Lullaby
Title: Lullaby
Pairing: JJ/Reid, or Reid & JJ
Prompt: I trust you (via cm_het_drabble) & lighting (via my crimeland prompt table
Rating: PG13
Words: 893
Warning: Language, spoilers for The Big Game/Revelations, a bit of flangst.
Notes: I give up on drabbles. The end.
Everyone else drifts in and out, but every time Reid opens his eyes, she's there. She looks pale and sickly, though he can't decide if it's from the strange flourescent lighting of the hospital. He hopes so, but he's doubtful.
He watches her, silhouetted in the hallway outside of his room, arguing with Prentiss and Hotch, her hands clenched into fists at her side. They shake their heads at her, foreheads furrowed in concern, but JJ is utterly determined. Finally, it's Morgan who brings her go-bag in for her. She closes the door and changes in his room, ducking behind a curtain.
Reid has been pretending to sleep for most of his stay. It's easier than talking about it; easier than absorbing the concern and sympathy and relief. The longer he stays silent, the longer the gaps are between visits.
Except for JJ.
She doesn't touch him or speak to him, just sits in the hard-backed chair to the left of his bed and watches him. She gets up, he surmises, only to use the bathroom (the one in his room) and to purchase a bottled water and something salty from the vending machine in the common area. She also brings him coffee, though he hasn't made a move to eat or drink anything, and sets it on the table. When it gets cold, she pours it down the sink and throws away the cup.
After a full thirty-nine hours of this, Reid begins to worry for her. There are dark circles blooming like dead flowers under her eyes, and there isn't any colour left in her lips. JJ is exhausted. More exhausted than he is -- and laying still for so long is an exhausting task.
"JJ," he finally says. "Are you all right?" They're the first words he speaks in almost two days, and his throat is raw from screaming until it bled in Hankel's shed, and it's dry from disuse, and they come out all wrong.
JJ turns to look at him, not at all surprised that he's spoken, and says, "No. But you're worse."
"You're--" he coughs. "You're worse, actually, at this point, I imagine. Although I'm not going to ask for a mirror to compare. You... why haven't you..." He stops, because she's crying. Silent and closed-mouthed, her lower lip trembling imperceptibly, drawing back against her teeth like she's trying to swallow. "JJ..."
She shakes her head at him, tears sliding down her papery-looking, sallow cheeks, then takes a breath that shudders through her body. "I can't let you out of my sight. I can't fucking do it. The last time I left you alone, you..."
"Don't..."
"Blame myself? How can I not? I watched what he did to you, Spence. I watched it. And every time you screamed, all I heard was you calling for me. And I wasn't there. How can you ever trust me again? How can you even stand to look at me? How can I look at myself?"
Reid looks at her with his sunken eyes and reaches for her tentatively, trying out the hand that doesn't have an IV stuck in it. "JJ... I was the one who went off by myself. I was the one who broke protocol; I... it could just as easily have been you. And that..." His voice trails off while he ponders the thought, and he feels her hand tense beneath his.
"But it wasn't," she whispers. "And I shouldn't have let you." The tears are still streaming down her cheeks, and she has made no move to quell them or wipe them away.
"You trusted me. And I was the one who messed up. JJ, I... if I would have trusted you back there, it would have turned out differently. We wouldn't be here. Of course I trust you. I should have all along. I'm sorry."
JJ turns her hand over to hold his, and her grip is fierce. She presses it against her face, and he can feel her tears seeping between their fingers. Her lips are parted and quivering against his skin.
"Hey," he whispers. "You should go and get some sleep, or they're going to be admitting you, next."
She nods, still clutching his hand, and motions with her other one for him to move over. He looks at her, puzzled, but when she does it again, he complies. Without a word, JJ climbs into bed beside him.
"I don't think this conforms to hospital regulations..." he starts, but she ignores him and hunkers down against his body. The bed is narrow, but so are they, and the closer she gets, the better they fit.
"Well, it's against Bureau regs to let your partner go in alone," she mumbles.
"Go in where?" he asks, more confused than before.
"The dark. The places where the monsters are hiding." JJ is fading fast, her head nestled against his shoulder, her mouth at his ear. "You haven't actually slept since you've been here," she says. "You're afraid to dream." She adjusts herself so that she is lying directly over his heart, and its pounding fills her head like a lullaby.
"So are you," Reid whispers.
"It's okay, sweetheart. It's all right. Go to sleep. I won't let them hurt you. I've got your back."
She is asleep before he answers, but he tells her anyway. "I know."
Pairing: JJ/Reid, or Reid & JJ
Prompt: I trust you (via cm_het_drabble) & lighting (via my crimeland prompt table
Rating: PG13
Words: 893
Warning: Language, spoilers for The Big Game/Revelations, a bit of flangst.
Notes: I give up on drabbles. The end.
Everyone else drifts in and out, but every time Reid opens his eyes, she's there. She looks pale and sickly, though he can't decide if it's from the strange flourescent lighting of the hospital. He hopes so, but he's doubtful.
He watches her, silhouetted in the hallway outside of his room, arguing with Prentiss and Hotch, her hands clenched into fists at her side. They shake their heads at her, foreheads furrowed in concern, but JJ is utterly determined. Finally, it's Morgan who brings her go-bag in for her. She closes the door and changes in his room, ducking behind a curtain.
Reid has been pretending to sleep for most of his stay. It's easier than talking about it; easier than absorbing the concern and sympathy and relief. The longer he stays silent, the longer the gaps are between visits.
Except for JJ.
She doesn't touch him or speak to him, just sits in the hard-backed chair to the left of his bed and watches him. She gets up, he surmises, only to use the bathroom (the one in his room) and to purchase a bottled water and something salty from the vending machine in the common area. She also brings him coffee, though he hasn't made a move to eat or drink anything, and sets it on the table. When it gets cold, she pours it down the sink and throws away the cup.
After a full thirty-nine hours of this, Reid begins to worry for her. There are dark circles blooming like dead flowers under her eyes, and there isn't any colour left in her lips. JJ is exhausted. More exhausted than he is -- and laying still for so long is an exhausting task.
"JJ," he finally says. "Are you all right?" They're the first words he speaks in almost two days, and his throat is raw from screaming until it bled in Hankel's shed, and it's dry from disuse, and they come out all wrong.
JJ turns to look at him, not at all surprised that he's spoken, and says, "No. But you're worse."
"You're--" he coughs. "You're worse, actually, at this point, I imagine. Although I'm not going to ask for a mirror to compare. You... why haven't you..." He stops, because she's crying. Silent and closed-mouthed, her lower lip trembling imperceptibly, drawing back against her teeth like she's trying to swallow. "JJ..."
She shakes her head at him, tears sliding down her papery-looking, sallow cheeks, then takes a breath that shudders through her body. "I can't let you out of my sight. I can't fucking do it. The last time I left you alone, you..."
"Don't..."
"Blame myself? How can I not? I watched what he did to you, Spence. I watched it. And every time you screamed, all I heard was you calling for me. And I wasn't there. How can you ever trust me again? How can you even stand to look at me? How can I look at myself?"
Reid looks at her with his sunken eyes and reaches for her tentatively, trying out the hand that doesn't have an IV stuck in it. "JJ... I was the one who went off by myself. I was the one who broke protocol; I... it could just as easily have been you. And that..." His voice trails off while he ponders the thought, and he feels her hand tense beneath his.
"But it wasn't," she whispers. "And I shouldn't have let you." The tears are still streaming down her cheeks, and she has made no move to quell them or wipe them away.
"You trusted me. And I was the one who messed up. JJ, I... if I would have trusted you back there, it would have turned out differently. We wouldn't be here. Of course I trust you. I should have all along. I'm sorry."
JJ turns her hand over to hold his, and her grip is fierce. She presses it against her face, and he can feel her tears seeping between their fingers. Her lips are parted and quivering against his skin.
"Hey," he whispers. "You should go and get some sleep, or they're going to be admitting you, next."
She nods, still clutching his hand, and motions with her other one for him to move over. He looks at her, puzzled, but when she does it again, he complies. Without a word, JJ climbs into bed beside him.
"I don't think this conforms to hospital regulations..." he starts, but she ignores him and hunkers down against his body. The bed is narrow, but so are they, and the closer she gets, the better they fit.
"Well, it's against Bureau regs to let your partner go in alone," she mumbles.
"Go in where?" he asks, more confused than before.
"The dark. The places where the monsters are hiding." JJ is fading fast, her head nestled against his shoulder, her mouth at his ear. "You haven't actually slept since you've been here," she says. "You're afraid to dream." She adjusts herself so that she is lying directly over his heart, and its pounding fills her head like a lullaby.
"So are you," Reid whispers.
"It's okay, sweetheart. It's all right. Go to sleep. I won't let them hurt you. I've got your back."
She is asleep before he answers, but he tells her anyway. "I know."