"Raving? Nonsense, my little sparrow!...So I'm strange, am I? Well, and are you curious about me?"

[kyphosis]

I wrote this partly while I was in Barnes and Noble alone last week waiting to pick up Madeline and partly now at home on my computer. It's definitely a breath of fresh air after writing dry and pretty awful English class assignments for so long. Any comments/advice/critiques would be much welcome and appreciated

Comments

[_canon_fodder_]

the green eyed beast lifts her ulgy face in your direction, m'dear.

[sawahthehippi]

nick- you've found a slightly less obtuse way to express jealousy, i see. :)

melissa- nick's not alone. i, too, would give anything to write like that.

this is a criticism of an extremely minute detail of the peice: how old was the woman? the peice is filled with really effective imagery. but i find myself confused about the woman's age, which is somewhat relevant, i think, to the tone and implications of the peice. the mold made me think old, which would be a cool juxtaposition to the age of the guy behind the counter. old means she's lived so long, and so small. but the swaying made me think young, which would emphasize her wealth over anything less superficial she may have earned in her life. it's still an awesome juxtaposition. you witnessed it and had the insight, so i'm curious and i think you should put it in.

again, your prose is fucking awesome.

-ana

[kyphosis]

Thank you, Ana. Hmm, I see what you're saying about the woman. She was supposed to be, I'm not exactly sure, probably about early to mid-30's. I'll think about perhaps how I can make her age more apparent before I submit it to Seeds (haha). Thanks a bunch--criticism is always desired more than anything else.

--Melissa

submit ti to seeds~! lalalala

[legsdiamond]

me gustan muchisimo (think i spelled muchisimo wrong. . . )