Equation 'Verse: Physically Ill
Media: (Fic)
Title: Equation 'Verse: Physically Ill.
Rating: R
Warnings (if any): ANGST
Word Count: 6300+
Summary: AU as of Original Songs: "I wasn't throwing up every day because I had a weird stomach bug that just wouldn't go away Blaine. You dating someone else, physically made me ill."
Author's note: This is a prequel to my story Out of the Equation. Based on the quote in the first chapter of the story.
This is written in 1st person/3rd person PoV. Any text after a page break, is 1st person, Kurt's perspective. Any text after a *~*~* break, will be 3rd person PoV. Hope you enjoy.
Blaine Anderson is my best friend. He has been my best friend since we were both seventeen years old. I met him the day that I went to spy on the Dalton Academy glee club one day when I was a junior in high school. I stopped him on the stairs and asked him about why all the students seemed to be running to get somewhere. Because no one is that anxious to get to class, even if they were one demerit away from campus arrest.
That’s when he told me that the Warblers were performing. He grabbed my hand and led me through a short-cut (which I later found out was quite possibly the longest direct path to the senior commons at Dalton). I think I fell for him right then and there. No guy had ever voluntarily held my hand before. It made me feel special. The first special moment he and I ever shared together.
So that is probably why I’m finding it so hard to watch him hold hands with his latest fling… or I hope it’s a fling. But hope has grown tiresome. Hoping that he’ll finally look at me is slowly killing me. I guess it is the innate nature of the pessimist, to expect the worst and never hope for the best. Because I can’t remember the last time one of his relationships ended the way I wished it would. I would love for it to end after he breaks it off, realizing he wants to be with me. But no, usually its him getting his heart broken. So I sit and wait. This one’s name is Mark. Mark Cleveland.
*~*~*
“He’s such a great guy don’t you think?” Blaine asked, to Kurt who as usual had trouble coming up with something decent to say about the blond bimbo Blaine was currently dating.
“All that matters is that you like him.” Kurt told him diplomatically, trying to at least be civil.
“I mean he’s a surfer from California, who also wants to pursue a career on Broadway!” Blaine gushed.
‘Yes,’ Kurt thought ‘A lackadaisical beach bum wearing the fashion disaster t-shirts from Ron Jon’s surf shop constantly, would have absolutely no motivation and drive to become something on Broadway.’ Kurt wanted to say it all out loud, but he settled for simply saying “I don’t exactly think that’s the best combination, but if he can do it, all the power to him.”
Kurt was sitting in his college dorm room at NYU, trying to finish a paper while Blaine spewed on and on about Mark Cleveland.
“I think he could really be the one, Kurt. He could be it for me.” Blaine sighed happily, when Kurt threw his pen across his desk.
“Blaine, you’ve known him for 2 weeks. How can he be it? Why don’t you get to know him before you start picking out China patterns?”
“What’s your problem, man?” Blaine asked, coming down off of his romantic high.
“My problem is that this paper is worth 20% of my final grade, it is due in two days and I sort of didn’t want to leave it to the last minute. So could you shut up about the guy who’ll be gone by May, so I can finish editing this thing?” Kurt all but screamed.
“Gone by May? What makes you think that?” Blaine asked, incredulously.
“You follow a pattern, Blaine.” Kurt drawled. “You meet a guy and fall head over heels for him.” ‘except for me…’ Kurt thought. “Then you spend approximately the next month and a half obsessing over him to the point where it becomes creepy and he gets uncomfortable. You promise to back off, but find it hard to do and within 2 weeks, I come back here to find you sobbing into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, watching some sappy romance movie bemoaning the fact that you were too forward and it came back to bite you in the ass.”
“That’s not true.” Blaine said, matter of factly.
“It’s March 10thth. My guess is that by April 19, he’ll be out of your life, though since you seem really interested, I should probably stock up on Ben & Jerry’s by the 14.”
“So you have absolutely no faith in my relationships?” Blaine was truly baffled at how Kurt was behaving.
Kurt just shrugged. “I want you to be happy Blaine, but I don’t think even you know what will make you happy at this point.”
“Okay then. Let’s make this interesting. A hundred bucks says that Mark and I will still be together on April 20.”
Kurt just sighs. “You sure about this? Remember how long all your other relationships lasted. Jamie? A month. Kevin? 5 weeks. Jeremiah? 2 coffee dates! I’d include Stacey, Hamilton, and Byron but that’d just be rubbing salt in the wound, wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t need a recap…” Blaine drawled. Kurt sighed.
“One hundred bucks that you and Mark are still together on the 20th for you to win. One hundred bucks that he breaks up with you on, or before April 19th for me to win.” Kurt reiterated, just making sure that the particulars of the bet were clear.
“Do we have a deal?” Blaine asked, holding his hand out.
Sighing, Kurt asked “If I say yes, will you let me finish this paper in peace?” Blaine nods. “Fine, we have a deal.”
They shake on it.
This cannot end well.
March 14, 2015
Blaine seems to be on course for destroying his latest relationship. I snuck a quick look at his phone yesterday and saw that he called Mark 15 times, and texted him 75 times. Twelve of those calls only lasted 30-50 seconds, so either Mark didn’t answer or couldn’t talk. Only 25 texts were sent to Blaine from Mark. So Blaine was clearly over stepping in this relationship.
I don’t know why he doesn’t see that the perfect person for him is right here. I know him better than anyone. I can deal with his crazy behavior, but he comes on so strong for everyone else. He needs to realize that I’m the only one that can handle his particular brand of crazy, and would gladly do so. I’ve always been there when he needed him, why won’t he let me be there for him now?
I was there for him when his father kicked him out of the house 3 weeks before graduation. My father offered to let him move in with us, which he did and still does on breaks. He is a part of my family but in no way do I look at him like a brother. Its funny really, every guy I really like, I end up either having to share a room with, or being forced to call family. Insane, right?
*~*~*
“So Mark and I have a date tonight!” Blaine said enthusiastically. Kurt just smiled.
“Good for you.” He waved him off, as he began looking through his closet once more. “I’m going out with Rachel and Mercedes tonight, to that new club in Soho.” Kurt really didn’t need to learn about the intimate details of Blaine’s relationship with Mark. He just needed to know when it ended.
“I hope you have fun.” Blaine said, as he walked into the bathroom, to take a shower.
Fifteen minutes later, Kurt was dressed and Blaine was still in the shower. Kurt grabbed his wallet, his keys and anything else he might need while he was out and then knocked on the bathroom door. “I’m out, see you later.” He walked towards the staircase, down the two flights to the girls dormitory and picked them up for their night out.
*~*~*
Kurt, Rachel, and Mercedes were sitting at a table inside the club, sipping their drinks. Kurt was, once again complaining about Blaine’s obliviousness.
“Honey, if you want him that much, you need to tell him.” Rachel pushed him. “Use some of that courage, natural or liquid, and just tell him!”
“Seriously, Kurt. The two of you have been dancing this weird tango for 5 years now, don’t you think its time you finally just told him?” Mercedes gave him that look. He knew that look. It was the look reserved for when he was being stupid, and immature.
“I told him how I felt!” Both girls immediately slapped their foreheads.
“Four years ago, in the middle of a coffee shop, after he had just been dumped. He’s probably forgotten all about it, or at least think you’ve moved on. You need to stop whining to us about it, and do something about it, Kurt.” Cedes told him straight out.
“And what if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if I tell him, and it ruins everything.” Kurt asks, starting to reveal a little of his insecurities.
“He’s your best -guy- friend, Kurt.” Mercedes always chose to make that distinction, because in her mind, she was his best friend. Kurt never had the heart to tell her that it wasn’t always true. “When he’s not living with you in the dorm room, he’s living with you at your house in Lima. So what do you honestly think is going to happen?”
“I don’t know. I just wish he’d stop dicking around and finally come to his senses. Why is it that he’ll date anything that has a dick and a pulse, but won’t date me?”
*~*~*
Kurt walked into his dorm room later that night (or early the next morning) and was not expecting to see the sight before him.
Blaine naked. Though that wasn’t really much of a problem, since they roomed together, it was likely that they’d seen each other naked before. But he wasn’t the only one naked. Mark was in the room, naked as well. And that tan-lined ass, bobbing up and down as it slammed into Blaine was not a sight Kurt ever needed to see. The two seemed to not realize Kurt had entered the room. Nor had they seen when he left the room, running for the stairwell.
As he made his way down the two flights of stairs it took to get to Rachel and Mercedes’ dorm room, he banged on the door as hard as he could, even though he knew it wasn’t necessary. He was shaking. The sight that was not permanently embedded in his brain, was making him dry heave. Rachel opened the door and saw the sight that Kurt was. “Oh my god, Kurt are you all right?” He shook his head and quickly stepped into the room and sat on the edge of Rachel’s bed which was closest to the door. Mercedes had gotten off of her desk chair where she had been sitting and walked over to him.
“What’s wrong, Kurt?” he gulped.
“I just saw the most horrific sight I’ve ever seen.”
“What is it?” one of the girls asked, Kurt wasn’t even sure which one.
“They were in our room... and… they were fucking.” Kurt gulped, trying to keep whatever alcohol he had drank earlier in the night down. Because alcohol + traumatic experience did not make for a vomit-less night. “Blaine and I had an agreement when we first got here freshman year. If either of us ever were going to get laid, we would post a ‘studying, do not disturb’ sign on the cork board. But there was nothing. I walked right into it, and now the sight of Mark’s tan-lined ass slamming into Blaine’s will never be leaving my memory.” Kurt felt something coming up, and immediately reached for the garbage can so he could puke into it.
“Oh baby,” Rachel cooed as she rubbed his back. “It’s all right. Everything is going to be okay.”
March 20th, 2015
So I’ve been sick lately. I don’t know why. Ever since the night the girls and I went out to Soho for the night, and I ended up coming home and seeing… that. It’s like the alcohol hasn’t left my system, and I’ve been perpetually hung-over. I haven’t gone a single day without puking. It sucks. Blaine and the girls have been there for me, trying to help me through whatever stomach bug I must have, but nothing is working. I’m trying to let it run its course but if it doesn’t go away soon, I might just have to go to the doctor for it, because I can’t keep missing classes because I’m hunched over a toilet.
Blaine’s been great though. The other night I woke up at 3 in the morning, after a nightmare where I saw him and Mark… I woke up and instantly had to puke. Whether it was the stomach bug or the memory of that I don’t know, but when he heard me retching into the toilet, Blaine got up, and walked into the bathroom, and started rubbing my back, making me feel instantly better. I wish he would stop going all hot and cold on me. He acts all pretentious and rude when I honestly call him out on his relationship failures, but then can switch gears so quickly and come to my aid when I need him to. He’s been listening to too much Katy Perry recently. I really should do something about that.
*~*~*
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Blaine’s phone went off, around 9 on Friday morning. He had an 11am class that day, while Kurt had the day off. Kurt hated being momentarily woken up on Friday mornings, because it took him a while to fall back to sleep so he was annoyed when he realized that it wasn’t Blaine’s alarm going off, but an actual call. “Ugh…” Kurt groaned, as he heard the all too familiar words of Katy Perry’s Firework ring out throughout the room. Blaine rolled over on his bed, and grabbed his iphone so he could answer the call. It was Mark.
“Hey Baby, how are you?” Blaine said sleepily, not wanting to get out of bed. Kurt could only hear Blaine’s side of the conversation, not that he wanted to hear it at all, but he was being forced to, so he decided to do what any good roommate would do, and eavesdrop. “I was…” Blaine sighed as he rolled over towards the wall facing away from Kurt, so as to not talk in Kurt’s direction. “That’d be great, I can’t wait to see you.” Blaine yawned. “I know, but since then there’s been 10 hours without you.” Kurt quietly gagged, but this time, it has no relation to the stomach bug that was currently plaguing him. “Hmm, make it an hour and you’ve got a deal.” So apparently they made plans, and Blaine was going to be leaving an hour earlier than he usually did on a Friday. Mark had to have offered something good to make Blaine leave his bed earlier than necessary. “Bye baby.”
Blaine hung up the phone and placed it on his desk, which was right next to his bed and took a deep breath, before pulling himself out of bed, and grabbing his showering supplies so he could hop into the shower before he had to get ready to go. Kurt rolled over and tried to go to sleep, but couldn’t. All he could think about was Mark and Blaine. Blaine and Mark. How Mark was able to fuck Blaine, and Kurt never could. That Blaine never would even want him to. It makes him really depressed to know this and suddenly, without warning the stomach bug rears its ugly head. He jumps out of bed, and rushes into the bathroom, while Blaine was just turning the water off in the shower, and pulling his towel off the hook.
Blaine hears the telltale sounds of vomit as Kurt begins to empty the bile that was in his stomach into the bowl of the toilet. Sighing, he wrapped the towel around his waist, and grabbed one of the disposable cups they had on the counter, and filled it up with water, so Kurt could rinse his mouth out, then began to rub his back like he does every time Kurt has puked in the past week.
“Thanks…” Kurt muttered, as he took the cup of water and rinsed his mouth, spit it into the toilet, and flushed the toilet. “I’m so sick, of being sick.”
“Any idea what’s causing it?” Blaine asked, knowing the answer, but wondering if Kurt had any new theories.
“Just that it’s a stomach bug, there really can’t be anything else that’s doing it, can it?” Blaine shrugged.
“I wouldn’t know, I’m not a doctor. Why don’t you go back to sleep, get some rest. I’m gonna go out and then go to class. You’ll have peace and quiet in the room for the next 3 1/2 hours. Don’t waste it.” Blaine joked, and Kurt smiled.
“I think I will. Lord knows I won’t be getting any work done in this condition.” Kurt groaned as he got up, and started brushing his teeth to get the rest of the disgusting taste in his mouth out. About 20 minutes later, Kurt was lying back in bed, with his eyes closed, but not sleeping. He heard Blaine jiggling his keys, as he got ready to leave. Kurt opened his eyes as he watched his friend leave.
“I’m out. Call me before or after class, or text me during if you need anything.”
“Will do, thanks Blaine.”
March 25, 2011
It’s a Wednesday, my busiest day of the week, and this stomach bug is still hitting me full force. I’m trying to go to my classes today, I really am. But after my 2nd class, which has both Blaine and Mark in it oddly enough, had me puking my guts out into the closest bathroom in the vicinity, I don’t think I can continue. I have 3 more classes to attend today, but I can’t do it. My stomach is churning just thinking about attending class. So I take out my phone and send emails to the teachers whose classes I’m going to be missing, that I’m sick an sorry that I would be missing class. I’ve learned that if you at least give them a reason, prior to being absent, you still maintain your place within their good graces. If you just leave it, you’re screwed.
But as Blaine is walking me back to our dorm, (he is done until the afternoon) we start talking about why I’m so sick, and if I should see a doctor or not. I guess I neglected to tell him I had already seen one earlier in the week, and that they gave me some medicine that might help the symptoms, but they told me to just wait it out, and if it was still there when April rolled around, to then come back.
*~*~*
“I don’t know why, or how I got so sick, Blaine. All I know is that I did.” Kurt whined, as Blaine opened up the door to their room.
“I’m just saying, maybe you should go to a different doctor, because the one at the campus clinic, seems to not know what they are talking about.” Blaine replied, honestly concerned about his friend’s welfare.
“Blaine, not 5 days ago, you said and I quote ‘I wouldn’t know, I’m not a doctor.’ So why are you trying to be one now?” Kurt asked, with the patented Kurt Hummel sarcasm ever present.
“I just want you to feel better. Waking up every morning at 3am, can’t be healthy.”
“I’ll be fine, Blaine. I’m just gonna lie down.” Kurt walked over towards his bed and crawled into it.
“You do that. I’m gonna go see if Mark wants to grab lunch. I’ll give you some space.” Blaine said, trying to be altruistic. But that one statement, along with the churning feeling in his stomach, told him what deep down in side, he already knew: It wasn’t a stomach bug at all that was causing him to vomit every day, multiple times. It was a broken heart.
Watching Blaine date that bimbo was making Kurt physically ill. Watching the two of them together, listening to them talk about one another. The memory of what happened the night all the throwing up started. Kurt couldn’t handle it. Kurt was almost glad, that Blaine had a pattern with guys, because pretty soon, Mark would realize that Blaine was pushing too much, and ask him to back off, and Kurt might get a reprieve.
But until then… Kurt was going to have to work on this whole broken heart thing, because he couldn’t let Blaine’s relationships get in the way of his health, or his education.
April 3rd, 2015
It’s a Friday night, and I’m actually feeling a little better. Blaine’s pattern of hopeless romanticism has struck again. Blaine came home last night, after having dinner with Mark, which caused me to puke up my own dinner, and curled up in his bed and went straight to sleep. I found it a little odd, but he looked sort of all right, so I let it go. Maybe he just wanted to sleep. It wasn’t until about 3 hours later, when he mumbled “You were right…” to me out of no where, that I realized what happened.
He had been trying to not be forward, trying to let Mark take the lead on the relationship after learning about his pattern with guys. However Blaine is completely incapable of giving up control like that. So it just came off as creepy and stalkery, and not at all what a guy, besides me anyway, would want. I would love for Blaine to creepily stalk me. Because then, I’d at least know my feelings were reciprocated.
*~*~*
“What happened?” Kurt asked, wanting to help his friend, anyway he could, especially after Blaine was being so nice to him through the fake stomach flu.
“He told me that I was being too clingy tonight.” Blaine sobbed, his head pushed halfway into his pillow.
“You still have a chance to fix this, Blaine.” Kurt told him, even though it took every fiber of his being to do so. “Apologize for being too clingy, tell him that you care about him, but if he needs some space, you’ll give it to him. Obviously he likes you enough, because he didn’t dump you outright tonight. You can fix it.”
“Should I though?” Blaine wondered aloud. “If I have such a pattern, as you seem to think I do, why should I try to fix it, if he’s just going to break up with me in 2 weeks anyway? Why would you want me to fix it anyway? You’d be out $100.” Blaine asked, looking at Kurt curiously.
“Blaine, I love you. I want you to be happy. If I have to lose $100 to make you see the error in your ways so that you can achieve that happiness, it’ll be a small price to pay.” Kurt sighed. ‘It’ll be much bigger, and you know it.’ He told himself. ‘If he found happiness with someone else, you would be a disaster, don’t even try to deny it.’
“Thanks, Kurt. You always know what to say.” Blaine took a deep breath and then decided to change the topic of conversation. “How are you feeling? Stomach any better?”
‘New topic my ass,’ Kurt thought. ‘This is a variation on the same topic! Only, he doesn’t know it!’
“I’m feeling a little better, but I wouldn’t say I’m out of the woods quite yet.”
“That’s too bad. But maybe you are, who knows.”
‘So long as you are with him, I’ll never be out of the woods.’
April 10th, 2015
Blaine and Mark seem to be doing a little better the past few days. Blaine hasn’t been calling him as much, and Mark has taken the initiative a bit more. But that doesn’t make me feel any better. I’ve been puking more and more since they started back on track. I’ve only got another 2 weeks, before the bet is over and $100 will trade hands. I’m praying that I win, but at the same time, I don’t want to win. I don’t want Blaine to feel the heartbreak that I’ve had to watch him experience many times before. How he cries himself to sleep for weeks afterwards. I don’t want him to experience the heartbreak that I feel every day.
Because it breaks my heart. I tell myself every time one of his relationships ends, I’m going to give him a few weeks to get over it, and then I’m going to tell him how he feels, because I don’t want to be the rebound. But it’s always a rebound. Mark is a rebound to Hamilton, who was a rebound to Stacey. Blaine doesn’t know how to have a real relationship, because the only working adult relationship he’s ever seen, was Carole and Burt’s and that was only after 17 years of life. He operates in much the same way his mother does in his parents’ relationship: clingy, needy, overly lovey to the point where its stifling. She would get completely angry at Blaine’s father one minute, and the moment he came crawling back to apologize, she’d accept it and be back to the clingy stifling one that caused the argument in the first place. You would think he’d want to break that cycle, but he doesn’t, because he doesn’t see it that way.
Blaine sees it as he wants to give himself, his whole self to someone, and he just needs to find the right person. What he doesn’t realize is, the right person has been at his side, for the past 5 years. He just hasn’t seen it.
*~*~*
“So Mark and I are going out to the Student Union tonight. There’s a comedian performing that he really wants to go see. Though I really have no desire to see him.” Blaine sighs, as he sits at his desk, finishing up some last minute work before going out for the night, not wanting it hanging over his head all weekend.
“So why are you going?” Kurt remarked, as if it was the most obvious question in the world.
“Because he wants to?” Blaine answered, also as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Shaking his head, Kurt turned in his chair and looked at Blaine. “When was the last time you two did anything, that you wanted to do?” Blaine had to think about it for a while, because honestly, he couldn’t remember. They were usually doing things Mark wanted to do, because Blaine wanted to keep Mark around, and keeping Mark happy was the easiest way to do that.
“I don’t….know.” Blaine stated, with no emotion behind it.
“Shouldn’t that be a sign, that something is wrong? If all you ever do is something he wants, not that you want?” Blaine shrugged.
“If going to see a comedian will make him happy, then I’m all for it. Keeping him happy, keeps him around, Kurt.”
“But why do you want him around? Just for the bet, or because you really want him to stick around? If all you two ever do is stuff he wants…”
“Of course not! I’m not cruel. I really do like him, I want to stay with him. But I’m not an idiot. You were right. He and I were dangerously close to breaking up a week ago, and if I have to forfeit a few dates, where we do things I want to, to make sure he’s happy, then so be it.” Blaine defended.
“But the thing is, are you happy?” Kurt sighed, as he got up, grabbed his keys, and walked out of the room without Blaine saying another word.
*~*~*
“So Katy Perry is playing in a club downtown tomorrow night, what do you say we go and watch?” Blaine asked Mark, as they were waiting for the opening act to start at the Student Union. Mark looked a little uneasy.
“I don’t know, Blaine. Katy Perry really isn’t my thing.” Blaine gaped at him.
“Well this comedian tonight, really isn’t my thing, but I’m here aren’t I?” He challenged.
“If you don’t want to be here, you can go. But I’m not going to see Katy Perry tomorrow. She’s a worthless autotuned popstar, who can’t sing to save her life.”
“You don’t mean that.” Blaine said, getting angry at Mark for the first time. “Katy Perry is amazing. Much better than this act is going to be.” He says, as he gets up and storms out of his seat and out of the theater. Mark contemplates running after him, and staying for the performance.
He concludes that the performance is more important than his relationship.
He’ll call Blaine later. It’ll work out in the end.
*~*~*
“He didn’t come after me.” Blaine said, as he walked in the door, seeing Kurt and Mercedes sitting on Kurt’s bed, painting Mercedes’ nails. They both looked up at him, and Kurt asked
“What do you mean?” Knowing its much wiser to let Blaine explain, than to guess and assume wrong.
“I asked him, if he wanted to go see Katy Perry with me tomorrow, at the club downtown, you know the one.” Both of them nodded. “He said he didn’t want to go, because she was a worthless autotuned popstar who can’t sing. When I got angry and stormed out of the theater, he didn’t come after me.” Kurt got up from the bed, screwing the cap back on the nail polish and going over to hug Blaine.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered into Blaine’s ear. “If he’s not going to fight for you, he’s not good enough for you.”
“I know,” Blaine said out loud. “But still… of all the things to end a relationship over…. Katy Perry? Because he couldn’t drop his damned pride for one night, and come with me to see her?” Blaine started to see red. “I mean, who the hell does he think he is? He’s not God, he’s not a king. He’s just a man, who doesn’t know quality.”
“Blaine, maybe you should take a break from guys for a while. Focus on your education, maybe hang out with Kurt Rachel and I for a while. Jumping from relationship to relationship, can’t be healthy for you emotionally.” Mercedes tries to reason with him.
“I guess you’re right. I just wish that I didn’t have to deal with this crap.”
About 2 hours later, while Blaine, Mercedes and Kurt were busy watching some weird zombie movie that Blaine wanted to see, his phone began to ring. Blaine picked up, simply saying “Mark.”
Kurt and Mercedes looked at each other, and stayed silent, intent on listening as closely to the phone call as humanly possible. “What do you want?” Blaine asked, and after a pause said “And?” His face began to color, but it was the color of anger, not of embarrassment. “But you didn’t. You stayed to watch the fucking show, instead of coming after me to work it out!” He yelled into the phone, making Kurt and Mercedes share a look. “You’re damn right it was a mistake!”
“What do you think Mark said?” Mercedes whispered to Kurt, who just shrugged his shoulders.
“For starters. Next you can say you’ll come with me to see Katy Perry tomorrow night.” Another few seconds went by when Blaine started to speak again. “I’m going to the Katy Perry show tomorrow night, with or without you. You decide.” Blaine groaned in frustration. “Why not!” he yelled into the phone, but after a minute he stood up straight, and a blank expression covered his face. “What?”
“Now that’s interesting.” Kurt whispered to Mercedes, who nodded her agreement.
“So you don’t think she’s worthless?” Blaine began to smile again. A smile that meant the past two hours of Blaine bashing all of his anger and tension about relationships was soon to be for nothing. “I can’t believe you.” After another pause. “Really? You seriously can’t go?” He sighed. “Fine. I’m still going with Kurt, Cedes and Rachel. But I’m less mad at you than I was earlier.” Less mad, which means he’s still mad, but the reasoning for Mark’s actions must have been serious enough to warrant a little bit of absolution. “Meet me for lunch tomorrow?” He smiled. “It’s a date.” And there it is. Blaine is reverting back to the lovey dovey person he was 3 hours ago. This is not good.
April 18th, 2015
We’re getting closer to the end of the bet. One more day before they have to break up for me to win. I went out to the store and got a few pints of Ben & Jerry’s the other day just in case, because these two seriously have been having some problems. Blaine for some reason forgave him for not going after him, and then not going with us to Katy Perry. But whatever, the following day, they had another argument, about where to go for lunch. It was quite ridiculous to hear about. But it works out for me. The more Mark looks like a jackass, the more I will look better when I help Blaine through the post-breakup wallowing phase.
Because I need to look and feel good after all this crap. All the vomiting, that still happens every now and again. All the drama that happens when your best friend and roommate is dating someone who is completely not right for him. I need something happy to come out of all this. I really do.
*~*~*
Blaine walks into their dorm room, and collapses on his bed. He looked annoyed, but didn’t say anything, until Kurt prompted him to do so. “He’s slowly driving me crazy.”
“What did he do now? Tell you that P!nk is a sellout?” Kurt smirked, but Blaine just glared at him and shook his head.
“No, I asked him if he’d go see a movie with me tonight, and he told me, and I quote ‘I don’t have the energy to deal with you and your bubbliness tonight.’ and then hung up the phone on me.” Kurt raised his eyebrows at the word ‘bubbliness’ but refused to say a word on the subject. Instead choosing to point out that if he is being rude to Blaine now, it’s not worth it to keep him around. “I know.” Blaine sighed.
“If he’s not respecting you, than he doesn’t deserve you. You need to find someone who’ll respect you, who understands you, who can deal with your bubbliness and insanity. If he can’t, then fuck him.” Blaine smiled.
“Thanks Kurt. It’s really odd though… isn’t it?” Kurt gave him a questioning look. “I mean, this whole bet started off with you telling me that I’m the one with the problems in relationships…but this time…it’s him.”
“A little ironic maybe, but I think telling you about the pattern you were taking, probably subconsciously kicked in and helped you realize that you didn’t have to go through it again.” Blaine nodded.
April 19th, 2015
So I think I’m going to lose this bet. He’s got one more day before he wins, and I lose. But I’m ready and willing to lose than $100 because over the past two months, I’ve seen Blaine change. If seeing Blaine change his relationship patterns, and finally do something for himself, then I’m happy for him.
*~*~*Blaine came home one night and tossed a $100 bill at the foot of Kurt’s bed while Kurt was sitting on it with his laptop in his lap. Kurt looked up at him curiously, and Blaine just shrugged. “I broke up with him.” he said simply. Kurt placed his laptop off onto his desk and got up and pulled Blaine into a hug.
“I’m sorry.” Blaine shook his head.
“I’m not. I needed to do this. He wasn’t going to change, and I couldn’t make him. Besides I think you’re right. A California surfer and an aspiring Broadway performer aren’t the best compatible personality traits for the same person.” Kurt smiled, walked over towards the foot of his bed, picked up the money that was lying on the bottom of it and gave it back to Blaine.
“I can’t take this. I didn’t win.”
Blaine gave him a look, “What do you mean?”
“Think back to when we made the deal. Do you remember the exact wording we made?” Blaine shook his head. Kurt went over towards his desk, and pulled out a piece of paper, that said:
One hundred bucks that you and Mark are still together on the 20th for you to win. One hundred bucks that he breaks up with you on, or before April 19th.
“You broke up with him. He didn’t break up with you. The bet is null and void.” Kurt whispered, making Blaine smile. “Congratulations, you finally took control of one of your relationships, even by ending it. You did the right thing.”
“Thanks, Kurt.” Blaine smiled.
April 20th, 2015
So that’s it. Blaine’s and Marks relationship is finally over. I guess now I don’t have to worry about a pretend stomach bug anymore. Unless he starts dating another blond bimbo. Oh please tell me he isn’t going to start dating another blonde bimbo. The only person I want him dating is me.
So I think I’m going to do it. I’m going to tell him. When we go home for the summer, back in Lima. I’m going to tell him that I love him, in ways that’s more than just platonic. I’m going to tell him, that I want him, and have wanted him for 5 years. There’s nothing that is going to stop me.
Title: Equation 'Verse: Physically Ill.
Rating: R
Warnings (if any): ANGST
Word Count: 6300+
Summary: AU as of Original Songs: "I wasn't throwing up every day because I had a weird stomach bug that just wouldn't go away Blaine. You dating someone else, physically made me ill."
Author's note: This is a prequel to my story Out of the Equation. Based on the quote in the first chapter of the story.
This is written in 1st person/3rd person PoV. Any text after a page break, is 1st person, Kurt's perspective. Any text after a *~*~* break, will be 3rd person PoV. Hope you enjoy.
Blaine Anderson is my best friend. He has been my best friend since we were both seventeen years old. I met him the day that I went to spy on the Dalton Academy glee club one day when I was a junior in high school. I stopped him on the stairs and asked him about why all the students seemed to be running to get somewhere. Because no one is that anxious to get to class, even if they were one demerit away from campus arrest.
That’s when he told me that the Warblers were performing. He grabbed my hand and led me through a short-cut (which I later found out was quite possibly the longest direct path to the senior commons at Dalton). I think I fell for him right then and there. No guy had ever voluntarily held my hand before. It made me feel special. The first special moment he and I ever shared together.
So that is probably why I’m finding it so hard to watch him hold hands with his latest fling… or I hope it’s a fling. But hope has grown tiresome. Hoping that he’ll finally look at me is slowly killing me. I guess it is the innate nature of the pessimist, to expect the worst and never hope for the best. Because I can’t remember the last time one of his relationships ended the way I wished it would. I would love for it to end after he breaks it off, realizing he wants to be with me. But no, usually its him getting his heart broken. So I sit and wait. This one’s name is Mark. Mark Cleveland.
*~*~*
“He’s such a great guy don’t you think?” Blaine asked, to Kurt who as usual had trouble coming up with something decent to say about the blond bimbo Blaine was currently dating.
“All that matters is that you like him.” Kurt told him diplomatically, trying to at least be civil.
“I mean he’s a surfer from California, who also wants to pursue a career on Broadway!” Blaine gushed.
‘Yes,’ Kurt thought ‘A lackadaisical beach bum wearing the fashion disaster t-shirts from Ron Jon’s surf shop constantly, would have absolutely no motivation and drive to become something on Broadway.’ Kurt wanted to say it all out loud, but he settled for simply saying “I don’t exactly think that’s the best combination, but if he can do it, all the power to him.”
Kurt was sitting in his college dorm room at NYU, trying to finish a paper while Blaine spewed on and on about Mark Cleveland.
“I think he could really be the one, Kurt. He could be it for me.” Blaine sighed happily, when Kurt threw his pen across his desk.
“Blaine, you’ve known him for 2 weeks. How can he be it? Why don’t you get to know him before you start picking out China patterns?”
“What’s your problem, man?” Blaine asked, coming down off of his romantic high.
“My problem is that this paper is worth 20% of my final grade, it is due in two days and I sort of didn’t want to leave it to the last minute. So could you shut up about the guy who’ll be gone by May, so I can finish editing this thing?” Kurt all but screamed.
“Gone by May? What makes you think that?” Blaine asked, incredulously.
“You follow a pattern, Blaine.” Kurt drawled. “You meet a guy and fall head over heels for him.” ‘except for me…’ Kurt thought. “Then you spend approximately the next month and a half obsessing over him to the point where it becomes creepy and he gets uncomfortable. You promise to back off, but find it hard to do and within 2 weeks, I come back here to find you sobbing into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, watching some sappy romance movie bemoaning the fact that you were too forward and it came back to bite you in the ass.”
“That’s not true.” Blaine said, matter of factly.
“It’s March 10thth. My guess is that by April 19, he’ll be out of your life, though since you seem really interested, I should probably stock up on Ben & Jerry’s by the 14.”
“So you have absolutely no faith in my relationships?” Blaine was truly baffled at how Kurt was behaving.
Kurt just shrugged. “I want you to be happy Blaine, but I don’t think even you know what will make you happy at this point.”
“Okay then. Let’s make this interesting. A hundred bucks says that Mark and I will still be together on April 20.”
Kurt just sighs. “You sure about this? Remember how long all your other relationships lasted. Jamie? A month. Kevin? 5 weeks. Jeremiah? 2 coffee dates! I’d include Stacey, Hamilton, and Byron but that’d just be rubbing salt in the wound, wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t need a recap…” Blaine drawled. Kurt sighed.
“One hundred bucks that you and Mark are still together on the 20th for you to win. One hundred bucks that he breaks up with you on, or before April 19th for me to win.” Kurt reiterated, just making sure that the particulars of the bet were clear.
“Do we have a deal?” Blaine asked, holding his hand out.
Sighing, Kurt asked “If I say yes, will you let me finish this paper in peace?” Blaine nods. “Fine, we have a deal.”
They shake on it.
This cannot end well.
March 14, 2015
Blaine seems to be on course for destroying his latest relationship. I snuck a quick look at his phone yesterday and saw that he called Mark 15 times, and texted him 75 times. Twelve of those calls only lasted 30-50 seconds, so either Mark didn’t answer or couldn’t talk. Only 25 texts were sent to Blaine from Mark. So Blaine was clearly over stepping in this relationship.
I don’t know why he doesn’t see that the perfect person for him is right here. I know him better than anyone. I can deal with his crazy behavior, but he comes on so strong for everyone else. He needs to realize that I’m the only one that can handle his particular brand of crazy, and would gladly do so. I’ve always been there when he needed him, why won’t he let me be there for him now?
I was there for him when his father kicked him out of the house 3 weeks before graduation. My father offered to let him move in with us, which he did and still does on breaks. He is a part of my family but in no way do I look at him like a brother. Its funny really, every guy I really like, I end up either having to share a room with, or being forced to call family. Insane, right?
*~*~*
“So Mark and I have a date tonight!” Blaine said enthusiastically. Kurt just smiled.
“Good for you.” He waved him off, as he began looking through his closet once more. “I’m going out with Rachel and Mercedes tonight, to that new club in Soho.” Kurt really didn’t need to learn about the intimate details of Blaine’s relationship with Mark. He just needed to know when it ended.
“I hope you have fun.” Blaine said, as he walked into the bathroom, to take a shower.
Fifteen minutes later, Kurt was dressed and Blaine was still in the shower. Kurt grabbed his wallet, his keys and anything else he might need while he was out and then knocked on the bathroom door. “I’m out, see you later.” He walked towards the staircase, down the two flights to the girls dormitory and picked them up for their night out.
*~*~*
Kurt, Rachel, and Mercedes were sitting at a table inside the club, sipping their drinks. Kurt was, once again complaining about Blaine’s obliviousness.
“Honey, if you want him that much, you need to tell him.” Rachel pushed him. “Use some of that courage, natural or liquid, and just tell him!”
“Seriously, Kurt. The two of you have been dancing this weird tango for 5 years now, don’t you think its time you finally just told him?” Mercedes gave him that look. He knew that look. It was the look reserved for when he was being stupid, and immature.
“I told him how I felt!” Both girls immediately slapped their foreheads.
“Four years ago, in the middle of a coffee shop, after he had just been dumped. He’s probably forgotten all about it, or at least think you’ve moved on. You need to stop whining to us about it, and do something about it, Kurt.” Cedes told him straight out.
“And what if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if I tell him, and it ruins everything.” Kurt asks, starting to reveal a little of his insecurities.
“He’s your best -guy- friend, Kurt.” Mercedes always chose to make that distinction, because in her mind, she was his best friend. Kurt never had the heart to tell her that it wasn’t always true. “When he’s not living with you in the dorm room, he’s living with you at your house in Lima. So what do you honestly think is going to happen?”
“I don’t know. I just wish he’d stop dicking around and finally come to his senses. Why is it that he’ll date anything that has a dick and a pulse, but won’t date me?”
*~*~*
Kurt walked into his dorm room later that night (or early the next morning) and was not expecting to see the sight before him.
Blaine naked. Though that wasn’t really much of a problem, since they roomed together, it was likely that they’d seen each other naked before. But he wasn’t the only one naked. Mark was in the room, naked as well. And that tan-lined ass, bobbing up and down as it slammed into Blaine was not a sight Kurt ever needed to see. The two seemed to not realize Kurt had entered the room. Nor had they seen when he left the room, running for the stairwell.
As he made his way down the two flights of stairs it took to get to Rachel and Mercedes’ dorm room, he banged on the door as hard as he could, even though he knew it wasn’t necessary. He was shaking. The sight that was not permanently embedded in his brain, was making him dry heave. Rachel opened the door and saw the sight that Kurt was. “Oh my god, Kurt are you all right?” He shook his head and quickly stepped into the room and sat on the edge of Rachel’s bed which was closest to the door. Mercedes had gotten off of her desk chair where she had been sitting and walked over to him.
“What’s wrong, Kurt?” he gulped.
“I just saw the most horrific sight I’ve ever seen.”
“What is it?” one of the girls asked, Kurt wasn’t even sure which one.
“They were in our room... and… they were fucking.” Kurt gulped, trying to keep whatever alcohol he had drank earlier in the night down. Because alcohol + traumatic experience did not make for a vomit-less night. “Blaine and I had an agreement when we first got here freshman year. If either of us ever were going to get laid, we would post a ‘studying, do not disturb’ sign on the cork board. But there was nothing. I walked right into it, and now the sight of Mark’s tan-lined ass slamming into Blaine’s will never be leaving my memory.” Kurt felt something coming up, and immediately reached for the garbage can so he could puke into it.
“Oh baby,” Rachel cooed as she rubbed his back. “It’s all right. Everything is going to be okay.”
March 20th, 2015
So I’ve been sick lately. I don’t know why. Ever since the night the girls and I went out to Soho for the night, and I ended up coming home and seeing… that. It’s like the alcohol hasn’t left my system, and I’ve been perpetually hung-over. I haven’t gone a single day without puking. It sucks. Blaine and the girls have been there for me, trying to help me through whatever stomach bug I must have, but nothing is working. I’m trying to let it run its course but if it doesn’t go away soon, I might just have to go to the doctor for it, because I can’t keep missing classes because I’m hunched over a toilet.
Blaine’s been great though. The other night I woke up at 3 in the morning, after a nightmare where I saw him and Mark… I woke up and instantly had to puke. Whether it was the stomach bug or the memory of that I don’t know, but when he heard me retching into the toilet, Blaine got up, and walked into the bathroom, and started rubbing my back, making me feel instantly better. I wish he would stop going all hot and cold on me. He acts all pretentious and rude when I honestly call him out on his relationship failures, but then can switch gears so quickly and come to my aid when I need him to. He’s been listening to too much Katy Perry recently. I really should do something about that.
*~*~*
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Blaine’s phone went off, around 9 on Friday morning. He had an 11am class that day, while Kurt had the day off. Kurt hated being momentarily woken up on Friday mornings, because it took him a while to fall back to sleep so he was annoyed when he realized that it wasn’t Blaine’s alarm going off, but an actual call. “Ugh…” Kurt groaned, as he heard the all too familiar words of Katy Perry’s Firework ring out throughout the room. Blaine rolled over on his bed, and grabbed his iphone so he could answer the call. It was Mark.
“Hey Baby, how are you?” Blaine said sleepily, not wanting to get out of bed. Kurt could only hear Blaine’s side of the conversation, not that he wanted to hear it at all, but he was being forced to, so he decided to do what any good roommate would do, and eavesdrop. “I was…” Blaine sighed as he rolled over towards the wall facing away from Kurt, so as to not talk in Kurt’s direction. “That’d be great, I can’t wait to see you.” Blaine yawned. “I know, but since then there’s been 10 hours without you.” Kurt quietly gagged, but this time, it has no relation to the stomach bug that was currently plaguing him. “Hmm, make it an hour and you’ve got a deal.” So apparently they made plans, and Blaine was going to be leaving an hour earlier than he usually did on a Friday. Mark had to have offered something good to make Blaine leave his bed earlier than necessary. “Bye baby.”
Blaine hung up the phone and placed it on his desk, which was right next to his bed and took a deep breath, before pulling himself out of bed, and grabbing his showering supplies so he could hop into the shower before he had to get ready to go. Kurt rolled over and tried to go to sleep, but couldn’t. All he could think about was Mark and Blaine. Blaine and Mark. How Mark was able to fuck Blaine, and Kurt never could. That Blaine never would even want him to. It makes him really depressed to know this and suddenly, without warning the stomach bug rears its ugly head. He jumps out of bed, and rushes into the bathroom, while Blaine was just turning the water off in the shower, and pulling his towel off the hook.
Blaine hears the telltale sounds of vomit as Kurt begins to empty the bile that was in his stomach into the bowl of the toilet. Sighing, he wrapped the towel around his waist, and grabbed one of the disposable cups they had on the counter, and filled it up with water, so Kurt could rinse his mouth out, then began to rub his back like he does every time Kurt has puked in the past week.
“Thanks…” Kurt muttered, as he took the cup of water and rinsed his mouth, spit it into the toilet, and flushed the toilet. “I’m so sick, of being sick.”
“Any idea what’s causing it?” Blaine asked, knowing the answer, but wondering if Kurt had any new theories.
“Just that it’s a stomach bug, there really can’t be anything else that’s doing it, can it?” Blaine shrugged.
“I wouldn’t know, I’m not a doctor. Why don’t you go back to sleep, get some rest. I’m gonna go out and then go to class. You’ll have peace and quiet in the room for the next 3 1/2 hours. Don’t waste it.” Blaine joked, and Kurt smiled.
“I think I will. Lord knows I won’t be getting any work done in this condition.” Kurt groaned as he got up, and started brushing his teeth to get the rest of the disgusting taste in his mouth out. About 20 minutes later, Kurt was lying back in bed, with his eyes closed, but not sleeping. He heard Blaine jiggling his keys, as he got ready to leave. Kurt opened his eyes as he watched his friend leave.
“I’m out. Call me before or after class, or text me during if you need anything.”
“Will do, thanks Blaine.”
March 25, 2011
It’s a Wednesday, my busiest day of the week, and this stomach bug is still hitting me full force. I’m trying to go to my classes today, I really am. But after my 2nd class, which has both Blaine and Mark in it oddly enough, had me puking my guts out into the closest bathroom in the vicinity, I don’t think I can continue. I have 3 more classes to attend today, but I can’t do it. My stomach is churning just thinking about attending class. So I take out my phone and send emails to the teachers whose classes I’m going to be missing, that I’m sick an sorry that I would be missing class. I’ve learned that if you at least give them a reason, prior to being absent, you still maintain your place within their good graces. If you just leave it, you’re screwed.
But as Blaine is walking me back to our dorm, (he is done until the afternoon) we start talking about why I’m so sick, and if I should see a doctor or not. I guess I neglected to tell him I had already seen one earlier in the week, and that they gave me some medicine that might help the symptoms, but they told me to just wait it out, and if it was still there when April rolled around, to then come back.
*~*~*
“I don’t know why, or how I got so sick, Blaine. All I know is that I did.” Kurt whined, as Blaine opened up the door to their room.
“I’m just saying, maybe you should go to a different doctor, because the one at the campus clinic, seems to not know what they are talking about.” Blaine replied, honestly concerned about his friend’s welfare.
“Blaine, not 5 days ago, you said and I quote ‘I wouldn’t know, I’m not a doctor.’ So why are you trying to be one now?” Kurt asked, with the patented Kurt Hummel sarcasm ever present.
“I just want you to feel better. Waking up every morning at 3am, can’t be healthy.”
“I’ll be fine, Blaine. I’m just gonna lie down.” Kurt walked over towards his bed and crawled into it.
“You do that. I’m gonna go see if Mark wants to grab lunch. I’ll give you some space.” Blaine said, trying to be altruistic. But that one statement, along with the churning feeling in his stomach, told him what deep down in side, he already knew: It wasn’t a stomach bug at all that was causing him to vomit every day, multiple times. It was a broken heart.
Watching Blaine date that bimbo was making Kurt physically ill. Watching the two of them together, listening to them talk about one another. The memory of what happened the night all the throwing up started. Kurt couldn’t handle it. Kurt was almost glad, that Blaine had a pattern with guys, because pretty soon, Mark would realize that Blaine was pushing too much, and ask him to back off, and Kurt might get a reprieve.
But until then… Kurt was going to have to work on this whole broken heart thing, because he couldn’t let Blaine’s relationships get in the way of his health, or his education.
April 3rd, 2015
It’s a Friday night, and I’m actually feeling a little better. Blaine’s pattern of hopeless romanticism has struck again. Blaine came home last night, after having dinner with Mark, which caused me to puke up my own dinner, and curled up in his bed and went straight to sleep. I found it a little odd, but he looked sort of all right, so I let it go. Maybe he just wanted to sleep. It wasn’t until about 3 hours later, when he mumbled “You were right…” to me out of no where, that I realized what happened.
He had been trying to not be forward, trying to let Mark take the lead on the relationship after learning about his pattern with guys. However Blaine is completely incapable of giving up control like that. So it just came off as creepy and stalkery, and not at all what a guy, besides me anyway, would want. I would love for Blaine to creepily stalk me. Because then, I’d at least know my feelings were reciprocated.
*~*~*
“What happened?” Kurt asked, wanting to help his friend, anyway he could, especially after Blaine was being so nice to him through the fake stomach flu.
“He told me that I was being too clingy tonight.” Blaine sobbed, his head pushed halfway into his pillow.
“You still have a chance to fix this, Blaine.” Kurt told him, even though it took every fiber of his being to do so. “Apologize for being too clingy, tell him that you care about him, but if he needs some space, you’ll give it to him. Obviously he likes you enough, because he didn’t dump you outright tonight. You can fix it.”
“Should I though?” Blaine wondered aloud. “If I have such a pattern, as you seem to think I do, why should I try to fix it, if he’s just going to break up with me in 2 weeks anyway? Why would you want me to fix it anyway? You’d be out $100.” Blaine asked, looking at Kurt curiously.
“Blaine, I love you. I want you to be happy. If I have to lose $100 to make you see the error in your ways so that you can achieve that happiness, it’ll be a small price to pay.” Kurt sighed. ‘It’ll be much bigger, and you know it.’ He told himself. ‘If he found happiness with someone else, you would be a disaster, don’t even try to deny it.’
“Thanks, Kurt. You always know what to say.” Blaine took a deep breath and then decided to change the topic of conversation. “How are you feeling? Stomach any better?”
‘New topic my ass,’ Kurt thought. ‘This is a variation on the same topic! Only, he doesn’t know it!’
“I’m feeling a little better, but I wouldn’t say I’m out of the woods quite yet.”
“That’s too bad. But maybe you are, who knows.”
‘So long as you are with him, I’ll never be out of the woods.’
April 10th, 2015
Blaine and Mark seem to be doing a little better the past few days. Blaine hasn’t been calling him as much, and Mark has taken the initiative a bit more. But that doesn’t make me feel any better. I’ve been puking more and more since they started back on track. I’ve only got another 2 weeks, before the bet is over and $100 will trade hands. I’m praying that I win, but at the same time, I don’t want to win. I don’t want Blaine to feel the heartbreak that I’ve had to watch him experience many times before. How he cries himself to sleep for weeks afterwards. I don’t want him to experience the heartbreak that I feel every day.
Because it breaks my heart. I tell myself every time one of his relationships ends, I’m going to give him a few weeks to get over it, and then I’m going to tell him how he feels, because I don’t want to be the rebound. But it’s always a rebound. Mark is a rebound to Hamilton, who was a rebound to Stacey. Blaine doesn’t know how to have a real relationship, because the only working adult relationship he’s ever seen, was Carole and Burt’s and that was only after 17 years of life. He operates in much the same way his mother does in his parents’ relationship: clingy, needy, overly lovey to the point where its stifling. She would get completely angry at Blaine’s father one minute, and the moment he came crawling back to apologize, she’d accept it and be back to the clingy stifling one that caused the argument in the first place. You would think he’d want to break that cycle, but he doesn’t, because he doesn’t see it that way.
Blaine sees it as he wants to give himself, his whole self to someone, and he just needs to find the right person. What he doesn’t realize is, the right person has been at his side, for the past 5 years. He just hasn’t seen it.
*~*~*
“So Mark and I are going out to the Student Union tonight. There’s a comedian performing that he really wants to go see. Though I really have no desire to see him.” Blaine sighs, as he sits at his desk, finishing up some last minute work before going out for the night, not wanting it hanging over his head all weekend.
“So why are you going?” Kurt remarked, as if it was the most obvious question in the world.
“Because he wants to?” Blaine answered, also as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Shaking his head, Kurt turned in his chair and looked at Blaine. “When was the last time you two did anything, that you wanted to do?” Blaine had to think about it for a while, because honestly, he couldn’t remember. They were usually doing things Mark wanted to do, because Blaine wanted to keep Mark around, and keeping Mark happy was the easiest way to do that.
“I don’t….know.” Blaine stated, with no emotion behind it.
“Shouldn’t that be a sign, that something is wrong? If all you ever do is something he wants, not that you want?” Blaine shrugged.
“If going to see a comedian will make him happy, then I’m all for it. Keeping him happy, keeps him around, Kurt.”
“But why do you want him around? Just for the bet, or because you really want him to stick around? If all you two ever do is stuff he wants…”
“Of course not! I’m not cruel. I really do like him, I want to stay with him. But I’m not an idiot. You were right. He and I were dangerously close to breaking up a week ago, and if I have to forfeit a few dates, where we do things I want to, to make sure he’s happy, then so be it.” Blaine defended.
“But the thing is, are you happy?” Kurt sighed, as he got up, grabbed his keys, and walked out of the room without Blaine saying another word.
*~*~*
“So Katy Perry is playing in a club downtown tomorrow night, what do you say we go and watch?” Blaine asked Mark, as they were waiting for the opening act to start at the Student Union. Mark looked a little uneasy.
“I don’t know, Blaine. Katy Perry really isn’t my thing.” Blaine gaped at him.
“Well this comedian tonight, really isn’t my thing, but I’m here aren’t I?” He challenged.
“If you don’t want to be here, you can go. But I’m not going to see Katy Perry tomorrow. She’s a worthless autotuned popstar, who can’t sing to save her life.”
“You don’t mean that.” Blaine said, getting angry at Mark for the first time. “Katy Perry is amazing. Much better than this act is going to be.” He says, as he gets up and storms out of his seat and out of the theater. Mark contemplates running after him, and staying for the performance.
He concludes that the performance is more important than his relationship.
He’ll call Blaine later. It’ll work out in the end.
*~*~*
“He didn’t come after me.” Blaine said, as he walked in the door, seeing Kurt and Mercedes sitting on Kurt’s bed, painting Mercedes’ nails. They both looked up at him, and Kurt asked
“What do you mean?” Knowing its much wiser to let Blaine explain, than to guess and assume wrong.
“I asked him, if he wanted to go see Katy Perry with me tomorrow, at the club downtown, you know the one.” Both of them nodded. “He said he didn’t want to go, because she was a worthless autotuned popstar who can’t sing. When I got angry and stormed out of the theater, he didn’t come after me.” Kurt got up from the bed, screwing the cap back on the nail polish and going over to hug Blaine.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered into Blaine’s ear. “If he’s not going to fight for you, he’s not good enough for you.”
“I know,” Blaine said out loud. “But still… of all the things to end a relationship over…. Katy Perry? Because he couldn’t drop his damned pride for one night, and come with me to see her?” Blaine started to see red. “I mean, who the hell does he think he is? He’s not God, he’s not a king. He’s just a man, who doesn’t know quality.”
“Blaine, maybe you should take a break from guys for a while. Focus on your education, maybe hang out with Kurt Rachel and I for a while. Jumping from relationship to relationship, can’t be healthy for you emotionally.” Mercedes tries to reason with him.
“I guess you’re right. I just wish that I didn’t have to deal with this crap.”
About 2 hours later, while Blaine, Mercedes and Kurt were busy watching some weird zombie movie that Blaine wanted to see, his phone began to ring. Blaine picked up, simply saying “Mark.”
Kurt and Mercedes looked at each other, and stayed silent, intent on listening as closely to the phone call as humanly possible. “What do you want?” Blaine asked, and after a pause said “And?” His face began to color, but it was the color of anger, not of embarrassment. “But you didn’t. You stayed to watch the fucking show, instead of coming after me to work it out!” He yelled into the phone, making Kurt and Mercedes share a look. “You’re damn right it was a mistake!”
“What do you think Mark said?” Mercedes whispered to Kurt, who just shrugged his shoulders.
“For starters. Next you can say you’ll come with me to see Katy Perry tomorrow night.” Another few seconds went by when Blaine started to speak again. “I’m going to the Katy Perry show tomorrow night, with or without you. You decide.” Blaine groaned in frustration. “Why not!” he yelled into the phone, but after a minute he stood up straight, and a blank expression covered his face. “What?”
“Now that’s interesting.” Kurt whispered to Mercedes, who nodded her agreement.
“So you don’t think she’s worthless?” Blaine began to smile again. A smile that meant the past two hours of Blaine bashing all of his anger and tension about relationships was soon to be for nothing. “I can’t believe you.” After another pause. “Really? You seriously can’t go?” He sighed. “Fine. I’m still going with Kurt, Cedes and Rachel. But I’m less mad at you than I was earlier.” Less mad, which means he’s still mad, but the reasoning for Mark’s actions must have been serious enough to warrant a little bit of absolution. “Meet me for lunch tomorrow?” He smiled. “It’s a date.” And there it is. Blaine is reverting back to the lovey dovey person he was 3 hours ago. This is not good.
April 18th, 2015
We’re getting closer to the end of the bet. One more day before they have to break up for me to win. I went out to the store and got a few pints of Ben & Jerry’s the other day just in case, because these two seriously have been having some problems. Blaine for some reason forgave him for not going after him, and then not going with us to Katy Perry. But whatever, the following day, they had another argument, about where to go for lunch. It was quite ridiculous to hear about. But it works out for me. The more Mark looks like a jackass, the more I will look better when I help Blaine through the post-breakup wallowing phase.
Because I need to look and feel good after all this crap. All the vomiting, that still happens every now and again. All the drama that happens when your best friend and roommate is dating someone who is completely not right for him. I need something happy to come out of all this. I really do.
*~*~*
Blaine walks into their dorm room, and collapses on his bed. He looked annoyed, but didn’t say anything, until Kurt prompted him to do so. “He’s slowly driving me crazy.”
“What did he do now? Tell you that P!nk is a sellout?” Kurt smirked, but Blaine just glared at him and shook his head.
“No, I asked him if he’d go see a movie with me tonight, and he told me, and I quote ‘I don’t have the energy to deal with you and your bubbliness tonight.’ and then hung up the phone on me.” Kurt raised his eyebrows at the word ‘bubbliness’ but refused to say a word on the subject. Instead choosing to point out that if he is being rude to Blaine now, it’s not worth it to keep him around. “I know.” Blaine sighed.
“If he’s not respecting you, than he doesn’t deserve you. You need to find someone who’ll respect you, who understands you, who can deal with your bubbliness and insanity. If he can’t, then fuck him.” Blaine smiled.
“Thanks Kurt. It’s really odd though… isn’t it?” Kurt gave him a questioning look. “I mean, this whole bet started off with you telling me that I’m the one with the problems in relationships…but this time…it’s him.”
“A little ironic maybe, but I think telling you about the pattern you were taking, probably subconsciously kicked in and helped you realize that you didn’t have to go through it again.” Blaine nodded.
April 19th, 2015
So I think I’m going to lose this bet. He’s got one more day before he wins, and I lose. But I’m ready and willing to lose than $100 because over the past two months, I’ve seen Blaine change. If seeing Blaine change his relationship patterns, and finally do something for himself, then I’m happy for him.
*~*~*Blaine came home one night and tossed a $100 bill at the foot of Kurt’s bed while Kurt was sitting on it with his laptop in his lap. Kurt looked up at him curiously, and Blaine just shrugged. “I broke up with him.” he said simply. Kurt placed his laptop off onto his desk and got up and pulled Blaine into a hug.
“I’m sorry.” Blaine shook his head.
“I’m not. I needed to do this. He wasn’t going to change, and I couldn’t make him. Besides I think you’re right. A California surfer and an aspiring Broadway performer aren’t the best compatible personality traits for the same person.” Kurt smiled, walked over towards the foot of his bed, picked up the money that was lying on the bottom of it and gave it back to Blaine.
“I can’t take this. I didn’t win.”
Blaine gave him a look, “What do you mean?”
“Think back to when we made the deal. Do you remember the exact wording we made?” Blaine shook his head. Kurt went over towards his desk, and pulled out a piece of paper, that said:
One hundred bucks that you and Mark are still together on the 20th for you to win. One hundred bucks that he breaks up with you on, or before April 19th.
“You broke up with him. He didn’t break up with you. The bet is null and void.” Kurt whispered, making Blaine smile. “Congratulations, you finally took control of one of your relationships, even by ending it. You did the right thing.”
“Thanks, Kurt.” Blaine smiled.
April 20th, 2015
So that’s it. Blaine’s and Marks relationship is finally over. I guess now I don’t have to worry about a pretend stomach bug anymore. Unless he starts dating another blond bimbo. Oh please tell me he isn’t going to start dating another blonde bimbo. The only person I want him dating is me.
So I think I’m going to do it. I’m going to tell him. When we go home for the summer, back in Lima. I’m going to tell him that I love him, in ways that’s more than just platonic. I’m going to tell him, that I want him, and have wanted him for 5 years. There’s nothing that is going to stop me.