With You I Am Free (a Kurt Hummel Big Bang Fic) pt5

[kurtswish]

Kurt glanced over Blaine’s shoulder to see Burt standing there his arms crossed across his chest and an unfamiliar look on his face.  Blaine’s hands dropped from his wings and he turned around to face Mr. Hummel. “Thank you sir, but I am not going to Westerville. I am going to my parents’ house for the weekend, they live here in Lima.”



Kurt was pleasantly surprised at this revelation, but kept quiet as he watched his father stand there, the picture of unease. “It’s still getting late, ; I’ll meet you in the car.”

Unsure what his father was thinking, Kurt turned to Blaine, ”So…” he let the word hang in the air.

“So, do you think I can come over tomorrow and spend the day with my boyfriend?” Blaine asked mischief sparkling in his eyes.

Kurt couldn’t contain his smile or a small squeal of excitement as he replied, “I think he would love that.”

After Kurt showed Blaine back to the garage and his father’s waiting car, he flounced around the kitchen in the wildest most exuberant happy dance he could have come up with. A week of tormenting himself with increasingly horrible scenarios, Kurt could never have imagined this. They may not have gotten to kiss, and there was something going on with his dad, but he couldn’t have dreamed of a better result. He felt light without the weight of a secret on him, the wings didn’t matter to Blaine, Blaine liked him back, and Kurt had a boyfriend. For the first time in two years Kurt smiled with a hope for the future.

Kurt was making himself a cup of warm milk, knowing he needed something to make him relax if he wished to sleep that night he was so full of happiness and excitement. Carole had strolled in a few minutes after his father left with Blaine, Kurt was sure that he had called her to let her know the coast was clear. Kurt was half expecting to be interrogated the moment she walked through the door; half of him wanted to be, but the other half wanted to bask in the memories just a bit longer before he shared them, she surprised him though and just offered a smile and a kiss on the cheek before announcing she was heading to bed. He was alone in the kitchen slowly stirring the pan of milk when his phone chirped with  a new text, quickly followed by the sound of the garage door lifting.


the message read.

He answered quickly,

Kurt couldn’t contain his smile as he added a dash of vanilla and cinnamon to his milk thinking about Blaine once again. He had almost forgotten that his father was home when he cleared his throat and asked, “Is there enough there for two? I think we need to talk.”

Kurt looked over to his dad, seeing that same look that he had worn before leaving to take Blaine home. Kurt still couldn’t place it and he began to feel the prickles of dread creep into his previously elated mood. “I can make more.” he answered before busying himself adding more milk to the pan.

His hands shook as he stirred and added more vanilla and cinnamon to the mix. Silently he cursed the way his unadulterated joy was slipping away, but also himself for letting himself get lost in the feeling. He should have known it wouldn’t last; it never did. He wanted to put off the inevitable conversation with his dad, his gut telling him that it wouldn’t end well. Unfortunately, once the milk was ready, Kurt knew he couldn’t delay it any longer. He poured the warm milk into two mugs and sat across from his father at the kitchen table where he had sat watching him in his task. Kurt couldn’t however make himself look at Burt;, instead he concentrated on the mug in front of him warming his now cold hands.

Burt was silent for a minute more, and still Kurt could not look at him. Even as he cleared his throat to speak, Kurt kept his gaze locked on his mug. "Kurt, I'm worried... About about this Blaine guy." His father began and Kurt couldn't help but shoot his head up to look at his dad.

"What? Why?" Kurt asked his contempt clear in his voice.

He could see his dad fidget under his stare but held it firm. His sigh sounded bone weary before he answered. "I come downstairs to find him holding your wings, aren't you worried that..." He trailed off obviously at a loss for words.

Kurt didn't have the same problem, anger fueled his words; wasn't his father the one who kept telling him he should be honest with Blaine that maybe he was worth it. "That he is only interested in the angel? No, I'm not, for once I’m not worried about what someone could be thinking of me, of the wings. You sat there and told me that I should take a chance and I did. I trusted him, and for once in my life it turned out better than I could hope for. Blaine likes me, he liked me before he knew and he still likes me. Do you know how that makes me feel? Can you even imagine what this is like for me? Not only does the boy I like like me back, but he doesn't think I’m a freak!"

"But he was touching them," Burt tried again.

"I know!" Kurt yelled, "and he is the only one who has that wasn't examining me or that it was an accident. I still don't like them, but for once, someone made me feel like they weren't some gross growth but a beautiful part of me. I'm sorry he isn't as disgusted of them as you..."

"Now that isn't fair." Burt yelled back interrupting him before lowering his voice. "We've been over this; I didn't want to hurt you. I was afraid to touch you because I didn't want to hurt you, not because I was disgusted. I've always tried to do right by you, but bud you have to cut me some slack here. Sometimes I am going to mess up, but I am always going to try and look out for you. I just... I didn't want you to get your hopes up because some boy I don't know sweeps in here and tries to take advantage of you because you are lonely."

Kurt stood up leaving his milk untouched behind. "I trust Blaine, and you said you trusted me, so please just let me do this." He started to leave but turned around when he reached the door of the kitchen, "and maybe you could make an effort to get to know Blaine. He's my boyfriend now, so he will be around here more. Maybe then you will see that I don't just like him because he was there, which deny it all you want, you implied."

Safely closed in his room he willed the light feeling to come back. He knew his dad only wanted what was best for him, but he also wished he could know what his words had done to him. It was hard enough to believe that Blaine could like him without Burt planting seeds of doubt in his mind. He refused to let those feelings take root though and without another moment's hesitation he called Blaine. Their conversation buoyed him up, and with a smile on his face, he fell asleep that night excited to see Blaine in the morning.

Kurt walked aimlessly through the trees surrounding his house listening for the sound of tires on gravel over the rustle of the leaves. Normally he saved his walks for when he was home alone. While his father knew about his growing confidence at being outside, Kurt didn't want him to see the few times he had rushed back into the house in a panic at a sudden noise in the brush or the baseless feel of unseen eyes watching him. When his family was home, he chose instead to spend time with them, or in his room when he needed his own space. However, that morning following their fight Burt had seemed to hover more, ready to speak anytime he found himself alone with Kurt. Kurt was tired of scurrying away with little excuse just to avoid what he was sure would be another confrontation. So, after gaining assurances from Carole that they would buzz Blaine through the gate as soon as he arrived, Kurt made his way out into the garden sure his dad wouldn't follow.

As Kurt was meandering through the growth of trees behind his house, shuffling footsteps in the grass, not the sound of tires met his ears. He turned sure that his father was there to force another talk. Instead his eyes fell on Blaine, his cheeks rosy in the slight chill and his hands full with two still steaming takeout cups of coffee.

"Nonfat mocha?" He asked as he neared holding one cup out towards Kurt, a shy smile turning his lips.

"But how?" Kurt asked, his heart in his throat. For so long he had made due with only drip coffee from their own machine, flavored with special creams when he could. His friends and Finn had tried to treat him a few times with cups from the  Lima Bean only for them to be barely drinkable by the time they made it out to his house.

Blaine just shrugged one shoulder as he took a sip from his own cup. "You used to talk about getting coffee every morning before school and how much you loved mochas. I just had the girl put them in a thermos to keep them hot. That's okay, right?"

Kurt couldn't help but smile at  Blaine's sudden bashfulness. "No," he said, "it's perfect. Thank you. You know no one had ever thought of that before. Either you are a genius or my friends are not as smart as they think."

Blaine joined Kurt as he began walking again around the property. They sipped their coffee exchanging smiles and words as they wove through the trees and across the open areas separating the small groves. Kurt startled when Blaine's cup warmed hand slipped into his own chilled one; but before Blaine could think of pulling away after his reaction, Kurt squeezed his hand and offered him a contented smile.

They stopped after some time and sat under the wide branches of an old oak tree as Blaine continued to tell Kurt all about the competition the weekend before. "We lost, but it was great getting to perform in front of all those people... I wish you could have been there."

Kurt turned to Blaine, he didn't look sad or hurt, but a wistful look filled his eyes. "I would have loved to have been there," Kurt told him honestly. "I really wish I could have been there."

Kurt almost startled again as Blaine's hand reached up and gently cupped his cheek, his eyes never wavering from Kurt's own. "I know Kurt, and I understand. It was too much for me to ask; you have come so far just being out here. I'm so proud of you."

Kurt's voice was thick when he responded, "Thank you. You don't know how much I wanted to just tell you I would be there. I would have tried because I knew it would make you happy. But... it's not just a matter of being brave, ; even if I wanted to leave this place, I don't think there will be a place for me out there."

"Kurt," Blaine sighed, his eyes sad and his thumb tenderly caressing the apple of Kurt's cheek which warmed at the contact. "You are beautiful and you shouldn't have to hide."

Almost without thought, Kurt's hand sprang to the back of Blaine's neck and tangled gently in the short hairs there. One small pull was all it took to bring their lips together. The softness pillowed against his own, their warmth despite the chill in the air surprised and intrigued Kurt. His own lips tingled as his eyes slipped closed relishing in the sensation. He pulled a breath in through his nose and was assaulted by the scent of raspberries, vanilla, and a hint of musk he was already coming to associate with Blaine. Their lips moved experimentally together  for a moment before Kurt gave in to the urge to truly taste Blaine. His tongue darted out to sweep softly over Blaine's lips. Hearing Blaine's sharp intake of breath though, Kurt pulled back and opened his eyes.

He didn't have to wait long before Blaine's hazel eyes were opening to him. Kurt was afraid  he would see disgust or contempt, but instead his eyes merely crinkled with a smile before ducking down shyly. Kurt looked down at his own hands that were now clutching his knees, before a huffed laugh brought his attention back to Blaine. His cheeks were rosier than before, something he didn't think they could blame on the chill, and he was rubbing the back of his neck his head still slightly ducked with embarrassment. "Wow," Blaine said before cutting himself off with another huffed laugh.

"Was that..." Kurt began, hoping that he hadn't misstepped by giving in to impulse for once.

Blaine's eyes widened slightly and his grin grew. "You don't know how long I have wanted to do that," he told Kurt with a laugh.

"Just so you know," Kurt began looking away from Blaine's brilliant smile," you can do that anytime you want." He looked back in time to see Blaine leaning in to capture his lips once more.

Later, the sun higher in the sky and their lips kiss swollen, they made their way back to Kurt's house, hands entwined between them. A gust of wind blew harshly against them, and instinctively, Kurt's wings spread out behind him and his feathers rustled in the wind. Kurt stopped, closed his eyes and lifted his wings higher. The more time he spent outside the more he grew to love the feel of the wind rushing through his feathers. It wasn't often that the wind blew with such force and he wanted to enjoy it while he could. He opened his eyes when Blaine's hand slipped from his grasp. Blaine was standing in front of him his mouth agape as he stared at Kurt wide eyed. Kurt began to draw his wings down and around himself, wanting to protect himself from whatever Blaine could be thinking.

"Don't," Blaine whispered, and Kurt held his wings out once more. "I wish you could see yourself Kurt, see yourself the way I can. You are breathtaking." Kurt started to interrupt, but Blaine closed the space between them, stealing his words away from him. "I have always thought you were gorgeous Kurt, it took everything in me not to blurt how handsome you were each time we would Skype. But Kurt, if you could have seen yourself just now. , It it wasn't just your wings how strong they are, and how the light seems to dance across each feather. It was the... utter joy on your face. I... I have never seen anything like it, anyone so beautiful. The way you were smiling, it takes my breathe away."

Kurt stood there frozen but for his eyes that darted between Blaine's searching for any shred of deceit or doubt but finding none, and his heart which felt like it was pounding somewhere in his throat stopping any words from forming. He could hardly believe Blaine was real. It seemed like too much, that he could have found him and that Blaine could accept him so easily when no one else ever had. He could hardly believe that Blaine not only liked him, but looked at him with his eyes open and wide saying things like handsome and gorgeous and breathtaking while talking about him. Tears stung at his eyes unbidden as he just looked at Blaine, who didn't recoil from the attention or shy away but held Kurt's gaze in his. Kurt lowered his wings slowly, the breeze gone now. He blinked a few more times before clearing his throat trying to dislodge his heart. "I... Thank you." He said, feeling dumb and like his words were too little for all that Blaine had given him in that moment.

Blaine's smile was magnificent when he answered. "I only speak the truth."

"So you are like the magic sitar then?" Kurt asked breathless. As easy as that they fell into familiar banter, their hands finding each other as the moved to continue their walk back to the house. They had just decided that they should watch Moulin Rouge after lunch when they walked inside.

Kurt had been so lost in Blaine’s presence that he had nearly forgotten that his family was home and that his father had been trying to get them to talk all morning. However, as they pushed through the back door into the kitchen, there his dad stood ladling out tomato soup into five bowls while sandwiches grilled on the stove. "Great timing. I was just about to call you boys inside, lunch is almost ready. Kurt why don't you show Blaine where he can wash up and get Carole and Finn for me." Burt said with a smile, but his eyes strayed down to their laced fingers more than once.

Lunch was an awkward affair, but not for the reason Kurt had feared. It wasn't stilled conversation trying to cover tense silence, instead  Burt asked question after question of Blaine. They were all said with friendly curiosity, and Blaine answered readily and fully, never seeming to be bothered by the attention. Every once in a while, Finn or Carole would ask their own question, but for the most part, Mr. Hummel monopolized the conversation. Kurt tried to shoot his father warning glares, but either Burt was purposefully ignoring them, or he truly never saw them being so wrapped up in the moment. Five minutes after both their plates were emptied;, Kurt finally decided to put a stop to it once and for all.

"Thanks for lunch dad, but Blaine and I are going up to my room to watch a movie before he has to go back to Dalton."

"Right, right. So is there a time you have to leave by, Blaine?" Burt said, eyes focused once again on Blaine.

"I should probably leave by five. Curfew Sunday nights is eight, so if I don't want to make the drive in the morning I should leave by then just to be safe." Blaine told him standing up to join Kurt.

Kurt half expected his dad to say something about doors staying open, or perhaps even about using protection like he had with Brittany so long ago, but all he did was nod before taking another bite of his now cold soup.

When it was time for Blaine to leave, Kurt walked him out to his car where it sat parked in front of their garage. Kurt's family had offered their own goodbyes on the way out the door, and soon they were alone again. Blaine leaned against his car door and reached for Kurt's hand. Kurt gave it readily and they stood for a moment both eyeing their joined hands.

"So... We'll still call and text and Skype, right?" Blaine asked finally looking up at Kurt through his thick eyelashes.

Kurt didn't like to see the uncertainty that crossed Blaine's face. He stepped closer and whispered, "Of course, I missed talking to you this week..."

"Me too, I honestly wasn't sure what to do with myself." Blaine laughed, the sound low and rolling in the quiet air between them. "This was really the best day, thank you."

Kurt's heart lept. "Really?" he asked hardly able to believe Blaine's word. He knew his uncertainty was clear in his voice, but he didn't feel the need to hide his insecurity from Blaine of all people.

"Really," Blaine told him inching closer so their foreheads touched. "I want to be clear here Kurt. I like you and just getting to spend time with you is great, no matter what we are doing. I know we can't go out on what most people would consider proper dates; but I don't care about that, not if it means spending time with you. I don't ever want you to doubt this, doubt us. If we never get to go out to dinner or the movies or a play together, that is okay with me. I will be here to do whatever you feel comfortable with. Okay?"

Kurt closed his eyes drinking in the closeness and Blaine's words. He let out the breath he had been holding in a  faint "okay" before capturing Blaine's lips in his. They kissed there by Blaine's car until Blaine's phone alarm broke the content moment between them. Blaine chuckled and he silenced the incessant beeping, "It's 5:30, I really have to go now. I'll text you when I get there."

"Alright, when..." Kurt started to ask before cutting himself off. He didn't want to appear needy or greedy, but he really wanted to know when he could see Blaine again.

Blaine' soft smile was enough to erase any unease Kurt felt. "Can I come over again next weekend?"

"You can come over anytime you want," Kurt told him with a smile, before giving him the code for the gate. He knew his dad might not be pleased, no one but family had the code after all, but he needed Blaine to know he was always welcome. After a few more quick kisses and more assurances to talk later, Blaine was driving down the long twisted driveway and out of sight. Kurt lingered there a few more minutes before slowly returning to his house. He thought about all that had happened that day; the kisses, laying on their stomachs together on Kurt's bed watching Moulin Rouge, the way Kurt's feathers brushed against the back of Blaine's calves, and how Blaine hadn't shied away from the foreign touch.

Kurt was still lost in thought when he pushed open the door, only to find his dad leaning against the wall in the entryway waiting for him. Kurt stalled in his steps, sure that he could not evade his father's words any longer. He hoped that whatever his dad had to say this time would steal none of the wonderful feelings swirling inside of him. He took one deep breath, noticing the way his father stiffened at the movement, perhaps he was just as worried about this confrontation as Kurt, and said, "what is it dad?"

Burt looked deep into Kurt's eye a serious expression painting his face and said, "You were right, I wasn't being fair yesterday. It's just that, I have spent so long trying to protect you; when you first got your wings you were so scared and we did so much just to keep you safe, to make you feel like you were safe. I guess... I guess I didn't realize that you didn't need me to be that anymore. It was different when you were talking about this boy who... it's not that I didn't believe you, but he still didn't seem real. He was just this idea. But then he was here and he... he was touching them, touching you... and I guess I forgot that you can take care of yourself and let the papa bear come out in me. So you were right, I'm sorry."

Kurt couldn't let himself hope not yet, not for what he truly sought since Blaine left the night before. "And now?" he asked, his voice betraying the hope he couldn't let himself feel.

Burt pushed off from the wall a frown distorting his features for a moment before he spoke. "I like him. I mean he seems like a nice guy and was ready to answer all my questions, so I guess he doesn't have anything to hide."

"Dad..." Kurt warned.

"I know Kurt but you gotta understand, no matter how old you are you are still going to be my little boy. I am always going to want the best for you... even if that means admitting that you were right about him. I don't have to like it." Burt said with a laugh.

"Thanks dad." Kurt said pulling his father into a hug.

"For what kiddo, admitting you were right?" He said patting Kurt firmly on his back, not flinching when the back of his hand brushed the underside of Kurt's wing.

"No, for giving him a chance." Kurt told him honestly. "And for everything. I just want you to know... I'm not a scared anymore. I'm not saying that I am ready to run through the streets of town or anything. But the idea of leaving the house someday... it's not so scary anymore."

"What are you saying?" Burt asked his face serious once again.

Kurt sighed, bracing himself for his next words. He needed to admit this to himself as much as to his dad. "I'm saying that maybe one day I won't want to hide anymore."

"You know I was never trying to hide you right, I wasn't ashamed or anything, don't you?"

The worry in his father's voice rushed the words out of Kurt, "No, I know. This was what I wanted. And I don't know if I will ever be ready to leave this house, but I just wanted it out there, so you know."

"Okay kiddo, just as long as we are clear, I support you, whatever you decide."

Once again, Kurt's routine changed. Kurt and Blaine still texted each other throughout the day with calls squeezed in when time allowed. It was only when Blaine would be alone in his room that they would Skype; Kurt abandoning the curtains, no longer needing to hide from Blaine. They talked freely about everything, Kurt's wings included. He began to open up more about how they had changed everything, his thoughts and feelings when he first learned of his fate, and how they had changed in the last few months.

"I just felt so alone," Kurt said one day as they talked separated by so much distance but brought closer through their computer screens. "I mean no one else can really understand, not exactly. Don't get me wrong, I love that you try, that my family and friends do too in their own ways... but no one else has really been there you know. I think that was the hardest part. I understand now, that even if no one knows what it is like to have wings, people still know what it is like to be different, that they can still understand what I am going through. But before all I could think of was how alone I was and would always be, because there was no one else like me."

"Do you think it would have been different if there were others," Blaine asked so open, always so supportive and trying so hard to understand Kurt like no one else had.

"Yeah, I mean, just knowing someone else out there had been through the same thing. It would have been nice."

Blaine tilted his head slightly his brow furrowed. It was a look Kurt loved to see; he knew it meant Blaine was really thinking about what he was about to say, and usually was followed by something so insightful Kurt could hardly believe it was true. He was surprised though because instead of seeming to understand something better than Kurt could imagine, Blaine asked a question. "So what would you do, if someone else developed wings?"

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked.

Blaine shrugged his shoulders, "I mean, I know that as far as we know no one else has ever gotten wings before, but I was reading a study that said that maybe this is a long dormant gene that is just now waking up. There have been stories for as long as we have recorded history of winged people. We have always passed them off as myths or legends, but who knows."

"You've been reading up on this?" Kurt asked awed that Blaine would actually search out more information, something Kurt had always been scared to do aside from what his doctors had told him.

Blaine rubbed the back of his neck, a clear sign he was embarrassed or worried about what Kurt would think. He was ready to assure Blaine when he spoke up. "I just wanted to know as much as I could. I wanted to understand."

"I think it's wonderful. Did you find anything out I should know?" Kurt asked.

"There are a bunch of theories, but like you told me no one knows for sure why you have your wings. One thing they all agree on, is that it is likely you are only the first, they think more will follow. Then we might know more about why your wings developed." Blaine said, obviously eager to share now that he knew Kurt wouldn't be mad.

"They really think there will be others?" Kurt asked more surprised than anything at that point.

Blaine shrugged again, "Most do, though none agree on the whys or hows of it. So, what would you do if someone else got wings?"

Kurt sat and thought about it for a moment. It was something he had never considered. Would it be better if he was the first and not the only? Would that really change anything. ? "I don't know," he finally answered, "I mean I guess I would want to make sure that they were not alone, that they knew I was here and it would be okay."

"And is it...okay?" Blaine asked.

Kurt was startled by the question. For the weeks they had been talking so openly about everything now, he hadn't thought about it in those terms. He had talked about how it was better, but not if he was truly alright with his wings now. In truth, Kurt was starting to think less of them. They no longer were this barrier that kept him from the things he truly wanted anymore. He was sewing again, transforming outfits to fit with his wings. There would always be styles he couldn't pull off and they always had to latch a certain way to fit his wings,  but he was designing again. He'd even come to appreciate the way things felt against them, the wind, the water from the shower head or a rain shower, the way Blaine's fingers and palms felt against them. Kurt had even begun to experiment with the way they moved; he'd begun to wonder if he could ever fly. It hit him like a ton of bricks; it really was okay, more than that even, he'd begun to embrace his wings as a part of himself, no longer thinking of them in terms of something other. He blinked back at Blaine through his screen, wanting nothing more than to be able to hold him and kiss him in this moment of revelation. "It really, really is."

Weekends were a completely different after that first one spent together. Blaine made it out to Lima every Friday just in in time for Friday night dinners.  He would have to leave soon after to head home to see his parents, but having that time to see each other, even if it was in the presence of Kurt's entire family, felt important. The two hour drive meant that there were no impromptu dates in the middle of the week, so both thrived on the routine. Blaine's parents had been wary at first that their youngest son was spending what little time he was home at a boyfriend’s house whom they had never met. With Kurt's permission, Blaine had told them about the anxiety, needing a plausible reason for his inability to introduce them. Neither felt bad because it wasn't a lie, Kurt still battled daily the feelings his medication muted; he still had days where the thought of venturing out if the house even to walk amongst the trees was too much. Mr. and Mrs. Anderson had held pinched faces of concern that Blaine had been wary to tell Kurt about, but didn't object anymore when he would spend the majority of his weekend at the. Hummel house. Blaine didn't miss the oddly stoic looks that would pass over their faces though at the mention of Kurt but kept that knowledge to himself. He knew some people would never understand the struggle of others; he already knew his parents didn't understand his own.

Time passed but Kurt didn't feel the weight of time like he used to. He had things to look forward to once again, Blaine not being the only thing, even if he was the best. Summer was fast approaching, and while he looked forward to having more alone time with Blaine without his family being so close, a wave of depression hit him when he realized that Finn and most of his friends would be graduating in just a couple of weeks without him. For the first time in a long time, Kurt remembered what his wings had taken away. For a day he lay in bed, not moving, not working, and ignoring  Blaine's increasingly worried texts. He resisted the urge to tear at his feathers, wanting the pain so that he could feel something but the bone deep loss that was engulfing him. He heard his family as they each arrived, ignoring them as well. His wings were wrapped around him as he lay on his bed, ; he didn't miss the irony that the things that had taken so much from him were also offering him comfort.

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