On the wind pt2
Series: What Fate has joined together...
Title: On the wind
Pairing: yamachii, yamajima friendship
Fandom: hs7, hsjump
Notes: A random au angst yamachii fic....don't hate me for it...
For my Chii....my one and only Chii....
On the wind- yamachii
Okay so I know my relationship with Yuri fell apart...
I have a problem with a fear of intimacy...
I think I said it before when I mentioned even my best friend Yuto doesn't know all my secrets...
Why am I afraid? Because a part of me is terrified if anyone knew the real me they would hate me. I've always felt that way...so when someone gets too close I disappear into myself and push them away. It isn't fair or right to do to people who care about you.
Maybe that's why until I fell in love Yuri I couldn't even see that I liked guys...
I avoid hugging people even family and I have a hard time using the words like or love in the context of relationships.
We fell in love so fast that I barely got a chance to take a breath or a step back. I admitted how I felt sooner then I was ready to deal with the feelings...
The walls he broke through...some of them I didn't even know I had some I erected to protect myself from being betrayed or hurt. I spent so much time protecting myself I didn't realize how much I was hurting people I cared about by shutting them out.
I have a hard time understand why people seem to like me. I'm either trying to hide in the background or I'm being loud and obnoxious. I still have issues with being confessed to; I can't understand what is so special about me...
I know I have a big heart, I can be overly trusting in some ways...I also tend to mother hen a little...
This is only applicable to those I let into my my world though...
My world is my comfort zone; when things get too anxious I disappear into my sketchbooks. Sometimes those who care about me know when to drag me out and sometimes I can drag myself out but other times I don't and won't come out.
I avoid conflict because it upsets me but my emotional withdrawal causes conflict and I acknowledge that. I hate loud noises such as yelling, lectures and slamming doors. I get upset easily and that makes things words. It is hard to have discussions with me because I have a tendency to cry and get defensive even when I am in the wrong.
I acknowledge my faults and I am trying to fix them but it is a slow process. There is no magic spell to fix my issues and it wouldn't help if there was because sooner or later I would fall back into the same problems.
I don't make friends its true; they be friend me. I know I'm shy but its embarrassing...stepping out and saying hi to a total stranger. Will they like me? Will they tell me to go away? Call me crazy? Walk away?
I am most comfortable in my room with the door shut watching a drama or anime I like or listening to a CD while I sketch.
Title: On the wind
Pairing: yamachii, yamajima friendship
Fandom: hs7, hsjump
Notes: A random au angst yamachii fic....don't hate me for it...
For my Chii....my one and only Chii....
On the wind- yamachii
Okay so I know my relationship with Yuri fell apart...
I have a problem with a fear of intimacy...
I think I said it before when I mentioned even my best friend Yuto doesn't know all my secrets...
Why am I afraid? Because a part of me is terrified if anyone knew the real me they would hate me. I've always felt that way...so when someone gets too close I disappear into myself and push them away. It isn't fair or right to do to people who care about you.
Maybe that's why until I fell in love Yuri I couldn't even see that I liked guys...
I avoid hugging people even family and I have a hard time using the words like or love in the context of relationships.
We fell in love so fast that I barely got a chance to take a breath or a step back. I admitted how I felt sooner then I was ready to deal with the feelings...
The walls he broke through...some of them I didn't even know I had some I erected to protect myself from being betrayed or hurt. I spent so much time protecting myself I didn't realize how much I was hurting people I cared about by shutting them out.
I have a hard time understand why people seem to like me. I'm either trying to hide in the background or I'm being loud and obnoxious. I still have issues with being confessed to; I can't understand what is so special about me...
I know I have a big heart, I can be overly trusting in some ways...I also tend to mother hen a little...
This is only applicable to those I let into my my world though...
My world is my comfort zone; when things get too anxious I disappear into my sketchbooks. Sometimes those who care about me know when to drag me out and sometimes I can drag myself out but other times I don't and won't come out.
I avoid conflict because it upsets me but my emotional withdrawal causes conflict and I acknowledge that. I hate loud noises such as yelling, lectures and slamming doors. I get upset easily and that makes things words. It is hard to have discussions with me because I have a tendency to cry and get defensive even when I am in the wrong.
I acknowledge my faults and I am trying to fix them but it is a slow process. There is no magic spell to fix my issues and it wouldn't help if there was because sooner or later I would fall back into the same problems.
I don't make friends its true; they be friend me. I know I'm shy but its embarrassing...stepping out and saying hi to a total stranger. Will they like me? Will they tell me to go away? Call me crazy? Walk away?
I am most comfortable in my room with the door shut watching a drama or anime I like or listening to a CD while I sketch.