Crush (7/?) R WIP
Title: Crush
Rating: R
Genre: Drama
Summary: Summer 2011. Oliver finds himself being drawn to someone new.
Disclaimer: Oliver, Kyle, and other OLTL characters included in this story don't belong to me.
Oliver gasped for breath and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "You really...had me...going. For a minute there, I actually thought you were serious."
"Oliver..."
"I mean, the idea of us having a...," he lowered his voice, even though no one was around to hear them. "-a threeway?" he chuckled again. "It's so completely ridiculous."
"Oliver..."
Oliver opened a kitchen cabinet and pulled out a bag of potato chips.
"I wasn't joking."
Oliver turned to stare at Kyle, mouth agape. The bag of chips slipped out of his hands and tumbled to the floor, a handful of potato chips spilling on to the carpet. Oliver quickly knelt down to pick them up, grateful for the momentary distraction. This conversation with Kyle had diverted into a weird area that he had not been expecting at all. He was really not prepared for this.
"Whaaat?! You want us...I mean the three of us...you, me, Ryan, to...uhh..." He couldn't say the word. It was too bizarre. He looked at Kyle. He was standing there, leaning against the kitchen island. He stared at Oliver calmly, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. As if he had just suggested a simple change in their life, like buying a different laundry detergent, not bringing another man into their bed.
Oliver scooped up the stray chips and dumped them in the trash.
"I know it seems a little out there..."
"A little?" Oliver looked at Kyle as if he'd lost his mind.
"...Ok, maybe it's a lot out there, but it's just a suggestion, ok? Maybe if you think about it for a while, it might not seem like such a bad idea."
"I don't need to think about it, Kyle. I know I could never do something like that." He put the bag of chips back on the counter and pushed them aside. He had suddenly lost his appetite.
"I can think of a few things you said you'd never do that you seem to like doin' now," Kyle raised his eyebrows suggestively at Oliver as he grabbed a handful of chips from the bag.
Oliver glared at him. "That's different. That's you and me - not a - a group."
"I'm not suggestin' we invite the entire town, Oliver."
"I know that, Kyle!" He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He couldn't believe they were having this conversation. "What's the difference anyway? Three guys, four guys - five guys, either way it's so...so..."
"So what?" Kyle asked as he popped a potato chip into his mouth.
"Wrong." Oliver finished. "Look, I know you're trying to help and I appreciate it...but c'mon, you know we're not the kind of guys who do stuff like that. We're...we're normal."
"Guys who have threeways aren't normal?"
"That's not what I meant...."
"Then what did you mean then?" Kyle asked, a bit defensively.
Oliver didn't want this to turn into another fight, so he chose his words carefully. "I just think...I think it's kind of sleazy, ok?"
Kyle stared down at the counter top for a moment, looking at his hands. "It doesn't have to be. I mean, if everyone knows what they're gettin' into...if everyone's safe, it can be fun."
A thought occurred to Oliver. His stomach dropped. "You've done this before?"
Kyle looked up at him again.
"Yeah, a few times." He searched Oliver's expression, waiting to see what his reaction would be.
"Oh my god." Oliver leaned against the counter, as if to steady himself. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's not exactly the easiest thing to work into a conversation, Oliver. Hey honey, could you pass the salt? By the way, did I tell you about that time I had a threeway?'"
"Yeah, but you could have said...something." Oliver muttered "oh my god" under his breath again.
"It was right after college, not exactly the best time in my life." Kyle didn't like talking about those painful years any more than Oliver did.
Oliver's expression darkened. Kyle had said that word - college - that never failed to dredge up feelings of regret and guilt.
"Then, a few years ago, I was kind of seeing this guy. He had a roommate and..." Kyle's voice trailed off as he took in Oliver's disapproving expression. "...you can probably fill in the rest."
"Wow." Oliver struggled to contain the mess of emotions whirling inside of him. Regret, jealousy, insecurity. "I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, I knew you'd been with other guys, done things with them..." he exhaled heavily. He really, really hated thinking about Kyle's years of "experimenting." But what could he say? He didn't have anyone to blame except himself. While Kyle had been off having threeways and god knows what else, he had been pretending to be straight. The faux heterosexual Officer Fish, attracted to any woman who would give him the time of day. "Well, good for you, I guess."
Oliver walked back over to the living room and Kyle followed him. He came up behind Oliver and wrapped his arms around his waist, burying his head in his shoulder. Oliver instantly felt comforted, the tension easing off. He closed his eyes for a moment and enjoyed being close to Kyle, feeling his warmth. What happened in the past is over. The important thing is that we're here now, together.
"It didn't mean anything. I didn't have feelings for them." Kyle's voice was slightly muffled by Oliver's shirt. "I should have told you. I just didn't want to hurt you and...it was just easier not to, I guess."
Oliver nodded. He understood that very well. "It's ok, Kyle." He turned around so he could look him in the eyes. "You don't have to explain. I know you had this whole other life and..and it's just hard to deal with sometimes."
"Yeah, I know."
"I never wanted to disappoint you."
The corners of Kyle's mouth quirked up a little at that. "Oliver, we're not having that conversation again, are we? Not after everything..."
"No. I'm not worried about that anymore...sex. I know we're good. Very good." He balled up his hands into fists and nervously tapped them together. "It's just - I know you wouldn't have brought it up if you didn't want to do it - on some level - and - and now I feel like I'm standing in the way"
"Jesus, Oliver." Kyle rubbed his forehead and groaned in frustration. "I brought it up because of you. I want you to be happy. That's it. Do you think I've just been waitin' around, looking for another opportunity to have a threeway?"
Oliver sat down on the couch. "No, what I meant was - you've done things with guys that you haven't done with me, that you'll probably never do with me - and it's a lot to measure up to. You have no idea what that's like."
Kyle sat down next to him. "Well, you've done things that I haven't done."
"Like what?"
"You've been with women. I don't know what it's like to be in bed with Stacy."
"Ugh, Kyle. That's not the same thing and you know it."
"Yeah, it is different, but we both have pasts, right? I don't compare you to other men and I know you don't compare me to women." Kyle smiled at Oliver, trying to lighten his mood, but Oliver didn't take the bait. Kyle rubbed his shoulder reassuringly.
"I just don't want you to be disappointed that you have a boyfriend who doesn't want to try everything. I don't want you to feel like I'm holding you back."
"Oliver, look at me," He took his face in his hand and turned it towards him. "I'm never gonna be disappointed with you, so stop worrying about it, ok? I love you, I love bein' with you. The only reason I mentioned a threeway is because I thought it might help you deal with whatever this thing is with Ryan and get it out of your mind."
"You really think it would be that simple? Just do it and forget about it?" Oliver was dubious.
"It might, but you won't know if you don't try."
"Well, I guess we'll never know then." Oliver leaned back into the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "I can't do it, Kyle. The idea of having sex with another man is bad enough - and you being there, watching us? There's no way I would be comfortable with that."
"Ok."
""Ok" what?"
"Ok, you don't want to do it. If that's how you feel, then I'll respect that."
"You're not going to try to talk me into it?"
"No. I don't want to pressure you." He rubbed Oliver's leg. "It was just an idea. We'll find another way to work this out."
"What if there isn't anything to work out?"
Kyle rubbed his eyes. "What do you mean?"
"I haven't seen Ryan since that night at the hospital, since you talked to him. What if he doesn't even want to be friends with me anymore? I may never see the guy again."
Kyle stifled a yawn. "It's a small town, Oliver. You're bound to run into him eventually."
"Yeah, but I don't have to talk to him. I could just pretend like I didn't see him, or something..."
Kyle yawned again and Oliver finally took a good, long look at him. His eyes were bleary and he had dark circles underneath them. Oliver suddenly realized that Kyle had never gone to bed that morning. He had worked an all-nighter and then come home to a fight with his boyfriend. When was the last time he even had a nap?
"You should get some sleep." Oliver stood up and held his hand out. "C'mon, let's go to bed."
"No, I want to stay here." He could barely keep his eyes open.
Oliver spotted a blanket that had been thrown over an armchair. The Tinkerbell-patterned quilt had been left there after Sierra's nap. He picked it up and carried it over to Kyle.
"Lay down," he gently ordered and Kyle quickly obeyed. He laid down on his side and curled up into a ball, with a throw pillow under his head.
"Need to talk to you," Kyle murmured, half asleep already.
Oliver covered Kyle's body with the blanket, pulling it up to his shoulders. Then, he went over to the window and closed the blinds. When he looked back at the couch, he saw that Kyle was now fast asleep, snoring softly.
He knelt down and planted a kiss on his forehead. Kyle didn't stir.
*********************************
While Kyle slept on the couch nearby, Oliver took out his laptop and opened it up on the kitchen counter. He sat down on a stool and waited for it to boot up. A desktop wallpaper of Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man appeared on the screen. Oliver double clicked the Mozilla icon. Once online, he scrolled through the local news.
Dorian Lord to divorce David Vickers. Again.
Jared Banks Found Alive: More Surprising Details. Oliver had already heard all of the details through work. Apparently, Jared's "death" was yet another scheme by Mitch Laurence meant to cause pain for Viki and her family. Thankfully, Mitch was still locked in jail and he would be staying there for a very long time.
Oliver checked the weather. Highs in the 80s all week. Clear skies predicted.
Then he signed in to his e-mail account. He had been so busy recently that he hadn't checked his messages in over a week. He quickly scrolled through his inbox and then stopped. A message at the bottom of page two caught his eye and his heart skipped a beat.
From: Ryan Sisk Subject: I thought you might like this Date: 7/2/11
Oliver glanced over at Kyle, then clicked on the link.
A bioinformatician walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “GATCGCATCAATAAA?” The bioinformatician replies, “I’m going to need a translation.”
Oliver chuckled softly. It was a funny joke and, even though it pained him to admit it, he missed Ryan. He was a good friend and a really nice guy, but...
He glanced over at his boyfriend, who was now snoring softly on the couch.
He knew he could never see him again. His relationship with Kyle was too important. He didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that. This...thing...with Ryan had already caused enough trouble.
He moved his cursor to the delete button. He hesitated.
He thought about the good times he had shared with his friend and he felt a pang of sadness wash over him. He stared at the computer screen for what felt like minutes. Suddenly, he was shaken out of his revery by Kyle's voice.
"Oliver?" Kyle was sitting up on the couch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What are you doin'?"
"Uh, nothing...just getting rid of some junk mail."
He clicked the delete button. That was it. His friendship with Ryan was over.
**********************************
"It's going to be the happiest day of our lives." Layla beamed with joy as she gazed at the engagement ring on her finger.
Kyle wondered how Cris had managed to scrape together the money to afford a rock like that. It must have cost him an arm and a leg.
"I'm picturing a Christmas wedding with candlelight and snow falling outside..."
It was great to see Cris and Layla so happy though. At least someone had it all figured out.
Kyle glanced at Oliver, who was sitting next to him at the table. He was busy scraping the last bite of tamale off his plate and into his mouth. After he had woken up from his nap that afternoon, Kyle had tried to pick up their conversation where they had left off, but Oliver wouldn't budge. As far as he was concerned, they didn't have anything more to talk about. Case closed. Kyle knew their problems were far from resolved but, for whatever reason, Oliver had put his walls up again and it was impossible to get through to him.
Then Cris and Layla had invited them to dinner and Kyle had no choice but to drop the issue for the rest of the evening.
"Adrianna will be my maid of honor, of course..."
"...and we were going to ask you guys if Sierra could be flower girl."
Oliver looked up from his plate and smiled. "She'll love that."
"Definitely." Kyle agreed. He put his hand on Oliver's shoulder. "She'll be perfect."
"Aww, she's going to look so cute in her little dress." Layla said. She looped her arm through Cris's and pulled him closer. "I'm so excited. I can't wait."
Cris finished off the last of his beer and then rose from the table to get another one.
"Hey Cris, can you get me one too?" Oliver held up his empty bottle.
Kyle eyed Oliver warily. He made a mental note to keep track of how much he had to drink tonight.
"Layla said you've been having trouble with your laptop. Do you want me to take a look at it?"
"Nah." Cris shrugged as he pulled two cold beers from the fridge. "I had Ryan fix it. Good as new."
Oliver coughed. "Oh...that's..um..that's great. Really great."
"Yeah, he said it was just a virus or something."
Kyle was about to change the subject, when Layla interrupted.
"Oh, yeah...I almost forgot you guys know Ryan too. You've met him, haven't you, Kyle?"
"Yeah, we've met." Kyle answered. His eyes locked with Oliver's.
Oliver stared back at him, a pained expression on his face.
"He's such a good guy, a real sweetheart." Layla said as she dipped a tortilla chip into the bowl of salsa.
"The best," Kyle muttered softly, still staring at Oliver.
"Layla's dying to set him up with her friends," Cris interjected.
"I am not!" Layla protested.
Oliver's cheeks darkened and he turned his head away from Kyle. He took a long swig of his beer.
Kyle stared down at his plate, tracing the swirling pattern along the edge with his finger.
Cris and Layla's happy, cheerful voices faded into the background.
********************************************
Oliver ignored Kyle's judgmental glare as he finished off his fifth beer.
It had been a long, long day. Oliver needed a drink. Hell, he deserved it. He didn't plan to get wasted, he just needed a good buzz. Something to take the edge off.
He had thought Kyle would understand that, but apparently not.
Oliver tuned back in to the conversation that was going on around him at the table. Layla had segued from wedding dresses to flower arrangements.
Orchids. Calla Lillies. Hydrangeas.
He was going to need more alcohol.
Oliver drained the last of his beer. He rose from the table to get another one.
As he stepped away from the table, Kyle suddenly reached out and grabbed his arm. Oliver looked down at Kyle's face. What he saw in his eyes was anger, disappointment...and a warning: Stop. Please.
Oliver rolled his eyes and pulled his arm away. Kyle was overreacting. He wasn't some drunken lush who couldn't handle his liquor. No, Oliver was in complete control. As he staggered to the kitchen, he wondered how Kyle had become so serious and straitlaced. Back in college, he used to do keg stands, and now here he was, judging Oliver for drinking five beers. Oliver shook his head in amazement as he pulled another beer from the six pack Cris had left on the counter.
"You want another one, Cris?"
"No, I'm cool man."
Oliver realized that the conversation at the table had quieted and everyone was now looking at him. The silence was awkward.
"We should probably be leavin' soon." Kyle looked embarrassed.
"No, c'mon, you can stay a little longer," Layla said. "Help me finish off this cake..."
She cut the last piece of cake in half and shoved it Kyle's way.
Oliver staggered back to the table and collapsed in his chair.
"No, I'm fine, really." Kyle pushed the cake back at her.
"Awwww, come on, Kyle. You know you love to share." Oliver laughed hard at his own joke.
Kyle shot him a murderous look.
***********************
Oliver flopped face-down onto the bed. He just wanted to pass out and forget this whole stupid day had ever happened. Unfortunately, he wasn't nearly drunk enough for that. Kyle had dragged him out of Cris and Layla's apartment before he could even finish his last beer.
He heard footsteps entering the room and the bedroom door closing.
Kyle was pissed. Even through his drunken haze, he could still recognize when he was about to get chewed out. He stayed quiet and still, waiting for Kyle to start yelling.
He waited and...nothing.
He heard the sounds of Kyle's jeans being unzipped and dropping to the floor. Then another thump as his shirt joined his pants.
There were soft footsteps padding out of the room. Water running across the hall.
Kyle was getting ready for bed.
************************
Kyle brushed his teeth vigorously, a volcano of rage boiling inside of him.
That bastard. That immature, childish, son of a...
He spat into the sink.
No. I'm not gonna play this game with him.
He splashed cold water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror.
Not tonight.
He was exhausted - from working too hard, fighting too much. He'd had enough for one day. He just wanted to get in bed and sleep.
When he walked back into the bedroom, he saw that Oliver was now sitting on the edge of the bed, downing two Advil with a glass of water.
Kyle averted his gaze before Oliver could make eye contact.
Silently, he walked over to his side of the bed, pulled the comforter back, and climbed in.
A few minutes later, Oliver joined him in bed and switched off the light.
************************
Oliver lay in the dark staring up at the ceiling.
The silence in the room was deafening. Even with the lights turned off, he could still feel the tension between them.
Why isn't he yelling at me?
Not that he wanted a fight, it's just that he expected something. Some kind of reaction. Anything would be better than this. The silent treatment was actually somehow worse than being in a fight with Kyle. At least then he'd know where he stood.
He listened to the sound of Kyle's breathing. He was sure he was still awake.
Oliver knew he had to do something. He had to silence that nagging fear, the voice in his head that told him maybe this time he'd pushed Kyle too far. Kyle had the patience of a saint, Oliver thought. He always stayed, through denials and DNA tests and more denials. I'm always the one screwing up, Oliver thought bitterly.
He knew what he needed to do. He had to show Kyle how much he loved him. Remind him how good they were before....before....Oliver didn't event want to think his name.
Rolling over onto his side, he slipped his arms around Kyle's waist. He softly kissed his shoulder, his neck...
Kyle groaned.
Yes. Oliver smiled. That was what he wanted to hear.
******************************
Kyle's mind raced, replaying the day's events in his head. He tried to relax, to allow himself to slowly fade into sleep...but his thoughts kept drifting back to one place.
Oliver at dinner. Drunk. Running his mouth off.
Drinking 'cause he's scared, 'cause he's trying to bury something.
An angry, bitter knot formed in Kyle's chest. He felt like he was going to choke.
Because he wants him. Wants Ryan.
Kyle had opened the door for him, offered him an easy solution. Open communication. They could all be honest and upfront with each other. Everyone getting what they want.
Oliver wouldn't take it. He knew he never would.
Instead, he would hold it inside, bury it and bury it until it exploded.
Kyle willed himself not to imagine what would happen if Oliver finally acted on his feelings for Ryan.
Oliver would never forgive himself.
Kyle would never forgive him.
He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, willing himself not to cry. They would get through this. He didn't know how, but they would find a way. They had to.
At that moment, he felt Oliver's arms wrapping around his waist, his warm body pressing against him.
Kyle groaned. Now? Now he wants to make love?
The rage he had been trying to suppress earlier bubbled to the surface again.
"I love you," Oliver whispered.
Kyle gritted his teeth.
He was going to shove Oliver away. Then he would verbally rip him to shreds. He would tell him how angry he was at him for bringing Ryan into their lives, for refusing to solve the problem like an adult, for getting drunk and embarrassing him at dinner.
But before Kyle could do that, Oliver's hand slipped into his shorts.
Kyle shuddered.
Oliver was slowly jerking him off.
Against his better judgement, Kyle was enjoying it. His body refused to listen to the warnings in his head.
It had been too long, a little over a week since they'd last had sex. That would have been unheard of in the early days of their relationship, but in this new phase of their lives, with a child and busy careers, it was normal.
Kyle groaned again, this time from pleasure. This is wrong...shouldn't be doin' this...not gonna solve anything.
He could feel the hardness of Oliver's crotch grinding against his ass.
It felt so fucking good. Damn him.
But it wasn't what Kyle wanted. Not tonight. If they were going to do this, he had to be the one in control.
Swearing under his breath, he suddenly rolled over, taking Oliver by surprise. He pushed him back into the mattress and climbed on top of him.
"Kyle..."
They stared at each other for a moment, breathing hard. Kyle could smell the alcohol on Oliver's breath.
He looked at his boyfriend's face - drunk, flushed from his arousal - and he knew he should end this right now. They wouldn't be making love, they'd be fucking and God only knew how many times he'd fucked Oliver's drunk ass. Too many times to count. He'd never wanted to do it again.
Kyle's heart pounded in his chest. His blood boiled in his veins.
He was so mad at him. So fucking mad...
He kissed him. Hard. Attacking him with his lips, ramming his tongue into Oliver's mouth, biting his bottom lip with his teeth.
Oliver responded with gasps and moans, which only made Kyle more incensed...and more turned on.
Goddammit.
He positioned himself so he could grind his crotch against Oliver's.
"God, Kyle..."
"Shut up," he hissed.
He closed his eyes and tried to focus on his arousal and nothing else. Get off and get out. That was what he needed to do tonight.
He felt Oliver's hardness rubbing against his own, straining against the thin fabric of his underwear, and he heard his voice. He was begging, pleading in a low whisper. "Please, Kyle. Please."
That was enough to push him over the edge. He needed more and he needed it now.
***********************************
Before Oliver could process what was happening, Kyle had flipped him over onto his belly and was stripping him of his shorts.
Oliver was confused. He thought it would take a little more effort to get Kyle in the mood. They were in the middle of a fight, after all.
At least he thought they were.
Maybe Kyle wasn't really mad? Or maybe he was, but he'd decided to skip ahead to the making up part.
Oliver could live with that.
Kyle scrambled to grab a bottle of lube from the bedside drawer. Once his fingers were thoroughly coated, he slipped one inside of Oliver.
Oliver gasped and shuddered. He wasn't quite sure why Kyle had forgiven him so quickly, and, at this moment, he didn't really care. All that mattered was that they were together.
Kyle added another finger. Oliver pressed his face into a pillow, muffling his swears.
Holy shit. Holy shit.
With a third finger, Kyle found that spot that made Oliver go completely...
Oh. Fuck.
He groaned loudly and gripped handfuls of the bedspread underneath him.
"Uhhhh...so good."
He felt Kyle go still behind him. Why had he stopped?
Oliver glanced over his shoulder to see what was happening.
He caught a glimpse of Kyle's eyes. Dark. Hardened.
Just then, he felt a sharp pain as Kyle's hand came down hard on his ass.
Oliver yelped in surprise.
Wow. He definitely hadn't been expecting that.
"Don't talk," Kyle rasped.
A sneaky grin spread across Oliver's face. He stayed silent long enough for Kyle to begin fingering him again and waited for the right moment.
Kyle's fingers pushed in and Oliver let loose. "Kyle...please...fuck me...fuck me.."
This time, he didn't have to wait. Kyle kept two fingers inside of him and, with the other hand, slapped his left cheek.
Oliver felt like he was going to explode. He couldn't believe how good that felt. He didn't know why Kyle was doing it, but he knew he wanted more.
So he kept talking. "Don't stop, Kyle. Don't stop."
Every word he said, he was rewarded with a hard, stinging slap on his ass.
Before long, Oliver's left cheek was red and his dick was throbbing. He was practically panting. He couldn't wait to have Kyle inside him.
*******************************
The moment Kyle pressed into him, he knew this had been a mistake.
Whatever fog he had been under while he was fingering and spanking him had suddenly lifted and Kyle felt sick.
Nausea churned in his belly. He shuddered and this time it wasn't from being turned on.
"Kyle?" Oliver was gazing at him with that drunk, wide-eyed stare that Kyle knew so well.
Kyle shook his head. This was wrong. He didn't want Oliver like this.
He slowly pulled out.
"What are you doing?" Oliver sat up in bed.
Kyle picked his underwear up off the floor and put them back on.
He looked over and saw Oliver laying on the bed, completely confused and, obviously, still very turned on.
He would have to deal with that himself, Kyle thought. He headed for the door. As he reached it, Oliver called out to him again.
"Where are you going?" He seemed genuinely perplexed.
"I'm going to sleep on the couch," Kyle answered "Good night Oliver."
Then he closed the door behind himself before he could hear Oliver's response.
Rating: R
Genre: Drama
Summary: Summer 2011. Oliver finds himself being drawn to someone new.
Disclaimer: Oliver, Kyle, and other OLTL characters included in this story don't belong to me.
Oliver gasped for breath and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "You really...had me...going. For a minute there, I actually thought you were serious."
"Oliver..."
"I mean, the idea of us having a...," he lowered his voice, even though no one was around to hear them. "-a threeway?" he chuckled again. "It's so completely ridiculous."
"Oliver..."
Oliver opened a kitchen cabinet and pulled out a bag of potato chips.
"I wasn't joking."
Oliver turned to stare at Kyle, mouth agape. The bag of chips slipped out of his hands and tumbled to the floor, a handful of potato chips spilling on to the carpet. Oliver quickly knelt down to pick them up, grateful for the momentary distraction. This conversation with Kyle had diverted into a weird area that he had not been expecting at all. He was really not prepared for this.
"Whaaat?! You want us...I mean the three of us...you, me, Ryan, to...uhh..." He couldn't say the word. It was too bizarre. He looked at Kyle. He was standing there, leaning against the kitchen island. He stared at Oliver calmly, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. As if he had just suggested a simple change in their life, like buying a different laundry detergent, not bringing another man into their bed.
Oliver scooped up the stray chips and dumped them in the trash.
"I know it seems a little out there..."
"A little?" Oliver looked at Kyle as if he'd lost his mind.
"...Ok, maybe it's a lot out there, but it's just a suggestion, ok? Maybe if you think about it for a while, it might not seem like such a bad idea."
"I don't need to think about it, Kyle. I know I could never do something like that." He put the bag of chips back on the counter and pushed them aside. He had suddenly lost his appetite.
"I can think of a few things you said you'd never do that you seem to like doin' now," Kyle raised his eyebrows suggestively at Oliver as he grabbed a handful of chips from the bag.
Oliver glared at him. "That's different. That's you and me - not a - a group."
"I'm not suggestin' we invite the entire town, Oliver."
"I know that, Kyle!" He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He couldn't believe they were having this conversation. "What's the difference anyway? Three guys, four guys - five guys, either way it's so...so..."
"So what?" Kyle asked as he popped a potato chip into his mouth.
"Wrong." Oliver finished. "Look, I know you're trying to help and I appreciate it...but c'mon, you know we're not the kind of guys who do stuff like that. We're...we're normal."
"Guys who have threeways aren't normal?"
"That's not what I meant...."
"Then what did you mean then?" Kyle asked, a bit defensively.
Oliver didn't want this to turn into another fight, so he chose his words carefully. "I just think...I think it's kind of sleazy, ok?"
Kyle stared down at the counter top for a moment, looking at his hands. "It doesn't have to be. I mean, if everyone knows what they're gettin' into...if everyone's safe, it can be fun."
A thought occurred to Oliver. His stomach dropped. "You've done this before?"
Kyle looked up at him again.
"Yeah, a few times." He searched Oliver's expression, waiting to see what his reaction would be.
"Oh my god." Oliver leaned against the counter, as if to steady himself. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's not exactly the easiest thing to work into a conversation, Oliver. Hey honey, could you pass the salt? By the way, did I tell you about that time I had a threeway?'"
"Yeah, but you could have said...something." Oliver muttered "oh my god" under his breath again.
"It was right after college, not exactly the best time in my life." Kyle didn't like talking about those painful years any more than Oliver did.
Oliver's expression darkened. Kyle had said that word - college - that never failed to dredge up feelings of regret and guilt.
"Then, a few years ago, I was kind of seeing this guy. He had a roommate and..." Kyle's voice trailed off as he took in Oliver's disapproving expression. "...you can probably fill in the rest."
"Wow." Oliver struggled to contain the mess of emotions whirling inside of him. Regret, jealousy, insecurity. "I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, I knew you'd been with other guys, done things with them..." he exhaled heavily. He really, really hated thinking about Kyle's years of "experimenting." But what could he say? He didn't have anyone to blame except himself. While Kyle had been off having threeways and god knows what else, he had been pretending to be straight. The faux heterosexual Officer Fish, attracted to any woman who would give him the time of day. "Well, good for you, I guess."
Oliver walked back over to the living room and Kyle followed him. He came up behind Oliver and wrapped his arms around his waist, burying his head in his shoulder. Oliver instantly felt comforted, the tension easing off. He closed his eyes for a moment and enjoyed being close to Kyle, feeling his warmth. What happened in the past is over. The important thing is that we're here now, together.
"It didn't mean anything. I didn't have feelings for them." Kyle's voice was slightly muffled by Oliver's shirt. "I should have told you. I just didn't want to hurt you and...it was just easier not to, I guess."
Oliver nodded. He understood that very well. "It's ok, Kyle." He turned around so he could look him in the eyes. "You don't have to explain. I know you had this whole other life and..and it's just hard to deal with sometimes."
"Yeah, I know."
"I never wanted to disappoint you."
The corners of Kyle's mouth quirked up a little at that. "Oliver, we're not having that conversation again, are we? Not after everything..."
"No. I'm not worried about that anymore...sex. I know we're good. Very good." He balled up his hands into fists and nervously tapped them together. "It's just - I know you wouldn't have brought it up if you didn't want to do it - on some level - and - and now I feel like I'm standing in the way"
"Jesus, Oliver." Kyle rubbed his forehead and groaned in frustration. "I brought it up because of you. I want you to be happy. That's it. Do you think I've just been waitin' around, looking for another opportunity to have a threeway?"
Oliver sat down on the couch. "No, what I meant was - you've done things with guys that you haven't done with me, that you'll probably never do with me - and it's a lot to measure up to. You have no idea what that's like."
Kyle sat down next to him. "Well, you've done things that I haven't done."
"Like what?"
"You've been with women. I don't know what it's like to be in bed with Stacy."
"Ugh, Kyle. That's not the same thing and you know it."
"Yeah, it is different, but we both have pasts, right? I don't compare you to other men and I know you don't compare me to women." Kyle smiled at Oliver, trying to lighten his mood, but Oliver didn't take the bait. Kyle rubbed his shoulder reassuringly.
"I just don't want you to be disappointed that you have a boyfriend who doesn't want to try everything. I don't want you to feel like I'm holding you back."
"Oliver, look at me," He took his face in his hand and turned it towards him. "I'm never gonna be disappointed with you, so stop worrying about it, ok? I love you, I love bein' with you. The only reason I mentioned a threeway is because I thought it might help you deal with whatever this thing is with Ryan and get it out of your mind."
"You really think it would be that simple? Just do it and forget about it?" Oliver was dubious.
"It might, but you won't know if you don't try."
"Well, I guess we'll never know then." Oliver leaned back into the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "I can't do it, Kyle. The idea of having sex with another man is bad enough - and you being there, watching us? There's no way I would be comfortable with that."
"Ok."
""Ok" what?"
"Ok, you don't want to do it. If that's how you feel, then I'll respect that."
"You're not going to try to talk me into it?"
"No. I don't want to pressure you." He rubbed Oliver's leg. "It was just an idea. We'll find another way to work this out."
"What if there isn't anything to work out?"
Kyle rubbed his eyes. "What do you mean?"
"I haven't seen Ryan since that night at the hospital, since you talked to him. What if he doesn't even want to be friends with me anymore? I may never see the guy again."
Kyle stifled a yawn. "It's a small town, Oliver. You're bound to run into him eventually."
"Yeah, but I don't have to talk to him. I could just pretend like I didn't see him, or something..."
Kyle yawned again and Oliver finally took a good, long look at him. His eyes were bleary and he had dark circles underneath them. Oliver suddenly realized that Kyle had never gone to bed that morning. He had worked an all-nighter and then come home to a fight with his boyfriend. When was the last time he even had a nap?
"You should get some sleep." Oliver stood up and held his hand out. "C'mon, let's go to bed."
"No, I want to stay here." He could barely keep his eyes open.
Oliver spotted a blanket that had been thrown over an armchair. The Tinkerbell-patterned quilt had been left there after Sierra's nap. He picked it up and carried it over to Kyle.
"Lay down," he gently ordered and Kyle quickly obeyed. He laid down on his side and curled up into a ball, with a throw pillow under his head.
"Need to talk to you," Kyle murmured, half asleep already.
Oliver covered Kyle's body with the blanket, pulling it up to his shoulders. Then, he went over to the window and closed the blinds. When he looked back at the couch, he saw that Kyle was now fast asleep, snoring softly.
He knelt down and planted a kiss on his forehead. Kyle didn't stir.
*********************************
While Kyle slept on the couch nearby, Oliver took out his laptop and opened it up on the kitchen counter. He sat down on a stool and waited for it to boot up. A desktop wallpaper of Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man appeared on the screen. Oliver double clicked the Mozilla icon. Once online, he scrolled through the local news.
Dorian Lord to divorce David Vickers. Again.
Jared Banks Found Alive: More Surprising Details. Oliver had already heard all of the details through work. Apparently, Jared's "death" was yet another scheme by Mitch Laurence meant to cause pain for Viki and her family. Thankfully, Mitch was still locked in jail and he would be staying there for a very long time.
Oliver checked the weather. Highs in the 80s all week. Clear skies predicted.
Then he signed in to his e-mail account. He had been so busy recently that he hadn't checked his messages in over a week. He quickly scrolled through his inbox and then stopped. A message at the bottom of page two caught his eye and his heart skipped a beat.
From: Ryan Sisk Subject: I thought you might like this Date: 7/2/11
Oliver glanced over at Kyle, then clicked on the link.
A bioinformatician walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “GATCGCATCAATAAA?” The bioinformatician replies, “I’m going to need a translation.”
Oliver chuckled softly. It was a funny joke and, even though it pained him to admit it, he missed Ryan. He was a good friend and a really nice guy, but...
He glanced over at his boyfriend, who was now snoring softly on the couch.
He knew he could never see him again. His relationship with Kyle was too important. He didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that. This...thing...with Ryan had already caused enough trouble.
He moved his cursor to the delete button. He hesitated.
He thought about the good times he had shared with his friend and he felt a pang of sadness wash over him. He stared at the computer screen for what felt like minutes. Suddenly, he was shaken out of his revery by Kyle's voice.
"Oliver?" Kyle was sitting up on the couch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What are you doin'?"
"Uh, nothing...just getting rid of some junk mail."
He clicked the delete button. That was it. His friendship with Ryan was over.
**********************************
"It's going to be the happiest day of our lives." Layla beamed with joy as she gazed at the engagement ring on her finger.
Kyle wondered how Cris had managed to scrape together the money to afford a rock like that. It must have cost him an arm and a leg.
"I'm picturing a Christmas wedding with candlelight and snow falling outside..."
It was great to see Cris and Layla so happy though. At least someone had it all figured out.
Kyle glanced at Oliver, who was sitting next to him at the table. He was busy scraping the last bite of tamale off his plate and into his mouth. After he had woken up from his nap that afternoon, Kyle had tried to pick up their conversation where they had left off, but Oliver wouldn't budge. As far as he was concerned, they didn't have anything more to talk about. Case closed. Kyle knew their problems were far from resolved but, for whatever reason, Oliver had put his walls up again and it was impossible to get through to him.
Then Cris and Layla had invited them to dinner and Kyle had no choice but to drop the issue for the rest of the evening.
"Adrianna will be my maid of honor, of course..."
"...and we were going to ask you guys if Sierra could be flower girl."
Oliver looked up from his plate and smiled. "She'll love that."
"Definitely." Kyle agreed. He put his hand on Oliver's shoulder. "She'll be perfect."
"Aww, she's going to look so cute in her little dress." Layla said. She looped her arm through Cris's and pulled him closer. "I'm so excited. I can't wait."
Cris finished off the last of his beer and then rose from the table to get another one.
"Hey Cris, can you get me one too?" Oliver held up his empty bottle.
Kyle eyed Oliver warily. He made a mental note to keep track of how much he had to drink tonight.
"Layla said you've been having trouble with your laptop. Do you want me to take a look at it?"
"Nah." Cris shrugged as he pulled two cold beers from the fridge. "I had Ryan fix it. Good as new."
Oliver coughed. "Oh...that's..um..that's great. Really great."
"Yeah, he said it was just a virus or something."
Kyle was about to change the subject, when Layla interrupted.
"Oh, yeah...I almost forgot you guys know Ryan too. You've met him, haven't you, Kyle?"
"Yeah, we've met." Kyle answered. His eyes locked with Oliver's.
Oliver stared back at him, a pained expression on his face.
"He's such a good guy, a real sweetheart." Layla said as she dipped a tortilla chip into the bowl of salsa.
"The best," Kyle muttered softly, still staring at Oliver.
"Layla's dying to set him up with her friends," Cris interjected.
"I am not!" Layla protested.
Oliver's cheeks darkened and he turned his head away from Kyle. He took a long swig of his beer.
Kyle stared down at his plate, tracing the swirling pattern along the edge with his finger.
Cris and Layla's happy, cheerful voices faded into the background.
********************************************
Oliver ignored Kyle's judgmental glare as he finished off his fifth beer.
It had been a long, long day. Oliver needed a drink. Hell, he deserved it. He didn't plan to get wasted, he just needed a good buzz. Something to take the edge off.
He had thought Kyle would understand that, but apparently not.
Oliver tuned back in to the conversation that was going on around him at the table. Layla had segued from wedding dresses to flower arrangements.
Orchids. Calla Lillies. Hydrangeas.
He was going to need more alcohol.
Oliver drained the last of his beer. He rose from the table to get another one.
As he stepped away from the table, Kyle suddenly reached out and grabbed his arm. Oliver looked down at Kyle's face. What he saw in his eyes was anger, disappointment...and a warning: Stop. Please.
Oliver rolled his eyes and pulled his arm away. Kyle was overreacting. He wasn't some drunken lush who couldn't handle his liquor. No, Oliver was in complete control. As he staggered to the kitchen, he wondered how Kyle had become so serious and straitlaced. Back in college, he used to do keg stands, and now here he was, judging Oliver for drinking five beers. Oliver shook his head in amazement as he pulled another beer from the six pack Cris had left on the counter.
"You want another one, Cris?"
"No, I'm cool man."
Oliver realized that the conversation at the table had quieted and everyone was now looking at him. The silence was awkward.
"We should probably be leavin' soon." Kyle looked embarrassed.
"No, c'mon, you can stay a little longer," Layla said. "Help me finish off this cake..."
She cut the last piece of cake in half and shoved it Kyle's way.
Oliver staggered back to the table and collapsed in his chair.
"No, I'm fine, really." Kyle pushed the cake back at her.
"Awwww, come on, Kyle. You know you love to share." Oliver laughed hard at his own joke.
Kyle shot him a murderous look.
***********************
Oliver flopped face-down onto the bed. He just wanted to pass out and forget this whole stupid day had ever happened. Unfortunately, he wasn't nearly drunk enough for that. Kyle had dragged him out of Cris and Layla's apartment before he could even finish his last beer.
He heard footsteps entering the room and the bedroom door closing.
Kyle was pissed. Even through his drunken haze, he could still recognize when he was about to get chewed out. He stayed quiet and still, waiting for Kyle to start yelling.
He waited and...nothing.
He heard the sounds of Kyle's jeans being unzipped and dropping to the floor. Then another thump as his shirt joined his pants.
There were soft footsteps padding out of the room. Water running across the hall.
Kyle was getting ready for bed.
************************
Kyle brushed his teeth vigorously, a volcano of rage boiling inside of him.
That bastard. That immature, childish, son of a...
He spat into the sink.
No. I'm not gonna play this game with him.
He splashed cold water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror.
Not tonight.
He was exhausted - from working too hard, fighting too much. He'd had enough for one day. He just wanted to get in bed and sleep.
When he walked back into the bedroom, he saw that Oliver was now sitting on the edge of the bed, downing two Advil with a glass of water.
Kyle averted his gaze before Oliver could make eye contact.
Silently, he walked over to his side of the bed, pulled the comforter back, and climbed in.
A few minutes later, Oliver joined him in bed and switched off the light.
************************
Oliver lay in the dark staring up at the ceiling.
The silence in the room was deafening. Even with the lights turned off, he could still feel the tension between them.
Why isn't he yelling at me?
Not that he wanted a fight, it's just that he expected something. Some kind of reaction. Anything would be better than this. The silent treatment was actually somehow worse than being in a fight with Kyle. At least then he'd know where he stood.
He listened to the sound of Kyle's breathing. He was sure he was still awake.
Oliver knew he had to do something. He had to silence that nagging fear, the voice in his head that told him maybe this time he'd pushed Kyle too far. Kyle had the patience of a saint, Oliver thought. He always stayed, through denials and DNA tests and more denials. I'm always the one screwing up, Oliver thought bitterly.
He knew what he needed to do. He had to show Kyle how much he loved him. Remind him how good they were before....before....Oliver didn't event want to think his name.
Rolling over onto his side, he slipped his arms around Kyle's waist. He softly kissed his shoulder, his neck...
Kyle groaned.
Yes. Oliver smiled. That was what he wanted to hear.
******************************
Kyle's mind raced, replaying the day's events in his head. He tried to relax, to allow himself to slowly fade into sleep...but his thoughts kept drifting back to one place.
Oliver at dinner. Drunk. Running his mouth off.
Drinking 'cause he's scared, 'cause he's trying to bury something.
An angry, bitter knot formed in Kyle's chest. He felt like he was going to choke.
Because he wants him. Wants Ryan.
Kyle had opened the door for him, offered him an easy solution. Open communication. They could all be honest and upfront with each other. Everyone getting what they want.
Oliver wouldn't take it. He knew he never would.
Instead, he would hold it inside, bury it and bury it until it exploded.
Kyle willed himself not to imagine what would happen if Oliver finally acted on his feelings for Ryan.
Oliver would never forgive himself.
Kyle would never forgive him.
He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, willing himself not to cry. They would get through this. He didn't know how, but they would find a way. They had to.
At that moment, he felt Oliver's arms wrapping around his waist, his warm body pressing against him.
Kyle groaned. Now? Now he wants to make love?
The rage he had been trying to suppress earlier bubbled to the surface again.
"I love you," Oliver whispered.
Kyle gritted his teeth.
He was going to shove Oliver away. Then he would verbally rip him to shreds. He would tell him how angry he was at him for bringing Ryan into their lives, for refusing to solve the problem like an adult, for getting drunk and embarrassing him at dinner.
But before Kyle could do that, Oliver's hand slipped into his shorts.
Kyle shuddered.
Oliver was slowly jerking him off.
Against his better judgement, Kyle was enjoying it. His body refused to listen to the warnings in his head.
It had been too long, a little over a week since they'd last had sex. That would have been unheard of in the early days of their relationship, but in this new phase of their lives, with a child and busy careers, it was normal.
Kyle groaned again, this time from pleasure. This is wrong...shouldn't be doin' this...not gonna solve anything.
He could feel the hardness of Oliver's crotch grinding against his ass.
It felt so fucking good. Damn him.
But it wasn't what Kyle wanted. Not tonight. If they were going to do this, he had to be the one in control.
Swearing under his breath, he suddenly rolled over, taking Oliver by surprise. He pushed him back into the mattress and climbed on top of him.
"Kyle..."
They stared at each other for a moment, breathing hard. Kyle could smell the alcohol on Oliver's breath.
He looked at his boyfriend's face - drunk, flushed from his arousal - and he knew he should end this right now. They wouldn't be making love, they'd be fucking and God only knew how many times he'd fucked Oliver's drunk ass. Too many times to count. He'd never wanted to do it again.
Kyle's heart pounded in his chest. His blood boiled in his veins.
He was so mad at him. So fucking mad...
He kissed him. Hard. Attacking him with his lips, ramming his tongue into Oliver's mouth, biting his bottom lip with his teeth.
Oliver responded with gasps and moans, which only made Kyle more incensed...and more turned on.
Goddammit.
He positioned himself so he could grind his crotch against Oliver's.
"God, Kyle..."
"Shut up," he hissed.
He closed his eyes and tried to focus on his arousal and nothing else. Get off and get out. That was what he needed to do tonight.
He felt Oliver's hardness rubbing against his own, straining against the thin fabric of his underwear, and he heard his voice. He was begging, pleading in a low whisper. "Please, Kyle. Please."
That was enough to push him over the edge. He needed more and he needed it now.
***********************************
Before Oliver could process what was happening, Kyle had flipped him over onto his belly and was stripping him of his shorts.
Oliver was confused. He thought it would take a little more effort to get Kyle in the mood. They were in the middle of a fight, after all.
At least he thought they were.
Maybe Kyle wasn't really mad? Or maybe he was, but he'd decided to skip ahead to the making up part.
Oliver could live with that.
Kyle scrambled to grab a bottle of lube from the bedside drawer. Once his fingers were thoroughly coated, he slipped one inside of Oliver.
Oliver gasped and shuddered. He wasn't quite sure why Kyle had forgiven him so quickly, and, at this moment, he didn't really care. All that mattered was that they were together.
Kyle added another finger. Oliver pressed his face into a pillow, muffling his swears.
Holy shit. Holy shit.
With a third finger, Kyle found that spot that made Oliver go completely...
Oh. Fuck.
He groaned loudly and gripped handfuls of the bedspread underneath him.
"Uhhhh...so good."
He felt Kyle go still behind him. Why had he stopped?
Oliver glanced over his shoulder to see what was happening.
He caught a glimpse of Kyle's eyes. Dark. Hardened.
Just then, he felt a sharp pain as Kyle's hand came down hard on his ass.
Oliver yelped in surprise.
Wow. He definitely hadn't been expecting that.
"Don't talk," Kyle rasped.
A sneaky grin spread across Oliver's face. He stayed silent long enough for Kyle to begin fingering him again and waited for the right moment.
Kyle's fingers pushed in and Oliver let loose. "Kyle...please...fuck me...fuck me.."
This time, he didn't have to wait. Kyle kept two fingers inside of him and, with the other hand, slapped his left cheek.
Oliver felt like he was going to explode. He couldn't believe how good that felt. He didn't know why Kyle was doing it, but he knew he wanted more.
So he kept talking. "Don't stop, Kyle. Don't stop."
Every word he said, he was rewarded with a hard, stinging slap on his ass.
Before long, Oliver's left cheek was red and his dick was throbbing. He was practically panting. He couldn't wait to have Kyle inside him.
*******************************
The moment Kyle pressed into him, he knew this had been a mistake.
Whatever fog he had been under while he was fingering and spanking him had suddenly lifted and Kyle felt sick.
Nausea churned in his belly. He shuddered and this time it wasn't from being turned on.
"Kyle?" Oliver was gazing at him with that drunk, wide-eyed stare that Kyle knew so well.
Kyle shook his head. This was wrong. He didn't want Oliver like this.
He slowly pulled out.
"What are you doing?" Oliver sat up in bed.
Kyle picked his underwear up off the floor and put them back on.
He looked over and saw Oliver laying on the bed, completely confused and, obviously, still very turned on.
He would have to deal with that himself, Kyle thought. He headed for the door. As he reached it, Oliver called out to him again.
"Where are you going?" He seemed genuinely perplexed.
"I'm going to sleep on the couch," Kyle answered "Good night Oliver."
Then he closed the door behind himself before he could hear Oliver's response.