Cause you never look, and I never leave
Cause you never look, and I never leave; 2min; 4000w
A/N: Long time since I wrote 2min, so I’m rusty, in a bad way. This was inspired by this.
Taemin likes to think that he knows Minho well, well enough to know how the older boy’s eyes crinkle whenever he laughs, like he’s trying to hold back his laughter, like he’s afraid that someone might catch him laughing. Taemin likes the fact that Minho has transformed from a silent and shy boy from debut till the confident and even witty man in SHINee now, because Taemin is aware that during their debut days, Minho is the one with the least fans-his talents are not showcased other than his rapping skills, which Key has proved himself to be very capable in as well. Minho couldn’t sing as well as Jonghyun, be as funny as Onew, or dance as well as Key or himself, and that’s probably the main reason Taemin finds how the screams for Minho always seems to be lacking that little bit. It wasn’t too obvious, he thinks it’s not obvious at all, but he notices it, and he doesn’t miss that slight waver at the edge of Minho’s lips that indicates that he himself has realised it too. The other members don’t though, and Taemin was determined from then on, to help Minho open up, to dance as well as Key and himself, to be able to sing better and be as funny as Onew. He wants Minho to have the most fans, even more than him, he doesn’t mind. Why he was so determined, Taemin himself doesn’t understand, but that burning feeling in his gut just tells him he has to.
--
He talks to Minho every day from then on, noticing how the older fidgets a little whenever he sits down next to him on the couch, and his features would scrunch up together, like he’s uncomfortable to have Taemin talking to him. Taemin was discouraged, at first, because every single time he talks to Minho, he would only receive a one word reply or just a muted shake or nod of head. He doesn’t give up though, and one day Minho smiles at him, just a little, like he’s thankful for Taemin bothering to care about him, and Taemin pats himself on his back when he realises Minho doesn’t move away whenever Taemin sits beside him from then on, and sends back his most sincere smile when one day Minho looks him in the eye and mutters a low thank you. Taemin thinks everything he had done was worth it, worth this.
It was another one week before Minho could converse with him like a normal friend would, and Taemin was glad, thankful even, he didn’t give up hope back then, because then he wouldn’t have made such a good friend, wouldn’t have got to see such a beautiful smile. It didn’t take long before Minho would come over and talk to him voluntarily, and by then it had been two months since their first performance on Music Bank, and Taemin was grateful it didn’t take too long for Minho to open up, because he could wait, but he wasn’t sure if the fans could.
--
“Taemin, have you seen my phone?”
It was backstage at Music Bank for their third performance for Replay, when Minho taps him on the shoulder while he was fiddling with his hair in the mirror.
“I think I saw it there.” He points to a couch at the corner of the room, and watches as Minho pads over to it, finger still holding onto a few strands of hair, long forgotten. It was until Minho looks up with his phone in his hand that Taemin realises he had been staring, so he turns back immediately and looks into the mirror, watching how his face turned an embarrassing shade of red.
“Yeah found it, thanks Taemin.” Minho pats him again on the shoulder, ready to turn and leave.
“Hey.” Taemin watches through the mirror as Minho turns around and offers a small smile. “Do-do you think you can open up more for the fans?”
He watches, as Minho looks down at his own hands, eyes blinking, eyelashes fluttering against his skin. Then he looks up, and Taemin finds himself staring again.
“Okay.” He smiles. “Okay, I’ll try.”
Taemin couldn’t help the smile growing on his face when he watches Minho stumble over his words later on when the host asks him some questions about their new song. That whole dialogue way exceeded all the words Minho had spoken since debut. He’s trying.
--
Taemin wakes up, vision blurry from sleep and he yawns as he opens the door of their bedroom to go to the dining table where the rest of the members were having their breakfast, his own dental hygiene forgotten in his hazy state of mind.
“Oh my god what’s wrong with you Jonghyun? That was so gross.” He hears Kibum’s shrill voice shrieking at Jonghyun, but he was still too sleepy to process whatever things Jonghyun did. Then he hears it, that deep laughter that he had slowly grown accustomed to over the past two months, amidst the rest of the members’ giggles. He wakes up then, eyelids suddenly light, and his mind clears, like all the fog was gone with a splash of water. Taemin peeps from the hallway, and he watches as Minho laughs at whatever Onew was saying, and protests when Jonghyun snatches his toast away to give it to Kibum who was too lazy to reach over and get it himself. He feels his heart seize, partly because Minho is finally opening up to the members, but mostly because he thinks he’s the one responsible for this, all those time spent trying to pry open that box of pent up emotions in Minho’s heart, and he feels his own smile grow when he steps out into the dining table to be invited by Minho with a pat of the seat next to him. They were finally, a group of five.
--
Time fast forwards a lot when you are a star, Taemin realises, and before he can react, they were all ready for their Amigo promotions. They were at the waiting room of Music Bank, coordi noonas bustling around to grab hair straighteners and hair clips, and amidst the chaos, Taemin could catch a figure standing silently at the corner of the room, head bowed low and eyes shut tight. He walks over to him, and pokes Minho’s shoulders lightly, as if he might frighten the other if he pushed too hard. The older looked up, and smiles.
“Don’t worry hyung, it’ll be way better.” Both of them knew what Taemin was talking about, and Minho chuckles, ruffling Taemin’s hair a little before nodding. Taemin wanted to say more, say stuff like you opened up a lot, it’ll be worth it or stuff like you’ve improved on your dancing, so no worries but he can’t, because their manager is pushing them out of the room and backstage, getting them ready for their first promotion performance of their second hit track. Taemin breathes in deep, and gives Minho’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze before they step onto the stage, the screams erupting in the studio, and when it was Minho’s turn to rap, Taemin smiles, because indeed, the screams were way louder. Things were getting better.
--
Taemin stares at Key’s blonde hair, and wonders where time went, because every day he passed with waking up early, taking the van, performing, then back to dorm and sleeping, only to repeat the routine again for every single day to come. He can’t help but think this is the price he has to pay for being a singer, and suddenly feels a hint of regret, because boys his age should be playing soccer on the field, or ogling at hot girls who walk past them only to laugh at one another’s retarded expressions after. But no, he has to perform the same song over and over again, and return to the dorm to practice their new dance for the next promotion song. Taemin loves dancing, but doing it almost twenty four seven was tiring to say the least. The only consolation Taemin draws from this life is Minho, who gets closer to him than any other member in the group, and Taemin finds himself grateful for the older boy’s company and encouragements.
“Taemin?” Minho knocks on the door before entering quietly, afraid that the lump on the bed would stir from his sleep. It did, and Minho laughs a little when Taemin’s head pops out from under the blanket.
“Mmm?”
“Are you worrying about tomorrow’s Juliette stage? Because I am.” Taemin hears the breathy chuckle Minho adds at the end of the sentence, and knows how the other doesn’t like admitting his weakness. Taemin feels honoured to be the one Minho admits his fears and weaknesses to, and he smiles back at the older, squeezing his hand a little.
“Don’t worry, me too. I bet Onew hyung is sweating bullets now, because he’s always the most nervous one around us.”
Both of them laughed at that, before Taemin continues. “Don’t worry, Juliette will be a hit. It’ll be better, things always get better.”
Minho nods, before ruffling Taemin’s hair one last time and asking the boy to sleep soon, because they have to look their best for their first Juliette stage tomorrow.
Taemin does, and all he dreams of is Minho’s smile.
--
Taemin is glad that by the end of Juliette promotion, Minho has fully opened up, as if encouraged by the increase in his fanbase, and is good enough material for variety shows, even better than him. Taemin smiles.
--
Life doesn’t change, Taemin thinks as he watches the hairstylist snip off his hair through the mirror, every single day. And time flies, because now they have yet another new song, Ring Ding Dong. It was kind of stupid sounding to Taemin, when he first heard it, but it slowly grows on him. He realises, that Minho only gets one line in this whole song, and when he looks up to watch Minho, he looks like he realised it too. We always realise things at the same time, Taemin thinks, before he reaches out and squeezes Minho’s hand. No words were needed, because both of them understood each other like that, just like that. Minho smiles.
--
Minho comes home one day after Dream Team recording looking tired and sluggish, as he sinks down onto the couch beside Taemin.
“Hyung? You okay?”
Minho just nods. “Yeah, yeah.”
Taemin tries to make Minho feel less tired, tries to make him think of happy stuff. “Looks like you’re going to have a permanent spot on Star King and Dream Team, hyung. Things are going to get busy for you.”
Minho smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”
Again that reply. Taemin sighs a little to himself, hoping the other doesn’t catch it, before he pats Minho on the shoulders. “Come on hyung, go and bathe. You stink.”
Minho punches him jokingly on the shoulder, letting out a hearty chuckle, before he ruffles Taemin’s hair and leaves for the bathroom.
Taemin stares at the back of the older boy, and realises that oh, Minho has gotten so much more manlier and muscular. Realises that oh, Minho is actually improving a lot from since debut. Realises that oh, actually now Taemin doesn’t seem like the one responsible for this change, instead it’s Minho’s determination and efforts.
What have I improved on, Taemin asks himself, and couldn’t get an answer.
--
“How’s Dream Team coming along?” Onew asks, like the responsible and caring leader he was, over dinner one night.
“Good.” Minho nods his head and chews on his rice.
“Don’t overwork yourself.” Key says a while later.
“Yeah, don’t want you getting a hotter body than me.” Jonghyun teases, which Minho replied with throwing a grain of rice at his hair.
I’m proud of you, Taemin wants to add, but realises it would just sound weird coming from him. He thinks of what he should say to Minho, but feels instead a pang in his heart, when he realises he doesn’t know what to say. He looks up to see Minho and the rest of the members carry on eating, and feels the sudden jab of pain in his guts.
--
“Oh my god, did you guys watch Dream Team today?”
Taemin was slouching on the couch flipping through channels with Onew and Jonghyun beside him when Minho bursts into the dorm. It was after promotions, and schedule was a little less tight, which gives Taemin more time and space to breathe, thankfully. Minho doesn’t seem to be less busy though, rushing through promotions and Dream Team and Star King. Taemin thinks he hadn’t seen Minho so hyped up ever since the start of Ring Ding Dong promotions.
“No, why?” Jonghyun looks up from his position on the couch, and Taemin watches as Minho excitedly plops down on the floor in front of them.
“Krystal totally ruled the high jump segment today.”
Taemin tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his heart.
“She was so good, I’m so proud of her.”
Taemin clutches the remote tight in his hand, because that had been exactly what he wanted to tell Minho, but why didn’t it sound awkward coming from Minho?
“Oh really? SM artistes are athletic then. You two match well huh.” Onew joked, which Minho only laughed off and continued rambling about Krystal in Dream Team.
Times like that, Taemin wished he was more athletic, so he could make Minho proud too.
--
Taemin finds himself seated at the side of the stadium watching as Minho tries for that high jump. He was a supporter, like everyone else beside him was. He wasn’t invited by Minho, and Minho hadn’t even mentioned about this to him, but their manager had asked him to come, just because he was the only one free in SHINee to go. Taemin had no time to be sad, because Minho is running now, and then with a leap, he knocked into the high jump pole. He watched as Minho growled in frustration, the coach talking to him and all Taemin could see was Minho. How his face was full of irritation and anger, how his features scrunches up when he scowls like that. He was so engrossed, he hadn’t noticed Minho running and jumping over the pole, until he hears Seohyun beside him cheer, and then he looks up to watch Minho’s face light up in joy, and by instinct he just runs, runs towards Minho and just when he’s about to reach he worries. What if Minho doesn’t appreciate me glomping him like that? But it was too late, he was hugging Minho and he could hear Minho’s hearty laugh ringing beside his ear and could feel his arms close around his waist, and Taemin wants time to just stop now, because it had been so long since he had this secure feeling with Minho, the two of them barely even making pass ten sentences each day due to schedules and commitments. Taemin was starting to feel like Minho was the world’s to watch over now, that Minho could stand well on his own, that he doesn’t need Taemin’s constant encouragement, that he doesn’t need to find Taemin to confide in his fears anymore. But this moment, this moment with the fans screaming in the distance, the host’s voice barely a whisper registering in his mind, he feels safe in Minho’s arms, and when he lets go he sees pride brimming in Minho’s eyes, and that smile he shoots Taemin, was beyond beautiful. Taemin wants time to stop right there, because he’s sure there won’t be another chance like this again in the near future. Taemin smiles with tears in his eyes.
--
Taemin barely talks to Minho nowadays, not that either of them have the time to, but Taemin hopes they still can communicate with each other in the same old way they did, without words, just simple actions to transmit all their feelings and encouragement. He was falling asleep thinking of this, just like he did every other night, when he hears a knock on the door, and Minho’s voice floods his senses.
“Taemin?”
Taemin peeps out from under his blanket, and he hears Minho chuckle before settling down beside him on the bed. It’s like déjà vu, Taemin thinks, and he comes to realise that he has been missing Minho’s deep voice and laughter like how it always seemed to ring beside his ear in the past, and that thought almost brings him to tears. Again.
“Mmm?”
“Are you worrying about tomorrow’s Lucifer stage? Because I am.”
It was a replay again, and Taemin misses it so much it pains him. Only this time Minho has his hair cut short instead of long and curly, and Taemin had his hair long and straight instead of short. Only this time Minho hobbles in with an injured leg, and Taemin likes to think they have been like that all these while, and nothing had changed, but deep down he knows, everything changed.
--
Taemin was fidgeting behind the stage, listening to the roar in the crowd as they prepare for Lucifer in SMTown. He feels Minho coming over to him, and indulges in the pat he gives him on the shoulder.
“Breathe, things will be fine. They always do.”
It was weird, listening what he always say come from Minho instead, but nonetheless it warms his heart, because he’s grateful Minho still notices these small things about him, so he smiles, and with a last glance at Minho, they were off on the stage, Lucifer ringing in his ears.
By the end of the concert, Taemin was sweaty and giddy with joy, because he’s grateful that SHINee has increased their fan base so much in such a short period of time. He watches the people around him, SNSD, Super Junior, DBSK, Boa, f(x), all talking and playing around with one another. Then he spots a familiar presence in the crowd, and he smiles when he sees Minho playing with a toy gun and chatting heartily with the rest of the crowd. Then he sees Krystal, and that jab in his heart intensifies, and suddenly he’s suffocating, just because. He likes Krystal, she’s a lovable girl with talents, but he finds himself wanting to hate her. Wanting to hate her for being so close to Minho, but that was just selfish, and-
Taemin stops breathing. He watches as Minho pluck out something from Krystal’s hair, fingertips slightly brushing against Krystal’s head, before she turns and bounces up and down to the music. He finds himself standing there, the only thing not moving in the mess of people, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care if he looked awkward or not, because he sees that expression on Minho’s face.
That exact same expression he had seen on his own face many times when he looks at himself in the mirror, that same expression when he was thinking of Minho.
The pain runs through his whole body, and Taemin was just numb.
--
Taemin avoids Minho like a plague the following days, not that the other notices given his busy schedule, and Taemin thinks he’s doing a good job at being subtle until Onew pulls him by the wrist into the kitchen one day.
“Taemin, what’s wrong with Minho and you?”
Taemin bites the inside of his cheek, that bitter feeling rising up his throat, clogging his own airway, and suddenly Taemin wants to cry. “Nothing.”
“Come on now, I know you better than this.”
Taemin looks up into Onew’s concerned eyes, and finds himself breaking, bits and pieces of him shattering in front of Onew, right in the kitchen of their dorm. “I don’t know.” And it was true, he doesn’t know why too.
“Hush hush, it’ll be fine. Things always do.”
No it doesn’t, Taemin thinks, and crouches down on the floor, in front of the fridge, tears dripping down and staining the white tiles with his fear and pain.
“We are going to Thailand for a shooting tomorrow, Minho and I.” Onew says after a few moments of silence, save for Taemin’s sobs and occasional hiccups.
Taemin doesn’t reply, just feel his airway narrow a bit more.
“And-and Krystal’s going too.”
Taemin could hear the reluctance in Onew’s voice, like he doesn’t want to tell Taemin the truth, but he did anyway, and Taemin feels himself deprived of oxygen, and deep down in his heart he is flailing around, desperate for help, but Minho doesn’t come. He just knew he wouldn’t.
--
In the end Taemin still pulls Minho into a hug before they leave for Pattaya the next morning, and he breathes in Minho’s scent, noticing how everything about Minho feels so different now. It breaks his heart, to say the least, that he was once the member most familiar with Minho’s everything. He probably still is now, but everything just seems different, like he’s suddenly new to Minho’s scent, and everything about the older boy seems just, different.
That night Taemin falls asleep thinking about Minho and Krystal, and wakes up in cold sweat in the middle of the night, shaking from fear.
He resorts to climbing into Minho’s bed for the rest of the night.
--
Minho comes back once shooting is done, which is a few days’ later, and Taemin has had enough time to think things through, and he’s decided to stop overthinking things, because if this continues, Taemin is sure he’s going to lose Minho, even as a friend. So he just does what he always did since debut, he talks to Minho, about everything and anything. He watches as Minho replies him just like in the past, only his voice sounded more tired and drained, but the feeling is the same, almost. And Taemin is satisfied with this.
Until he surfs the Internet and stares as pictures of Minho and Krystal in Thailand glares back at him through the computer screen. The pictures were mocking him, the very fact that Krystal doesn’t even have to try for Minho to get closer to her, while Taemin had to pester Minho for the very same thing. He watches, even though his heart hurts, and scrolls through more pictures of the two of them, Minho patting Krystal’s head, wiping her face, smiling at her. Everything Minho once did with himself, he does with her too. Taemin stares into Minho’s eyes through the screen, and finds that glint in his eyes that Taemin once found back then during debut period, the one Taemin had been trying to get back since long ago, but never succeeded in doing.
Then just like a puzzle, everything clicks in place, and even though Taemin smiles at the screen, he could hear his own heart smashing on the floor in the dorm, hoping that one of the pieces could reach Minho, so that he at least knows what he does to Taemin.
--
It had started with his efforts, Taemin liked to think, that Minho finally opened up to everyone around him, that Minho finally came out of his shell to face the world.
And now-as he watches Krystal flick Minho on the forehead backstage, Minho’s laughter ringing in his mind-Taemin smiles, it’s her turn.
My time is over.
FIN.
A/N: LOL it started out great (to me), but then I ended up being incoherent because it is like 2am here and I’m really dead, and I have school tomorrow, so pardon my incoherencies.
Comments are deeply appreciated, thank you for reading!
♥
A/N: Long time since I wrote 2min, so I’m rusty, in a bad way. This was inspired by this.
Taemin likes to think that he knows Minho well, well enough to know how the older boy’s eyes crinkle whenever he laughs, like he’s trying to hold back his laughter, like he’s afraid that someone might catch him laughing. Taemin likes the fact that Minho has transformed from a silent and shy boy from debut till the confident and even witty man in SHINee now, because Taemin is aware that during their debut days, Minho is the one with the least fans-his talents are not showcased other than his rapping skills, which Key has proved himself to be very capable in as well. Minho couldn’t sing as well as Jonghyun, be as funny as Onew, or dance as well as Key or himself, and that’s probably the main reason Taemin finds how the screams for Minho always seems to be lacking that little bit. It wasn’t too obvious, he thinks it’s not obvious at all, but he notices it, and he doesn’t miss that slight waver at the edge of Minho’s lips that indicates that he himself has realised it too. The other members don’t though, and Taemin was determined from then on, to help Minho open up, to dance as well as Key and himself, to be able to sing better and be as funny as Onew. He wants Minho to have the most fans, even more than him, he doesn’t mind. Why he was so determined, Taemin himself doesn’t understand, but that burning feeling in his gut just tells him he has to.
--
He talks to Minho every day from then on, noticing how the older fidgets a little whenever he sits down next to him on the couch, and his features would scrunch up together, like he’s uncomfortable to have Taemin talking to him. Taemin was discouraged, at first, because every single time he talks to Minho, he would only receive a one word reply or just a muted shake or nod of head. He doesn’t give up though, and one day Minho smiles at him, just a little, like he’s thankful for Taemin bothering to care about him, and Taemin pats himself on his back when he realises Minho doesn’t move away whenever Taemin sits beside him from then on, and sends back his most sincere smile when one day Minho looks him in the eye and mutters a low thank you. Taemin thinks everything he had done was worth it, worth this.
It was another one week before Minho could converse with him like a normal friend would, and Taemin was glad, thankful even, he didn’t give up hope back then, because then he wouldn’t have made such a good friend, wouldn’t have got to see such a beautiful smile. It didn’t take long before Minho would come over and talk to him voluntarily, and by then it had been two months since their first performance on Music Bank, and Taemin was grateful it didn’t take too long for Minho to open up, because he could wait, but he wasn’t sure if the fans could.
--
“Taemin, have you seen my phone?”
It was backstage at Music Bank for their third performance for Replay, when Minho taps him on the shoulder while he was fiddling with his hair in the mirror.
“I think I saw it there.” He points to a couch at the corner of the room, and watches as Minho pads over to it, finger still holding onto a few strands of hair, long forgotten. It was until Minho looks up with his phone in his hand that Taemin realises he had been staring, so he turns back immediately and looks into the mirror, watching how his face turned an embarrassing shade of red.
“Yeah found it, thanks Taemin.” Minho pats him again on the shoulder, ready to turn and leave.
“Hey.” Taemin watches through the mirror as Minho turns around and offers a small smile. “Do-do you think you can open up more for the fans?”
He watches, as Minho looks down at his own hands, eyes blinking, eyelashes fluttering against his skin. Then he looks up, and Taemin finds himself staring again.
“Okay.” He smiles. “Okay, I’ll try.”
Taemin couldn’t help the smile growing on his face when he watches Minho stumble over his words later on when the host asks him some questions about their new song. That whole dialogue way exceeded all the words Minho had spoken since debut. He’s trying.
--
Taemin wakes up, vision blurry from sleep and he yawns as he opens the door of their bedroom to go to the dining table where the rest of the members were having their breakfast, his own dental hygiene forgotten in his hazy state of mind.
“Oh my god what’s wrong with you Jonghyun? That was so gross.” He hears Kibum’s shrill voice shrieking at Jonghyun, but he was still too sleepy to process whatever things Jonghyun did. Then he hears it, that deep laughter that he had slowly grown accustomed to over the past two months, amidst the rest of the members’ giggles. He wakes up then, eyelids suddenly light, and his mind clears, like all the fog was gone with a splash of water. Taemin peeps from the hallway, and he watches as Minho laughs at whatever Onew was saying, and protests when Jonghyun snatches his toast away to give it to Kibum who was too lazy to reach over and get it himself. He feels his heart seize, partly because Minho is finally opening up to the members, but mostly because he thinks he’s the one responsible for this, all those time spent trying to pry open that box of pent up emotions in Minho’s heart, and he feels his own smile grow when he steps out into the dining table to be invited by Minho with a pat of the seat next to him. They were finally, a group of five.
--
Time fast forwards a lot when you are a star, Taemin realises, and before he can react, they were all ready for their Amigo promotions. They were at the waiting room of Music Bank, coordi noonas bustling around to grab hair straighteners and hair clips, and amidst the chaos, Taemin could catch a figure standing silently at the corner of the room, head bowed low and eyes shut tight. He walks over to him, and pokes Minho’s shoulders lightly, as if he might frighten the other if he pushed too hard. The older looked up, and smiles.
“Don’t worry hyung, it’ll be way better.” Both of them knew what Taemin was talking about, and Minho chuckles, ruffling Taemin’s hair a little before nodding. Taemin wanted to say more, say stuff like you opened up a lot, it’ll be worth it or stuff like you’ve improved on your dancing, so no worries but he can’t, because their manager is pushing them out of the room and backstage, getting them ready for their first promotion performance of their second hit track. Taemin breathes in deep, and gives Minho’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze before they step onto the stage, the screams erupting in the studio, and when it was Minho’s turn to rap, Taemin smiles, because indeed, the screams were way louder. Things were getting better.
--
Taemin stares at Key’s blonde hair, and wonders where time went, because every day he passed with waking up early, taking the van, performing, then back to dorm and sleeping, only to repeat the routine again for every single day to come. He can’t help but think this is the price he has to pay for being a singer, and suddenly feels a hint of regret, because boys his age should be playing soccer on the field, or ogling at hot girls who walk past them only to laugh at one another’s retarded expressions after. But no, he has to perform the same song over and over again, and return to the dorm to practice their new dance for the next promotion song. Taemin loves dancing, but doing it almost twenty four seven was tiring to say the least. The only consolation Taemin draws from this life is Minho, who gets closer to him than any other member in the group, and Taemin finds himself grateful for the older boy’s company and encouragements.
“Taemin?” Minho knocks on the door before entering quietly, afraid that the lump on the bed would stir from his sleep. It did, and Minho laughs a little when Taemin’s head pops out from under the blanket.
“Mmm?”
“Are you worrying about tomorrow’s Juliette stage? Because I am.” Taemin hears the breathy chuckle Minho adds at the end of the sentence, and knows how the other doesn’t like admitting his weakness. Taemin feels honoured to be the one Minho admits his fears and weaknesses to, and he smiles back at the older, squeezing his hand a little.
“Don’t worry, me too. I bet Onew hyung is sweating bullets now, because he’s always the most nervous one around us.”
Both of them laughed at that, before Taemin continues. “Don’t worry, Juliette will be a hit. It’ll be better, things always get better.”
Minho nods, before ruffling Taemin’s hair one last time and asking the boy to sleep soon, because they have to look their best for their first Juliette stage tomorrow.
Taemin does, and all he dreams of is Minho’s smile.
--
Taemin is glad that by the end of Juliette promotion, Minho has fully opened up, as if encouraged by the increase in his fanbase, and is good enough material for variety shows, even better than him. Taemin smiles.
--
Life doesn’t change, Taemin thinks as he watches the hairstylist snip off his hair through the mirror, every single day. And time flies, because now they have yet another new song, Ring Ding Dong. It was kind of stupid sounding to Taemin, when he first heard it, but it slowly grows on him. He realises, that Minho only gets one line in this whole song, and when he looks up to watch Minho, he looks like he realised it too. We always realise things at the same time, Taemin thinks, before he reaches out and squeezes Minho’s hand. No words were needed, because both of them understood each other like that, just like that. Minho smiles.
--
Minho comes home one day after Dream Team recording looking tired and sluggish, as he sinks down onto the couch beside Taemin.
“Hyung? You okay?”
Minho just nods. “Yeah, yeah.”
Taemin tries to make Minho feel less tired, tries to make him think of happy stuff. “Looks like you’re going to have a permanent spot on Star King and Dream Team, hyung. Things are going to get busy for you.”
Minho smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”
Again that reply. Taemin sighs a little to himself, hoping the other doesn’t catch it, before he pats Minho on the shoulders. “Come on hyung, go and bathe. You stink.”
Minho punches him jokingly on the shoulder, letting out a hearty chuckle, before he ruffles Taemin’s hair and leaves for the bathroom.
Taemin stares at the back of the older boy, and realises that oh, Minho has gotten so much more manlier and muscular. Realises that oh, Minho is actually improving a lot from since debut. Realises that oh, actually now Taemin doesn’t seem like the one responsible for this change, instead it’s Minho’s determination and efforts.
What have I improved on, Taemin asks himself, and couldn’t get an answer.
--
“How’s Dream Team coming along?” Onew asks, like the responsible and caring leader he was, over dinner one night.
“Good.” Minho nods his head and chews on his rice.
“Don’t overwork yourself.” Key says a while later.
“Yeah, don’t want you getting a hotter body than me.” Jonghyun teases, which Minho replied with throwing a grain of rice at his hair.
I’m proud of you, Taemin wants to add, but realises it would just sound weird coming from him. He thinks of what he should say to Minho, but feels instead a pang in his heart, when he realises he doesn’t know what to say. He looks up to see Minho and the rest of the members carry on eating, and feels the sudden jab of pain in his guts.
--
“Oh my god, did you guys watch Dream Team today?”
Taemin was slouching on the couch flipping through channels with Onew and Jonghyun beside him when Minho bursts into the dorm. It was after promotions, and schedule was a little less tight, which gives Taemin more time and space to breathe, thankfully. Minho doesn’t seem to be less busy though, rushing through promotions and Dream Team and Star King. Taemin thinks he hadn’t seen Minho so hyped up ever since the start of Ring Ding Dong promotions.
“No, why?” Jonghyun looks up from his position on the couch, and Taemin watches as Minho excitedly plops down on the floor in front of them.
“Krystal totally ruled the high jump segment today.”
Taemin tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his heart.
“She was so good, I’m so proud of her.”
Taemin clutches the remote tight in his hand, because that had been exactly what he wanted to tell Minho, but why didn’t it sound awkward coming from Minho?
“Oh really? SM artistes are athletic then. You two match well huh.” Onew joked, which Minho only laughed off and continued rambling about Krystal in Dream Team.
Times like that, Taemin wished he was more athletic, so he could make Minho proud too.
--
Taemin finds himself seated at the side of the stadium watching as Minho tries for that high jump. He was a supporter, like everyone else beside him was. He wasn’t invited by Minho, and Minho hadn’t even mentioned about this to him, but their manager had asked him to come, just because he was the only one free in SHINee to go. Taemin had no time to be sad, because Minho is running now, and then with a leap, he knocked into the high jump pole. He watched as Minho growled in frustration, the coach talking to him and all Taemin could see was Minho. How his face was full of irritation and anger, how his features scrunches up when he scowls like that. He was so engrossed, he hadn’t noticed Minho running and jumping over the pole, until he hears Seohyun beside him cheer, and then he looks up to watch Minho’s face light up in joy, and by instinct he just runs, runs towards Minho and just when he’s about to reach he worries. What if Minho doesn’t appreciate me glomping him like that? But it was too late, he was hugging Minho and he could hear Minho’s hearty laugh ringing beside his ear and could feel his arms close around his waist, and Taemin wants time to just stop now, because it had been so long since he had this secure feeling with Minho, the two of them barely even making pass ten sentences each day due to schedules and commitments. Taemin was starting to feel like Minho was the world’s to watch over now, that Minho could stand well on his own, that he doesn’t need Taemin’s constant encouragement, that he doesn’t need to find Taemin to confide in his fears anymore. But this moment, this moment with the fans screaming in the distance, the host’s voice barely a whisper registering in his mind, he feels safe in Minho’s arms, and when he lets go he sees pride brimming in Minho’s eyes, and that smile he shoots Taemin, was beyond beautiful. Taemin wants time to stop right there, because he’s sure there won’t be another chance like this again in the near future. Taemin smiles with tears in his eyes.
--
Taemin barely talks to Minho nowadays, not that either of them have the time to, but Taemin hopes they still can communicate with each other in the same old way they did, without words, just simple actions to transmit all their feelings and encouragement. He was falling asleep thinking of this, just like he did every other night, when he hears a knock on the door, and Minho’s voice floods his senses.
“Taemin?”
Taemin peeps out from under his blanket, and he hears Minho chuckle before settling down beside him on the bed. It’s like déjà vu, Taemin thinks, and he comes to realise that he has been missing Minho’s deep voice and laughter like how it always seemed to ring beside his ear in the past, and that thought almost brings him to tears. Again.
“Mmm?”
“Are you worrying about tomorrow’s Lucifer stage? Because I am.”
It was a replay again, and Taemin misses it so much it pains him. Only this time Minho has his hair cut short instead of long and curly, and Taemin had his hair long and straight instead of short. Only this time Minho hobbles in with an injured leg, and Taemin likes to think they have been like that all these while, and nothing had changed, but deep down he knows, everything changed.
--
Taemin was fidgeting behind the stage, listening to the roar in the crowd as they prepare for Lucifer in SMTown. He feels Minho coming over to him, and indulges in the pat he gives him on the shoulder.
“Breathe, things will be fine. They always do.”
It was weird, listening what he always say come from Minho instead, but nonetheless it warms his heart, because he’s grateful Minho still notices these small things about him, so he smiles, and with a last glance at Minho, they were off on the stage, Lucifer ringing in his ears.
By the end of the concert, Taemin was sweaty and giddy with joy, because he’s grateful that SHINee has increased their fan base so much in such a short period of time. He watches the people around him, SNSD, Super Junior, DBSK, Boa, f(x), all talking and playing around with one another. Then he spots a familiar presence in the crowd, and he smiles when he sees Minho playing with a toy gun and chatting heartily with the rest of the crowd. Then he sees Krystal, and that jab in his heart intensifies, and suddenly he’s suffocating, just because. He likes Krystal, she’s a lovable girl with talents, but he finds himself wanting to hate her. Wanting to hate her for being so close to Minho, but that was just selfish, and-
Taemin stops breathing. He watches as Minho pluck out something from Krystal’s hair, fingertips slightly brushing against Krystal’s head, before she turns and bounces up and down to the music. He finds himself standing there, the only thing not moving in the mess of people, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care if he looked awkward or not, because he sees that expression on Minho’s face.
That exact same expression he had seen on his own face many times when he looks at himself in the mirror, that same expression when he was thinking of Minho.
The pain runs through his whole body, and Taemin was just numb.
--
Taemin avoids Minho like a plague the following days, not that the other notices given his busy schedule, and Taemin thinks he’s doing a good job at being subtle until Onew pulls him by the wrist into the kitchen one day.
“Taemin, what’s wrong with Minho and you?”
Taemin bites the inside of his cheek, that bitter feeling rising up his throat, clogging his own airway, and suddenly Taemin wants to cry. “Nothing.”
“Come on now, I know you better than this.”
Taemin looks up into Onew’s concerned eyes, and finds himself breaking, bits and pieces of him shattering in front of Onew, right in the kitchen of their dorm. “I don’t know.” And it was true, he doesn’t know why too.
“Hush hush, it’ll be fine. Things always do.”
No it doesn’t, Taemin thinks, and crouches down on the floor, in front of the fridge, tears dripping down and staining the white tiles with his fear and pain.
“We are going to Thailand for a shooting tomorrow, Minho and I.” Onew says after a few moments of silence, save for Taemin’s sobs and occasional hiccups.
Taemin doesn’t reply, just feel his airway narrow a bit more.
“And-and Krystal’s going too.”
Taemin could hear the reluctance in Onew’s voice, like he doesn’t want to tell Taemin the truth, but he did anyway, and Taemin feels himself deprived of oxygen, and deep down in his heart he is flailing around, desperate for help, but Minho doesn’t come. He just knew he wouldn’t.
--
In the end Taemin still pulls Minho into a hug before they leave for Pattaya the next morning, and he breathes in Minho’s scent, noticing how everything about Minho feels so different now. It breaks his heart, to say the least, that he was once the member most familiar with Minho’s everything. He probably still is now, but everything just seems different, like he’s suddenly new to Minho’s scent, and everything about the older boy seems just, different.
That night Taemin falls asleep thinking about Minho and Krystal, and wakes up in cold sweat in the middle of the night, shaking from fear.
He resorts to climbing into Minho’s bed for the rest of the night.
--
Minho comes back once shooting is done, which is a few days’ later, and Taemin has had enough time to think things through, and he’s decided to stop overthinking things, because if this continues, Taemin is sure he’s going to lose Minho, even as a friend. So he just does what he always did since debut, he talks to Minho, about everything and anything. He watches as Minho replies him just like in the past, only his voice sounded more tired and drained, but the feeling is the same, almost. And Taemin is satisfied with this.
Until he surfs the Internet and stares as pictures of Minho and Krystal in Thailand glares back at him through the computer screen. The pictures were mocking him, the very fact that Krystal doesn’t even have to try for Minho to get closer to her, while Taemin had to pester Minho for the very same thing. He watches, even though his heart hurts, and scrolls through more pictures of the two of them, Minho patting Krystal’s head, wiping her face, smiling at her. Everything Minho once did with himself, he does with her too. Taemin stares into Minho’s eyes through the screen, and finds that glint in his eyes that Taemin once found back then during debut period, the one Taemin had been trying to get back since long ago, but never succeeded in doing.
Then just like a puzzle, everything clicks in place, and even though Taemin smiles at the screen, he could hear his own heart smashing on the floor in the dorm, hoping that one of the pieces could reach Minho, so that he at least knows what he does to Taemin.
--
It had started with his efforts, Taemin liked to think, that Minho finally opened up to everyone around him, that Minho finally came out of his shell to face the world.
And now-as he watches Krystal flick Minho on the forehead backstage, Minho’s laughter ringing in his mind-Taemin smiles, it’s her turn.
My time is over.
FIN.
A/N: LOL it started out great (to me), but then I ended up being incoherent because it is like 2am here and I’m really dead, and I have school tomorrow, so pardon my incoherencies.
Comments are deeply appreciated, thank you for reading!
♥