Traumatized
I had the worst dream ever! I have to write this down before I forget.
I can't remember the order of some of the events, but basically I was going to an Alice Nine live. But I was running so late. I was going with another girl, and I don't know who she was, but in my dream she resembled my MIT Britney. Anyway, we were communicating on the phone, she was already at the venue. I hadn't even bought my ticket yet nor was I ready to go! I was scrambling to get ready while I was on my computer buying. I guess I bought the ticket but was having trouble printing it. I also worked on my hair. At some point I lost touch with her, and someone told me her phone was off! So I didn't know how to print my ticket! It was like 6:58pm, the show was supposed to start at 7pm and I hadn't even left yet. My family didn't even seem to care. I think I ran out of the house, almost in tears because I didn't even do my make up. Not a single thing on my face, and I remember vaguely thinking there was no way I could meet them like that, and my dreams were crushed. I think I get to the outside of the venue, which resembles the truck court at my mall XDD and a lady is sitting down taking the printed tickets. I'm apparently carrying my WHOLE COMPUTER open to the screen that says I had purchased the ticket. I pleaded with her, and she let me in. At this point I realize I didn't even BRING my make up bag with me and have no hope anymore...I get inside and it looks like the inside of a school somehow...like a nice auditorium or something (O_____O) . It's still relatively empty when I get in for some reason (does NOT make any sense) but in the next instant my friend and I are some where near the middle of the stadium and it's packed. I'm not as close as I had wanted to be...which I wanted front row OBVIOUSLY. Then Alice Nine comes in and I can't even see their faces...But this is common in my dreams. I rarely see people, just "feel" who they are...like I only sense presences, it's retarded...I can see Shou's figure...and his hair...and I can tell Tora is to his right...Then we are singing along as if in church!!! We have sheets with the lyrics and everyone is singing along, and I'm so focused on singing right that I don't even watch them one bit. I remember looking at my friend, and some of the audience but that's it. Next thing I know, which feels like they played one song, they are exiting on the side of the crowd and they are gone...once again, all I "see" is Shou and he's waving. This is about the time my alarm goes off. I fall back asleep and revisit the dream. Some stuff happened with dogs and I got pulled over for speeding (will DEF be driving the speed limit to work today XDD) but then I'm with my family and I'm absolutely depressed...Finally as I'm at the computer my mom is talking to me and I start crying. She asks what's wrong and I tell her that I ruined my Alice Nine concert by being late and not paying attention to them...She blows it off (SO not like her) and I just start BAWLING like a baby, and say over and over, "You just don't understand".
That's pretty much it. As disturbed as I was in the dream, I was surprised that I didn't wake up crying in real life. It was truly upsetting. Like it totally shook me. I wonder if it's a premonition of how I will feel once the live is over, when I finally get to go. I'm sure it WILL feel like they played one song, ad then once they leave the stage, I will feel like they've left my life...and I can already imagine how that feels. I think it will feel a lot like when David left me. That's desolation, that emptiness...when he said "I'm IN LOVE with someone else"...it feels like your whole existence has been removed. I hope that's not the despair I will feel when they leave the stage (I'm getting in over my head here). And I think this dream was a wake up call. It was the embodiment of all the fears and frustrations I'd had in my life right now. I have been late for so many things. I used to be the early person. Now I'm the late person and it bothers me. I also don't do anything anymore. I am not motivated and I think I'm letting opportunities pass me by. And obviously I'm focused on Alice Nine, so the opportunity with them was the focus of the dream. I think if I don't get my act together I will potentially miss some opportunity with them or concerning them. And I do say "you just don't understand" a lot. Because most people don't understand how I feel. Most people don't understand jrock and visual kei in general so how could they imagine how I even feel about it? My parents are supportive, but they don't understand it. My friends know how much I love this stuff, but they don't understand it either. They wave it off as one of my quirks, and that's fine. I don't know. I'm just really depressed, I mean, is that how much passion I've lost in life? that I would not put my everything into an Alice Nine live? Not be ready and not be early and not even pay attention? There's no way! So I have to get back on track with everything in my life. Have I mentioned how much I HATE closing Friday and opening Saturday? I have no time to do anything, but starting Saturday after work I'm getting my life back on track and I'm going to make things happen. I'm tired of not caring about anything. Alice Nine, here I come!!!!
I can't remember the order of some of the events, but basically I was going to an Alice Nine live. But I was running so late. I was going with another girl, and I don't know who she was, but in my dream she resembled my MIT Britney. Anyway, we were communicating on the phone, she was already at the venue. I hadn't even bought my ticket yet nor was I ready to go! I was scrambling to get ready while I was on my computer buying. I guess I bought the ticket but was having trouble printing it. I also worked on my hair. At some point I lost touch with her, and someone told me her phone was off! So I didn't know how to print my ticket! It was like 6:58pm, the show was supposed to start at 7pm and I hadn't even left yet. My family didn't even seem to care. I think I ran out of the house, almost in tears because I didn't even do my make up. Not a single thing on my face, and I remember vaguely thinking there was no way I could meet them like that, and my dreams were crushed. I think I get to the outside of the venue, which resembles the truck court at my mall XDD and a lady is sitting down taking the printed tickets. I'm apparently carrying my WHOLE COMPUTER open to the screen that says I had purchased the ticket. I pleaded with her, and she let me in. At this point I realize I didn't even BRING my make up bag with me and have no hope anymore...I get inside and it looks like the inside of a school somehow...like a nice auditorium or something (O_____O) . It's still relatively empty when I get in for some reason (does NOT make any sense) but in the next instant my friend and I are some where near the middle of the stadium and it's packed. I'm not as close as I had wanted to be...which I wanted front row OBVIOUSLY. Then Alice Nine comes in and I can't even see their faces...But this is common in my dreams. I rarely see people, just "feel" who they are...like I only sense presences, it's retarded...I can see Shou's figure...and his hair...and I can tell Tora is to his right...Then we are singing along as if in church!!! We have sheets with the lyrics and everyone is singing along, and I'm so focused on singing right that I don't even watch them one bit. I remember looking at my friend, and some of the audience but that's it. Next thing I know, which feels like they played one song, they are exiting on the side of the crowd and they are gone...once again, all I "see" is Shou and he's waving. This is about the time my alarm goes off. I fall back asleep and revisit the dream. Some stuff happened with dogs and I got pulled over for speeding (will DEF be driving the speed limit to work today XDD) but then I'm with my family and I'm absolutely depressed...Finally as I'm at the computer my mom is talking to me and I start crying. She asks what's wrong and I tell her that I ruined my Alice Nine concert by being late and not paying attention to them...She blows it off (SO not like her) and I just start BAWLING like a baby, and say over and over, "You just don't understand".
That's pretty much it. As disturbed as I was in the dream, I was surprised that I didn't wake up crying in real life. It was truly upsetting. Like it totally shook me. I wonder if it's a premonition of how I will feel once the live is over, when I finally get to go. I'm sure it WILL feel like they played one song, ad then once they leave the stage, I will feel like they've left my life...and I can already imagine how that feels. I think it will feel a lot like when David left me. That's desolation, that emptiness...when he said "I'm IN LOVE with someone else"...it feels like your whole existence has been removed. I hope that's not the despair I will feel when they leave the stage (I'm getting in over my head here). And I think this dream was a wake up call. It was the embodiment of all the fears and frustrations I'd had in my life right now. I have been late for so many things. I used to be the early person. Now I'm the late person and it bothers me. I also don't do anything anymore. I am not motivated and I think I'm letting opportunities pass me by. And obviously I'm focused on Alice Nine, so the opportunity with them was the focus of the dream. I think if I don't get my act together I will potentially miss some opportunity with them or concerning them. And I do say "you just don't understand" a lot. Because most people don't understand how I feel. Most people don't understand jrock and visual kei in general so how could they imagine how I even feel about it? My parents are supportive, but they don't understand it. My friends know how much I love this stuff, but they don't understand it either. They wave it off as one of my quirks, and that's fine. I don't know. I'm just really depressed, I mean, is that how much passion I've lost in life? that I would not put my everything into an Alice Nine live? Not be ready and not be early and not even pay attention? There's no way! So I have to get back on track with everything in my life. Have I mentioned how much I HATE closing Friday and opening Saturday? I have no time to do anything, but starting Saturday after work I'm getting my life back on track and I'm going to make things happen. I'm tired of not caring about anything. Alice Nine, here I come!!!!