How to Game on $0 a Day, 6/5/05
Well, here it is. My first column. I think I may have taken on too much at first, hence its lateness. I've covered a series of three games, plus a bonus game of similar nature. Enjoy.
The Skewed Jester...
Presents...
How to Game on $0 a Day
Welcome to the first installment of my column! As I've already introduced the basic concept in a previous post (i.e. sharing the joy of free games), let us get down to business.
Who here plays games for interesting characters and engaging storylines? I'm raising my hand, since you can't see. Who here plays games for mindless fun? I haven't lowered my hand. This latter concept describes the games I review today.
Actually, that's not entirely fair. These games do involve strategy and thought if you want that high score. They just don't have plot (unless you make one up in your head as you go along. How clever of you!).
In English, they are known as the Dismount games. Find them here: Dismount Games.Yes, these little gems come to us from the exotic locale of...um...some place in Europe. Finland, I think? Yeah, that's it.
The first of the series is Stair Dismount, or Porrasturvat. The object of the game, you ask? Push a man down a flight of stairs. That's right, you little sadist. You score points for inflicting bodily harm--not unlike many games, actually.
Finally, with this game, I can reenact the event that made Cousin Jimmy not right!
Just how does it all work? Well, first, you pick a body part that you wish to shove--head, neck, body, upper or lower arm, thigh, shin, or foot. Then, you decide on the angle from which to shove, a full 360 degrees from any axis. Then, you click the start button when the force meter is at the desired amount of force. Hilarity ensues. Points are tallied based on damage to each individual body part. Limbs are relatively low, while head and neck are the cash cows.
This game utilizes ragdoll physics. As the little block person tumbles down those hurty steps, limbs fly at every angle, and the body contorts most grotesquely. It's delicious, I tell you! It adds a feeling of broken bones.
But the fun doesn't stop yet, oh no. You can see an instant replay of the tumble--over and over and over again. Plus, you can view the scene, both in play and replay, from several angles. Feel the pain.
That describes Stair Dismount in a nutshell. There's nothing else to it. But you know what? That's just fine. This game isn't advertising 50+ hours of gameplay. It's something you start up when you want a quick, dirty thrill.
Now, on to Truck Dismount, or Rekkaturvat. Take everything sick, twisted, and fun about Stair Dismount (except stairs), add a truck, a wall, and several variables, and you have a viable sequel.
See why you should wear your seatbelt?
Now, instead of pushing our little blocky friend down stairs, we put him in a truck and send him speeding into a wall. As before, we have several camera angles with which to witness the carnage, and if you missed it the first time, just hit that instant replay to subject your victim to his fate again.
We have several variables to experiment with now. Your victim can be placed in five different locations: in the truck, on top of the truck's cab, on top of the truck, on the hood, and right in front of the truck. The speed of the truck can be altered, as can the presence of a windshield. You can place two ramps in front of the truck, and they are versatile in their placement. All these variables combine for many fun permutations.
While the game is excellent, I wish the physics for the truck were more realistic. I know that the focus of the game, and the scoring, is on the victim, but still. The truck bounces off the wall, and the windshield does not shatter. Imagine sending our victim through a windshield! Oh, the humanity! There is one benefit of a bouncing truck, however: if you do everything just right, and you actually have a moment when the dummy seems to say to himself, "Oh, thank God that's over," it makes it that much sweeter when the truck lands on him.
The latest game of the series, Dismount Levels, takes a new approach. You still have your ragdoll man, but this time you control him directly with your mouse. With a flick of your wrist, you send him flying with limbs askew.
Boneless Pac-Man
Now, the game has different levels. You must guide the man through these levels by bouncing him around like a soccer ball.
This game isn't actually out yet, but a rather versatile demo has been released. From what I've played, it is interesting, yet it hasn't captured my heart as the previous incarnations have. Still, I'll await the final version.
Let's break this review down into categories:
Graphics--Nothing fancy, just geometric figures. While it would have been amusing had the graphics been more realistic, they still work just fine. Part of me wishes you could import faces for the ragdoll. Oh, the possibilities....
Sound--The ragdoll grunts and gasps while he endures punishment. You can hear his impact with cartoonish sounds. The sounds suit the game.
Controls--Can't be any simpler. "Levels" adds an action element to the series, but it still isn't hard.
Story--Well...there is none. Do you really want one? Do you want to add a level of humanity to a figure that you shamelessly abuse? You're sick.
Duration of Interest: Several minutes to begin with. Several minutes more when you play with it a few weeks later. Good "Coffee Break" game.
Overall: Great fun while it lasts. The Jester smiles. =)
You thought I was done, didn't you? No! A bonus review is here!
It's not by the same developer, but Ragdoll Matrix takes a page from the Book of Dismount. Basically, you use the keyboard to move this ragdoll man around in an attempt to dodge bullets. But that's not all! You also get special powers: zero gravity, sticky limbs, stuff like that.
The Keanu Reeves of Ragdolls
You get zero gravity from the beginning. You earn the other powers by beating each difficulty level. Unfortunately, I have yet to master Easy. It's harder than it looks, especially when a limb flails right into the path of a bullet.
I have gone back to this simple game several times since downloading it. I am mildly addicted.
To cut the review short, I bequeath unto this game the same score as the Dismount series. Give it a try!
And now, the column comes to an end. Thanks for reading and learning how twisted my sense of fun can be. Keep rocking.