Dragon's Call Incoherentfied
Merlin: Oh, a rock! A tree! Another tree! Another tree! *several background changes later* Gosh, I think I’ve seen that tree before. :o
Camelot: Dude. Over here.
Merlin: OH GOSH GOLLY GEE! It’s CAMELOT!
Uther: STOP! BEHEADING TIME! Deathdeathdeath!
Morgana: This is not cool.
Uther: MAAAAAAAAAGIC! BAAAAAAAD!
Merlin: Oh. This might prove problematic throughout the rest of the series.
Uther: PARTY TIME!
Sorceror- looking woman: You meanie, you just killed my son! I’m gonna kill yours.
Uther: Um, no. Guards!
Sorceror-looking woman: *does sorcery of the vanishing sort*
Everyone else: *looks surprised*
Merlin: Alright, it has been lovely, but I really must be off. Over there. Which is not here. Er. Yeah.
Gaius: I’m a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout-
Merlin: Hello!
Gaius: Ah. *falls*
Merlin: *MAGIC GLOWY EYES*
Gaius: I know what that was!
Merlin: It wasn’t!
Gaius: Magic, magic, magic! I saw you do magic!
Merlin: Um.
Gaius: Who are you?
Merlin: Did you not look at the script when you were cast, man? I’m MERLIN!
Gaius: You weren’t supposed to be here till Wednesday.
Merlin: It is Wednesday.
Gaius: This is one of the rare moments in this series in which you are right about something and are believed. Don’t get used to it.
Merlin: …
Gaius: Now go to bed. Your spacious room with a view is located at the top of this loft. Thank you for saving my life!
Merlin: *is liking Camelot*
***
Morgana: Humph. I don’t feel like going to the party.
Uther: BUT MAGIC BAD. WE DESTROY MAGIC.
Morgana: Fun, I’m sure. Just not quite how the best of parties are started.
Uther: I’M YOUR GUARDIAN!
Morgana: Yeah, so that Arthur and I can do a romantic square dance without worrying about incest.
Uther: I’ll save some cake for you. The show is the day after tomorrow; don’t miss it.
Morgana: Cheers. I’ll just be staring despondently out this window. Like this.
***
Lady Helen: Oh, my. There is a sorceror-looking woman walking by my tent.
Gregory, the guard: No one there. But I just heard a stick crack. EVERYONE, GO INVESTIGATE!
Sorceror-looking woman Lady Helen: Now how to get rid of the body. Oh gosh; the camera can add ten pounds, and then this mirror adds fifteen warts!
***
Gaius: So, good morning. Oh no, I’m dropping a bucket of water.
Merlin: *MAGIC GLOWY EYES*
Gaius: *utter glee* Haha: you just did magic. But do it no more, because then you’ll die.
Merlin: I’m lucky to have a father figure like you, Gaius.
Gaius: Yes. Now go away.
Merlin: Sure, whatevah. *scampers off*
Arthur: My name is Arthur, Arthur Arthur Arthur! Singing this song, all day long, in CAMMMMM-ELOTTTTT!
Merlin: Hi!
Arthur: You’re weird.
Merlin: You’re mean.
Gwen: Oh, boys are such boys.
Arthur: You’re annoying me.
Merlin: I don’t like you.
Arthur: EVERYONE LOVES ME! I’M ARTHUR! GO TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, AND DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS!
Merlin: What?
Guards: Jail cell this way, bud.
***
New!Lady Helen: Hey, Uther! Can’t wait to sing at the show tomorrow!
Uther: Yeah, whatever.
***
Gaius: Merlin, I would like to introduce you to someone. The script says you spend a lot of time together.
Merlin: Yay!
Gaius: STOCKS, LOL!
Gwen: Hee hee.
People of Camelot: *throw food*
Gaius: Alright, lunchtime! And some plot juice.
Merlin: What is this plot juice?
Gaius: People used to misuse magic. And there’s a dragon under the castle. Now go visit Lady Helen; give her this potion for her voice.
Merlin: Okay-dokey.
New! Lady Helen: WTF? I’ll just be taking this. Don’t bother poking through my stuff. THERE’S NOTHING SUSPICIOUS HERE.
Merlin: If you say so!
Arthur: What about me? EVERYBODY LOVES ME.
Merlin: Just keep walking, just keep walking-
Arthur: I’m noticing how you’re running away.
Merlin: Am not!
Arthur: He speaks!
Merlin: Dude, you need a hobby.
Arthur: Other than beating up weaklings?
Merlin: I am not weak!
The Noble Knights of Camelot: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Gaius: It is about time I pull out my eyebrow.
Merlin: Wow, Gaius! Your eyebrow is actually PARALLEL TO YOUR FACE.
Arthur: AHA! My opponent is not paying attention. *hits Merlin with a broomstick*
Guards: Jail, again, Prince Arthur?
Arthur: Nah. Because that will end with the stocks, and the peasant children need their vegetables. Fiber is essential to a healthy diet.
Gaius: Anyways, Merlin. You know how magic is illegal. And then there’s death and all. You might want to remember that.
***
New!Lady Helen: So, dinner’s nice. Where’s Arthur?
Uther: Wandering about. Why don’t you sing a piece for me?
New! Lady Helen: WILL HE BE AT MY PERFORMANCE?!?!
Uther: Yes.
New! Lady Helen: MWAHAHAHA! IT IS TOO LATE FOR ARTHUR!
Uther: Yes, very nice, can you pass the strawberries?
***
Merlin: Oh, there’s the voices again. I’ll follow them!
Guards: That’s kinda weird. We’re just going to stick to our game of dice.
Merlin: *MAGIC GLOWY EYES* How tragic. Your dice just went over there.
Guards: Oh, no. Let’s all of us chase the dice. Let’s!
Merlin: *is sneaky* I wonder what’s at the end of this passageway, what is calling me to- WOAH. DRAGON!
DRAGON: Hey, you and Arthur are BFFs. Destiny said so.
Merlin: You’re the voice in my head?
DRAGON: Yep. Now go play nice with Arthur.
Merlin: Wait, you’re not talking about Prince Arthur, are you?
DRAGON: TTFN! Ta Ta For Now! *flies away*
Merlin: So I’ll just go back to bed now.
Gaius: WAKE UP! It’s time for your awkward interaction with girls!
Gwen: He’s so adorable.
Morgana: Wait, who’s Merlin?
***
Blondie: Lady Helen! I’m here to clean up your room just before you perform! Oh, look, you covered your mirror! I’ll uncover that for you!
New! Lady Helen: Oh, look. I just killed you dead.
***
Arthur: Hi Morgana!
Morgana: Hi Arthur!
Arthur: HI, Morgana!
Gaius: Merlin, stop staring. Go stand with Gwen and the high-ranking servants.
Gwen: Let’s gossip, and make it sound like we’re interested in each other.
Merlin: Do you like Arthur? He said everyone likes him. Everyone should like me. I’M THE TITLE CHARCTER, for crying out loud.
Uther: STOP! SINGING TIME!
Merlin: Doesn’t send the same chill as the BEHEADING TIME one.
New! Lady Helen: La la la la la la la la la la (in an ancient language)
Merlin: Hey, this kinda looks like Sleeping Beauty. What with everyone falling asleep and cobwebs growing all over the place and HOLY COW, THE EVIL FAIRY DOES NOT THROW KNIVES AT ROYALTY IN SLEEPING BEAUTY. I OBJECT! *MAGIC GLOWY EYES* Fall, chandelier, fall!
Gaius: Is my hair okay?
New!Lady Helen: But what you don’t know is that I’m secretly a ninja who can throw knives from under collapsed chandeliers at warrior princes with deadly accuracy.
Arthur: Crap. I’m a warrior prince.
Merlin: *knocks Arthur over*
Uther: You saved Arthur.
Merlin: Yeah, sorry about that.
Uther: You must be rewarded.
Merlin: Rewarded? Sweeeeet! I mean, that’s totally not necessary.
Uther: Your reward must be awesome.
Arthur: BUT YOU’RE THE WEAKLING! How..?
Uther: You are Arthur’s manservant!
Arthur: :o
Gaius: LOL. Good one, Uther! Air five!
Gwen: Seriously?
Merlin: Not cool!
Gaius: And your consolation prize for participating in this week’s “101 Ways to Kill Arthur Pendragon” is this magic book!
Merlin: Now we’re talking! What more could a boy want when living in a place that kills sorcerors and then throws parties! Deal!
Camelot: Dude. Over here.
Merlin: OH GOSH GOLLY GEE! It’s CAMELOT!
Uther: STOP! BEHEADING TIME! Deathdeathdeath!
Morgana: This is not cool.
Uther: MAAAAAAAAAGIC! BAAAAAAAD!
Merlin: Oh. This might prove problematic throughout the rest of the series.
Uther: PARTY TIME!
Sorceror- looking woman: You meanie, you just killed my son! I’m gonna kill yours.
Uther: Um, no. Guards!
Sorceror-looking woman: *does sorcery of the vanishing sort*
Everyone else: *looks surprised*
Merlin: Alright, it has been lovely, but I really must be off. Over there. Which is not here. Er. Yeah.
Gaius: I’m a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout-
Merlin: Hello!
Gaius: Ah. *falls*
Merlin: *MAGIC GLOWY EYES*
Gaius: I know what that was!
Merlin: It wasn’t!
Gaius: Magic, magic, magic! I saw you do magic!
Merlin: Um.
Gaius: Who are you?
Merlin: Did you not look at the script when you were cast, man? I’m MERLIN!
Gaius: You weren’t supposed to be here till Wednesday.
Merlin: It is Wednesday.
Gaius: This is one of the rare moments in this series in which you are right about something and are believed. Don’t get used to it.
Merlin: …
Gaius: Now go to bed. Your spacious room with a view is located at the top of this loft. Thank you for saving my life!
Merlin: *is liking Camelot*
***
Morgana: Humph. I don’t feel like going to the party.
Uther: BUT MAGIC BAD. WE DESTROY MAGIC.
Morgana: Fun, I’m sure. Just not quite how the best of parties are started.
Uther: I’M YOUR GUARDIAN!
Morgana: Yeah, so that Arthur and I can do a romantic square dance without worrying about incest.
Uther: I’ll save some cake for you. The show is the day after tomorrow; don’t miss it.
Morgana: Cheers. I’ll just be staring despondently out this window. Like this.
***
Lady Helen: Oh, my. There is a sorceror-looking woman walking by my tent.
Gregory, the guard: No one there. But I just heard a stick crack. EVERYONE, GO INVESTIGATE!
Sorceror-looking woman Lady Helen: Now how to get rid of the body. Oh gosh; the camera can add ten pounds, and then this mirror adds fifteen warts!
***
Gaius: So, good morning. Oh no, I’m dropping a bucket of water.
Merlin: *MAGIC GLOWY EYES*
Gaius: *utter glee* Haha: you just did magic. But do it no more, because then you’ll die.
Merlin: I’m lucky to have a father figure like you, Gaius.
Gaius: Yes. Now go away.
Merlin: Sure, whatevah. *scampers off*
Arthur: My name is Arthur, Arthur Arthur Arthur! Singing this song, all day long, in CAMMMMM-ELOTTTTT!
Merlin: Hi!
Arthur: You’re weird.
Merlin: You’re mean.
Gwen: Oh, boys are such boys.
Arthur: You’re annoying me.
Merlin: I don’t like you.
Arthur: EVERYONE LOVES ME! I’M ARTHUR! GO TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, AND DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS!
Merlin: What?
Guards: Jail cell this way, bud.
***
New!Lady Helen: Hey, Uther! Can’t wait to sing at the show tomorrow!
Uther: Yeah, whatever.
***
Gaius: Merlin, I would like to introduce you to someone. The script says you spend a lot of time together.
Merlin: Yay!
Gaius: STOCKS, LOL!
Gwen: Hee hee.
People of Camelot: *throw food*
Gaius: Alright, lunchtime! And some plot juice.
Merlin: What is this plot juice?
Gaius: People used to misuse magic. And there’s a dragon under the castle. Now go visit Lady Helen; give her this potion for her voice.
Merlin: Okay-dokey.
New! Lady Helen: WTF? I’ll just be taking this. Don’t bother poking through my stuff. THERE’S NOTHING SUSPICIOUS HERE.
Merlin: If you say so!
Arthur: What about me? EVERYBODY LOVES ME.
Merlin: Just keep walking, just keep walking-
Arthur: I’m noticing how you’re running away.
Merlin: Am not!
Arthur: He speaks!
Merlin: Dude, you need a hobby.
Arthur: Other than beating up weaklings?
Merlin: I am not weak!
The Noble Knights of Camelot: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Gaius: It is about time I pull out my eyebrow.
Merlin: Wow, Gaius! Your eyebrow is actually PARALLEL TO YOUR FACE.
Arthur: AHA! My opponent is not paying attention. *hits Merlin with a broomstick*
Guards: Jail, again, Prince Arthur?
Arthur: Nah. Because that will end with the stocks, and the peasant children need their vegetables. Fiber is essential to a healthy diet.
Gaius: Anyways, Merlin. You know how magic is illegal. And then there’s death and all. You might want to remember that.
***
New!Lady Helen: So, dinner’s nice. Where’s Arthur?
Uther: Wandering about. Why don’t you sing a piece for me?
New! Lady Helen: WILL HE BE AT MY PERFORMANCE?!?!
Uther: Yes.
New! Lady Helen: MWAHAHAHA! IT IS TOO LATE FOR ARTHUR!
Uther: Yes, very nice, can you pass the strawberries?
***
Merlin: Oh, there’s the voices again. I’ll follow them!
Guards: That’s kinda weird. We’re just going to stick to our game of dice.
Merlin: *MAGIC GLOWY EYES* How tragic. Your dice just went over there.
Guards: Oh, no. Let’s all of us chase the dice. Let’s!
Merlin: *is sneaky* I wonder what’s at the end of this passageway, what is calling me to- WOAH. DRAGON!
DRAGON: Hey, you and Arthur are BFFs. Destiny said so.
Merlin: You’re the voice in my head?
DRAGON: Yep. Now go play nice with Arthur.
Merlin: Wait, you’re not talking about Prince Arthur, are you?
DRAGON: TTFN! Ta Ta For Now! *flies away*
Merlin: So I’ll just go back to bed now.
Gaius: WAKE UP! It’s time for your awkward interaction with girls!
Gwen: He’s so adorable.
Morgana: Wait, who’s Merlin?
***
Blondie: Lady Helen! I’m here to clean up your room just before you perform! Oh, look, you covered your mirror! I’ll uncover that for you!
New! Lady Helen: Oh, look. I just killed you dead.
***
Arthur: Hi Morgana!
Morgana: Hi Arthur!
Arthur: HI, Morgana!
Gaius: Merlin, stop staring. Go stand with Gwen and the high-ranking servants.
Gwen: Let’s gossip, and make it sound like we’re interested in each other.
Merlin: Do you like Arthur? He said everyone likes him. Everyone should like me. I’M THE TITLE CHARCTER, for crying out loud.
Uther: STOP! SINGING TIME!
Merlin: Doesn’t send the same chill as the BEHEADING TIME one.
New! Lady Helen: La la la la la la la la la la (in an ancient language)
Merlin: Hey, this kinda looks like Sleeping Beauty. What with everyone falling asleep and cobwebs growing all over the place and HOLY COW, THE EVIL FAIRY DOES NOT THROW KNIVES AT ROYALTY IN SLEEPING BEAUTY. I OBJECT! *MAGIC GLOWY EYES* Fall, chandelier, fall!
Gaius: Is my hair okay?
New!Lady Helen: But what you don’t know is that I’m secretly a ninja who can throw knives from under collapsed chandeliers at warrior princes with deadly accuracy.
Arthur: Crap. I’m a warrior prince.
Merlin: *knocks Arthur over*
Uther: You saved Arthur.
Merlin: Yeah, sorry about that.
Uther: You must be rewarded.
Merlin: Rewarded? Sweeeeet! I mean, that’s totally not necessary.
Uther: Your reward must be awesome.
Arthur: BUT YOU’RE THE WEAKLING! How..?
Uther: You are Arthur’s manservant!
Arthur: :o
Gaius: LOL. Good one, Uther! Air five!
Gwen: Seriously?
Merlin: Not cool!
Gaius: And your consolation prize for participating in this week’s “101 Ways to Kill Arthur Pendragon” is this magic book!
Merlin: Now we’re talking! What more could a boy want when living in a place that kills sorcerors and then throws parties! Deal!