning
Title: Drowning
Author: alliterationhor
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Spoilers: not a one.
Rating: PG
Author's note: this is sort of the raw form (meaning, it's not completely done yet; it needs some work).
EDIT 10/09/2006: updated to finished version!
Visuals: the front of the ship, a lotta water.
Comments/concrit appreciated.
Drowning
Kurogane found Fai at the very front of the ship, leaning against the railing with his eyes closed and the wind whipping his hair about his face. The sound of the wind filled Kurogane’s ears as he took the last steps up onto the deck.
The night sky was free of clouds and the moon was shining a wide silvery path on the expanse of dark water. The stars were luminous in the black sky, shining brighter than any other world they had been to.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Fai asked, without opening his eyes.
Kurogane shrugged. “It’s a lot of water.” Truth be told, he preferred land, solid and steady under his feet.
“That is a very un-poetic way of describing it.” Fai responded. But he smiled anyway, because it was a very Kurogane answer.
He and Kurogane and Syaoran had found their sea legs quite fast. Sakura was still suffering from occasional sea-sickness. Mokona seemed as little affected by their strange environment as he always did.
Fai felt at home here, perhaps more at home than he did in worlds with magic. Fai knew that Kurogane did not feel at home here, despite how well he managed this world.
“I’d like it better from the shore.” Kurogane muttered. “I don’t sleep well with all the noise and the motion.”
“Give it a few days. We have become very adaptable, haven’t we? With all the world-hopping we have done.”
Kurogane looked out at the water, squinting into the wind. “You don’t sleep well, either.”
In other worlds, Fai would sometimes wake up with a gasp and jerk-it would wake Kurogane as well. He had never said anything before now, although he was sure Fai knew that it woke him also. On this world, it was becoming a nightly occurrence.
Fai responded vaguely, “Bad dreams.”
“Of what?” Kurogane asked, even though he did not expect an answer.
“... falling.” Then, as if he had somehow revealed too much with just that single world and wanted to make it seem trivial, “I think it must have something to do with the motion of the ship, however subtle. I dream there is nothing under my feet-that I’m falling.”
“Try laying on your back with your knees up, feet on the mattress.”
“I can’t sleep on my back.” Fai said, almost but not quite a ‘you should already know that’ tone.
“Try it.”
Fai sighed. He supposed it would do no harm to try, since he already knew that laying on his stomach was not working. “Alright.”
Kurogane leaned against the railing, looking out at the dark, vast water rolling past. The ocean may not agree with Fai’s sleeping habits, but it seemed to have a much more agreeable effect on the mage when he was awake. It seemed to make him a little more relaxed, a little more susceptible to answering questions. Kurogane would take his opportunities where he could find them.
After a moment, Kurogane asked, “Were there oceans on your world?”
“Mm. I had to cross an ocean once.” he murmured mysteriously. “To return to where I had been.”
“Once?”
Fai nodded, aware of the game Kurogane was playing. He was relaxed enough to answer some questions, but not any questions he did not want to. “The oceans on my world were clear, though. You could see all the way to the bottom in the shallower parts, the sand and the fish and sea plants.”
“I don’t think our oceans were like that. I saw the ocean a few times from the shore, not a ship, but they didn’t look clear.”
“I like this ocean.” Fai leaned his chin down onto his arm, his other arm draped over the railing. “All murky and mysterious. It’s like you could stare at it for years and never figure it out.”
Kurogane shook his head, thinking, Of course you like it. Sometimes he wondered if Fai really did have any secrets, or if the wizard just really enjoyed playing the part of the enigma. “I’d rather have the clear ocean and be able to see the bottom.”
Fai smiled a little absently, but as if he got the joke. “What do you suppose it’s like? To drown?”
“It’s dying.” Kurogane answered, voice flat. “It would suck.”
“Mm.” Fai’s gaze was focused on the water, but the water he was looking at was very far away. “But ... Don’t you think it would be sort of-peaceful? To just slip under the water and float away?”
“No. You would fight. You’d have to. There would be no air and you wouldn’t be able to think-you would just react.” He glanced sideways over at the other man. “Your body’s instinct is to survive.”
“Maybe.” Fai reminded him lightly, “We are from different worlds.”
“We’re not that different.”
Fai gave him one of those unreadable looks that he hated, but Kurogane thought he saw something of ‘you’d be surprised’ in it.
“You would want to go in battle, I suppose.” Fai straightened up, his elbows on the railing now, and smiled as he spoke, “With your sword drawn, protecting something worth fighting for. All heroic.”
Kurogane thought about that for a moment, and was a little surprised and somewhat unnerved to discover that the mage had guessed so accurately. “I suppose that dying in a fight for something I believed in wouldn’t be a bad way to go.”
“Wouldn’t be able to complain, would you?” Fai asked, smiling wryly.
“No. You would just move on, to what’s next.”
“What do you suppose is next, after this life?”
“Well, you’ve seen too.” Kurogane answered, without taking his eyes from the water. “Different worlds, same souls. Reincarnation seems likely.”
Fai found that he was enjoying Kurogane’s philosophical side. “What about heaven, and hell?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps there are none. Perhaps your soul just keeps going.”
“You don’t think-”
“What?” Kurogane prompted, voice casual.
Fai released the breath he had been holding. “I’d like to think there’s nothing. That you just-stop.” He said quietly, “That you have peace.”
“Peace is something, not nothing.”
Voice low, a bit sad, “True.”
“I think peace is something you have to achieve, not something you’re given.”
The two were quiet for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts.
Fai’s thoughts were, of course, a mystery to Kurogane. He wondered what had happened in Fai’s past that could be so terrible that he would not want to go on to whatever was next.
When Fai spoke again, his voice was hesitant and his words were halting, as if he was not really sure of what he wanted to say or if he wanted to say it. Kurogane thought this might be the first time he had ever known the man to be unsure of his words.
“You don’t think someone could do things-many things-so horrible, so terrible that he can’t go on? To the next life? That he is condemned to hell?”
Kurogane considered that for a moment before he questioned, “You mean someone that’s evil? Someone who does things that are so evil that he is not even given the chance to make them right in his next life?”
“Yes.”
“I suppose it’s possible. But if that is true, then wouldn’t the opposite be true as well? That you can do so much good in your life-or lives-that you are worthy of heaven?”
Fai stared at the water, frowning. He looked lost. “Hm.”
“You’re thinking of him, aren’t you.”
Fai gave the ninja a perfectly blank look. “Who?”
“The one in your world that’s sleeping underwater.” Kurogane responded, voice dark. “The one that you’re running from.”
“Kuro-pon pays too much attention to me.” Fai answered with a wide grin.
“Ninja habit.”
“Hm. And here I just thought you might like me.”
Kurogane turned around, tired of the wind in his eyes. He leaned backward against the railing and looked over at the mage, who gave no sign that he noticed the ninja’s scrutiny.
After a moment, Kurogane said, “Have you ever considered paying attention to me? Because if you did, you would realize that I appreciate honesty.”
“I know that.” Fai shifted a little, not looking at Kurogane. But his shoulders betrayed discomfort. “But ...”
“But you don’t want to be honest. With me.” His voice was even and steady, giving no indication of the hurt the words caused him, “You don’t trust me.”
Fai looked genuinely hurt. “I do.”
“You don’t.” Kurogane stated. He knew that if Fai trusted him, Fai would tell him the truth.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes. With my life. I know you would give your life to save any one of us. I know I can trust you. And I know you don’t trust me.”
Kurogane walked away, leaving the wizard with those words to ponder.
* * * * *
end note: I wanted to write porn, they wanted to talk about death. Silly boys.
Author: alliterationhor
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Spoilers: not a one.
Rating: PG
Author's note: this is sort of the raw form (meaning, it's not completely done yet; it needs some work).
EDIT 10/09/2006: updated to finished version!
Visuals: the front of the ship, a lotta water.
Comments/concrit appreciated.
Drowning
Kurogane found Fai at the very front of the ship, leaning against the railing with his eyes closed and the wind whipping his hair about his face. The sound of the wind filled Kurogane’s ears as he took the last steps up onto the deck.
The night sky was free of clouds and the moon was shining a wide silvery path on the expanse of dark water. The stars were luminous in the black sky, shining brighter than any other world they had been to.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Fai asked, without opening his eyes.
Kurogane shrugged. “It’s a lot of water.” Truth be told, he preferred land, solid and steady under his feet.
“That is a very un-poetic way of describing it.” Fai responded. But he smiled anyway, because it was a very Kurogane answer.
He and Kurogane and Syaoran had found their sea legs quite fast. Sakura was still suffering from occasional sea-sickness. Mokona seemed as little affected by their strange environment as he always did.
Fai felt at home here, perhaps more at home than he did in worlds with magic. Fai knew that Kurogane did not feel at home here, despite how well he managed this world.
“I’d like it better from the shore.” Kurogane muttered. “I don’t sleep well with all the noise and the motion.”
“Give it a few days. We have become very adaptable, haven’t we? With all the world-hopping we have done.”
Kurogane looked out at the water, squinting into the wind. “You don’t sleep well, either.”
In other worlds, Fai would sometimes wake up with a gasp and jerk-it would wake Kurogane as well. He had never said anything before now, although he was sure Fai knew that it woke him also. On this world, it was becoming a nightly occurrence.
Fai responded vaguely, “Bad dreams.”
“Of what?” Kurogane asked, even though he did not expect an answer.
“... falling.” Then, as if he had somehow revealed too much with just that single world and wanted to make it seem trivial, “I think it must have something to do with the motion of the ship, however subtle. I dream there is nothing under my feet-that I’m falling.”
“Try laying on your back with your knees up, feet on the mattress.”
“I can’t sleep on my back.” Fai said, almost but not quite a ‘you should already know that’ tone.
“Try it.”
Fai sighed. He supposed it would do no harm to try, since he already knew that laying on his stomach was not working. “Alright.”
Kurogane leaned against the railing, looking out at the dark, vast water rolling past. The ocean may not agree with Fai’s sleeping habits, but it seemed to have a much more agreeable effect on the mage when he was awake. It seemed to make him a little more relaxed, a little more susceptible to answering questions. Kurogane would take his opportunities where he could find them.
After a moment, Kurogane asked, “Were there oceans on your world?”
“Mm. I had to cross an ocean once.” he murmured mysteriously. “To return to where I had been.”
“Once?”
Fai nodded, aware of the game Kurogane was playing. He was relaxed enough to answer some questions, but not any questions he did not want to. “The oceans on my world were clear, though. You could see all the way to the bottom in the shallower parts, the sand and the fish and sea plants.”
“I don’t think our oceans were like that. I saw the ocean a few times from the shore, not a ship, but they didn’t look clear.”
“I like this ocean.” Fai leaned his chin down onto his arm, his other arm draped over the railing. “All murky and mysterious. It’s like you could stare at it for years and never figure it out.”
Kurogane shook his head, thinking, Of course you like it. Sometimes he wondered if Fai really did have any secrets, or if the wizard just really enjoyed playing the part of the enigma. “I’d rather have the clear ocean and be able to see the bottom.”
Fai smiled a little absently, but as if he got the joke. “What do you suppose it’s like? To drown?”
“It’s dying.” Kurogane answered, voice flat. “It would suck.”
“Mm.” Fai’s gaze was focused on the water, but the water he was looking at was very far away. “But ... Don’t you think it would be sort of-peaceful? To just slip under the water and float away?”
“No. You would fight. You’d have to. There would be no air and you wouldn’t be able to think-you would just react.” He glanced sideways over at the other man. “Your body’s instinct is to survive.”
“Maybe.” Fai reminded him lightly, “We are from different worlds.”
“We’re not that different.”
Fai gave him one of those unreadable looks that he hated, but Kurogane thought he saw something of ‘you’d be surprised’ in it.
“You would want to go in battle, I suppose.” Fai straightened up, his elbows on the railing now, and smiled as he spoke, “With your sword drawn, protecting something worth fighting for. All heroic.”
Kurogane thought about that for a moment, and was a little surprised and somewhat unnerved to discover that the mage had guessed so accurately. “I suppose that dying in a fight for something I believed in wouldn’t be a bad way to go.”
“Wouldn’t be able to complain, would you?” Fai asked, smiling wryly.
“No. You would just move on, to what’s next.”
“What do you suppose is next, after this life?”
“Well, you’ve seen too.” Kurogane answered, without taking his eyes from the water. “Different worlds, same souls. Reincarnation seems likely.”
Fai found that he was enjoying Kurogane’s philosophical side. “What about heaven, and hell?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps there are none. Perhaps your soul just keeps going.”
“You don’t think-”
“What?” Kurogane prompted, voice casual.
Fai released the breath he had been holding. “I’d like to think there’s nothing. That you just-stop.” He said quietly, “That you have peace.”
“Peace is something, not nothing.”
Voice low, a bit sad, “True.”
“I think peace is something you have to achieve, not something you’re given.”
The two were quiet for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts.
Fai’s thoughts were, of course, a mystery to Kurogane. He wondered what had happened in Fai’s past that could be so terrible that he would not want to go on to whatever was next.
When Fai spoke again, his voice was hesitant and his words were halting, as if he was not really sure of what he wanted to say or if he wanted to say it. Kurogane thought this might be the first time he had ever known the man to be unsure of his words.
“You don’t think someone could do things-many things-so horrible, so terrible that he can’t go on? To the next life? That he is condemned to hell?”
Kurogane considered that for a moment before he questioned, “You mean someone that’s evil? Someone who does things that are so evil that he is not even given the chance to make them right in his next life?”
“Yes.”
“I suppose it’s possible. But if that is true, then wouldn’t the opposite be true as well? That you can do so much good in your life-or lives-that you are worthy of heaven?”
Fai stared at the water, frowning. He looked lost. “Hm.”
“You’re thinking of him, aren’t you.”
Fai gave the ninja a perfectly blank look. “Who?”
“The one in your world that’s sleeping underwater.” Kurogane responded, voice dark. “The one that you’re running from.”
“Kuro-pon pays too much attention to me.” Fai answered with a wide grin.
“Ninja habit.”
“Hm. And here I just thought you might like me.”
Kurogane turned around, tired of the wind in his eyes. He leaned backward against the railing and looked over at the mage, who gave no sign that he noticed the ninja’s scrutiny.
After a moment, Kurogane said, “Have you ever considered paying attention to me? Because if you did, you would realize that I appreciate honesty.”
“I know that.” Fai shifted a little, not looking at Kurogane. But his shoulders betrayed discomfort. “But ...”
“But you don’t want to be honest. With me.” His voice was even and steady, giving no indication of the hurt the words caused him, “You don’t trust me.”
Fai looked genuinely hurt. “I do.”
“You don’t.” Kurogane stated. He knew that if Fai trusted him, Fai would tell him the truth.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes. With my life. I know you would give your life to save any one of us. I know I can trust you. And I know you don’t trust me.”
Kurogane walked away, leaving the wizard with those words to ponder.
* * * * *
end note: I wanted to write porn, they wanted to talk about death. Silly boys.