life goes on (3/3)
Title: life goes on (3/3)
Pairing: KyuHae
Rating: PG-13
Genre: drama, angst, romance, au
Word Count: 2300+
Donghae’s POV
And so, life presumed it’s course - after some weird looks from his would-have-been roommate - and Kyuhyun claimed more territory in my heart every passing day. He integrated himself seamlessly into my daily routine, until I could no longer imagine an existence without him.
Make a mug of hot chocolate - he won’t take a false stimulus like coffee because that would make him weak - and shake him awake at 7:45 in the morning as I headed to class. Meet for lunch at noon at the café in the science department, when we coincidentally had a break at the same time. Return to the - no our - room at around 4 in the evening, where Kyuhyun would more than likely be in front of his laptop playing what appeared to be his life-sustaining drug, StarCraft. He would relinquish it in favour of a hug and a snack though, something that always made me faintly proud of my success (StarCraft: 1000, me: 1001).
After chatting about our day (and numerous other tangents) for about an hour, we would turn to our homework. I would turn up the music and try the latest dance routine, while Kyuhyun would start muttering complicated math formulas and scribble furiously on the paper. More than occasionally he would turn around to watch, biting the pen in his hand as he evaluated and gave feedback on my performance.
It was during one of these ‘sessions’, after about a month together, that I discovered his voice.
My assignment was to choreograph a dance for A Whole New World, one of the soundtracks in the Disney movie Aladdin - a task I had all but given up on, because really, how can you do anything short of ballet with a slow rhythm like that?
And then Kyuhyun started to sing along to it - not consciously, just belting it out as he rummaged the cupboards for a snack to replenish his dwindling reserves of energy - and my jaw dropped open. His voice was chocolate syrup, honey, warm summer days, cool winter nights, and lullabies, all rolled into one.
When he finally caught sight of my I-just-saw-a-ghost-and-I-think-I’m-in-love expression, he immediately cut off and blushed, eyes shyly downcast. “S-sorry Hae-hyung. I remembered the song from my childhood and my mouth moved before my brain. I’ll go do m-”
Some force above finally decided to restore my power of speech. I crossed my arms and gave him the best indignant look I could muster. “Yah, Kyunnie, don’t you dare stop. I’ve never heard that song sung so beautifully in my life, and you are not going to deprive me of hearing it in full.”
His mouth opened and shut in surprise (see, living proof of why I love goldfish so much), before closing his eyes and continuing, drenching the song in poignant emotion. After the last note, I applauded - even gave him a standing ovation - and the rest of the night was dedicated to pestering him for more songs. He acquiesced (of course), with an expected roll of his eyes, leaving me exceptionally contented as I fell asleep. As force of habit wound my body around him, I made a mental note to blackmail him into singing me lullabies every night.
(Kyuhyun later reminded me that there was no rule against adding an underlying bass drum to the track, and my assignment ran smoothly.)
The next event to rock our little bubble-wrapped world crept unsuspectingly on me. It was nearing the end of November, approaching the dreaded two weeks of exams, followed immediately by the soothing balm of the return home to my parents.
I remember the walk back to my room clearly because of the uncharacteristic visibility of the sky and sun, which meant that Kyuhyun would not be yelling maniacally at the fireball-shooting minions of StarCraft but daydreaming on the loner bench of the little park just outside the residence. But he wasn’t, which should have been my first clue that all was not right. My second warning was the shocked and tearful expression he wore as he handed the phone to me as soon as I entered the room, hands trembling in dread. I really should have been prepared for the overwhelmingly massive tornado after the third hint - Kyuhyun, who never initiates any sort of physical contact, hugged me from behind and nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck, making small crooning noises before I had even placed the receiver to my ear.
But it wasn’t enough. Words passed from the phone into my ears, and they registered in some remote corner of my brain - my father had died.
It suddenly seemed like the world had come crashing down on me, and my knees buckled under the strain. Kyuhyun turned me around to face him, took one look into my eyes and smothered me with every possible part of his body. For the first time, I was the one being supported by him, bound protectively in the cocoon of his arms, clinging on for dear life. We stayed in that position for the better part of an hour, Kyuhyun rocking me back and forth, never loosening his grip, as a blur of motion passed through the numb shell of my head - a muted movie being haphazardly rewound and fastforwarded and rewound again.
Tear ducts started working again, and a deluge hit the front of Kyuhyun’s shirt, soaking it within a couple of seconds. I may also have babbled slightly incomprehensibly in denial, but he showed no signs at all of having noticed, other than subtly holding me tighter. When the oasis of tears finally dried up, my eyes deemed sufficiently puffy, and my energy spent, I disengaged myself and sunk into the bed. Despair was settling over me but not festering, thanks to the existence and active comfort of a certain Cho Kyuhyun.
“I need to go home. There’s so much to do, and my poor mom must be anguished. I need to go immediately.” With that I started looking around for anything to stuff into my bag, only to be paused by an arm and a shaky laugh.
“I knew I was going to have to pay attention to what your mom told me - you heard nothing, did you? She wants you to finish your exams first before heading back. They’ll wait for you - she said that’s what your dad would want.” His eyes were soft and patient as he waited for me to wrap my head around what he was saying.
“But - I - but - wh- ” I spluttered - possibly the most incoherent three and a half words to ever be uttered - but I couldn’t argue with that. My dad’s word was always law to me, now more than ever. I nodded, a wave of fatigue drenching me to the core. Kyuhyun placed my hand on his and played with my fingers, weaving his fingers in and out and tracing the lines on my palm.
Needless to say I was handled like a fragile piece of glassware: spoilt and babied for the rest of the day, sung lullabies to sleep, and then similarly treated for the next two days of the weekend.
To say that I was ready for the classes that came around on Monday would be a lie, but I felt like I had been padded with a layer of cushions, shielded and guarded by every hug, squeeze, melody and affectionate gaze that had been showered on me in the last few days by Kyuhyun. Life still went on normally around me, which was somewhat of a shock. I wanted to yell at a group of noisy first-years to hold a respectful silence for my father’s death. Shouldn’t there have been some sign that marked the earth-shattering occurrence, some indication that a great soul was no more?
Apparently not. At least not according to the people milling around me complaining about the lack of appeal that Monday mornings always held and making their way to class as usual, or the professors that droned through hours of lectures.
And somehow, my feet still led me to the café for lunch, and I still ordered two whip-cream-topped hot chocolates as I waited for Kyuhyun to show up.
“Hyung!” Donghae was shook out of his reverie as Kyuhyun patted him on the back and slid into the seat in front of him. He pushed a lunch box at me. “You left your lunch in our room this morning. You still look pretty distracted to me. Talk.”
I love him.
Bad timing.
It was like a ray of sunshine suddenly burst through my foggy brain and outlined Kyuhyun in a bright halo. However, apocalyptical epiphanies of this sort should be coming to me when I’m looking out the window pondering about life in a rocking chair or meditating on a mountain or something, not when I’m prompted to speak about my most confusing day yet by the person to whom the revelation pertains. I suppose Murphy’s Law exists for a reason.
I racked my brain for words, preferably ones that didn’t include to ‘I love you’. “I-uh … right. Today. Everything was normal. Why?”
And that made total sense. Keep thinking that.
Apparently it did make sense to Kyuhyun, because he just smiled. “I can’t answer that. Look around you and think - you can figure it out yourself, hyung”
So I did just that. On the table next to us were three girls giggling and whispering behind their hands, heads bent over a blackberry. Probably a text from their latest week-long love interest. I voiced this out loud.
Kyuhyun raised his eyebrows. “How do you know, hyung? Maybe they’re, I don’t know, planning a surprise birthday party for a friend soon. Or maybe they’re excited for their trip to Hawaii. You never know.”
I thought about it, and realized that either of his suggestions was perfectly plausible. In fact, my one-second-glance assumption was most probably not right. I rested my eyes on the far table in the corner by the window. A man, presumably in his mid-forties based on the silver strands glinting through his black hair, was intently writing in a notebook, laptop pushed to one side. This was obvious. “He’s a professor, probably planning out his next lecture.”
I looked back at Kyuhyun, whose eyes were plainly telling me, Really? Look again. So I did. Even if he was a professor, what else could he be writing? I took in his furrowed brow and contemplative pauses as he twiddled with his pen. “He could be applying for an important grant for his research. Or maybe that is his research paper he’s working on.”
The man paused again and a small smile formed on his lips. “He’s writing a letter to his family who hasn’t seen all term! Or … he could be trying to formulate a proposal for his long-time girlfriend?”
Kyuhyun smirked mischievously. “He doesn’t have to be a professor. Maybe he’s earning more degrees for a higher paying job. Maybe he finally succeeded at getting into medical school this year, or maybe he’s starting from scratch because he completely changed his career path.”
I groaned, shaking my head. “This could go on forever. How can you ever tell what another person is doing or feeling?” Even as the words left my mouth, a piece of an amazingly straightforward puzzle fell in place. I laughed at the simplicity. “You’re a genius Kyuhyun-ah. Have I told you that?”
His smirk widened. “Not today.” Brown orbs melted slightly at the edges. “See, I told you it’s not hard - you solved it yourself. Just observe and think. Something I mastered many years ago, thanks to my parents.” A bitter grimace.
He hesitated for a second, before going on. “This is going to sound corny hyung, but your dad really can be with you forever. Erasing him from you would be impossible, if only because he was a principal force in shaping who you are today. You’re you because of him. And then there are memories.” He sighed ruefully.
“Pick and choose and revisit the good memories. I’m sure you have an infinite supply of those, and put that together with your mom’s and friends - he’ll be immortal forever.”
A grin suddenly stretched across his face. “You need to stop me when I start sounding like an old weathered geezer. I think your age is starting to rub off on me.”
“I love you.” Shit, I think I said that out loud.
“I love you too, hyung.” He glanced at his watch. “I should get to class now. See you tonight!”
My mind started a mad dash through my brain. He didn’t get it. I confessed to him and he just breezed over and past it. Panicked, I hastily grabbed his wrist as he got up, trying to block out his now puzzled expression. I have to do this.
“No - I mean - I really love you. A lot. As in, one-day-I’d-like-to-marry-you kind of love.” By now, my eyes were tightly screwed shut - maybe somehow my mouth would follow.
“Of course, if you’d rather we remain friends, I’m completely fine with that. I just thought- that- um, maybe I should- let you know.” Or not.
There was no movement from Kyuhyun. The silence around me suddenly felt amplified, as though every person in the café was now staring at me after hearing that ridiculously blabbered confession. I slowly unstuck my eyelids and peered at him.
His head was tilted down at me, and a small shy smile rested on his lips. “Yeah I heard, hyung,” he replied softly. He flashed his teeth in a quick grin. “You might change your mind after a game of StarCraft with me tonight though. Now I really have to go, otherwise I’ll be blaming my failing grades on you.”
He threw his bag over his shoulder and took a step toward the door. Suddenly he swiveled back around and pressed his lips fleetingly to mine, so swiftly and chastely that I half-wondered if it actually happened. Disoriented and pleasantly dazed, I felt the air ghost over my mouth as he murmured, “I love you too, hyung.”
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Notes:
1) Just for clarification, Kyuhyun is 19 and Donghae is 21.
2) I'm still not really sure what genre this thing falls under.
3) I've put a bit of me in this fic, more so in Kyuhyun, and I think those parts turned out better so maybe I'll do that again xP
4) comments appreciated <333
5) Happy New Year everyone! Hope 2011 is successful and amazing <3
Pairing: KyuHae
Rating: PG-13
Genre: drama, angst, romance, au
Word Count: 2300+
Donghae’s POV
And so, life presumed it’s course - after some weird looks from his would-have-been roommate - and Kyuhyun claimed more territory in my heart every passing day. He integrated himself seamlessly into my daily routine, until I could no longer imagine an existence without him.
Make a mug of hot chocolate - he won’t take a false stimulus like coffee because that would make him weak - and shake him awake at 7:45 in the morning as I headed to class. Meet for lunch at noon at the café in the science department, when we coincidentally had a break at the same time. Return to the - no our - room at around 4 in the evening, where Kyuhyun would more than likely be in front of his laptop playing what appeared to be his life-sustaining drug, StarCraft. He would relinquish it in favour of a hug and a snack though, something that always made me faintly proud of my success (StarCraft: 1000, me: 1001).
After chatting about our day (and numerous other tangents) for about an hour, we would turn to our homework. I would turn up the music and try the latest dance routine, while Kyuhyun would start muttering complicated math formulas and scribble furiously on the paper. More than occasionally he would turn around to watch, biting the pen in his hand as he evaluated and gave feedback on my performance.
It was during one of these ‘sessions’, after about a month together, that I discovered his voice.
My assignment was to choreograph a dance for A Whole New World, one of the soundtracks in the Disney movie Aladdin - a task I had all but given up on, because really, how can you do anything short of ballet with a slow rhythm like that?
And then Kyuhyun started to sing along to it - not consciously, just belting it out as he rummaged the cupboards for a snack to replenish his dwindling reserves of energy - and my jaw dropped open. His voice was chocolate syrup, honey, warm summer days, cool winter nights, and lullabies, all rolled into one.
When he finally caught sight of my I-just-saw-a-ghost-and-I-think-I’m-in-love expression, he immediately cut off and blushed, eyes shyly downcast. “S-sorry Hae-hyung. I remembered the song from my childhood and my mouth moved before my brain. I’ll go do m-”
Some force above finally decided to restore my power of speech. I crossed my arms and gave him the best indignant look I could muster. “Yah, Kyunnie, don’t you dare stop. I’ve never heard that song sung so beautifully in my life, and you are not going to deprive me of hearing it in full.”
His mouth opened and shut in surprise (see, living proof of why I love goldfish so much), before closing his eyes and continuing, drenching the song in poignant emotion. After the last note, I applauded - even gave him a standing ovation - and the rest of the night was dedicated to pestering him for more songs. He acquiesced (of course), with an expected roll of his eyes, leaving me exceptionally contented as I fell asleep. As force of habit wound my body around him, I made a mental note to blackmail him into singing me lullabies every night.
(Kyuhyun later reminded me that there was no rule against adding an underlying bass drum to the track, and my assignment ran smoothly.)
The next event to rock our little bubble-wrapped world crept unsuspectingly on me. It was nearing the end of November, approaching the dreaded two weeks of exams, followed immediately by the soothing balm of the return home to my parents.
I remember the walk back to my room clearly because of the uncharacteristic visibility of the sky and sun, which meant that Kyuhyun would not be yelling maniacally at the fireball-shooting minions of StarCraft but daydreaming on the loner bench of the little park just outside the residence. But he wasn’t, which should have been my first clue that all was not right. My second warning was the shocked and tearful expression he wore as he handed the phone to me as soon as I entered the room, hands trembling in dread. I really should have been prepared for the overwhelmingly massive tornado after the third hint - Kyuhyun, who never initiates any sort of physical contact, hugged me from behind and nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck, making small crooning noises before I had even placed the receiver to my ear.
But it wasn’t enough. Words passed from the phone into my ears, and they registered in some remote corner of my brain - my father had died.
It suddenly seemed like the world had come crashing down on me, and my knees buckled under the strain. Kyuhyun turned me around to face him, took one look into my eyes and smothered me with every possible part of his body. For the first time, I was the one being supported by him, bound protectively in the cocoon of his arms, clinging on for dear life. We stayed in that position for the better part of an hour, Kyuhyun rocking me back and forth, never loosening his grip, as a blur of motion passed through the numb shell of my head - a muted movie being haphazardly rewound and fastforwarded and rewound again.
Tear ducts started working again, and a deluge hit the front of Kyuhyun’s shirt, soaking it within a couple of seconds. I may also have babbled slightly incomprehensibly in denial, but he showed no signs at all of having noticed, other than subtly holding me tighter. When the oasis of tears finally dried up, my eyes deemed sufficiently puffy, and my energy spent, I disengaged myself and sunk into the bed. Despair was settling over me but not festering, thanks to the existence and active comfort of a certain Cho Kyuhyun.
“I need to go home. There’s so much to do, and my poor mom must be anguished. I need to go immediately.” With that I started looking around for anything to stuff into my bag, only to be paused by an arm and a shaky laugh.
“I knew I was going to have to pay attention to what your mom told me - you heard nothing, did you? She wants you to finish your exams first before heading back. They’ll wait for you - she said that’s what your dad would want.” His eyes were soft and patient as he waited for me to wrap my head around what he was saying.
“But - I - but - wh- ” I spluttered - possibly the most incoherent three and a half words to ever be uttered - but I couldn’t argue with that. My dad’s word was always law to me, now more than ever. I nodded, a wave of fatigue drenching me to the core. Kyuhyun placed my hand on his and played with my fingers, weaving his fingers in and out and tracing the lines on my palm.
Needless to say I was handled like a fragile piece of glassware: spoilt and babied for the rest of the day, sung lullabies to sleep, and then similarly treated for the next two days of the weekend.
To say that I was ready for the classes that came around on Monday would be a lie, but I felt like I had been padded with a layer of cushions, shielded and guarded by every hug, squeeze, melody and affectionate gaze that had been showered on me in the last few days by Kyuhyun. Life still went on normally around me, which was somewhat of a shock. I wanted to yell at a group of noisy first-years to hold a respectful silence for my father’s death. Shouldn’t there have been some sign that marked the earth-shattering occurrence, some indication that a great soul was no more?
Apparently not. At least not according to the people milling around me complaining about the lack of appeal that Monday mornings always held and making their way to class as usual, or the professors that droned through hours of lectures.
And somehow, my feet still led me to the café for lunch, and I still ordered two whip-cream-topped hot chocolates as I waited for Kyuhyun to show up.
“Hyung!” Donghae was shook out of his reverie as Kyuhyun patted him on the back and slid into the seat in front of him. He pushed a lunch box at me. “You left your lunch in our room this morning. You still look pretty distracted to me. Talk.”
I love him.
Bad timing.
It was like a ray of sunshine suddenly burst through my foggy brain and outlined Kyuhyun in a bright halo. However, apocalyptical epiphanies of this sort should be coming to me when I’m looking out the window pondering about life in a rocking chair or meditating on a mountain or something, not when I’m prompted to speak about my most confusing day yet by the person to whom the revelation pertains. I suppose Murphy’s Law exists for a reason.
I racked my brain for words, preferably ones that didn’t include to ‘I love you’. “I-uh … right. Today. Everything was normal. Why?”
And that made total sense. Keep thinking that.
Apparently it did make sense to Kyuhyun, because he just smiled. “I can’t answer that. Look around you and think - you can figure it out yourself, hyung”
So I did just that. On the table next to us were three girls giggling and whispering behind their hands, heads bent over a blackberry. Probably a text from their latest week-long love interest. I voiced this out loud.
Kyuhyun raised his eyebrows. “How do you know, hyung? Maybe they’re, I don’t know, planning a surprise birthday party for a friend soon. Or maybe they’re excited for their trip to Hawaii. You never know.”
I thought about it, and realized that either of his suggestions was perfectly plausible. In fact, my one-second-glance assumption was most probably not right. I rested my eyes on the far table in the corner by the window. A man, presumably in his mid-forties based on the silver strands glinting through his black hair, was intently writing in a notebook, laptop pushed to one side. This was obvious. “He’s a professor, probably planning out his next lecture.”
I looked back at Kyuhyun, whose eyes were plainly telling me, Really? Look again. So I did. Even if he was a professor, what else could he be writing? I took in his furrowed brow and contemplative pauses as he twiddled with his pen. “He could be applying for an important grant for his research. Or maybe that is his research paper he’s working on.”
The man paused again and a small smile formed on his lips. “He’s writing a letter to his family who hasn’t seen all term! Or … he could be trying to formulate a proposal for his long-time girlfriend?”
Kyuhyun smirked mischievously. “He doesn’t have to be a professor. Maybe he’s earning more degrees for a higher paying job. Maybe he finally succeeded at getting into medical school this year, or maybe he’s starting from scratch because he completely changed his career path.”
I groaned, shaking my head. “This could go on forever. How can you ever tell what another person is doing or feeling?” Even as the words left my mouth, a piece of an amazingly straightforward puzzle fell in place. I laughed at the simplicity. “You’re a genius Kyuhyun-ah. Have I told you that?”
His smirk widened. “Not today.” Brown orbs melted slightly at the edges. “See, I told you it’s not hard - you solved it yourself. Just observe and think. Something I mastered many years ago, thanks to my parents.” A bitter grimace.
He hesitated for a second, before going on. “This is going to sound corny hyung, but your dad really can be with you forever. Erasing him from you would be impossible, if only because he was a principal force in shaping who you are today. You’re you because of him. And then there are memories.” He sighed ruefully.
“Pick and choose and revisit the good memories. I’m sure you have an infinite supply of those, and put that together with your mom’s and friends - he’ll be immortal forever.”
A grin suddenly stretched across his face. “You need to stop me when I start sounding like an old weathered geezer. I think your age is starting to rub off on me.”
“I love you.” Shit, I think I said that out loud.
“I love you too, hyung.” He glanced at his watch. “I should get to class now. See you tonight!”
My mind started a mad dash through my brain. He didn’t get it. I confessed to him and he just breezed over and past it. Panicked, I hastily grabbed his wrist as he got up, trying to block out his now puzzled expression. I have to do this.
“No - I mean - I really love you. A lot. As in, one-day-I’d-like-to-marry-you kind of love.” By now, my eyes were tightly screwed shut - maybe somehow my mouth would follow.
“Of course, if you’d rather we remain friends, I’m completely fine with that. I just thought- that- um, maybe I should- let you know.” Or not.
There was no movement from Kyuhyun. The silence around me suddenly felt amplified, as though every person in the café was now staring at me after hearing that ridiculously blabbered confession. I slowly unstuck my eyelids and peered at him.
His head was tilted down at me, and a small shy smile rested on his lips. “Yeah I heard, hyung,” he replied softly. He flashed his teeth in a quick grin. “You might change your mind after a game of StarCraft with me tonight though. Now I really have to go, otherwise I’ll be blaming my failing grades on you.”
He threw his bag over his shoulder and took a step toward the door. Suddenly he swiveled back around and pressed his lips fleetingly to mine, so swiftly and chastely that I half-wondered if it actually happened. Disoriented and pleasantly dazed, I felt the air ghost over my mouth as he murmured, “I love you too, hyung.”
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Notes:
1) Just for clarification, Kyuhyun is 19 and Donghae is 21.
2) I'm still not really sure what genre this thing falls under.
3) I've put a bit of me in this fic, more so in Kyuhyun, and I think those parts turned out better so maybe I'll do that again xP
4) comments appreciated <333
5) Happy New Year everyone! Hope 2011 is successful and amazing <3