More Wee!John fic (2 for the price of one!)
Okay, so two for the price of one. The top on was an answer to Sheafrotherdon’s ‘Hush! John and Rodney are Sleeping!’ Challenge. I’m posting me answer here and not linking you to the comment there, simply because there were typos etc that needed fixing! (The link was in a previous post on my LJ) However, go read all the other wonderful pieces of writing that were produced. Well, you know, after you’ve read this one! :p
The second one is…well…*cries* I’m sorry! It needed to be written. Honest. And, hey, the first one’s cute…
Nap Time
By Kyizi
Disclaimer: Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.
Rating: PG
Characters: Rodney, four-year-old John Sheppard, Lorne and Zelenka.
Spoilers: None, but it’s sort of set around season three, I guess.
Feedback: Is a gift. It’s nice to give :)
Notes: I saw the challenge and I couldn’t resist :)
Summary: He’s seen the impossible since coming to Pegasus, but a four year old with the ability to complete an entire advanced sudoku book in two hours and the military precision to nail Lorne’s ass with a slingshot at twenty metres is something different entirely.
This ‘verse started with Five Ancient Devices Rodney McKay Wishes He’d Never Discovered (number three) and continues in Just an Ordinary Day and Christmas with the Millers.
* * *
There’s a sniffle from behind him, just level with his hip and Rodney closes his eyes and takes a deep breath; he cannot cope with this right now. He’s spent the entire morning cleaning up after his incompetents and he hasn’t the patience to be nice, he hasn’t the patience to deal with someone else’s needs and he’d rather deal with a Wraith than have to pretend he’s not tired, irritated and more than a little pissed off.
“Wodney,” a small voice says and he lets out a sigh of resignation.
“What.”
“Wodney,” -- sniffle -- "I’s having a bad day.”
Rodney frowns and turns to look at the red rimmed eyes of the child next to him, ignoring the purple abomination clutched in his hands - and God, can’t he lose that thing already. He glances up and sees Lorne in the doorway, looking worn out and worried -- no, not worried so much as guilty -- and Rodney wants to yell at him, but he doesn’t have the energy and, hey, if he’s learned anything over the last year and a half, it’s that Lorne’s an awesome babysitter. Whatever happened, it wasn’t Lorne’s fault. But Rodney really wants to blame him.
“Wodney. I wanna go seep.”
“You and me both,” Rodney mutters, dropping off his stool and picking the boy up.
“You seep, too?” And damned if the hope in that tiny voice doesn’t make him actually want to.
“I have too much work to do.”
“You always woking, Wodney.”
He’s refusing to look at the boy as he’s walking past Lorne, dismissing the man with a shrug and a failed attempt at a smile, because he knows what he’ll see. He’ll see a half glare and a resigned look that belongs on a face about 35 years older and Rodney really can’t take that right now. Because, as idiotic as his staff can be, he knows the real reason he’s having a bad day. His research into the machine that did this is on hold, orders from Elizabeth herself, and Rodney’s pissed, doesn’t want to stop being pissed, because this is Sheppard they’re talking about. And no one seems to care anymore.
“Wodney, you okay?”
Finally he does look and he tries to smile. “I’m fine.” The wry look on the four-year-old’s face tells him he’s not fooling anyone.
“Doctor McKay?”
“What?” He snaps out irritably and Miko looks startled. There’s a sharp poke on his shoulder and he glares momentarily at the cause.
“Hi Miko.”
The woman grins suddenly, “Hi John.”
“Yes, yes, we all know he’s still capable of wrapping a woman around his little finger, let’s not encourage him,” Rodney snaps, more to John than to Miko. “What do you want?”
“Oh, we have results.”
“Ina mo’ning, Wodney.”
“I am perfectly capable of making my own decision on this, thank you,” Rodney says and John glares at him. “Like that’s going to work.” John raises an eyebrow. “Okay, fine, so it’s worked before. Not this time. This time I’m dropping you off with Teyla.”
John looks like he’s about to cry and if Rodney feels like he is, too, then he’s refusing to admit it.
“I’ll be back in ten minutes,” he says to Miko and stalks off to his quarters to get John’s things, resolutely not looking anywhere but forward.
* * *
“Major.”
Lorne turns to the scientist standing in the doorway and smiles. “Radek, what can I do for you?”
“It is Doctor McKay.”
“What happened?” he asks, jumping to his feet.
“He told Miko to meet him in lab and did not come. He is not answering to calls and I thought you had John?”
Lorne shakes his head and winces. “Handed him over about an hour ago. He was a bit…cranky today.”
“Not much different to when he was old,” the Czech says with a smile.
“That is a Colonel in the United States military you’re talking about,” Lorne says, not a hint of reprimand in his voice. He picks up his gun and heads out the door, Radek following closely behind him.
They've been looking for hours when Lorne finally picks up their trail; a small, round object that would have sent him skidding unceremoniously to the floor had it not been for the wall in his way. He glares, picks it up and examines it, before throwing it to Radek. The Czech looks at it suspiciously, before his eyebrows rise in understanding.
"John will be most displeased," he says struggling to keep his composure.
"That's my Commanding Officer you're talking about," Lorne says with a smirk. "This way," he says, continuing forward. There’s a balcony about half way down the corridor that he knows Sheppard used to hide out on and, even though the four year old version of his CO seems to have no recollection of his life prior to his run in with the machine, there are the little things that tell Lorne it’s buried somewhere in the boy’s brain. He’s seen the impossible since coming to Pegasus, but a four year old with the ability to complete an entire advanced sudoku book in two hours and the military precision to nail Lorne’s ass with a slingshot at twenty metres is something different entirely.
“Almost there,” he says, more to himself than to the scientist curiously following behind him.
“What do you think Doctor McKay is d- oh!” Radek actually walks into him as Lorne stops in the doorway, a small smile playing on his lips.
They’re lying in a bundle in one corner, John lying comatose on Rodney’s slowly rising chest, his thumb in his mouth and drool on Rodney’s shirt. The purple toy (now one eyed) that Lorne intends to never let Sheppard live down when they get him back is nestled in the crook of his other arm. And McKay is…well, snoring. Loudly.
“Doc, I think you should tell Miko to get some sleep. Something’s come up that’s going to keep Doctor McKay busy until tomorrow.”
Radek smiles at him and nods, turning on his heel and leaving quickly. His footsteps echo behind him. Lorne takes another moment to watch over the sleeping pair, wishing that there was more he could do to take the pressure off Doctor McKay, wishing there was something more he could do other than being a babysitter. He loves watching the kid, but there’s something slightly disconcerting to know that that boy was his CO.
He knows Elizabeth means well, knows she has to think of the city as a whole, but it’s not right that she’s given up. He’s tried to encourage her positive thinking, but he only has so much leeway with her now and that stings. But he couldn’t have done any different back then, especially not now. Watching them together, seeing how much Rodney McKay needs even the child version of John Sheppard to keep him sane, Lorne knows he made the right decision in ensuring the boy stayed on Atlantis.
Even if Elizabeth will never forgive him for it.
He steps back, takes one last look and smiles. He’ll leave them for a few more hours, make sure no one bothers them (barring a Wraith attack) and heads back to the labs, whistling. It’s been a really bad day, but tomorrow’s a new one and maybe Radek can do some of Rodney’s work on the machine in the meantime.
* * *
End
Maybe
By Kyizi
Disclaimer: Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.
Rating: maybe 12A/PG-13
Characters: Rodney, four-year-old John Sheppard and Lorne
Spoilers: Season three.
Feedback: Is a gift. It’s nice to give :)
Notes: I was writing the main fic when a thought occurred to me. I wish I hadn’t realised I needed to write this. So I thought if I wrote it as another snippet, it’d be like ripping off a plaster; all at once to make it less painful :(
Summary: John pulls back and looks at him with bright innocent eyes and Rodney doesn’t think he can do this. But the boy trusts him. And, God, is he going to have to do this all over again when John’s Sheppard again? When he’s really John, is he going to remember? Because once is hard enough, but twice might just kill him.
Author notes: Okay, so I’ve messed with the timelines a bit… and I kinda wish I’d never had to write this *sobs*
* * *
It’s the frantic screaming that alerts him to the fact that he’s found what he’s looking for. He didn’t think anything could make him feel any worse, but this does. This is so much worse and he cannot handle it. But he thinks that maybe not handling it would be much harder. He might not have Sheppard, he might not have John…but he’s got the only thing left of the man and he intends to hang onto it. Possible literally. Right now, he thinks he might literally need to hold on, because…oh, God.
He turns the corner and a streak of small boy flies across the room and thuds into his legs so hard he almost falls over. He picks John up and holds the sobbing child tightly, doesn’t want to let go, won’t let go, because he can’t.
Rodney glances across the room and meets the red rimmed eyes of Lorne, thinks that maybe this is one of the times he should use the man’s actual name, but to hell if he can remember it. He can’t really think.
“W-Wod-Wodney.”
“I’m here.”
“Day was a big bang and…I heard ‘nothe one and…”
“I’m here.” His voice catches and he takes a steadying breath, noticing Lorne’s chest hitch slightly. Caldwell’s still on Atlantis, so Lorne’s not in charge at the moment, didn’t have to be there, but he knows. He can’t not know and oh, God, how the hell is Rodney supposed to tell John? He’s a kid for God’s sakes and he…
”Wodney, I gots a cut,” John says hiccoughing and leaning back to look at him. The boy’s pouting and red faced and he’s just a kid.
“I wan’ go see Cawson. Get fixed.”
“I’ve got to-” Lorne stumbles past as Rodney nods and keeps nodding, because if he stops he’ll have to start speaking and he doesn’t think he can. Not yet. He can’t, because…because he has to tell John.
“Wodney? What’s wong?”
“I…there…just give me a minute, okay?”
“Okay.” John frowns, then throws his arms around Rodney’s neck, whispering. “S’ow me how tight you can cuddle.” And Rodney’s heart breaks and he feels a sob rising in his chest. Because that’s a game Carson played with John. A competition; something the Scot had done with his sisters and cousins as a child and it’s the last thing Rodney needs and at the same time it’s exactly what he needs.
Stumbling across the room, Rodney makes his way to the bed, curls up at the top and just holds John, shaking a little with silent sobs and trying to stem the flow of tears. He’s already lost Sheppard, but there’s always the hope that one day Rodney will be able to fix that. But this? This is something that all the physics and all the math in the universe can’t make okay. He can’t make it okay. No one can. And now he’s lost his best friend. One of the only other people in this galaxy outside his team that actually likes him and he’s gone. And Rodney could have made sure it didn’t happen. Rodney could have not lied, could have said, “Sure, I’ll go fishing with you, Carson, old buddy”, but he’d lied. He’d lied badly, because Carson had known what he was going to do. He’d spent the day with the machine. Spent the day trying to fix one best friend and lost the other.
“Wodney?”
“I’m okay.”
“Okay.”
John pulls back and looks at him with bright innocent eyes and Rodney doesn’t think he can do this. But the boy trusts him. And, God, is he going to have to do this all over again when John’s Sheppard again? When he’s really John, is he going to remember? Because once is hard enough, but twice might just kill him.
“I need to tell you something.”
John nods, seeming to sense that it’s not a good something. His eyes are tearing up already and Rodney can’t take this.
“There was an accident in the med lab.”
“Did you fix it?”
Rodney takes a deep breath. “Do you remember when I got called out of bed and had to leave you with Teyla?”
“Yes, she was cwanky and you said the f-wowd.”
“I did not. You misheard me.”
“Suw fing, Wodney.” John grins, but then turns serious. “Was the scie’tists sick?”
“Yes, two of them. But we didn’t know they were and Cars…Carson… is a doctor, remember.”
John nods. “He fixed my foot.”
“Yeah, yeah, he did. But if you hadn’t been playing with that-”
“Was Evan’s fault!”
Evan. Lorne’s name. He’d need to remember. And he’s stalling. He knows he’s stalling. He wonders if he can stall for longer, maybe a few days, maybe…
“Wodney?”
“We found out they were sick. Carson tried to fix one of them. But there was a problem.”
John nods. “’Lantis made them sick.”
Rodney frowns. “You said that this morning when I left.”
“Yup. S’e didn’t mean to but they was playing wif stuff and it went wong.”
“Oh, God, why didn’t I listen,” Rodney murmurs. He’s long since given up trying to explain how John in his present form has this new connection with Altantis, but it’s helped them out on more than one occasion. But this morning he was so tired, he was so annoyed at having been woken up, at having had to wake up Teyla and sort out John and go down to the med lab for nothing that he’d just not really heard what John was telling him through wide-mouthed yawns.
“Was they weally sick?”
“They-They, uh, had tumours in their brains.”
“Choomus,” John says, frowning. “Is that bad?”
“Yes, yes, it’s bad. But this was worse, because they were…the noises that frightened you, the ones that…”
John’s eyes widen. “Choomus go boom?” he asks and Rodney’s so upset that he can’t stall some more by bringing up the boys lack of grammar, or just anything to make this not have to happen now.
“Yes,” he says, instead, swallowing hard. “They exploded. The first one hurt a lot of people and…and Carson tried to…he had to try to fix the other one. He wanted to help, because…because he’s a…”
“Because he’s doctor,” John says and he’s starting to sniffle. As if he’s already guessed what’s happening, but he’s too young to know. He shouldn’t know already.
“Yes, because he’s a stupid, selfless, martyr and he…”
John sobs. “Cawson?”
“I’m so sorry,” Rodney whispers, not really sure who he’s speaking to and John launches himself forward, his elbow catching Rodney’s chin and his other hand pounding at Rodney’s shoulder. And it hurts but he doesn’t even feel it, because there’s an ache in his chest that’s so much stronger. It physically hurts, because he’s lost Carson and he’s still not managed to fix John and he has to be strong for the boy, has to continue on as if nothing’s different…but it’ll never be the same again.
It takes a while, but Rodney eventually realises that John’s asleep. He’s still cradling the boy to his shoulder when the door hisses open.
“Sorry,” Lorne says, swallowing and looking a little lost in the doorway.
“Don’t be. It’s your room.” He scoots off the end of the bed, trying not to jostle the sleeping boy in his arms. He’s at the doorway when he stops, facing the major and trying to figure out what to say. Lorne does a lot for him and, even if he’s half convinced himself that the man thinks Rodney’s attempt at parenting skills leave a lot to be desired, he knows he never really says thank you.
“He asked me to go fishing with him,” Lorne says, before Rodney gets the chance to flounder some more. “I think he asked everybody. I could’ve gone.”
“It was supposed to be me,” Rodney whispers. “It was me who promised him in the first place.”
“Well,” Lorne says, smiling sadly. “He understood. We all do, even if we pretend we don’t know you’re still working on it. You’ll fix him, we need you to, and Carson understood that.”
“Right now, I don’t think I even understand it.”
“You’ve lost both your best friends,” Lorne says. “There is no understanding that. It sucks.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it really does.”
Lorne nods and moves into the room, giving Rodney space to leave. Just as he crosses the threshold, he turns. “Evan.”
Lorne looks startled, as if he didn’t think Rodney even knew his name, let alone remembered it…which, to be fair, he hadn’t. But he thinks he got his point across. All the same, he still feels the need to say it.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Rodney nods once more and turns away, his hands still clutching onto John, holding him like a lifeline. Because this child is all he has left of the one best friend he can actually save. Has to save. And maybe if he focuses on that, he can ignore the gaping wound that Carson just left.
Maybe.
* * *
End
I actually have no words…I’m sorry. I feel very upset now.
I realise I’ve messed with timeline. Although, now that I think about it, you might not, because the main fic is a WiP that I haven’t posted yet, but my point is that, yes, I’ve changed things. I’ve inserted about two years somewhere into the first half of season three. Probably somewhere between The Game and Sunday, because I think that fits best with the characterisation at this point.
On to Show Me How Tight You Can Cuddle
The second one is…well…*cries* I’m sorry! It needed to be written. Honest. And, hey, the first one’s cute…
Nap Time
By Kyizi
Disclaimer: Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.
Rating: PG
Characters: Rodney, four-year-old John Sheppard, Lorne and Zelenka.
Spoilers: None, but it’s sort of set around season three, I guess.
Feedback: Is a gift. It’s nice to give :)
Notes: I saw the challenge and I couldn’t resist :)
Summary: He’s seen the impossible since coming to Pegasus, but a four year old with the ability to complete an entire advanced sudoku book in two hours and the military precision to nail Lorne’s ass with a slingshot at twenty metres is something different entirely.
This ‘verse started with Five Ancient Devices Rodney McKay Wishes He’d Never Discovered (number three) and continues in Just an Ordinary Day and Christmas with the Millers.
* * *
There’s a sniffle from behind him, just level with his hip and Rodney closes his eyes and takes a deep breath; he cannot cope with this right now. He’s spent the entire morning cleaning up after his incompetents and he hasn’t the patience to be nice, he hasn’t the patience to deal with someone else’s needs and he’d rather deal with a Wraith than have to pretend he’s not tired, irritated and more than a little pissed off.
“Wodney,” a small voice says and he lets out a sigh of resignation.
“What.”
“Wodney,” -- sniffle -- "I’s having a bad day.”
Rodney frowns and turns to look at the red rimmed eyes of the child next to him, ignoring the purple abomination clutched in his hands - and God, can’t he lose that thing already. He glances up and sees Lorne in the doorway, looking worn out and worried -- no, not worried so much as guilty -- and Rodney wants to yell at him, but he doesn’t have the energy and, hey, if he’s learned anything over the last year and a half, it’s that Lorne’s an awesome babysitter. Whatever happened, it wasn’t Lorne’s fault. But Rodney really wants to blame him.
“Wodney. I wanna go seep.”
“You and me both,” Rodney mutters, dropping off his stool and picking the boy up.
“You seep, too?” And damned if the hope in that tiny voice doesn’t make him actually want to.
“I have too much work to do.”
“You always woking, Wodney.”
He’s refusing to look at the boy as he’s walking past Lorne, dismissing the man with a shrug and a failed attempt at a smile, because he knows what he’ll see. He’ll see a half glare and a resigned look that belongs on a face about 35 years older and Rodney really can’t take that right now. Because, as idiotic as his staff can be, he knows the real reason he’s having a bad day. His research into the machine that did this is on hold, orders from Elizabeth herself, and Rodney’s pissed, doesn’t want to stop being pissed, because this is Sheppard they’re talking about. And no one seems to care anymore.
“Wodney, you okay?”
Finally he does look and he tries to smile. “I’m fine.” The wry look on the four-year-old’s face tells him he’s not fooling anyone.
“Doctor McKay?”
“What?” He snaps out irritably and Miko looks startled. There’s a sharp poke on his shoulder and he glares momentarily at the cause.
“Hi Miko.”
The woman grins suddenly, “Hi John.”
“Yes, yes, we all know he’s still capable of wrapping a woman around his little finger, let’s not encourage him,” Rodney snaps, more to John than to Miko. “What do you want?”
“Oh, we have results.”
“Ina mo’ning, Wodney.”
“I am perfectly capable of making my own decision on this, thank you,” Rodney says and John glares at him. “Like that’s going to work.” John raises an eyebrow. “Okay, fine, so it’s worked before. Not this time. This time I’m dropping you off with Teyla.”
John looks like he’s about to cry and if Rodney feels like he is, too, then he’s refusing to admit it.
“I’ll be back in ten minutes,” he says to Miko and stalks off to his quarters to get John’s things, resolutely not looking anywhere but forward.
* * *
“Major.”
Lorne turns to the scientist standing in the doorway and smiles. “Radek, what can I do for you?”
“It is Doctor McKay.”
“What happened?” he asks, jumping to his feet.
“He told Miko to meet him in lab and did not come. He is not answering to calls and I thought you had John?”
Lorne shakes his head and winces. “Handed him over about an hour ago. He was a bit…cranky today.”
“Not much different to when he was old,” the Czech says with a smile.
“That is a Colonel in the United States military you’re talking about,” Lorne says, not a hint of reprimand in his voice. He picks up his gun and heads out the door, Radek following closely behind him.
They've been looking for hours when Lorne finally picks up their trail; a small, round object that would have sent him skidding unceremoniously to the floor had it not been for the wall in his way. He glares, picks it up and examines it, before throwing it to Radek. The Czech looks at it suspiciously, before his eyebrows rise in understanding.
"John will be most displeased," he says struggling to keep his composure.
"That's my Commanding Officer you're talking about," Lorne says with a smirk. "This way," he says, continuing forward. There’s a balcony about half way down the corridor that he knows Sheppard used to hide out on and, even though the four year old version of his CO seems to have no recollection of his life prior to his run in with the machine, there are the little things that tell Lorne it’s buried somewhere in the boy’s brain. He’s seen the impossible since coming to Pegasus, but a four year old with the ability to complete an entire advanced sudoku book in two hours and the military precision to nail Lorne’s ass with a slingshot at twenty metres is something different entirely.
“Almost there,” he says, more to himself than to the scientist curiously following behind him.
“What do you think Doctor McKay is d- oh!” Radek actually walks into him as Lorne stops in the doorway, a small smile playing on his lips.
They’re lying in a bundle in one corner, John lying comatose on Rodney’s slowly rising chest, his thumb in his mouth and drool on Rodney’s shirt. The purple toy (now one eyed) that Lorne intends to never let Sheppard live down when they get him back is nestled in the crook of his other arm. And McKay is…well, snoring. Loudly.
“Doc, I think you should tell Miko to get some sleep. Something’s come up that’s going to keep Doctor McKay busy until tomorrow.”
Radek smiles at him and nods, turning on his heel and leaving quickly. His footsteps echo behind him. Lorne takes another moment to watch over the sleeping pair, wishing that there was more he could do to take the pressure off Doctor McKay, wishing there was something more he could do other than being a babysitter. He loves watching the kid, but there’s something slightly disconcerting to know that that boy was his CO.
He knows Elizabeth means well, knows she has to think of the city as a whole, but it’s not right that she’s given up. He’s tried to encourage her positive thinking, but he only has so much leeway with her now and that stings. But he couldn’t have done any different back then, especially not now. Watching them together, seeing how much Rodney McKay needs even the child version of John Sheppard to keep him sane, Lorne knows he made the right decision in ensuring the boy stayed on Atlantis.
Even if Elizabeth will never forgive him for it.
He steps back, takes one last look and smiles. He’ll leave them for a few more hours, make sure no one bothers them (barring a Wraith attack) and heads back to the labs, whistling. It’s been a really bad day, but tomorrow’s a new one and maybe Radek can do some of Rodney’s work on the machine in the meantime.
* * *
End
Maybe
By Kyizi
Disclaimer: Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.
Rating: maybe 12A/PG-13
Characters: Rodney, four-year-old John Sheppard and Lorne
Spoilers: Season three.
Feedback: Is a gift. It’s nice to give :)
Notes: I was writing the main fic when a thought occurred to me. I wish I hadn’t realised I needed to write this. So I thought if I wrote it as another snippet, it’d be like ripping off a plaster; all at once to make it less painful :(
Summary: John pulls back and looks at him with bright innocent eyes and Rodney doesn’t think he can do this. But the boy trusts him. And, God, is he going to have to do this all over again when John’s Sheppard again? When he’s really John, is he going to remember? Because once is hard enough, but twice might just kill him.
Author notes: Okay, so I’ve messed with the timelines a bit… and I kinda wish I’d never had to write this *sobs*
* * *
It’s the frantic screaming that alerts him to the fact that he’s found what he’s looking for. He didn’t think anything could make him feel any worse, but this does. This is so much worse and he cannot handle it. But he thinks that maybe not handling it would be much harder. He might not have Sheppard, he might not have John…but he’s got the only thing left of the man and he intends to hang onto it. Possible literally. Right now, he thinks he might literally need to hold on, because…oh, God.
He turns the corner and a streak of small boy flies across the room and thuds into his legs so hard he almost falls over. He picks John up and holds the sobbing child tightly, doesn’t want to let go, won’t let go, because he can’t.
Rodney glances across the room and meets the red rimmed eyes of Lorne, thinks that maybe this is one of the times he should use the man’s actual name, but to hell if he can remember it. He can’t really think.
“W-Wod-Wodney.”
“I’m here.”
“Day was a big bang and…I heard ‘nothe one and…”
“I’m here.” His voice catches and he takes a steadying breath, noticing Lorne’s chest hitch slightly. Caldwell’s still on Atlantis, so Lorne’s not in charge at the moment, didn’t have to be there, but he knows. He can’t not know and oh, God, how the hell is Rodney supposed to tell John? He’s a kid for God’s sakes and he…
”Wodney, I gots a cut,” John says hiccoughing and leaning back to look at him. The boy’s pouting and red faced and he’s just a kid.
“I wan’ go see Cawson. Get fixed.”
“I’ve got to-” Lorne stumbles past as Rodney nods and keeps nodding, because if he stops he’ll have to start speaking and he doesn’t think he can. Not yet. He can’t, because…because he has to tell John.
“Wodney? What’s wong?”
“I…there…just give me a minute, okay?”
“Okay.” John frowns, then throws his arms around Rodney’s neck, whispering. “S’ow me how tight you can cuddle.” And Rodney’s heart breaks and he feels a sob rising in his chest. Because that’s a game Carson played with John. A competition; something the Scot had done with his sisters and cousins as a child and it’s the last thing Rodney needs and at the same time it’s exactly what he needs.
Stumbling across the room, Rodney makes his way to the bed, curls up at the top and just holds John, shaking a little with silent sobs and trying to stem the flow of tears. He’s already lost Sheppard, but there’s always the hope that one day Rodney will be able to fix that. But this? This is something that all the physics and all the math in the universe can’t make okay. He can’t make it okay. No one can. And now he’s lost his best friend. One of the only other people in this galaxy outside his team that actually likes him and he’s gone. And Rodney could have made sure it didn’t happen. Rodney could have not lied, could have said, “Sure, I’ll go fishing with you, Carson, old buddy”, but he’d lied. He’d lied badly, because Carson had known what he was going to do. He’d spent the day with the machine. Spent the day trying to fix one best friend and lost the other.
“Wodney?”
“I’m okay.”
“Okay.”
John pulls back and looks at him with bright innocent eyes and Rodney doesn’t think he can do this. But the boy trusts him. And, God, is he going to have to do this all over again when John’s Sheppard again? When he’s really John, is he going to remember? Because once is hard enough, but twice might just kill him.
“I need to tell you something.”
John nods, seeming to sense that it’s not a good something. His eyes are tearing up already and Rodney can’t take this.
“There was an accident in the med lab.”
“Did you fix it?”
Rodney takes a deep breath. “Do you remember when I got called out of bed and had to leave you with Teyla?”
“Yes, she was cwanky and you said the f-wowd.”
“I did not. You misheard me.”
“Suw fing, Wodney.” John grins, but then turns serious. “Was the scie’tists sick?”
“Yes, two of them. But we didn’t know they were and Cars…Carson… is a doctor, remember.”
John nods. “He fixed my foot.”
“Yeah, yeah, he did. But if you hadn’t been playing with that-”
“Was Evan’s fault!”
Evan. Lorne’s name. He’d need to remember. And he’s stalling. He knows he’s stalling. He wonders if he can stall for longer, maybe a few days, maybe…
“Wodney?”
“We found out they were sick. Carson tried to fix one of them. But there was a problem.”
John nods. “’Lantis made them sick.”
Rodney frowns. “You said that this morning when I left.”
“Yup. S’e didn’t mean to but they was playing wif stuff and it went wong.”
“Oh, God, why didn’t I listen,” Rodney murmurs. He’s long since given up trying to explain how John in his present form has this new connection with Altantis, but it’s helped them out on more than one occasion. But this morning he was so tired, he was so annoyed at having been woken up, at having had to wake up Teyla and sort out John and go down to the med lab for nothing that he’d just not really heard what John was telling him through wide-mouthed yawns.
“Was they weally sick?”
“They-They, uh, had tumours in their brains.”
“Choomus,” John says, frowning. “Is that bad?”
“Yes, yes, it’s bad. But this was worse, because they were…the noises that frightened you, the ones that…”
John’s eyes widen. “Choomus go boom?” he asks and Rodney’s so upset that he can’t stall some more by bringing up the boys lack of grammar, or just anything to make this not have to happen now.
“Yes,” he says, instead, swallowing hard. “They exploded. The first one hurt a lot of people and…and Carson tried to…he had to try to fix the other one. He wanted to help, because…because he’s a…”
“Because he’s doctor,” John says and he’s starting to sniffle. As if he’s already guessed what’s happening, but he’s too young to know. He shouldn’t know already.
“Yes, because he’s a stupid, selfless, martyr and he…”
John sobs. “Cawson?”
“I’m so sorry,” Rodney whispers, not really sure who he’s speaking to and John launches himself forward, his elbow catching Rodney’s chin and his other hand pounding at Rodney’s shoulder. And it hurts but he doesn’t even feel it, because there’s an ache in his chest that’s so much stronger. It physically hurts, because he’s lost Carson and he’s still not managed to fix John and he has to be strong for the boy, has to continue on as if nothing’s different…but it’ll never be the same again.
It takes a while, but Rodney eventually realises that John’s asleep. He’s still cradling the boy to his shoulder when the door hisses open.
“Sorry,” Lorne says, swallowing and looking a little lost in the doorway.
“Don’t be. It’s your room.” He scoots off the end of the bed, trying not to jostle the sleeping boy in his arms. He’s at the doorway when he stops, facing the major and trying to figure out what to say. Lorne does a lot for him and, even if he’s half convinced himself that the man thinks Rodney’s attempt at parenting skills leave a lot to be desired, he knows he never really says thank you.
“He asked me to go fishing with him,” Lorne says, before Rodney gets the chance to flounder some more. “I think he asked everybody. I could’ve gone.”
“It was supposed to be me,” Rodney whispers. “It was me who promised him in the first place.”
“Well,” Lorne says, smiling sadly. “He understood. We all do, even if we pretend we don’t know you’re still working on it. You’ll fix him, we need you to, and Carson understood that.”
“Right now, I don’t think I even understand it.”
“You’ve lost both your best friends,” Lorne says. “There is no understanding that. It sucks.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it really does.”
Lorne nods and moves into the room, giving Rodney space to leave. Just as he crosses the threshold, he turns. “Evan.”
Lorne looks startled, as if he didn’t think Rodney even knew his name, let alone remembered it…which, to be fair, he hadn’t. But he thinks he got his point across. All the same, he still feels the need to say it.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Rodney nods once more and turns away, his hands still clutching onto John, holding him like a lifeline. Because this child is all he has left of the one best friend he can actually save. Has to save. And maybe if he focuses on that, he can ignore the gaping wound that Carson just left.
Maybe.
* * *
End
I actually have no words…I’m sorry. I feel very upset now.
I realise I’ve messed with timeline. Although, now that I think about it, you might not, because the main fic is a WiP that I haven’t posted yet, but my point is that, yes, I’ve changed things. I’ve inserted about two years somewhere into the first half of season three. Probably somewhere between The Game and Sunday, because I think that fits best with the characterisation at this point.
On to Show Me How Tight You Can Cuddle