My grandmother's second husband was a naval officer in WWII so he always liked to be in command. Even at 90 he was driving even though it was ridiculously dangerous. This is going back to when I was 16 or 17 and while in the passenger seat he'd ask me if cars were coming because he couldn't turn his body to look. He ended up getting into a bad accident at one point I think.
Oh, man -- I can picture that! Definitely know many times that it can be tough to get someone to stop driving...usually it only happens when something bad happens. :/
Helping others answer these questions is *who I am* career-wise. (Although right now I'm taking a hiatus, being a gerontologist runs deep in me.) If asking the right questions is half the battle, you've done great.
Well, your counterpoint in my family's situation has been helpful -- but I am realizing how difficult it's been to get everyone on the same page (and I come from a rather small family - can't imagine when there are more than 10 adults with strong opinions involved).
Gerontology is a field that's so needed -- thanks for doing what you do. It helps so much, even though it must be a tough job at times...
I've done a lot of things from lobbying to esoteric things. That's different than feeling "this is who I am" -- which is how I feel with gerontology (and the ennegram, but that's a different topic!)
Just remember that your parent is the one to focus on, not all the stuff surrounding the situation. *hugs*
We've started going through these things with my grandparents a few years ago, mostly my grandpa. His driving was getting so dangerous that we convinced him to sell his car and return his license, but it was so hard for him to come to terms with that.
The whole thing makes me dread having to go through it with my parents one day. I'm not sure I can handle seeing them helpless and declining. I'd prefer living in my bubble of childhood innocence as it is, instead of realizing my parents are just human beings with flaws and issues like the rest of us.
I've also been known to say I don't ever want to get to that point, I'd rather not be that old. But like you said, when does that point come? And by the time you realize you've hit that point it's probably too late to nonchalantly decided that you don't care about getting old anyway and would rather die young.
I'd prefer living in my bubble of childhood innocence as it is, instead of realizing my parents are just human beings with flaws and issues like the rest of us.
I can totally relate to that! One thing I hope is that when things get to a point where my parents are older/potentially declining in health that I remember these conversations and thoughts and don't start treating them like they're children who don't know anything. Ya know?
This reminds me of something my Mum recently told me. As a nurse, most of her patients are elderly and recovering from some kind of surgery. Around Christmas time, however, her hospital and her ward undergoes what she and her colleagues call the Granny Dump. Pretty much, every family with an elderly relative (grandmother or grandfather, mostly) leave said relative at the hospital with fake symptoms, so that they - the family - can enjoy a two-week holiday without them. The families have gotten so good at it that they know what to present with so that the hospital admits the relative. My mother has literally seen a family bring their elderly relative to the hospital with a caravan (travel trailer I think you call them?) hooked up to the car
( ... )
Oh my gosh -- that is horrifying. I cannot imagine taking my parents/grandparents/anyone to the hospital during the holidays so I can have some "relief" from taking care of them. That is terrible...
I also would prefer to not go through old age/declining like this, but I can think of many worse things -- and in the end, I guess it's more of a privilege to have reached that stage in life (grandkids, great-grandkids, retirement, independent thought, etc) vs. a curse...
This piece just must be so relative to everyone. When does 'just coasting' turn into 'going downhill'? Age is not the only factor, but you are asking many of the right questions. Thank you for writing this.
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Gerontology is a field that's so needed -- thanks for doing what you do. It helps so much, even though it must be a tough job at times...
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Just remember that your parent is the one to focus on, not all the stuff surrounding the situation. *hugs*
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The whole thing makes me dread having to go through it with my parents one day. I'm not sure I can handle seeing them helpless and declining. I'd prefer living in my bubble of childhood innocence as it is, instead of realizing my parents are just human beings with flaws and issues like the rest of us.
I've also been known to say I don't ever want to get to that point, I'd rather not be that old. But like you said, when does that point come? And by the time you realize you've hit that point it's probably too late to nonchalantly decided that you don't care about getting old anyway and would rather die young.
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I can totally relate to that! One thing I hope is that when things get to a point where my parents are older/potentially declining in health that I remember these conversations and thoughts and don't start treating them like they're children who don't know anything. Ya know?
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I also would prefer to not go through old age/declining like this, but I can think of many worse things -- and in the end, I guess it's more of a privilege to have reached that stage in life (grandkids, great-grandkids, retirement, independent thought, etc) vs. a curse...
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Thank you for writing this.
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Thank you for your comment
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