Good Bye
So i've decided something....after a long conversation with mike, hours of crying and talking to Kyle... and having him talk me out of doing stupid things (And i <3 you kyle you're such a great person)... and i've come to a decision...
Shauna... I love you, you're a great person and an even better friend. There is no one better than you in the world, do not let people talk down to you. You're beautiful- no you're gorgous. and there is no one prettier than you. don't let people say things to you that you know isn't true. you're my best friend, my advice giver, my shoulder to cry on. you're my everything and more. i love you so much- you're so valuble to me. i dont know where i would be today without you... and I love you so much baby
Kyle- you're such a great friend. I can be completly honest with you. I've never lied to you, or acted fake and not like myself to please you because i know that you love people for who they are. you're the kinda person i wish i was, where i can just know people for who they are, and not judge people by who they're friends with and what they say... but actually know the real person. You're always there for everyone, and it doesn't matter what you have doing on, you'll gladly drop it if one of your friends are in danger. you take the word friendship to a new level, where there is so much trust and love that its almost sickining :p:p but still great. I Love you kyle
Rachy- you're the kind of person i can just sit and talk to, or even just sit with... because the silence doens't bother us- we know that we're just thinking. I can go days without talking to you, and just hop up next to you and nothings changed... you're still the same rachy. i care about you so much, and i know its the same back at me. you're a great dancer, and an even better friend. Things with your parents will work out eventually- and things with your Greg will be great in the end. you guys are so cute together and the fact that you can hold a relationship that hard together, and still have so much love... is amazing. he's the one rachy- don't let him go. I love you
Derek- every time i talk to you, i feel like i can tell you anything. that you're not going to judge me by the stupid shit i do. you'll just be like "hey thats nikki" and let it go. you're a great person, and a great friend. I wish that i still talked to you a lot... i miss seeing you every day. I love you
Kayla- if i've ever had a friend that i told everything to- it was you. we spent so much time together, and i let Mike break our friendship apart... i still kick myself in the ass for letting that happen. i'm so sorry Kayla... because our friendship fell apart because of me- and by the time i relized how fucked up it was, it was far too late to fix it. But you were my sister, your family was my family. i lived at your house, and you were my best friend for a long time. I miss the times that we shared.
Amy- you are the one person who speaks their mind no matter what. you dont give a damn about what people think of you- and that's an amazing quality to have. thank you so much for sticking up for me with my problems with Mike. It takes an amazing person to say the things you said and take sides with someone you havent talked to much, because you just feel in your heart that it's wrong. you're an amazing person with an amazing personality. Thank you so much for standing up for me, you have no clue how much better that made me feel.
Desireè- thank you so much for sticking up for me. you've been a great friend. I'm so glad that you're in my Spanish class because you're an awesome person to have around. you're so funny, you have a good time at school and at class but still remain so concentrated at the same time. I admire the fact that you can do both at the same time, because we know how well Nikki can focus and concentrate during classtime... not well that's for sure. Thank you so much for being there.
... I love my friends... i love my family. The people i wrote to happen to have LJ's... i'm not writing out long messages to all of my friends if they can't read it... Shauna, Kyle, Will, Josh, Derek, Dan, Kayla, Desireè, Greg, Amy... Thank you so much for being there for me.. in the past, present, and hopefully the future. and i have one last one...
Mike- I love you... and I will always love you. loving you was never the problem, it was the one thing that held us together. you were the one for me, everyone could see it. everyone thought we'd be together forever, as did i... and i wish that we could be. I do have a hard time letting people go... but letting you go is harder. I love you so much... i promised myself that i wouldn't cry anymore, but that's impossible. you mean so much to me. you're my life and so much more. my angel without wings... my lil gi joe. i love you so much angel. there's no one else in this world for me but you. I love you. i can't say anything more than i love you. I hope that you loved your birthday...i tried so hard to make it perfect, for you to have the best 18th birthday you could dream of... it doesn't matter what you say to me, who you see/date/love/fuck... what your friends say to me, about me, and what the do to me... I will always love you. As much as i wish i could stop... so i could make all of this pain that is breaking me down from the inside out...i love you. you're my everything and without you i'm hopeless. I told you that i would never actually say that i needed someone... that i wouldn't stoop to the level of being so submissive and defenseless to need someone... but i think that i was wrong to say that... and maybe i do need something... i need your love, i need the relationship that we had that was so perfect and full of love and happiness. I need the smiles that we had on our faces when we looked into eachothers eyes. i need the words that came out of our mouthes at night. I need the warmth of your arms around me, and the softness of your voice. and I need to hear that you love me, and only me. I love you so much Mike.. nothing can ever change that. My guardian angel, my GI Joe Mike, My mike n ike, my baby, my angel without wings... my one and only love.. and for that i'm truly sorry for everything that has happaned between us.
I miss the love that we used to share.
Matchbook Romance - If All Else Fails
A subdoed silence
Undisturbed
by the sound of her breath
So carefully,
brush her hair
Back from her eyes
In steady sequence
one by one
She slips away
So close your eyes and sleep to dream
I'm by your side
No words to speak
We'll set our course and make it through
No matter how far I go
My heart remains with you
And I'm not sure
what I'm looking for
But its clear to see
The purpose of my existence
is laying here in front of me
So close your eyes and sleep to dream
I'm by your side
No words to speak
We'll set our course and make it through
No matter how far I go
And if all else fails
you can look up at the sky
because its the same one
that shines
above you and I
and if all else fails
you can close your eyes
and I'll be right beside you
I'll be the one by your side
So close your eyes and sleep to dream
I'm by your side
No words to speak
We'll set our course and make it through
No matter how far I go
No matter how much this hurts
I wanted you to know
My heart remains with you
so i leave you now with these final words...
Don't look back... you can never look back.
Shauna... I love you, you're a great person and an even better friend. There is no one better than you in the world, do not let people talk down to you. You're beautiful- no you're gorgous. and there is no one prettier than you. don't let people say things to you that you know isn't true. you're my best friend, my advice giver, my shoulder to cry on. you're my everything and more. i love you so much- you're so valuble to me. i dont know where i would be today without you... and I love you so much baby
Kyle- you're such a great friend. I can be completly honest with you. I've never lied to you, or acted fake and not like myself to please you because i know that you love people for who they are. you're the kinda person i wish i was, where i can just know people for who they are, and not judge people by who they're friends with and what they say... but actually know the real person. You're always there for everyone, and it doesn't matter what you have doing on, you'll gladly drop it if one of your friends are in danger. you take the word friendship to a new level, where there is so much trust and love that its almost sickining :p:p but still great. I Love you kyle
Rachy- you're the kind of person i can just sit and talk to, or even just sit with... because the silence doens't bother us- we know that we're just thinking. I can go days without talking to you, and just hop up next to you and nothings changed... you're still the same rachy. i care about you so much, and i know its the same back at me. you're a great dancer, and an even better friend. Things with your parents will work out eventually- and things with your Greg will be great in the end. you guys are so cute together and the fact that you can hold a relationship that hard together, and still have so much love... is amazing. he's the one rachy- don't let him go. I love you
Derek- every time i talk to you, i feel like i can tell you anything. that you're not going to judge me by the stupid shit i do. you'll just be like "hey thats nikki" and let it go. you're a great person, and a great friend. I wish that i still talked to you a lot... i miss seeing you every day. I love you
Kayla- if i've ever had a friend that i told everything to- it was you. we spent so much time together, and i let Mike break our friendship apart... i still kick myself in the ass for letting that happen. i'm so sorry Kayla... because our friendship fell apart because of me- and by the time i relized how fucked up it was, it was far too late to fix it. But you were my sister, your family was my family. i lived at your house, and you were my best friend for a long time. I miss the times that we shared.
Amy- you are the one person who speaks their mind no matter what. you dont give a damn about what people think of you- and that's an amazing quality to have. thank you so much for sticking up for me with my problems with Mike. It takes an amazing person to say the things you said and take sides with someone you havent talked to much, because you just feel in your heart that it's wrong. you're an amazing person with an amazing personality. Thank you so much for standing up for me, you have no clue how much better that made me feel.
Desireè- thank you so much for sticking up for me. you've been a great friend. I'm so glad that you're in my Spanish class because you're an awesome person to have around. you're so funny, you have a good time at school and at class but still remain so concentrated at the same time. I admire the fact that you can do both at the same time, because we know how well Nikki can focus and concentrate during classtime... not well that's for sure. Thank you so much for being there.
... I love my friends... i love my family. The people i wrote to happen to have LJ's... i'm not writing out long messages to all of my friends if they can't read it... Shauna, Kyle, Will, Josh, Derek, Dan, Kayla, Desireè, Greg, Amy... Thank you so much for being there for me.. in the past, present, and hopefully the future. and i have one last one...
Mike- I love you... and I will always love you. loving you was never the problem, it was the one thing that held us together. you were the one for me, everyone could see it. everyone thought we'd be together forever, as did i... and i wish that we could be. I do have a hard time letting people go... but letting you go is harder. I love you so much... i promised myself that i wouldn't cry anymore, but that's impossible. you mean so much to me. you're my life and so much more. my angel without wings... my lil gi joe. i love you so much angel. there's no one else in this world for me but you. I love you. i can't say anything more than i love you. I hope that you loved your birthday...i tried so hard to make it perfect, for you to have the best 18th birthday you could dream of... it doesn't matter what you say to me, who you see/date/love/fuck... what your friends say to me, about me, and what the do to me... I will always love you. As much as i wish i could stop... so i could make all of this pain that is breaking me down from the inside out...i love you. you're my everything and without you i'm hopeless. I told you that i would never actually say that i needed someone... that i wouldn't stoop to the level of being so submissive and defenseless to need someone... but i think that i was wrong to say that... and maybe i do need something... i need your love, i need the relationship that we had that was so perfect and full of love and happiness. I need the smiles that we had on our faces when we looked into eachothers eyes. i need the words that came out of our mouthes at night. I need the warmth of your arms around me, and the softness of your voice. and I need to hear that you love me, and only me. I love you so much Mike.. nothing can ever change that. My guardian angel, my GI Joe Mike, My mike n ike, my baby, my angel without wings... my one and only love.. and for that i'm truly sorry for everything that has happaned between us.
I miss the love that we used to share.
Matchbook Romance - If All Else Fails
A subdoed silence
Undisturbed
by the sound of her breath
So carefully,
brush her hair
Back from her eyes
In steady sequence
one by one
She slips away
So close your eyes and sleep to dream
I'm by your side
No words to speak
We'll set our course and make it through
No matter how far I go
My heart remains with you
And I'm not sure
what I'm looking for
But its clear to see
The purpose of my existence
is laying here in front of me
So close your eyes and sleep to dream
I'm by your side
No words to speak
We'll set our course and make it through
No matter how far I go
And if all else fails
you can look up at the sky
because its the same one
that shines
above you and I
and if all else fails
you can close your eyes
and I'll be right beside you
I'll be the one by your side
So close your eyes and sleep to dream
I'm by your side
No words to speak
We'll set our course and make it through
No matter how far I go
No matter how much this hurts
I wanted you to know
My heart remains with you
so i leave you now with these final words...
Don't look back... you can never look back.