Forget Me Not (And Don't Move On) [5/7]

[kyungiebunnie]

Forget Me Not (And Don't Move On)

V



Kyungsoo is only twenty minutes late but it seems that the party started long ago.

The noise is overwhelming, the chatter or hundreds of people filling the room and the bustle of servers rushing back and forth creating a cacophony of clinks and clatters. The carpet is patterned, swirls of paisley in shades of deep brown and blue complementing the dark maple that covers the walls. Every so often a floor-to-ceiling mirror will stand against the wood, ten feet wide and creating the illusion that the space is ten times larger. Massive chandeliers hang from the ceiling at intervals, soft glow illuminating pale faces below. Circular white-clothed tables line the perimeter of the room, each with 8 matching covered chairs tucked underneath. A centrepiece of elegant flowers lies on top of each table, allowing you to stay partially hidden if you were to duck behind them.

The majority of the guests mingle on the ballroom floor, centred in the room and all holding crystal glasses of wine. They scream money, Kyungsoo thinks, from the way they walk to they way they dress to the way they all just seem to glow. Kyungsoo suddenly feels too much like an outsider, standing off to the edges and not really knowing anyone. He feels underdressed, even if he’s been assured countless times that he’s not, and he can’t help but think that he probably should have worn a more expensive suit.

He cracks his knuckles nervously and tugs at the hem of his suit jacket, eyes scanning the ballroom. He’s not exactly sure how he’s supposed to find Jongin in all this, the taller probably already having had found his other aristocratic friends in the crowd. He can imagine him laughing with a stupidly sophisticated air, swirling a deep red liquid in his glass and looking absolutely amazing as always. He’s not sure why but the thought almost makes him uncomfortable. He kind of likes it when Jongin is more… mundane. It’s far less intimidating.

But unfortunately for Kyungsoo, Jongin doesn’t do the whole domestic thing very well.

He runs his eyes across the floor once more before he decides he’ll start moving around and searching for Jongin from a different angle, when something catches his eye. A flash of gold that Kyungsoo knows all too well glitters in the corner of his eye, and he follows it to see Jongin in the distance talking and laughing with a tall, slender man who Kyungsoo thinks is far too attractive to be anywhere near Jongin. Not that’s it’s really his place to say anything.

He doesn’t know if he should go over and greet Jongin or if he’d be interrupting his conversation, but he figures that he’s probably starting to look very strange just standing by himself, so it couldn’t get any worse. He pushes himself into motion and slides his way through the throng of people, occasionally bumping into a shoulder and mumbling out a sorry before continuing on his way.

It’s a pity he doesn’t seem to notice the way a pair of brown eyes the same shape as Jongin’s follow him.

When he finally reaches Jongin he approaches from behind, not quite knowing how to introduce himself. He doesn’t want to infringe on whatever the two men are so enthusiastically discussing, but at the same time he can’t very well spend the entire night lingering behind Jongin in his shadow.

But it seems that he won’t really have to decide for himself, because a moment later the stranger glances over Jongin’s shoulder and straight into Kyungsoo’s eyes. It’s a casual look but the man does a double take and locks his gaze onto the smaller’s figure.

He rakes his eyes up and down the slender body, tongue darting out to his lip and eyes just barely squinting, almost predatory. It sends a shiver down Kyungsoo’s spine, and not a pleasant one.

“Well hello there,” The man says seductively, eyes shooting straight past Jongin’s head. This causes the man in question to turn around, eyes widening almost imperceptibly when he’s met with the sight of Kyungsoo. And God, is it a sight.

Jongin’s jaw slackens slightly, breath coming out in small little gaps between his open lips. Kyungsoo looks stunning, pale skin contrasted perfect by the solid black of his suit, hair gelled up perfectly. He can’t help but love Kyungsoo dressed like this, before he realizes that it looks like Kyungsoo is dressed for a job.

Kyungsoo meets Jongin’s eye but the latter is apparently still lost for words and just once-overs Kyungsoo hungrily, lingering on his thighs and hips. He’s already nervous and Jongin isn’t exactly helping so he simply shoots the taller a shy smile in greeting and turns back to the stranger.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Do Kyungsoo.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Do.” The stranger rolls out smoothly, taking Kyungsoo’s hand into his own and gently pressing his lips to the top of it. He never breaks eye contact and the smouldering look in his eyes has Kyungsoo shrinking in on himself. “Oh Sehun, at your service.” He says as he straightens up.

Kyungsoo blinks, not really sure what he should say next. This is obviously the Oh Sehun that Jongin had mentioned later in the evening last night, the one with exceeding ambition and the drive to make it onto a Board of Directors at such a young age. He impressed to say the least, having thought that such a man would have been rather hermit-like and hunched-back from spending countless hours slaving away at a desk. But instead he’s met with a person almost as attractive as Jongin himself, all long limbs and sharp jawline. Sehun stands a few inches taller than Jongin, broad shoulders spanning much wider than Kyungsoo’s own. His cheekbone stand tall and his skin shines under the pale lighting of the chandeliers. His dark eyes are framed by even darker eyebrows, and his jet black hair adds to the severity of his look. But it’s really not an unattractive look at all. Quite the opposite actually.

He’s brought back from his staring with a brief clearing of the throat. “Excuse me Mr. Do, if I’m being rude, but I must say that I don’t recall seeing you on my guest list. Sneaking in, are we?” A smirk. “Not that I could kick out a pretty face like yours if you were, mind you.” He teases with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Kyungsoo blushes. “Definitely not. And uh, just Kyungsoo is fine.” He finishes, trying to look anywhere but the man’s greedy gaze. The way he sexualizes the title makes him squirm.

“Well Kyungsoo,” Sehun says slowly, “In that case you can call me Sehun. It’s nice to drop formalities every once in awhile.” He checks Kyungsoo out again, thoughtfully. “But I am curious. How did you manage to score an invite to my inauguration banquet?”

Uh.

“Funny story actually,” Kyungsoo coughs because Sehun is literally fucking him with his eyes and he’s not sure how he should feel about that, “I’m, um, here as Mr. Kim’s plus one.” He says, gesturing to Jongin with his eyes.

It’s only now that Jongin seems to come back to life, having been lost in Kyungsoo for the past 3 minutes. It would be a complete and utter lie to say that Jongin did not enjoy Kyungsoo in a suit, loving the way it accentuated his figure in all the right places and gave him a crisp aura around the edges. He tears his gaze away from the shorter and takes a breath before addressing Sehun, who now raises a brow in question.

“Right, Mr. Oh, this is my…” He pauses, unsure of what to call Kyungsoo, “...plus one for the night. I’m sure you’ll both become well acquainted.” He recovers.

Sehun nods in understanding, seconds later going to back to ignoring Jongin completely in favour of Kyungsoo once he realizes that the former won’t be a threat to his llibido.

“It’s hard to believe, Kyungsoo, that Kai here managed to snag someone as stunning as yourself.” Kyungsoo blushes even darker at the compliment, and Jongin wants to crush the glass in his fingers at the way Kyungsoo’s eyes seem to sparkle under the praise.

The shorter shoots him a confused look, however, at the name Kai, and Jongin just shakes his head, promising later in mouthed words.

Kyungsoo seems to understand and backs off.

“Thank you, Sehun,” He mumbles self-consciously. “That’s um, very kind of you.”

“It’s not kind if it’s the truth, darling.” Sehun practically purrs, and Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’s ever blatantly blushed so much in his entire life. He’s not exactly accustomed to attractive, tall, and mysterious men hitting on him so openly, but hey, he’ll take it.

He laughs somewhat nervously. “Ha, says a person like you. It’s no wonder you made the board Sehun. I’m sure they would have let you in based on looks alone.” Kyungsoo’s babbling, he knows, but he feels like he’s required to return the sentiment.

“Ah, so sweet,” Sehun drawls warmly, “The words of an angel from the mouth of an angel, no?”

And Jongin feels like he’s about to rip Oh Sehun’s head off and fling it across the room, because no one should be saying those things to Kyungsoo besides him, and Kyungsoo definitely should not be blushing at anyone whose name does not start with Jong and end in In. His hold on the narrow part of his glass tightens and he grinds his teeth together, almost harshly enough for it to be heard above the mix of voices from all around.

Kyungsoo laughs lightly. “I’m no angel.” He offers sheepishly.

Sehun’s smirk just deepens. “Well of course.” A pause. “I’m sure you can be… quite bad, Kyungsoo.”

At this Kyungsoo does actually choke, coughing on his own spit for a second before composing himself and bringing his eyes up to almost meet Sehun’s.

He glances to Jongin for help, but he’s been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the entire ordeal. Kyungsoo frowns and drops his gaze. He would have thought this would be Jongin’s area of expertise. Talking to people. Not his.

Sehun seems to sense his discomfort and laughs loudly. “My apologies, Kyungsoo, I had no intentions to frighten you. I simply enjoy admiring beautiful things, and you, my dear, are quite a beautiful thing.” He smiles, this time the corners of his mouth taking on a softer grin. “I would apologize further for my forwardness, but unfortunately it's just not in my nature.” He chuckles lightly, Kyungsoo returning the sound with his own.

“That’s um, alright I suppose. I was just a little thrown off.” He admits shyly, and Sehun is wholly engrossed in the faint blush tinting his cheeks.

They move off to the side of the room after that, the three taking a seat at one of the tables with Kyungsoo sandwiched between the two taller men.

Kyungsoo finds himself brought into an animated discussion with Sehun, so distracted that he doesn't notice the protective arm Jongin has slung across the back of his chair throughout.

He and Sehun talk about everything, from Kyungsoo’s aspirations as a filmmaker (which quite impresses Sehun), to Sehun’s goals as an executive of the company (which thoroughly impresses Kyungsoo). They talk about the business aspects of both professions, the contrasts, the similarities, the pros, and the cons.

Kyungsoo finds that Sehun is significantly less terrifying to talk to than he had originally thought, only needing to calm down his initial attraction to the shorter. Sehun is actually quite likeable, all boisterous laughs and witty comments. He's good for adding in a helpful word here and there, and when he speaks Kyungsoo is genuinely interested.

But behind him Jongin sits stiffly, observing the exchange between the two and only speaking up when asked a direct question. His answers are limited to gruff grunts and short yes’s and no’s, and any other day Sehun would have questioned how strange this sudden change in behaviour was, but today he is far too enthralled by Jongin’s guest to even notice.

Jongin disapproves of Sehun, he concludes, at least for Kyungsoo. The man is much too tall and far too extreme to be anything that Kyungsoo could possibly want (not that he's really that much different).

It doesn't help that Sehun has been inching closer and closer to Kyungsoo throughout their conversation, blaming his actions on the loud noises that periodically ring out. The silver-haired man now sits almost knee-to-knee to the shorter, placing his palm flat over Kyungsoo’s knee whenever he laughs. Kyungsoo has become quite comfortable with Sehun and forgets to push his hand away. Every time.

Jongin is slowly beginning to heavily regret his decision to bring Kyungsoo today. Yes, he is gaining a stable inside man through Kyungsoo, likely the best he'll ever get, but at the same time he's not sure exactly how much longer he can deal with Sehun making Kyungsoo blush every other minute. It's ridiculous, really, the amount of compliments one can fit into a conversation so casually. Jongin should take notes.

“Sehun,” Kyungsoo begins, “How did you manage to throw such an amazing party on such short notice?”

Sehun leans back in his chair, eyes sparkling with amusement. “Well you see, Kyungsoo, I had to make sure that it would meet the standards of a treasure like yourself.” Kyungsoo gives a small smile, slowly getting used to Sehun’s inescapable compliments. “And perhaps then even a bit better. I couldn't have you taking all the focus on my very special night, now could I? What a shame it would have been to spend all this money only to have everyone staring at the one jewel I didn't pay for.”

And when Kyungsoo fucking giggles Jongin can feel jealousy flare through his veins and he shifts to shadow the dark-haired male behind his shoulder. Sehun seems to remember he's there and blinks, almost as if he's surprised. Even he can see the almost hidden but glaringly threatening look in Jongin’s eyes, and he seems curious.

“Kyungsoo, love, would you mind going to get us another round of champagne?” Sehun asks nonchalantly.

“Oh, sure, no problem.” He replies, jumping up cheerily and disappearing into the crowd.

With the smallest male gone Sehun seems to sober up a bit, warm smile sliding into one of a businessman. He regards Jongin with questioning eyes and the latter can only inwardly groan are what's to come next.

“Is he yours?” Sehun asks, point-blank.

Jongin shrugs, realizing that now is probably the time to work out his plan and get information from Sehun, but he can't say that he's happy to do so.

“Depends on why you want to know.” Jongin says offhandedly.

“I want him.” Sehun offers bluntly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. “The only question is, will you let me?”

Jongin seems to think for a moment. “I'm willing to share.” He answers finally, hand coming up to card through his hair.

“Excellent.” Sehun clucks his tongue. “Well, I’m afraid I can’t very well leave with him tonight, it would be rather improper of myself. However I’d love to arrange a… meeting with him. My office, of course. Say, Monday? A great way to start off the week if you ask me.”

No one did, Jongin bites sarcastically in his head.

“And, I trust you know, this would have to be rather discreet, can’t have wandering cameras sticking their noses where they shouldn’t.” He waves his hand vaguely. “I’ll text Kyungsoo the access code to the back door of the building, and if it so pleases you, you can accompany him there, but I won’t let you in. I can seen how protective you are of him, so I’m doing my best to find a middle ground. I’m afraid that two unknown, attractive men coming into my office will be a little suspicious.”

Jongin nods slowly, trying to figure out a way he can have the code sent to him. It wouldn’t be hard at all to take it more forcefully from Kyungsoo’s phone, but it’s not something he wants to do. “Mr. Oh, I’m sure it would be much easier if I were to deliver Kyungsoo directly to your office. Not involve him with all this secrecy and codework. A few numbers can be quite a powerful thing to possess.”

“As I am well aware, Mr. Kim.” Sehun laughs, a full body one that turns the attention of several nearby people. “But I am not an idiot. I don’t know who you are, but that’s exactly my issue. No one came to this party that I didn’t know, much less two people together. Now Kyungsoo over there is a sweetheart. I doubt he would be capable of doing anything remotely violent or suspect, and he’s cute, so why not have a little fun with him? You, on the other hand, I’m not so sure. If I weren’t absolutely certain that there’s more to you than meets the eye before, well, after seeing you practically growling at me for the past hour I know it now. I don’t particularly care who you are, but I don’t trust you either. I’ll send the code to Kyungsoo. That’s that. And trust me, I will know if you take that code from him.”

Jongin exhales, secretly impressed. He thinks he might understand why Sehun has earned such an esteemed position at such a young age now; the man is clearly extremely analytical. He weighs his options and decides that pushing it won’t help him. Sehun is going to get him nowhere.

But he’s not scared of his threats either. He will get that access key from Kyungsoo, and he will get into that vault. A new member on the Board of Directors isn’t going to change that.

He smiles coldly. “I see, Mr. Oh. Unfortunate for myself to have lost someone’s trust so quickly, but I’ll survive.”

“Ahh but you see, Mr. Kim, you can’t lose something you never gained.” He turns his head, and Jongin follows to see Kyungsoo coming up to the table balancing three tall glasses of champagne in his arms. He looks concentrated, and Jongin thinks it’s adorable the way his tongue just barely peeks out the corner of his mouth.

Kyungsoo places the glasses on the table somewhat disgracefully, almost falling over in his attempt not to spill anything. Jongin reflexively wraps an arm around the younger’s waist from his sitting position, his other hand placing itself on Kyungsoo’s hip to steady him. Kyungsoo blushes furiously at him as he straightens himself. Jongin smiles softly at him (the way he only smiles at Kyungsoo), and Sehun smirks from his other side.

Jongin unravels his grip on the shorter and motions for him to sit down, but before he can Sehun stands up.

“Kyungsoo, love, would you care to join me for a dance?” He asks, Kyungsoo ducking his head the word love.

“Um…” He looks back at Jongin, seemingly asking permission, but Jongin can only grind his teeth and say nothing.

Kyungsoo frowns. Jongin been like this all night, all brooding looks and cold glances. He’ll admit that yes, maybe he was focused on Sehun a bit, but Jongin is more than capable of joining a conversation. Fine. If Jongin wants to be like this he can, but Kyungsoo can play at this game too.

“I’d love to, Sehun.” He says cutely, widening his eyes and shrugging up his shoulders ever-so-slightly.

Sehun replies with a yes, grinning because he knows what Kyungsoo is trying to do, but Jongin seems unaware and just grumbles pitiably.

The silver-haired man holds his arm out for Kyungsoo to take, which he gladly accepts and allows himself to be led to the centre of the room. The floor has been cleared out of guests and been filled with couples all elegantly sweeping around on their feet to the classical tunes that seem to pour out of every corner.

Jongin watches miserably from his seat as Sehun grasps one of Kyungsoo’s hands in his own and places the other on the shorter’s waist. Kyungsoo’s free hand comes up to rest on Sehun’s elbow and Jongin feels his gut twisting.

The feeling only intensifies as he follows the pair around with his eyes, watching them circle around in a waltz and hating how Kyungsoo smiles so happily. It makes him sick to see the corners of Kyungsoo’s eyes crinkle, to see the whites of his teeth proudly displayed for someone else. But he also can’t help but think that Kyungsoo looks beautiful tonight, in his dark suit and glowing skin. He sighs, because Kyungsoo deserves to be like this all the time. Happy. And he’s not sure that’s something he can give him.

Across the room Sehun leads his dance partner in a circle, passing important figures and offering them polite grins. Kyungsoo seems to be enjoying himself, humming the tunes he hears even if he doesn’t exactly know how they go, and it brings a smile to Sehun’s face. It’s refreshing, how innocent Kyungsoo is. So untainted by the corporate world. He remembers a time when he was like that, although that time now seems very long ago.

He stares at the wistful look that grows on Kyungsoo’s face as they pass several metres away from Jongin, sees the conflicted cloud that shadows his cheery eyes. Kyungsoo must really not know, he concludes, how much the sitting man stares back at him too. Sehun may want Kyungsoo, and he still would like to ruin the younger, but that doesn’t mean that he’s a monster.

“Kyungsoo.” He calls softly. But the other man doesn’t even notice, too caught up in staring somewhat sadly at Jongin. Sehun can almost feel the sigh he lets out.

“Kyungsoo,” He tries again, this time a little louder. Kyungsoo starts slightly, blinking at Sehun before he puts on a large grin.

“Sorry Sehun, you were saying?” He asks politely, still distracted by the brooding figure across the room.

Sehun laughs ardently. “It’s alright Kyungsoo, you don’t have to pretend to be interested.” Kyungsoo looks confused so the taller continues. “I can see the way you look at Kai. You like him a lot, don’t you?”

The shorter chokes and trips over his own feet, Sehun catching him (and Jongin glaring in the distance). “I- um- I-”

“It’s alright, Kyungsoo, I can tell you do.” Kyungsoo looks like he’s about to defend himself, or even worse protest, so Sehun goes on. “I just think that you should know, however, that Kai feels the same way. I’ve never seen someone looks at another so… readily, if I may say so.”

Kyungsoo ducks his head, finding his feet engrossingly interesting at the moment. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about Sehun.”

“Don’t play pretend Kyungsoo.” Sehun sighs. “I may have thrown out any semblance of hope for a romantic future long ago for the sake of my career, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t recognize one for others. Whatever it is that you and Kai may have, in my humblest opinion I am telling you to pursue it, because the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him, well, it almost makes me want to believe in love again.”

Kyungsoo smiles. “Almost being the keyword here, Kyungsoo. Almost.” At this Kyungsoo breaks into a full on grin, and Sehun thinks he may understand why Jongin doesn’t want to let him go (far away Jongin’s glass shatters in his grip and the woman sitting to his left looks mildly horrified).

“Thank you, Sehun.” Kyungsoo sighs. “I’ll… I’ll think about it.” He looks over at Jongin and even from thirty feet away he can see that Jongin is already staring at him. Jongin’s eyebrows and creased and honestly, Kyungsoo wants nothing more than to smooth them out with soft brushes of his fingers. When Jongin catches his eye neither can seem to look away, and Kyungsoo offers him a small smile. Jongin features slowly soften the more he looks at Kyungsoo, and moments he later he offers back one of his own. Kyungsoo thinks it’s amazing, that even from this far away Jongin looks breathtaking, and across the room, Jongin is thinking the exact same thing.

Still holding his hand and waist but none of his attention, Sehun thinks.

He did mean what he said, about Kyungsoo and Jongin having something different. And the way that Kyungsoo is blatantly ignoring him in favour of staring at Jongin makes him feel guilty for wanting infringe on whatever the other two have. He decides, in that moment, that he’ll give Kyungsoo the code to get into his office, but not because he wants the shorter. He’s curious as to where Kyungsoo and Jongin will go, so he resolves that he’ll always have his door open for Kyungsoo to talk to him. It makes him feel a bit better too, for all the horribly cold things he’ll probably have to do in the future as an executive of Korea’s largest bank. He chuckles.

“Kyungsoo, I think you should go to him now.” Kyungsoo whips his head back to Sehun, growing pink when he realizes how rude he just was. Jongin’s gaze hardens far away. “I’m pretty sure Kai is about to bite my head off, so go.”

Kyungsoo smiles. “In that case how could I refuse?” He pauses for a moment, seeming to collect his thoughts. “Thank you, Sehun, it was a pleasure talking to you.”

“Likewise.” The talller confirms, bowing slightly to Kyungsoo before walking off and disappearing into a sea of satin dresses and silk suits.

Kyungsoo turns around, slowly moving through the dancing couples back to his table. Back to Jongin. When he arrives Jongin looks up at him expectantly, and Kyungsoo just offers, “How about we get out of here?”

Jongin has never heard anything better in his life.

•
Kyungsoo suggests that they go back to his house, after explaining that Baekhyun’s gone for the night. Jongin agrees and catches a ride in Kyungsoo’s car, saying that Minseok had driven him to the gala. Now this would have been totally fine by Kyungsoo, if not for the way that Jongin can’t seem to take his eyes off the younger, and can’t seem to bring himself to care. He loves how the headlights of passing cars illuminate Kyungsoo’s face in an almost angelic way, and how the younger gulps nervously while gripping the steering wheel. It leaves him a little breathless if nothing else, but he’s not the only one.

The ride home takes an eternity, but when they finally arrive Kyungsoo parks his car and silence ensues.

Jongin doesn’t make a move to get out of the car, and neither does Kyungsoo. After a while the automatic lights of the car’s interior shut off, shrouding the two in darkness and leaving their breaths sounding far too loud. Kyungsoo stares straight ahead, while Jongin stares straight at Kyungsoo.

“So Sehun, hm?”

“Sorry?”

“Sehun. You like him?”

“Um.”

“Spending time with him?”

“Uh.”

“Dancing with him?”

“Care to come upstairs?”

Jongin is asking a lot of questions that should have a very simple answer, but something is telling Kyungsoo that it’s more than that. So the only logical thing that comes to mind is to invite Jongin upstairs, late at night, after they’ve both had several drinks (it’s really not very logical at all).

Jongin nods numbly and slides out of the car as Kyungsoo does, slamming the door a little too harshly and apologizing under his breath when Kyungsoo flinches.

The ride up the elevator is awkward to say the least, the unanswered questions filling the air. Yes, Kyungsoo likes Sehun, finds him fun to be around and a great dancer, but the silver-haired man could never really compare to the one in front of him. He hopes Jongin understands that.

When the elevator dings open Kyungsoo searches for his keys in his pocket on the way to the door and hears Jongin following a few feet behind him. He jams the key into the lock and thanks every God possible when it goes in on the first try. It would have been awful if he had had to struggle with the lock and generally look like an idiot in front of Jongin for fifteen minutes just trying to get the door to open. He shoves the door open and flicks on a light, the harsh glow causing both males to squint. He toes off his shoes and enters the apartment, awkwardly glancing over his shoulder to check that Jongin is doing the same.

But of course he isn’t, opting instead to watch Kyungsoo greedily, tracing his movements and not so subtly checking him out. He tilts his head.

“You know, Kyungsoo, I never had the chance to say it tonight, but really, you look beautiful.”

And Jongin says this so honestly, without a hint of a predatory tone, that it sends a shiver down Kyungsoo’s spine.

“Um, thank you.” He scratches the back of his head. “You looked amazing too.”

Jongin sends him a genuine smile, one of the ones that Kyungsoo has only seen a handful of times.

“Well, I’m just going to go change, I’ll um, be back in a minute.” He shuffles into his bedroom and softly shuts the door behind him, leaving Jongin in silence. He stands for a moment, listening the sounds of Kyungsoo undressing in the next room over and pretending that he doesn’t want to march in there and help him out.

He takes a deep breath before tuning out his hearing. He moves towards the mantle over the fireplace that’s across from the couch, examining the pictures placed above for the first time. It seems almost like a story of Kyungsoo’s life, or rather Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s life he observes bitterly, a string of photos that connect together like the pages of a storybook.

The first picture on the left is one of Kyungsoo as a small child, and Jongin squirms on the inside because he didn’t think it was possible for Kyungsoo to become any cuter. In the photo baby Kyungsoo sits in a high chair, face adorably chubby and baby food shoved all over his face, even in his hair. The confused look on the child’s face brings a small smile to Jongin’s chest, and he feels his heart lightening.

The next one is of Kyungsoo and Baekhyun as toddlers, playing on the beach and building a sandcastle. Baekhyun looks like a stick, as Jongin would have expected, but Kyungsoo is pudgy and Jongin can see the rolls on his stomach. It makes him coo lowly in the back of his throat, eyes crinkling and lips grinning.

As he moves down the line pictures he sees almost a complete retelling of the roomates’ lives. If he didn’t believe that they grew up as brothers before, he does now. There’s pictures of them at almost every age, at the park, at the museum, at the aquarium. There’s even a family picture of Baekhyun’s family with Kyungsoo standing feature in the centre. It brings a nasty curl to Jongin’s stomach.

The last few are from their most recent years, one of them being from their graduation. They both stand in their graduation gowns and caps in hand, arms slung across each other’s backs and Baekhyun’s hand ruffling Kyungsoo’s hair. But on Kyungsoo’s face there is no sign of annoyance, just the breathtaking heart-shaped smile that makes Jongin weak. He feels his chest tighten at the image, something in him wishing that it were him making Kyungsoo smile like that, but that only happens in stories with happy endings, and theirs will definitely not have one of those.

The final image seems to be of Baekhyun’s twenty-first birthday, and Jongin finds his heart breaks a little when he examines it more closely (not that he’s aware he has a heart). Baekhyun wears a silly grin and a matching silly headband with a tacky flashing 21 on top. He sits in front a birthday cake, the background behind him blurred and dark. But standing over him is Kyungsoo, arms wrapped around his shoulders and head poking out beside his roommate’s. Their cheeks are pressed to one another, both of their mouths pursed in preparation to blow out the candles. And seeing this Jongin knows that he’ll never be able to give Kyungsoo that, happy birthdays and ice cream cakes. Nights at the bar and nights under the covers. He just can’t. He’s built such an empire for himself, and as much as he cares for Kyungsoo, he can’t bring himself to want to give it all up. His father had long ago told him to take pride in what he’s accomplished, and as proud as he is, it’s not something that he can be proud of with Kyungsoo. Not something he can make Kyungsoo a part of.

And it makes him crack, just a little bit.

He’s so focused on his own thoughts that he doesn’t notice Kyungsoo creeping back out of his bedroom. He meant to speak up, offer Jongin some water, but something in the way Jongin so carefully traces each photoframe with his fingers has him hesitating. When Jongin reaches the final photo he lingers, and Kyungsoo can see the tension in his broad shoulders. He clears his throat and Jongin whips around.

“Kyungsoo-” His voice cracks, and Kyungsoo is surprised. He’s never heard Jongin sound so weak, never seen such sadness in his eyes, and before he realizes what he’s doing he’s striding over to Jongin and pulling him back to sit down on the couch.

Jongin just looks numb, eyes slightly glazed and locked on nothing in particular. It’s kind of scaring Kyungsoo, if he’s honest, and he wants nothing more than to comfort the taller man.

“Jongin,” He starts, unsure of where to begin, “Are you okay?”

Jongin says nothing for a second, gears seeming to work continuously in his brain. It’s almost a complete sixty seconds before he answers.

“Sehun?” He croaks, eyes downcast. The vulnerability in his eyes is clear as he meets Kyungsoo’s gaze, sending an uncomfortable shiver down the shorter’s back.

“What about him?” Kyungsoo questions back, confused.

“He has an excellent future ahead of him.” Jongin pauses, not wanting to say what he’s going to say next. “He’s intelligent, wealthy, ambitious, all things that you need, Kyungsoo. He likes you too. And from what I saw tonight, I think you could like him as well. He can give you so much: stability, safety, a home. I can’t. I can’t give you any of those things.” Jongin finishes miserably.

Kyungsoo sits there, bewildered, not really sure what he’s supposed to say. Where did this come from?

“Kyungsoo, I-”

Jongin stops.

“Kyungsoo, I can’t do this anymore.”

He blinks.

“Jongin, I don’t understand…”

The taller sighs. “Neither do I. But I do know that I’m no good for you, and that you need to forget about me.”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow quizzically. “Jongin really, I think you’re overreacting. You’re helping me with my film, remember? There’s nothing wrong with that. I mean, if you don’t want to anymore, then I, uh, I understand, but I really do appreciate the advice you’ve given to Baekhyun… to me.”

And suddenly, Jongin just can’t. He can’t deal with it anymore, lying to Kyungsoo, hiding the truth from Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, who is so willing to thank him for something he’s not even doing. For being something that he isn’t.

“No Kyungsoo you don’t get it.” He hisses, standing up. “You just don’t get it.” He shakes his head and turns away. Kyungsoo follows though, completely not understanding of where this sudden outburst is coming from.

“You’re right, Jongin,” He says back, exasperated. “I don’t. What, what is going on? Please, help me understand.” He pauses, catching his breath. “You’re just Jongin, and I’m just Kyungsoo. What’s… what’s so wrong with that?” His voice sounds a little weak, and it breaks Jongin’s heart.

“Everything.” Jongin spits, back still facing Kyungsoo. “Everything.” He whispers this time. He grabs the two sides of his suit jacket and pulls them across his body, as if that can shield him from this. Prevent this from happening.

Kyungsoo stands a few feet behind him, shocked. He’s never seen Jongin so worked up, the taller always being so calm and collected and careful. He takes a hesitant step forward, placing his hand on Jongin’s shoulder. J-Jongin, what is it?’ He asks, almost afraid of the answer.

Jongin sighs, shoulders slumping under the pressure of Kyungsoo’s fingers. “I’m not, I’m not who you think I am Kyungsoo.” He says finally.

The younger man raises an eyebrow.

What does that even mean?

Jongin turns around slowly, causing Kyungsoo to drop his hand. He takes a step forward, and Kyungsoo takes a step back.

He’s scared of the conflicted agony in Jongin’s eye, the look that tells him that Jongin is so unsure, so hesitant.

“I’m not an actor.”

Oh?

“I’m not an actor, Kyungsoo.” Jongin repeats.

Kyungsoo’s frown deepens. “I-I… what?”

Jongin spins around again, marching over to the fireplace and placing both hands on the mantle, leaning forward slightly. Almost as if he’s using it for support.

“I’m not an actor,” He says for the third time. “I’m… I’m just not.”

Kyungsoo stands in place, blinking. He doesn’t know what to say. There’s so much tension in Jongin’s stance and it looks painful to Kyungsoo. He follows the taller, approaching him and pausing. He tentatively slides his palm across Jongin’s back in a soothing gesture, leaving it to rest on his shoulder. It seems to relax Jongin a bit, so he takes another step forward and leans into him, pressing chest into Jongin’s back and placing his other hand on Jongin’s other arm.

The older sighs, and Kyungsoo asks him, “Then what are you?”

When Jongin says nothing he presses. “Come on, Jongin, it can’t be that bad.” His voice comes out softly.

Suddenly, Jongin flips them around, pressing Kyungsoo’s back painfully into the mantle piece and holding his hands against it on either side of his head.

“I’m no good Kyungsoo.” He says, voice dropping several octaves. His eyes seem to search Kyungsoo’s, looking for answers that the younger can’t give to him. “I’ve done… bad things, horrible things, and I’m just really… no good.”

He sounds so, so serious, and Kyungsoo shivers.

“Who are you?” He asks again after a moment, voice barely audible.

Jongin drops his hands like they’re hot coals, immediately stepping back and away from Kyungsoo. His eyes drop to the ground, almost like he’s ashamed, and his hands curl and uncurl into fists at his sides.

It’s dead silent, the sounds of both their pounding heartbeats and harsh breathing the only things to be heard.

It’s too quiet, and Jongin’s never been a fan of silence.

“My name, my name is Kim Jongin, but I’m more often known as Kim Kai…” He chokes, boring holes into the floor, “Kim Kai, leader of the Family, and ruthless killer of Seoul’s underground crime ring.”

Kyungsoo exhales, not quite processing.

Killer?

Underground?

Crime?

“Kyungsoo I… I kill people for a living. I sell drugs for a living. I ship weapons for a living. I do every horrible thing you could possibly think of, and some that you wouldn’t even be able to imagine.”

Jongin raises his eyes to meet Kyungsoo’s, and the harshness in them tells Kyungsoo that he’s not lying. He inhales sharply, instinctively bringing his hands up protectively.

“I’ve sold people out, betrayed them, lied to them, killed them, anything for my own personal gain. I’ve built an empire based on illegal crimes and unspeakable acts.”

“Stop it,” Kyungsoo mutters weakly. “Stop it, you’re lying.”

But he knows that Jongin isn’t.

“I’m a bad person Kyungsoo, equitable to the devil himself, but please believe me, please, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Stop it.”

“I care about you, more than I should, and I need you to know that. I need you to know that this is real, that we are real. I need you to know that before I go.”

“Stop it.”

Don’t go.

“Kyungsoo, please…” Jongin looks so fragile, so, so fragile and with Kyungsoo’s next words he shatters.

“STOP IT! Stop it Jongin, just stopitstopitstopit. Stop lying to me, stop hurting me! If you don’t want to be here, then just go! But don’t give me this bullshit. Don’t tell me you’re someone bad, because I know you’re not! Stop acting, stop pretending, just… don’t.” He gasps for air. “I knew you were an excellent actor but… I never thought it would apply to me.” Kyungsoo falters, chest heaving and eyes wild.

Stop it.

Jongin smiles, a pained one that hurts Kyungsoo more than any words could. “How can I… how can I make you believe me?”

“Prove it.”

And suddenly Kyungsoo is on his back on the couch, faster than a blink of the eye. Jongin’s body pins him to the cushions, elbows boxing in his head. He stares widely at Jongin, not knowing how the other got him there so quickly.

“You see, Kyungsoo, this is what I’m trained to do.” He utters huskily. “Render people defenseless, get them where they can’t fight back, make them vulnerable.” Kyungsoo shivers, and Jongin can feel the tremor through his suit.

“I-I don’t believe you.” Kyungsoo breathes. “I don’t believe you.”

“Oh but Kyungsoo, I think you do.”

Kyungsoo does, and he knows that it’s true, he just doesn’t want to. He refuses to.

He pushes Jongin off of him, both of them now standing and Kyungsoo glaring up into Jongin’s eyes.

“I don’t believe you, Jongin, because even if it’s true, it’s. Not. You. You are not bad, you are not evil, you are Jongin, and I swear to God it’ll kill me but everything about you makes me crazy. Your voice, your hair, your words, your goddamned smile that no one really ever gets to see except for me. It drives me crazy Jongin, past the point of insanity, but it’s everything that you are and I’ll take it all.”

Jongin swallows.

“All of it.”

And everything in the universe collides at once because Jongin is kissing Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo is kissing him back and everything just explodes.

Jongin wraps an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist and the other around his shoulders, pulling the younger male impossibly closer to him. Kyungsoo threads his fingers through Jongin’s hair, a quiet sigh escaping his lips as he notices how warm the pair touching his is.

Jongin.

His tongue slides across Kyungsoo’s lips softly, asking for permission, and the younger gladly gives it to him, mouth parting slightly and breathy moan escaping.

Their tongues and teeth clash messily, fire burning and temperature rising. Jongin takes the opportunity to nibble on Kyungsoo’s bottom lip, causing the other to whine into his mouth and clutch the back of his neck.

They battle for dominance, Jongin easily winning and Kyungsoo easily surrendering. He lets himself be pushed towards his bedroom, lips never breaking contact and hold never weakening.

He’s got Jongin now, and he’s not about to let him go.

The door to his room bangs open and Jongin throws him on the bed, hair flopping as his back hits the mattress. He watches Jongin with hungry eyes as the taller hastily removes his jacket and crawls over top of Kyungsoo, supporting himself on his elbows. He reclaims the heart-shaped lips and lets his hands roam over the small figure, hands coming to flit beneath the hem of Kyungsoo’s shirt.

He gasps at the warm and pleasant tingling sensation that spreads over skin wherever Jongin touches it, and he arches subconsciously into the other’s hold. Jongin attaches his lips to Kyungsoo’s neck and kisses a trail along the side, nipping and biting and licking and sucking. It has Kyungsoo moaning breathily, hands coming up to rest on Jongin’s waist.

When the younger is thoroughly undone, hands clutching uselessly at the other’s toned and muscled back, Jongin pulls away, just barely, breath coming out in gasps and eyes clouded over. He looks at the marks scattered across the gorgeous expanse of skin covering Kyungsoo’s neck and growls.

“Beautiful.”

Kyungsoo shivers and mewls helplessly, not able to focus on anything but Jongin’s warm body pressing into his own.

But it’s not enough, and there’s too many fucking clothes between them, and Kyungsoo needs to feel the elder’s skin sliding against his own.

He pushes Jongin up into a sitting position, straddling him by the end of the bed and quickly unbuttoning his black dress shirt. Jongin grips Kyungsoo’s waist and tugs his shirt up, up, up, and over his head.

When Kyungsoo finally manages to undo all the buttons and slide the shirt of Jongin’s body, his hands drag sensually down his torso to rest at his belt. He eyes it and looks up at Jongin, silent question evident in his eyes, and the older only nods before Kyungsoo whips the belt off and pushes Jongin back onto the bed.

His eye is caught by the tattoo on Jongin’s torso, inked cursive words calling for his fingers to reach out and touch. As he does just that, the taller man shivers, goosebumps raising on his skin and chest rumbling. He lets his finger trace every part of Jongin’s body, his arms, shoulders, collarbones, chest, ribs, stomach. Jongin is breathing hard by the time Kyungsoo reaches his slacks, slowly gliding them off his body and marvelling at all that Kim Jongin is naked.

His skin seems to glow in the darkness, the only illumination being the pale white light leaking in from the living room. It looks ethereal, Kyungsoo thinks, and he wants to feel every inch of it with his lips.

So he does.

Jongin watches with hooded eyes as Kyungsoo nibbles at the insides of his thighs, lips grazing over the sensitive skin there and sending his heart racing. His body heats up impossibly as Kyungsoo’s mouth moves closer and closer to where he needs those lips.

Those heavenly, sinful, lips.

And when Kyungsoo finally, finally, reaches Jongin’s already half-hard cock, he lingers, breath fanning over the taut skin. His tongue reaches out for an experimental lick, smirk gracing his lips as Jongin moans lightly. The taller man thinks that that look should be illegal.

Kyungsoo looks him in the eye with a smouldering gaze and his mouth closes over the other’s member, Jongin immediately sighing at the tight heat.

The mouth on his cock slowly sinks down further, until Kyungsoo has to breathe through his nose and can’t go any further without choking. He carefully bobs his head up, and then back down, pulling a groan from Jongin’s throat. The taller cards his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair and gently tugs his head right where he needs it, guiding his motions and forcing him to take just that little bit more of Jongin’s cock into his mouth.

It stretches his lips and brings tears to the corners of his eyes, but Kyungsoo moans around the length at Jongin’s rough grip and enthusiastically begins to suck. He swirls his tongue around the member and presses it into the slit, Jongin grinding his teeth and rocking his hips up into the tightness. He lets out a groan, and Kyungsoo thinks that it's the single most amazing sound he had ever heard.

When Kyungsoo feels like he can’t breathe he breaks off with a pop, catching his breath by slowly trailing his lips up Jongin’s body. When he reaches the tattoo on the other’s rib cage he presses his lip into each individual word, repeating them in a breathy whisper.

“When a man lifts his chin in pride he cannot see the chasm at his feet.” Jongin shudders at the combination of Kyungsoo’s husky voice and wet lips.

“Now you see,” He licks a stripe up the centre of Jongin’s chest, bringing his face level with the man beneath him, “Those are not the words of a bad person. Those,” A breath.

“Are the words,” Another.

“Of a man who is smart,” And another.

“And wise,” And another.

“And kind,” And one more.

“And everything good. That, that is what you are.” He presses close to Jongin’s face, so close that it’s almost difficult to look him in the eyes. “You are a good man, Kai.”

Jongin freezes, body immediately stiffening.

And before Kyungsoo knows it their positions are reversed and Jongin is on top of him, face threateningly close and voice coming out as a growl.

“Never, never, call me that again.” He whispers harshly, before reclaiming Kyungsoo’s lips in a bruising kiss.

And the way that Jongin kisses Kyungsoo takes his breath away. It's rough, and it's hungry, but at the same time it's gentle, it's loving, and it brings an ache to his chest. The way that Jongin flits his fingertips down Kyungsoo's side is so tender and it makes him fall just that little bit deeper.

He can feel the smaller male sigh, and he suddenly realizes that Kyungsoo is wearing far too much clothing. He grasps the waistband of Kyungsoo’s pants with careful fingers and slides them down his thighs and off his ankles, eyes shrouding in hunger when he’s met with the beautiful sight of Kyungsoo naked underneath him.

He can only stare, eyes raking over Kyungsoo and taking in every single detail, from the mole on his collarbone to the short trim of hair around his hardening cock. Kyungsoo breathes heavily beneath him, needing Jongin to do something.

“Please,” He begs. “Please Jongin, touch me.”

And with that Jongin wastes no time in spreading Kyungsoo’s legs apart. He breathes out a whisper of lube and Kyungsoo gestures vaguely to the bedside table. When Jongin crawls back down his body a moment later Kyungsoo hears rather than sees the popping of the cap.

He gasps when he feels a cold finger brush against his rim, breath speeding up as the first finger pushes in.

It’s tight, and although it’s uncomfortable, Kyungsoo finds that it’s worth it as Jongin moans, already imagining the way the heat will feel around his pulsing cock.

His fingers slowly, gently, push into the last knuckle, before pulling out almost completely and thrusting back in. The entire time he looks Kyungsoo straight in the eye, judging by his breathing how much he can take and how fast he can take it. The last thing he wants to do is hurt the younger, he's done enough of that already, and he promises to himself to take care of Kyungsoo.

So he goes slowly, fingers working Kyungsoo open millimetre by millimetre and leaving the younger a moaning mess beneath him. He inserts a second finger after a while, then a third, before Kyungsoo is groaning out a mix of enough and please.

It’s all the encouragement Jongin needs before he removes his fingers and lubes himself up, hand lazily stroking his leaking member and bringing himself back to full hardness.

Kyungsoo gasps, almost inaudibly, because Jongin leaning back and stroking himself above him is something Kyungsoo could watch all day. He wasn't lying before when he said that Jongin was big, and he's itching to replace Jongin's fingers with his own and love the older the way he deserves.

The way he needs.

Kyungsoo whines, needing to be filled by the older already, and his hands go down to pull his own legs further apart. Jongin sees this and quickly grabs the plush thighs with his own hands, folding Kyungsoo’s legs at the knee and pushing them as far open as they’ll go. He crawls between them and lines himself up, pausing once he does so to look Kyungsoo straight in the eye.

The shorter waits and waits for Jongin to push in, but when he doesn’t, he opens his eyes. He’s met with Jongin’s face just inches from his, eyes hesitant and scared. He reaches up and cups Jongin’s face, gaze flitting over the smooth skin covering high cheekbones.

“Jongin, I-” He hesitates, unsure of the effect his next words will have, but he knows that he needs to say something. “I want you to know that I don’t care. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what you’ve done, all that matters is that you’re here, with me, and that you care about me like I care about you. Which I know you do.” He finishes, breath ghosting across tan skin.

The intensity in Jongin’s eyes scares him, and it seems like the older isn't even listening as he rests on his elbows and covers Kyungsoo’s hands with his own on the side of his jaw, leaning into the other's touch.

“Kyungsoo,” He breathes, already sounding ragged and wrecked. “Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo… You make me feel things I shouldn't.”

The younger takes a shaky breath, feeling the heat and tension and everything between their bodies and it's slowly killing him.

Jongin sighs. “Oh Kyungsoo, it should matter. It does…

A pause.

“But it seems that I don’t care anymore.”

And with that he pushes in, all the way to hilt in one go. It has Kyungsoo’s eyes squeezing shut in pain, and Jongin waits for him to adjust. He showers Kyungsoo’s collarbones with kisses as he goes, biting and sucking into a spot then brushing his lips against it soothingly.

When the younger’s breathing has slowed again he nods up at Jongin, and begs, “Move.”

And well, Jongin can’t argue with a direct order.

But he goes slowly, almost too slowly, pushing into Kyungsoo fully each time, filling him like only he can, before pulling almost all the way out and slamming back in. The depth has Kyungsoo keening lowly in the back of his throat, hands coming up to Jongin’s back and digging in painfully.

“So… tight…” Jongin breathes, face sticking into the sheen of sweat on the side of Kyungsoo’s neck. He can't believe how good the younger feels around him, legs closing around his waist.

Kyungsoo moans in time with Jongin’s thrusts, wanting nothing more than for him to speed up.

“Jongin, Jongin, Jongin,” He repeats like a mantra, mumbling the name over and over again because he can’t think clearly with the way Jongin fills him so well.

He tightens the grip his legs hold and arches closer to Jongin’s body, back leaving the bed and eyes squeezing shut in ecstasy.

Give me more.

Jongin changes his angle then, and Kyungsoo’s vision explodes into a million stars.

Figuring he’s found the younger’s prostate, Jongin drills the same spot repeatedly, harshly pounding into the younger’s body and rocking the bed, bringing mewl after mewl out of Kyungsoo’s mouth. It makes him feel filthy, the sounds that Kyungsoo makes as he writhes in pleasure underneath him, but at the same time Jongin has never heard anything more perfect.

Kyungsoo moans grow louder and louder and mix with Jongin’s harsh breathing, chests pressed together and legs tangling.

Jongin never seems to break eye contact, boring deeper into Kyungsoo’s soul than he would have thought possible, but if just seems to make everything better. Makes it seem so much realer, more intense, and it makes Kyungsoo feel breathless. The care, the longing, the love in Jongin’s eyes makes him feel like they're the only two people in the world, and it sends a delicious shiver down his spine.

Jongin continues to wreck Kyungsoo so absolutely, and It’s quickly becoming too much, and before long Kyungsoo feels a coiling deep in his stomach.

But he needs more, needs to feel more of Jongin, but he's not sure that that's even possible.

“Touch me,” He whispers weakly, and Jongin is more than happy to comply.

His warm palm closes around the throbbing member between their bodies, stroking in time with his thrusts. The combination has Kyungsoo going crazy, and between moans he manages to get out, “Not going to. Last. Much. Longer.”

Jongin groans. “Then come for me baby, come for me.”

Jongin picks up the pace and slams into the smaller’s body, greedily watching the way Kyungsoo’s hole pulls him in with every thrust. He can feel his own end coming as well, and he focuses on the sounds Kyungsoo makes and the motions of his hands over the other’s cock.

Kyungsoo moans increase in pitch and his hands claw at Jongin's back in a way that the older is sure will leave marks, but he finds that it only turns him on more and he increases his speed, Kyungsoo gasping at the sudden change of pace.

Jongin sinks his teeth into the side of Kyungsoo’s neck, loving how the younger turns his head to the side to give him better access. He smirks against the sticky skin, tongue coming out to lick a thick column up to Kyungsoo’s ear.

Jongin steadily increases the power of his thrusts, slamming Kyungsoo into the headboard and feeling his cock begin to throb painfully.

“Kyungsoo…” He moans, trying to get the younger’s attention but not daring to stop his motions. “Kyungsoo, look at me.”

And he does, eyes locking onto Jongin's and breath coming out in shuddering exhales.

“Kyungsoo, you’re beautiful. So, so beautiful, and I really don't think you know what you do to me,” Jongin smiles then, one of his genuine ones, and Kyungsoo thinks he looks so much better like this.

Beautiful.

What feels like an eternity later, Kyungsoo comes with a cry of Jongin’s name, walls clenching around him and ripping his own orgasm out of his body. He continues to pound into the younger, milking them both dry, before feeling the final shudder leave his body and collapsing beside Kyungsoo.

Their chests both heave and they stare up at the ceiling, realizing the finality of what’s just happened. They've just crossed a line, one that you can't go back from, but neither can find it in themselves to care.

They don't say anything, climbing down from their intense climaxes together in silence.

Jongin feels like he's on cloud nine, like he's just won the lottery. He can still feel Kyungsoo around him, still hear the kittenish moans that spilled from his mouth, and it makes him hungry all over again.

After several minutes Jongin glances sideways at Kyungsoo, who is apparently already looking at him.

There's so much emotion in their gazes, so many unspoken words, and it sends a shiver down Jongin’s entire body. There's so much he wants to tell Kyungsoo. Wants to tell him how he really feels around the younger, how it's driving him close to brink of insanity.

But he doesn't know how to.

He opens his mouth to say something, anything, but no words come out and he slowly closes his parted lips. His eyes seem to say what his words can’t, at least to Kyungsoo anyways, and the smaller male just smiles before grabbing Jongin’s hand and closing his eyes.

All that can be heard are their soft breaths, intermingling in the damp air and dissipating through the door. It's peaceful, Kyungsoo thinks, like the calm after the war. And God, has he won. They both have.

As sleep calls to him, he feels Jongin’s fingers squeeze his own, and it starts a funny buzzing in his chest. It feels perfect like this, he thinks, their heartbeats slowing down together and hands linked tightly.

Just how it should be.

Just how it always should have been.

And maybe he’s imagining things, maybe he’s too caught up in his own high, but as his eyelids flutter closed for the last time that night, he swears he hears Jongin’s deep voice rumble out,

“I love you.”

•