live in silence.
cry in silence.
die in silence.

why do i insist on thinking myself to be anything more than I actually am? My problems, my tiredenss, my issues, my feelings amount to nothing more than a pinprick - and just as important to thos areound. I think hope is a horrible thing. It makes you believe that things can get better, that things will get better, that things can change, but ( Read more... )

dont say a word. noone wants to know the real truth of you. dont share - noone cares. dont be curious. dont ask questions. dont wonder why. dont think. just obey quickly and without comment. dont speak until spoken to. thats what faith is.

my usefullness is over. boredom sets in.

do things ever really change for people? other than winning the lottery or a rich relative dying or some such. we all go through life stuck in traffic wandering from one job to the other wondering if the bills'll get paid and how much debt we have and why there's really nothing to show for it. Do people change deep down or do we all just go ( Read more... )

remember - don't say anything. don't suggest anything. don't interpret, extrapolate or mention anything. i am wrong, i am always wrong.

except about the wanting to die.

pointless. its all so pointless. we live to die. no purpose. no reason. all sound and fury signifying nothing. we die into ... nothing. we eat and the table is cleaned and no evidence of our existance remains except in digital air as money is transferred. we are erased a hundred times a day and at the end who is there to remember us? ( Read more... )

it really doesn't matter if its me or someone else. as long as its T&A. so much for being special or sexy. its a losing battle. it doesn't mean anything to him. sex is just sex and it isn't significant who its with as long as he gets it. i'm not significant. he probably imagines me being someone ... better just so he can go through with it ( Read more... )

Another month passes. another month of busy no time can't think too much to do passes. now i think we get to slow down for awhile anyways ( Read more... )

i can't even remember the last time i wrote. i know that i meant to and i thought about it nearly every day. that's why i put it on my home page. but yet i didn't. yet again i didn't ( Read more... )