(no subject)
Fusion with your thoughts.
Evaluation of your experience.
Avoidance of your experience.
Reason-giving for your behavior.
That about sums it up.
I didn't make that little anagram up or whatever you call it. It is something that is very very true, though. If only my mind did not evaluate my experience, if only I did not so thoroughly believe my evaluation, then I would not avoid my experience nor justify my behaviors.
"It's just enough to say what you want." You don't need any other explanations. Oh blast this evolutionary "adaption" that is the mind, that is language. Who would have thought that it would become so maladaptive? The idea I need to understand, though, is that to divorce myself from my mind, does not inhibit or lessen my ability to reason or problem-solve. I simply understand that I am not my mind. I do not fuse with it. It is merely a useful tool, and must only use it when absolutely necessary. Ah, but that thinking is justification. Its what leads to the very idea itself. The idea of avoiding our unpleasant experiences. Where does the motivation come from? THat is something that is hard to wrap my mind around, still. Heh, well, of course, there are things you cannot understand with your mind. Alas, fear is my life challenge. It is my life challenge to learn to let go, to allow myself to experience fear, to become willing to it. "Acceptance is taking completely, in the moment, without defense". To not defend myself. To turn the other cheek. That's what Jesus was really about...
God Almighty
Won't you teach me to surrender
So that I
Can just let go
Of my
Disillusioned ego
Help me to see
Through timeless eyes of the
Ultimate observer
God Almighty
Won't you teach me to surrender
So that I
Can be free from my mind
So that I
Can transcend time
Let me rise above
The great illusion of
The fearful human mind
I must find my strength. I know it's in there, somewhere. Deeply rooted, underneath all the layers that aren't me, but only pretend to be. Underneath all the garbage, all the illusion, is my true self. The part of me that can love, the part of me that does not understand fear. The part of me that is that orange light, that orange star that Nick saw so long ago.
It is getting even harder to hold my breath. Even as I say that, I am evaluating that experience. I can watch myself come up with a mental judgement of that situation, create a justification for it, avoid it by breathing, and so completely believe my thoughts about it. I know, some key lies in that experience. If I can gradually hold it for longer and longer periods by disciplining my mind. Alas I wonder if my constant avoidance of it at the end when I actually breathe is reinforcing my negative evaluation of it. But perhaps I think too much into it. IT is a marvelous thing. I need a coach. This is the key to everything I know. Perhaps Laurie and Jeff know somebody. PErhaps my professor does. I need to get in on this shit. Ride this train. This is where it's at. This is what it's all about.
Time for ice skating followed by swing dancing followed by sleep followed by lots and lots and lots of catch up work.
Just do it.
Evaluation of your experience.
Avoidance of your experience.
Reason-giving for your behavior.
That about sums it up.
I didn't make that little anagram up or whatever you call it. It is something that is very very true, though. If only my mind did not evaluate my experience, if only I did not so thoroughly believe my evaluation, then I would not avoid my experience nor justify my behaviors.
"It's just enough to say what you want." You don't need any other explanations. Oh blast this evolutionary "adaption" that is the mind, that is language. Who would have thought that it would become so maladaptive? The idea I need to understand, though, is that to divorce myself from my mind, does not inhibit or lessen my ability to reason or problem-solve. I simply understand that I am not my mind. I do not fuse with it. It is merely a useful tool, and must only use it when absolutely necessary. Ah, but that thinking is justification. Its what leads to the very idea itself. The idea of avoiding our unpleasant experiences. Where does the motivation come from? THat is something that is hard to wrap my mind around, still. Heh, well, of course, there are things you cannot understand with your mind. Alas, fear is my life challenge. It is my life challenge to learn to let go, to allow myself to experience fear, to become willing to it. "Acceptance is taking completely, in the moment, without defense". To not defend myself. To turn the other cheek. That's what Jesus was really about...
God Almighty
Won't you teach me to surrender
So that I
Can just let go
Of my
Disillusioned ego
Help me to see
Through timeless eyes of the
Ultimate observer
God Almighty
Won't you teach me to surrender
So that I
Can be free from my mind
So that I
Can transcend time
Let me rise above
The great illusion of
The fearful human mind
I must find my strength. I know it's in there, somewhere. Deeply rooted, underneath all the layers that aren't me, but only pretend to be. Underneath all the garbage, all the illusion, is my true self. The part of me that can love, the part of me that does not understand fear. The part of me that is that orange light, that orange star that Nick saw so long ago.
It is getting even harder to hold my breath. Even as I say that, I am evaluating that experience. I can watch myself come up with a mental judgement of that situation, create a justification for it, avoid it by breathing, and so completely believe my thoughts about it. I know, some key lies in that experience. If I can gradually hold it for longer and longer periods by disciplining my mind. Alas I wonder if my constant avoidance of it at the end when I actually breathe is reinforcing my negative evaluation of it. But perhaps I think too much into it. IT is a marvelous thing. I need a coach. This is the key to everything I know. Perhaps Laurie and Jeff know somebody. PErhaps my professor does. I need to get in on this shit. Ride this train. This is where it's at. This is what it's all about.
Time for ice skating followed by swing dancing followed by sleep followed by lots and lots and lots of catch up work.
Just do it.