personal reflection
So, 2010 ended with a slam for me. My girlfriend and I broke up after a few months dating. A few months that seemed both much longer and much shorter than it really was.
I'm in a ridiculous amount of sorrow and pain. I can't really help it; I was so sure she would be my one and only. That after school, we would live together and raise a family. I was so ready to give her my entire future. A part of me still is.
But there's no going back. I know that, despite my hopes that we can still get back together later. Maybe after a couple years. But I know that won't happen. If those mistakes, those errors could have been fixed, they would have been. We wouldn't have broken up. But we did. I can't fool myself into thinking we just need time away from each other for a while.
I tried to stay strong for a while, but I finally broke down into a fit of sobs, pounding, and repeatings of one word: why.
But I know why. I know what caused the problems. I know my fallings. I know hers. I know what we wanted and I know what we couldn't have.
I'm just so, so heartbroken. There is no way to accurately describe how much faith and love I had towards her. I won't ever stop loving her. But now I know I won't ever have her, either.
I know I have to get through this. I wish we had never broken up, but there's no changing that. The pain will get better. I'll move on.
I'm sorry it had to end this way. Goodbye. You could've been my wife, but now you're just my ex. I'm sorry to be yet another face in your collection of ex's, too.