Welcome, 2010. Sounds cool, dunnit?
2009: The Year in Review
Kyo: My God, it’s been a long ass year. Car crashes and speeding tickets and every other celebrity under the sun dying and the US busting a cap in the moon’s ass and the discovery of Chris Pine…
Aru: You’re rambling, dear.
Kyo: My, you are right. Where’s my Corisu-chan?
Cori: Present.
Kyo: Yay! It’s time to see what new bishonen I have in stock!
Cori: *groan* Why do you have to show ME? Can’t you show Marg-kun?
Kyo: You…you don’t want to see them? T^T
Cori: …*sigh* Whatcha got, Kyo-chan?
Kyo: Yay! Step right this way, please. First we have Doyle from the Secret Saturdays. I’m sort of in denial about him but he insisted on being here.
Doyle: *grins* Ladies.
Cori & Aru: O_O Wait…
Doyle: …?
Cori: Um, he sounds a bit familiar, Kyo-chan…
Kyo: HUH WHAT I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. >__________>;;
Aru: Kyoooo…did you just create a paradox that might cause the universe to implode upon itself?
Kyo: >__>;; Noooo…
Doyle: Is there something I should know about?
Terry: *walks up* Who’s the Mohawk?
Kyo: *shoves him in the closet and locks him in it* There. Ah fixed it.
Cori & Aru: *facepalm*
Doyle: …?
Aki: *pats his shoulder* Don’t ask. Your head might explode.
Doyle: Whatever you say…
Kyo: Yeeeah, so…who’s next? Ah yes, Duncan from Total Drama Island. It kind of doesn’t count since he’s taken but…I…couldn’t help myself. ^^;
Duncan: *grins* Don’t be too hard on yourself, babe. I am quite the catch.
Aki: Wow, Kyo. I know you like arrogant hotheads but you’ve actually crossed over into “criminal”.
Kyo: What? CRIMINALS ARE HOT OKAY. >_>
Aki: *shakes head*
Kyo: *points at Hiei*
Aki: …shu’up.
Kyo: =D
Cori: By the way, since when did it matter that your bishies are taken? Most of them are.
Kyo: Yeah but…you don’t know Courtney. I had to drug her, tie her to a chair, put her in a submarine, and send it to the deepest part of the ocean to keep her from killing me for having designs on her man.
Duncan: *grins some more* Designs, huh?
Kyo: o_o Crap, I just said that out loud, didn’t I? DAMMIT.
Aki: Please: like every guy here doesn’t know you want to boff his brains out.
Cori: *points to the closet that Terry is in*
Aki: …point. You’d think he would know by now since he’s been invited here every year since 1999.
Aru: Kyo keeps telling him about the free food.
Aki: Ah. That does explain it. Sort of.
Kyo: >.> WE’RE GETTING OFF SUBJECT GEEZ. Next in line is Date Masamune, the One-Eyed Dragon of Sengoku Basara.
Date: *grins and winks* LET’S PARTY!
Aru: …pfft.
Cori: …pfft.
Aki: Is someone going to make the joke or will I have to?
Kyo: All of you shut up. I have already made an entire list of “One Eyed Dragon” puns so you can spare me the effort.
Aki: *disappointed* Dammit. It was gonna be pun-tacular.
Aru: *smacks her in the back of the head*
Aki: Thanks, I needed that.
Cori: *examining Date* Hm, I believe he’s the first one of your bishies to be missing an eye.
Kyo: Yes, but he has heightened senses in --*giggle*--other areas.
Aki: …that doesn’t make any sense. He’s only missing one eye.
Kyo: It makes sense…in my pants.
Girls: *forehead slap*
Kyo: =D You bitches love me. Anyway, there has been a slight oversight from last year: I forgot about Craft Lawrence from Spice and Wolf. I count him with this year’s bishies too since Spice and Wolf II came out. *snuggles Lawrence*
Lawrence: *blushes*
Cori: *pokes him* Wow. He is neither arrogant nor a hothead. Could our little Kyo be growing up?
Kyo: *snuggles Lawrence more* YOU’RE SO KYUUUUUUUUUTE! ^0^
Aru: -.- That’s a negative.
Cori: I’m assuming he’s taken as well?
Kyo: Yes, though it took him forever to admit it. *leers at Lawrence, who blushes even harder*
Aki: Um, maybe you shouldn’t be all over him like this? His girlfriend kind of is a wolf goddess.
Cori: O_O KYO WTF HAVE YOU NO SELF PRESERVATION???
Kyo: It’s cool. I put her on the same submarine as I did Courtney.
Duncan & Lawrence: *glance at each other* She got you too?
Duncan: Not to rain on your kinky little parade here, doll, but are you sure putting Courtney and a wolf goddess in the same cramped space was a good idea?
Kyo: Ah, they’re both drugged. They’ll be too high to kill each other.
Aki: Or you. *ducks*
Kyo: STFU. Anyway, next in line is Sebastian Michaels from Kuroshitsuji.
Sebastian: *smiles and bows politely*
Cori: …? He doesn’t look so special.
Kyo: Did I mention he’s a demon?
Cori: Oh. Now I see the appeal. XD
Kyo: :D Damn right. He’s the one that catered our little New Years shebang and I must say it’s quite fantastic.
Sebastian: Glad I could help.
Kyo: ……tee hee. Do the “Shh” thing.
Sebastian: *does it*
Kyo: *melts*
Aki: *shakes head* My God, your kinks are getting weirder and weirder by the anime.
Kyo: *flails* HE LOOKS REALLY HOT WHEN HE DOES THAT OKAY.
Aki: Wait, doesn’t this mean Grimmjow now has competition for the title of Hot Non-Human Murderer?
Kyo: *facepalm* You just HAD to say something.
Aki: What?
Kyo: *points*
Grimmjow: *walks over to Sebastian* Oy, show me some of those moves, demon boy.
**Dramatic, destructive fighting ensues**
Aki: Oh. My bad.
Kyo: *sighs* Ah, fuck it. He’s a butler. I’ll make him clean it up later.
Terry: *knocks on the closet door* Can I come out now? I’m getting hungry.
Kyo: No, now shut up before you make the universe explode.
Terry: *grumbles to himself*
Doyle: …?
Kyo: Don’t ask because I’m still not gonna tell ya.
Doyle: Not even if I do this…? *flexes muscles*
Kyo: *ded*
Doyle: While funny, that was not the desired effect. *pokes her*
Aki: Ah, don’t worry. It’s easy enough to fix. *leans down next to Kyo* Sanosuke just went to take a shower.
Kyo: *sits up holding camera* OGOD YES PLZ. *looks around, disappointed* Dammit, I told you that was for emergencies only!
Aki: You were in a coma.
Kyo: A sexy coma. There’s a difference.
Aki: *sighs*
Kyo: :D Next is my bishie on lease from Marg: Hei from Darker Than Black. Or according to TVTropes: “Chinese Electric Batman”.
Cori: XD! Fantastic.
Hei: Hn. I still don’t see the resemblance.
Kyo: Oh, come on: you’re dark, brooding, tortured, you’ve got black hair and blue eyes, and a grapple gun. Should I keep going?
Hei: *sighs*
Kyo: Relax, it’s not like that’s a bad thing. At least you’re not as blatant as him. *points to Roger Smith*
Aki: …isn’t he like two years late to this party?
Kyo: *spazzflail* He doesn’t need to know I forgot to invite him!
Roger: Tsk, tsk. I’m deeply hurt that you forgot about me, Kyoko-san.
Kyo: See? Look what you did.
Aki: Told the truth? *ducks*
Kyo: Ignore her. I could never forget about you, Roger. I was too busy being mad at the Roger/Dorothy shippers. Forgive me?
Roger: Of course. What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t? *kisses Kyo’s hand*
Kyo: *giggles*
Aki: *kicks her in the rump* Stop flirting and get on with the show.
Kyo: Ho-bag. Will anyone hurt me if I claim Blue Beetle?
Marg: *glares*
Kyo: Rats. Sorry, Jaime. Maybe next year?
Jaime: *watches Marg snuggle him* Doesn’t seem likely.
Cori & Aru & Aki: KYO!
Kyo: Whaaat?
Aki: For the love of God, woman, stop trying to destroy the universe! *grabs Jaime and throws him in a separate closet* Wait, actually, I wouldn’t mind seeing him and Terry in the same closet…with no clothes on…heh…
Kyo: *smacks her* No. Bad Aki.
Marg: T^T Jaimeeeee! *dives in closet with him*
Doyle: I am STILL completely lost.
Kyo: …maybe if you make out with me, I’ll tell you. =D
Aru: *coldwaterdump*
Kyo: GODDAMMIT ARU.
Doyle: *staring* I am suddenly okay with this.
Aru: Wait, I can fix this. There are dry clothes in this closet. *she shoves Kyo in Terry’s closet*
**Muffled conversation**
Terry: Kyo?
Kyo: Yes?
Terry: Why are you wet?
Kyo: Don’t ask.
Terry: Would you kill me if I turned the light on to look?
Kyo: Yes. Yes, I would.
**Outside**
Aki: No, Terry, your line is: “Oh, well. Better get you out of these wet clothes!”
Kyo: STOP HELPING ME!
Terry: Yeah, stop helping her! …Well, better get you out of these wet clothes!
**Silence**
Aki: Dammit, I can’t hear anything.
Cori: I think that means Aru’s plan worked.
Aru: What plan?
Cori: To hook the two of them up finally?
Aru: …I just wanted her to STFU. XD
Aki: Pff. Well, that’s one way to end this thing.
Cori: Is there really any other way?
Aki: No. No, there is not.
FIN
OR IS IT?
Courtney & Horo: *burst in surrounded by flames of anger* WHERE THE HELL IS KYOKO????
Cori: ._. Uh…she’s…indisposed?
Courtney: Trying the old closet gag, huh? Take MY Duncan away, will you? Get out here! *she yanks the closet door open*
**There is a quite a bit of nudity and inappropriate touching**
Courtney: *quickly slams the door shut*
Aki: DEAR GOD MY EYES. /).(\
Marg: Wow. Go Kyo. Wait a second-MY TURN NEXT!
Cori: I told you.
Courtney: *blushing* Well, how was I supposed to know?!
Duncan: *grins at Courtney* We got next, right?
Aki: =.= Jesus, we don’t have enough closets for this.
Aru: Since when is that a bad thing? :3
Aki: …point taken.
THE END
Dedicated to Kindan No Koi de Ikou. Yato and Hisako are loved and greatly missed. <3
HAPPY NEW YEAR, BITCHES. 8D <3