R6 Holiday Special: Reindeer Games & The People Who Play Them
With the Solstice of the year nearly upon us, I find myself wondering, as I do every year, why everyone but me seems to be a complete fucking nimrod.
As usual, we've reached the end of the year. And as usual, my country has gone completely batshit insane over something very, very dumb. Now, I am about as faithless as people come. Organized religion is, to my mind, the root source of most of society's ills. But that aside, I do celebrate Christmas. Why? Because I like getting free shit, damn it.
But lately, there's been a debate going on in our nation. And it is about whether or not Christmas Trees should be called Christmas trees.
Now, before I launch off into another rabid round of ranting, I'd like to explain, to you Christians, where your holiday came from. Where it really came from.
The following is excerpted from Wikipedia:
"Historians are unsure exactly when Christians first began celebrating the Nativity of Christ. Most scholars believe that December 25 was only adopted in the 4th century as a Christian holiday by the Roman Emperor Constantine, to encourage a common religious festival for both Christians and Pagans.
Early Christians celebrated more the subsequent Epiphany, when the baby Jesus was visited by the Magi (and this is still a primary time for celebration in Spain). Efforts to assign a date for his birth, though better known from writings from some centuries later, would have been important to all Christians then, no less than now.
The Romans honored Saturn, the ancient god of agriculture, each year beginning on December 17 in a festival called the Saturnalia. This festival lasted for seven days and included the winter solstice, which at that time fell on December 25 (today, following calendar reform, it falls on December 21). During Saturnalia the Romans feasted, postponed all business and warfare, exchanged gifts, and temporarily freed their slaves. With the lengthening of daylight, these and other winter festivities continued through January 1, the festival of Kalends, when Romans marked the day of the new moon and the first day of the month and religious year (the secular year began in March).
By the 4th century another factor was also at work. Many Romans also celebrated the solstice on December 25 with festivities in honor of the rebirth of the god Sol Invictus, meaning "Unconquerable Sun," or with rituals to glorify Mithra, the ancient Persian god of light. Sol Invictus was a religion to which both Constantine himself before his confession of Christianity, and his predecessor Diocletian, who had rebuilt the Roman Empire, were especially devoted, and to whom the latter had attributed his military successes (though Constantine saw Christ as having delivered him from the former Roman order's designs: Diocletian at one time had had Constantine living under his eye, against his will, separating him from his father). Constantine is therefore assumed to have found it convenient to find a common major festival for both Sol Invictus and Christianity.
Okay? Do you get it now? Your holiday is arbitrary. It's as much a heathen festival as it is a celebration of the birth of your Messiah. The date, and the holiday, are MEANINGLESS. They were created through the political maneuvering of a pagan Emperor, solely to prevent uprising by his Christian citizens. So shut up about how your faith is being stomped, unless you want followers of Sol Invictus and Mithra to come kick your ass. Okay?
Holiday tree, Christmas tree, it doesn't fucking MATTER. Are you SERIOUS? You're actually worried about this? For fuck's sakes, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" is a more pressing concern than this bullshit!
You wanna know why people get coal from Santa? It's because literal-minded douchenozzles like you keep fucking up an otherwise happy holiday with your banal, monotheistic and/or atheistic garbage. I'm an atheist and I don't give a fuck about what you call it. Can't you people just go outside, hit each other with your protest signs, and leave the rest of us ALONE?
You can call it a Holiday Tree. Another person can call it a Christmas Tree, or a Kwanzaa Tree, or a Nanny-nanny-boo-boo Tree, or whatever-the-fuck-all else. Personally, I'll be calling mine "William Krillbait DeBergerac the Lesser."
Why? Because I know that fucker can keep an eye on my damn presents.
As usual, we've reached the end of the year. And as usual, my country has gone completely batshit insane over something very, very dumb. Now, I am about as faithless as people come. Organized religion is, to my mind, the root source of most of society's ills. But that aside, I do celebrate Christmas. Why? Because I like getting free shit, damn it.
But lately, there's been a debate going on in our nation. And it is about whether or not Christmas Trees should be called Christmas trees.
Now, before I launch off into another rabid round of ranting, I'd like to explain, to you Christians, where your holiday came from. Where it really came from.
The following is excerpted from Wikipedia:
"Historians are unsure exactly when Christians first began celebrating the Nativity of Christ. Most scholars believe that December 25 was only adopted in the 4th century as a Christian holiday by the Roman Emperor Constantine, to encourage a common religious festival for both Christians and Pagans.
Early Christians celebrated more the subsequent Epiphany, when the baby Jesus was visited by the Magi (and this is still a primary time for celebration in Spain). Efforts to assign a date for his birth, though better known from writings from some centuries later, would have been important to all Christians then, no less than now.
The Romans honored Saturn, the ancient god of agriculture, each year beginning on December 17 in a festival called the Saturnalia. This festival lasted for seven days and included the winter solstice, which at that time fell on December 25 (today, following calendar reform, it falls on December 21). During Saturnalia the Romans feasted, postponed all business and warfare, exchanged gifts, and temporarily freed their slaves. With the lengthening of daylight, these and other winter festivities continued through January 1, the festival of Kalends, when Romans marked the day of the new moon and the first day of the month and religious year (the secular year began in March).
By the 4th century another factor was also at work. Many Romans also celebrated the solstice on December 25 with festivities in honor of the rebirth of the god Sol Invictus, meaning "Unconquerable Sun," or with rituals to glorify Mithra, the ancient Persian god of light. Sol Invictus was a religion to which both Constantine himself before his confession of Christianity, and his predecessor Diocletian, who had rebuilt the Roman Empire, were especially devoted, and to whom the latter had attributed his military successes (though Constantine saw Christ as having delivered him from the former Roman order's designs: Diocletian at one time had had Constantine living under his eye, against his will, separating him from his father). Constantine is therefore assumed to have found it convenient to find a common major festival for both Sol Invictus and Christianity.
Okay? Do you get it now? Your holiday is arbitrary. It's as much a heathen festival as it is a celebration of the birth of your Messiah. The date, and the holiday, are MEANINGLESS. They were created through the political maneuvering of a pagan Emperor, solely to prevent uprising by his Christian citizens. So shut up about how your faith is being stomped, unless you want followers of Sol Invictus and Mithra to come kick your ass. Okay?
Holiday tree, Christmas tree, it doesn't fucking MATTER. Are you SERIOUS? You're actually worried about this? For fuck's sakes, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" is a more pressing concern than this bullshit!
You wanna know why people get coal from Santa? It's because literal-minded douchenozzles like you keep fucking up an otherwise happy holiday with your banal, monotheistic and/or atheistic garbage. I'm an atheist and I don't give a fuck about what you call it. Can't you people just go outside, hit each other with your protest signs, and leave the rest of us ALONE?
You can call it a Holiday Tree. Another person can call it a Christmas Tree, or a Kwanzaa Tree, or a Nanny-nanny-boo-boo Tree, or whatever-the-fuck-all else. Personally, I'll be calling mine "William Krillbait DeBergerac the Lesser."
Why? Because I know that fucker can keep an eye on my damn presents.