(Untitled)

[kzoopunk]

My initial PhD program search is over. I have my top five schools I'm going to apply to

Comments

[nanimo]

That's kind of the bitch of things. One of only two things Wickstrom has ever said to me that pissed me off was when we were discussing my most recent bout of depression. I mentioned that it was related to being molested and tortured as a child (he'd been trying to relate to his depression in grad school) and he said "well, that's one of those things. You can move beyond it, or you can be stuck there." Fuck that, you live there and you deal. And someone who doesn't understand that can't understand what it is to be a survivor.

And that was my impromtu psuedo-rant of the day.

By the way... "University of Southern University?"

[a_new_body]

I was assaulted my freshman year, which was you know, almost five years ago, and I freaked out on one of my friends a couple weeks ago for lifting up my shirt and unhooking my bra in the middle of a bar. And started crying on the way home. No, it never goes away. That doesn't mean we shouldn't work through it for the rest of our lives and turn it into something as positive as we possibly can, but it never goes away. I honestly think that understanding that it's something you'll have to deal with the rest of your life IS a good way of dealing with it. Shutting it out when you know things are happening that are related to it? That's more "not" dealing with it. Urgh.

[ate86]

Im NOT trying to be insensitive here. Lets just call it naive. But what do you define as assaulted. Im not saying it makes a difference one way or another, but typically when a girl says assaulted is she talking about full out pinned in an alley while you scream and fight? or a guy you had over, and he kept going even though you said no? Or did he drug you and then take advantage?

Im not asking about you personally, but TYPICALLY...what happens to most girls when they use the word "assaulted". And why dont girls actively use the word rape. Assaulted dampens it down a bit and something like that shouldnt be dampened. In my personal case, there have been times I didnt feel like sexing my boyfriend, and I said no, I didnt want to, but they were forceful about it anyway, and I dont classify that as rape cause its not like I did anything to stop it. So Im just wondering what your take on what classifies as an assault to you personally.
Again Im not trying to minimize it, or maximize it, but...Im curious...like that one cartoon monkey.

[a_new_body]

Well, I say 'assaulted' mainly because I was mirroring Lynn's language, in this case. I was a sexual assault peer educator for three years in college and frankly, after all those presentations, they kind of teach you to water down the language and refer to everything as "assault" even though really it's "sexual assault" and then, a lot of the time, it's "rape." The technical difference is that sexual assault includes, but is not limited to, rape. assault can include sexual inappropriate touching, as well

[ate86]

I guess this is just one of those things where everyone determines what they consider truthful or not. Im not one of those people who say you should have kneed him in the balls, because some would choose death at that moment over living a life as a rape victim. For some girls, not being a victim is worth their life, for others, its not, so yeah no one should tell you how much being raped is worth or not worth. And people dont always recipricate in sex...sometimes I just wanted to sleep...or watch tv, and he was cool with that. So it just depends on what the norm is for you. And I consider what happened to me far from assault or rape, because what I choose to do (nothing) and what I could have done (kneed him in the balls) would have depended if I felt violated or not. And because I did nothing, I dont personally, (personally is the key word in this run on sentence) feel it was rape because I did nothing outside of voice an oppinion. My lack of action on that specific occasion to ME says it wasnt rape. Everyone will draw different

[ate86]

One more thing, is there any girl who feels she WASNT sexually molested. Cause it seems like every girl has a story. Even Oprah... I dont think its easier to molest a girl over a guy. They both have nipples, both have genitals...both have holes, so I think the chances of a guy raping a guy or a guy raping a girl are about the same. But why do you hear more girls talk about their expiriences, over guys. Especially gay guys. I know one gay guy who said he was raped, and Im skeptical cause hes the type who brags about owning a Leprechaun. Im not saying it didnt happen, just that hes the only guy I know to claim assault. So why do you hear it from more girls?
Again Im not minimizing your situation at all, Im just curious and more then likely naive.

[a_new_body]

I know plenty of women who have not been raped, molested, or otherwise sexually assaulted. Yes, it is much easier to molest a girl over a guy. (Lynn has extensive knowledge of gender studies, from what I understand, she probably knows better than me-- PS, feel free to argue any of this, I haven't taken too many classes, :) ) There is social conscruction of gender where women are taught to be a certain way and men are taught to be a certain way. Men also often (but yes, not always) have the advantage of size over a woman. Most sexual perpetrators are MEN. Most victims are WOMEN. Regardless of how you want to dispute the actual numbers, these statements are FACT. Yes, women can rape and molest men, but we are less socially ingrained to do so. There are FAR higher numbers of female victims than male victims

[lilredemi]

Thanks for being so eloquent on an issue so difficult to discuss.

[ate86]

Right well Im not trying to get into anything, I dont want ya getting defensive, but I wasnt talkign about women molesting men, I was talking about men molesting men. Im saying I could know 20 girls, 18 of which claimed to be raped, yet I could know 40 gay males, and only 3 of which would claim to be raped. Thats all. I just wondered is the gay community keeps it hidden, or if women sometimes, but probably rarely, play it up.

[mz__e]

lynn, preciosa, i'm right there with you. we're sitting on the couch, smoking though we shouldn't, and we get each other. you're really doing everything you need to. feel it, and just vocalize or write-- do NOT keep it inside, or it will consume you. and think about it-- you threw up-- maybe that's just a small part of that pain that isn't in you anymore. love/hug.