Chapter 13: Hollow
It was a friendship that developed under unusual circumstances. Or so one would have said from the outside if they had known the stories of both young men. But that which one deems the most troublesome aspect of their life is what they keep secret for whatever reason, which is why Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi’s fast blooming friendship was viewed by other’s as the closeness between two young men who shared a love for music.
No one read any deeper into the growing bond between Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun which took off since the day they had met for a second time. That evening, about a month ago, both Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi had lost track of time in the middle of idle conversation, so much so that both were taken aback at Heechul’s arrival to pick up the maknae. The second time they ran into each other was just as unexpected as the first if not more so, when Kyuhyun found his host in the waiting room of psychiatrist he frequented since the accident.
Neither bothered telling much about the other that night, other than making small talk, each smoothly avoiding the subject of why they were their. ‘PTSD,’ Kyuhyun had replied with a small hollow laugh, ‘they think I might freeze if I hear honking when I’m on stage or something.’ Zhou Mi too had, quite honestly said, that the meeting with the doctor was off record, mostly an informative visit for someone he knew.
However, the company was appreciated by both. The murkiness that had for a while almost permanently hung around them had dissipated for a while that night as they shared dinner under the glow of a Chinese lamp in a nearby restaurant. Kyuhyun had never mentioned that he only continued to go to the psychiatrist because of the man’s insistence that he was still deeply troubled. The company didn’t think anything of it for the plain reason that they did not know enough to, but the doctor could tell that Kyuhyun’s insomnia and other symptoms came from something other than PTSD. It was something that hadn’t quite passed yet. But to avoid any trouble, the company continued to send him for regular check ups, a long hour every week in which Kyuhyun would keep his lips sealed and the doctor would try all he knew to get the budding star to speak.
Zhou Mi did not share the details of his own visit, nor the circumstances that led to it. He had never taken to discussing family matters with others, but Lan’s issue required an entirely different level of privacy. He did not mention that the meeting was arranged by the head prosecutor of Seoul, who had informed him that their case was on the rocks with the new development which Dongsun and Young Jae would undoubtedly blow up to support their case. He had been read the file and Zhou mi was fuming by the end: their case was simple, but strong. ‘It was all a lie, delusions of a disturbed mind.’ The singular witness to his cousin’s rape was his aunt, an eye witness who would now be stricken out for cause of unreliable testimony due to mental instability. Young Jae would happily back up the claim, reporting he had observed that Mengmei had not taken her pills for a few days leading to the incident.
And then the second part of their case. About Lan; Young min had informed him regrettably that there was little they could do to argue if they claimed Lan could have been a Schizophrenic as well and that her claims were nothing but delusions. ‘Her age was prime the prime at which the disorder would have shown if it were in her genes,’ the doctor had said, not attempting to mellow the situation. ‘And according to what Youngmin said, she displayed many of the symptoms of paranoid Schizophrenia, though it might have well been from trauma.’
Zhou Mi had struggled to keep face at first when he stepped out of the doctor’s office, and to Kyuhyun who was waiting outside to go out for dinner, but the quiet understanding between them that neither would try to force anything proved for the best, and both Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi soon started to drift away from the troubling thoughts.
Nearly a month had passed since then and Kyuhyun was once again hospitalized for an operation, remnants of the accident and one among many stages of recovery. The procedure itself went smoothly, and the doctors had confirmed he could leave in the next few days given he got the appropriate res
Zhou Mi had seen Kyuhyun just two days ago, to wish him good luck before the operation, but delayed his visit after it to Hankyung’s insistence. Hankyung had never seen Kyuhyun as talkative as when he was around Zhou Mi and had for that reason, instructed the Chinese singer to stay away for a few days so Kyuhyun could get his rest. So two days after the operation, Zhou Mi was back in the hospital with a bouquet of flowers and a basket full off goodies that had Kyuhyun grinning from ear to ear.
“You forgot the ice cream again.” Kyuhyun’s lips curved into a playful scowl as he burrowed through the items in the basket.
Zhou Mi said nothing in reply apart from rolling his eyes and letting escape a small chuckle of amusement. He stepped over to the desk beside the hospital bed where Kyuhyun’s gaming devices, mp3’s and books sat, and was soon flipping through the pages of the one book at the top of the pile. Despite his apparent dissatisfaction with the choice of treats, Kyuhyun was soon chomping down on one of the chocolate bars and potato chips, a welcome change from the fruits that were the closest to edible (in his opinion) food that the hospital provided.
“I didn’t know you were into psychology?” With a raised brow, Zhou Mi glanced up at Kyuhyun from thee book that he was looking through. The bookmark made it apparent that it wasn’t simply for show- Kyuhyun did in fact take time to read ‘Wonders of the Human Mind’.
Pausing for a second, Kyuhyun dismissed it with a shrug. “I’m trying to figure out what a normal person acts like,” he said without missing a beat., “So that I don’t have to go to the doctor anymore.” Zhou Mi narrowed his show of amusement to a smile, knowing that may not have been a complete lie. Kyuhyun had, in the past month, often made clear his dislike for the weekly appointment. ‘Yet another way to tighten a schedule that’s choking me,’ he would complain with a frown so deep, it seemed comical.
Once Kyuhyun had quelled his craving for junk food and was simply munching on some biscuits, by then remembering to politely offer some to his visitor, the topic of conversation had drifted from books, to schedules to songs. Two more people from the main band had been selected for the subgroup. Interest in it among the fans varied but there were undoubtedly those who looked forward to it. Zhou Mi was the only other person who had come to know that Kyuhyun was attempting to learn mandarin, and was more than happy about it, offering his help when he could.
“Learn a song. That would be easier, a lot of people find mandarin easier to sing than speak.” Zhou Mi suggested. “And it would come easier for you.” Nodding in agreement, Kyuhyun reached out for his mp3 and searched through the files till reaching the folder he needed.
“It’s full of mandarin songs, and lyrics written in Hangeul. But they are still hard.” After a few moments of inspection, Zhou Mi nodded. Pulling out his cellphone from his small bag, he searched through the files in it or a while before finding the song he was looking for.
Kyuhyun picked up his phone as it beeped and smiled seeing the attachment that came with the message. He looked up at Zhou Mi with a knowing smile. “One you like? Or one that would be easy to sing?”
A short, low chuckle rumbled from his throat as Zhou Mi looked down for a second, tone telling of some sadness. “Both.” His eyes glistened for a second but the sadness was gone before Kyuhyun could decipher it. He nodded, connecting a pair of headphones to the phone. With one last look at Zhou Mi, he leaned back and closed his eyes as a piano started playing, softly and melodically.
“Xiang duan le xian xiao shi ren hai li mian...”
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The path back to consciousness was a slow one, in the most literal way. Every one of his actions seemed dulled by the weight of the alcohol he had consumed the previous evening. And another weight was on his thigh, one he didn’t recognise till after a few blinks to get his vision in focus... Henry.
With a small groan, Ryeowook moved his leg, nudging Henry’s head off his lap where it had settled comfortably in a deep sleep. The sleep was disrupted by the movement and soon enough, rubbing his eyes, Henry had sat up on the couch as well while Ryeowook stretched out sore muscles from falling asleep sitting on the couch.
“You know...” his voice had become hoarse and it caught Ryeowook by surprise, though he figured it shouldn’t have. “Just because I took you drinking once, doesn’t mean you have to join me every time.” Henry only responded with a small sleepy, knowing smile, “I know. I wanted to.” Patting the elder tenderly on his back, Henry stood up and made his way to the bathroom.
With a small defeated sigh, Ryeowook leaned back, letting his head fall back. He quickly pulled his head back upright, feeling tipsy. “When is our flight back?”
“At noon. We have about an hour and a half to get ready to get to the airport three hours early.”
Groaning in annoyance at the words, Ryeowook pulled himself off the couch and dragged himself to the bed where everything from clothes to toiletries to CD’s were scattered. “Why so early?”
Henry walked back into the room, face lit with an amused smile and apparently unperturbed by the knowledge that they had so little time to get going. “Maybe because you have a show to go on tonight?”
The memory of such an engagement only served to annoy Ryeowook further. “Don’t smile. You get to snore while we are slaving.” Face puffed up as if stung, Ryeowook busied himself with his bag, and Henry could only chuckle.
“Me? I’m not going to be sleeping, if that helps any.”
“Then?”
Silently, Henry observed himself in the mirror and smoothed his hair to a side.
“I think I’m going to meet someone.”
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“Chun! It’s the violin kid for you!”
It was more welcome than he expected from the group, but Jaejoong had welcomed him in with genuine excitement. Once the surprise had worn off his face, the oldest of the DBSK crew proceeded to bombard the young violinist with more questions than he could manage with broken hangul, and a drink pushed unceremoniously into his hands. He was sure that the singer had at some point explained what it was but the words had gone by at a speed that he couldn’t register.
At the end, Henry had resorted to simply nodding and smiling along, sipping at the drink (first cautiously, then whole heartedly as the homemade fruit drink was nothing less than delicious). Changmin and and Yunho had peeked out hearing the commotion and Yunho introduced himself politely, while Changmin took one look at Jaejoong as he blabbered on and Henry’s polite smile, then walked away with a look that could only have meant “you’re on your own, bro” aimed clearly- at Henry.
In the conversation, never had the question of why he had decided to visit become a topic. Jaejoong had apparently taken at face value that it was simply a casual visit, sweet and unexpected. Neither did Henry bother to correct him and explain that he had in fact come to see someone for a purpose he deemed quite important.
Once Jaejoong had stopped to give himself a bit of breathing space, Henry asked whether the other two members were at the dorm or not. Junsu was apparently gone with some of his friends and brother- something about a tournament. Yoochun was inside. Without much ado, Jaejoong quickly led Henry to the room, assuring him that Yoochun would give him company since he himself had to get somewhere soon.
“Can you believe that?” Jaejoong half smiled, shaking his head as they opened the door of Yoochun’s room only to find he had not heard himself being addressed. The software his senior was working on was something Henry was familiar with, a track mixing and editing program- and professional level at that. Music blasted through the headphones, loud enough that even though they were standing far enough away, both Jaejoong and Henry could easily identify the beat and song.
It took Jaejoong going over and calling him to bring Yoochun out of the work he was immersed in. “Henry. Is here to see you.” Jaejoong repeated and with a sheepish smile, Yoochun quickly got up and greeted the younger idol.
“I didn’t mean to be a disturbance...” he apologized the best he could with his grip in the language.
“It’s fine!” Jaejoong replied before Yoochun had a chance to say anything- but Yoochun himself seemed entirely used to that. “Yoochun loves the company, right?” Shooting Henry an amused look, Yoochun replied after a pause. “Right.”
“Well I’ll leave you two now, I have about 20 minutes to get to the photoshoot before the manager starts blowing up my phone with messages.” Bidding goodbye to them both, Jaejoong was soon on his way off.
“So.” Sighing softly, Yoochun indicated for Henry to take a seat on the bed as he returned to the chair in front of the computer, spinning it around to face his guest. “What’s up?” Yoochun easily switched to English, which brought a relieved smile to Henry’s face. “Nothing much, I just thought I would come and visit you all since you are back from Japan and we’re back from Thailand and all-” he paused, glancing at the screen that still showed the program. “I’m really sorry about disturbing you though.”
Yoochun raised a brow, doubt clear in his eyes. Waving off the apology for interrupting, he continued. “It’s nothing important. I’m glad you came. How have you been doing?” Pulling in his legs onto the chair, he began to rotate it, small arches from one side to another.
“Not bad I guess.” Henry paused; this would be the best opportunity to bring up the subject. “I guess it’s fair to say some of us have been taking it better than others. You know... the pressure and schedules and all.”
Of many of the reasons that Yoochun had suspected Henry to have come to them unexpectedly, this was not one he had thought of. But was that just his own conscience putting words into Henry’s mouth? Was that at all what the was was here for? Regardless, he decided to take the bait.
“Yeah... it can be hard. Who is having a hard time?”
“Oh... well... I guess Leeteuk is just worried about everyone, but that’s normal. Uh... I guess Ryeowook hasn’t been doing so well.”
Bingo. “Oh.... what’s going on with him?”
Henry paused before replying, taking in a measured breath. Would he be offended? Would Yoochun wall up and say nothing? “I guess....” They were friends, after all. Close friends. Would Yoochun find it unfaithful to say anything to Henry- he was still an outsider after all. Or was he? “I guess he just hasn’t been feeling too well.”
Yoochun watched the other work through his dilemma, hand holding his chin. These weren’t things that he had failed to notice. Just the last day, he had seen an interview in which Ryeowook seemed completely spaced out. “He’s sick?”
It wasn’t sorrow he saw in those eyes, neither was it the empathy that he had hoped for. Instead it was a distance, a reluctance to akwoledge that the knowledge bothered him- or that his concern was nothing more than that of an acquaintance. Guilt, even. Henry held Yoochun’s steady gaze for a few seconds before releasing a defeated sigh.
“I was hoping you could tell me.”
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A.N./ @_@ not happy with this chapter but oh well ; ;