Still Here
Title: Still Here
Pairing: Reid/JJ
Rating: R
Prompt: I am the mess you chose (via cm_het_drabble) & leave (via my crimeland prompt table - I know I've got my word
count already, but I'm rather enamored of this table, haha)
Words: 645
Warnings: AU/bastard!Will, language, nudity, post-coital melodrama, crude!JJ
"You chose this," JJ says acidly, untangling the sheets from around her ankles and rising naked from the bed as Henry begins to scream in the next room. "This is your mess, too." She looks back over her shoulder and shakes her head as she leaves to go tend to him, her eyes more sad than angry.
Spencer shuts his eyes and leans back against the headboard, his body suddenly as heavy as his heart.
JJ reappears in the doorway a moment later, Henry at her hip, red-faced and squalling. She's rubbing the back of his head, murmuring to him, but she stops as soon as she meets Spencer's eye. She leans against the doorjamb. "You can leave if you want," she sighs, "if my abandoned little baby and I are too much for you."
"That's not what I meant, JJ, and you know it. It's just... I don't... I have no idea how to do this."
"Do what?" JJ transfers Henry to her shoulder and begins to rub his back, circle after fruitless circle, as his tears slide down her neck.
"This! I don't... I don't know how to be a father. I barely had one, myself, and I don't know what I'm supposed to say to make this better."
"Do you think I do? Look at me! I'm standing here with... with him running down my neck and..." JJ pauses, pressing one of Henry's ears against her body and covering the other with her hand, "you running down my legs three weeks after his father ran out the fucking door because he decided about ten months too late that he didn't sign up for this, and does it look like I have any idea what I'm doing? I mean, does it? I'm not asking you to be his daddy. I'm not asking you to be anything. I'm not even asking you to be here! God knows that fucking me doesn't mean you have to stick around, huh? This was the shittiest idea either of us have ever had, wasn't it? I have no idea what possessed me to..."
"JJ, stop." Spencer stands, and the covers slide from the bed, and he trips over them in his rush over to her. He takes Henry from her arms as she starts to shake with the effort of holding back her own sobs and whispers shhhh into his bright red ears. "You're right. This was... entirely inappropriate and it was too soon, and it was supremely bad judgment on my part, and I'm sorry. I just... I couldn't let you do this alone. My mom was all alone, and..."
"I am not your mother! And I'm not going to be helping you work through your Oedipal bullshit right now, so give me back my son and please just get out."
"No. That was the wrong thing to say. I just..." Spencer stands and looks at her, stricken and helpless, as she plucks Henry from his arms and clutches him against her chest. "I just..." His voice drops almost to a whisper as he finishes. "I want to be here. You... your mess is my mess, JJ. It always has been. And Henry... he's sort of my son, too, isn't he? I mean, I promised that if anything ever happened..."
JJ is shaking harder and harder, and she stumbles towards the bed and sits down, dropping Henry into her lap. His wailing has slowed to random, gulping sniffles, and she presses her cheek against the top of his head and closes her eyes. "I know." She kisses him and says quietly, "This is an awfully big thing that happened. And a really big mess."
Spencer nods and sits down next to her.
"And you're still here," JJ says, taking a trembling breath.
"I am."
"Okay," she whispers, "all right," and then the tears finally start to fall.
Pairing: Reid/JJ
Rating: R
Prompt: I am the mess you chose (via cm_het_drabble) & leave (via my crimeland prompt table - I know I've got my word
count already, but I'm rather enamored of this table, haha)
Words: 645
Warnings: AU/bastard!Will, language, nudity, post-coital melodrama, crude!JJ
"You chose this," JJ says acidly, untangling the sheets from around her ankles and rising naked from the bed as Henry begins to scream in the next room. "This is your mess, too." She looks back over her shoulder and shakes her head as she leaves to go tend to him, her eyes more sad than angry.
Spencer shuts his eyes and leans back against the headboard, his body suddenly as heavy as his heart.
JJ reappears in the doorway a moment later, Henry at her hip, red-faced and squalling. She's rubbing the back of his head, murmuring to him, but she stops as soon as she meets Spencer's eye. She leans against the doorjamb. "You can leave if you want," she sighs, "if my abandoned little baby and I are too much for you."
"That's not what I meant, JJ, and you know it. It's just... I don't... I have no idea how to do this."
"Do what?" JJ transfers Henry to her shoulder and begins to rub his back, circle after fruitless circle, as his tears slide down her neck.
"This! I don't... I don't know how to be a father. I barely had one, myself, and I don't know what I'm supposed to say to make this better."
"Do you think I do? Look at me! I'm standing here with... with him running down my neck and..." JJ pauses, pressing one of Henry's ears against her body and covering the other with her hand, "you running down my legs three weeks after his father ran out the fucking door because he decided about ten months too late that he didn't sign up for this, and does it look like I have any idea what I'm doing? I mean, does it? I'm not asking you to be his daddy. I'm not asking you to be anything. I'm not even asking you to be here! God knows that fucking me doesn't mean you have to stick around, huh? This was the shittiest idea either of us have ever had, wasn't it? I have no idea what possessed me to..."
"JJ, stop." Spencer stands, and the covers slide from the bed, and he trips over them in his rush over to her. He takes Henry from her arms as she starts to shake with the effort of holding back her own sobs and whispers shhhh into his bright red ears. "You're right. This was... entirely inappropriate and it was too soon, and it was supremely bad judgment on my part, and I'm sorry. I just... I couldn't let you do this alone. My mom was all alone, and..."
"I am not your mother! And I'm not going to be helping you work through your Oedipal bullshit right now, so give me back my son and please just get out."
"No. That was the wrong thing to say. I just..." Spencer stands and looks at her, stricken and helpless, as she plucks Henry from his arms and clutches him against her chest. "I just..." His voice drops almost to a whisper as he finishes. "I want to be here. You... your mess is my mess, JJ. It always has been. And Henry... he's sort of my son, too, isn't he? I mean, I promised that if anything ever happened..."
JJ is shaking harder and harder, and she stumbles towards the bed and sits down, dropping Henry into her lap. His wailing has slowed to random, gulping sniffles, and she presses her cheek against the top of his head and closes her eyes. "I know." She kisses him and says quietly, "This is an awfully big thing that happened. And a really big mess."
Spencer nods and sits down next to her.
"And you're still here," JJ says, taking a trembling breath.
"I am."
"Okay," she whispers, "all right," and then the tears finally start to fall.