[Monthly Emo Post]
So yeah....I haven't done one of these in a while. I guess I might want to.
Same as always; don't wanna hear it? Then don't read it.
So, for the first part of this month, there was alot of drama over me driving and crud, and that gets rather redundant and stressing. Now my mom thinks I'm too confident when I drive. Yeah, I'm a totally arrogant jerk 24/7, I have sooo much self confidence in all that I do. Whatever.
Alot of this post goes for yesterday. Going to Mitsuwa and being with my friends was fun, but once I got home and let some things that were said actually register, I was not doing so good. As alot of my friends know, I'm not fond of men. At all. I've grown up with horrible examples of men, and sadly I carry that on in my mind now when I meet them. I can say, honestly, the ONLY guys I know that I'm comfortable around (meaning I'm not afraid they're going to try something stupid or throw me down, so to speak) are Brian and Doc. Pathetic, isn't it? I barely hang out with Doc, but when I do, he's real nice and funny. Brian I know has a temper at times and doesn't always say the right things at the right time, but everyone has flaws. But I was hearing some odd stories from the groups I was walking around with Saturday about...well....someone, and I'm really torn right now. One half of my friends are palsy with this person, and the other half are pretty much scared of them, or stays away from them.
I got really uncomfortable at one point when it was brought up. My friend was driving in the same car as this person and as they passed by in the car (I was walking with some people), the group I was with made a remark, 'Oh, he's got a new asian friend now', and I know and respect the 'friend' they were talking about. I felt REALLY awkward, because I tried to explain that I knew him and that he was really cool and nice, but they all just went quiet. So now I have no idea if I'm totally hated because of it or whatever. It was horrible.
Another thing about yesterday that bothered me was that some people I know from lj or just online in general seemed really different in real life, and have for a little while. I don't know why. I can't tell if it's a bad different or good. (It's not you, Tabe, don't worry XDD;;;;)
So yeah, anyways. I got home and was entirely dead. Another thing bothering me recently is that I don't have much inspiration roleplaying. I can barely think up plot ideas or what to say in my posts. I feel like a retard. I can write a fanfic, but I can't type a simple paragraph? It kills me. I seemed to have gotten my art inspiration back, though, which is really nice, if you know me well.
Anyways, moving away from yesterday, today started out great. I slept in a bit late and relaxed all day, watching movies (House of Flying Daggers is love, some random episode of Samurai Deeper Kyo sucked). I got a call from my mom and found out hey, I'm gonna go to the fabric store tomorrow. It's all great and good. My grandma even called and said we were confirmed for AWA. See? All good news; I even drew some nice pictures today.
Then, around mid-day, I got a slightly more interesting phone call. It was from someone I knew online. One of the girls I used to roleplay with alot, and we had tons of fun. Turns out she too had a crush on me. She wanted to meet with me at a convention. I HATE people who don't know a thing about me, and solely want to go out with me because I roleplay well. Even if they've seen a picture of me and like the way I look, IT DOESN'T MATTER. THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME. WHAT IF I'M THE SINGLE MOST EVIL BEING ON THIS PLANET??? OPEN YOUR EYES. In any case, I get severely depressed when I hear stuff like this. Why? Because they say, Oh, I'm not upset, and then they start crying, and trying to MAKE you go out with them or they'll zomg cut their wrists~ I'm just so sick of it. When I'm ready to date, I'll make it clear.
Speaking of crushes, alot of my ex's have been contacting me off the hook. And for some reason they all want to just get drunk and THEN call me and say how much they want to be with me or make out with me or whatever. It's so pathetic it makes me sick. Oh yeah, that's another thing I've been more recently awkward about.
The first thing I'm always awkward about is guys, like I said. But now for some reason, when people IM me saying, oh I'm so drunk or I had six bottles of beer tonight, or whatever (just telling me how much they drank) I get REALLY uncomfortable. And when people are drunk they tend to repeat and be insistent on the subject and it creeps me out. Yeah.
The main thing about today that's just been bugging me and making me want to cry is the whole ex calling me thing. If it was like, one, and just talking to them, well then fine, whatever. I'll be sad for a few minutes and then not care. But it was pretty much every one of them, except two. And all of them were upset, or trying to say they wanted to be with me again. Once I'm done with a relationship, I'm just done. That's it. It takes alot to pull me back to it. I don't know. It just got me really upset that they would change their numbers to purposely call me and make me feel this way.
So yeah, uh...I drew alot today and I'll update with it later once I'm back into sorts.
Same as always; don't wanna hear it? Then don't read it.
So, for the first part of this month, there was alot of drama over me driving and crud, and that gets rather redundant and stressing. Now my mom thinks I'm too confident when I drive. Yeah, I'm a totally arrogant jerk 24/7, I have sooo much self confidence in all that I do. Whatever.
Alot of this post goes for yesterday. Going to Mitsuwa and being with my friends was fun, but once I got home and let some things that were said actually register, I was not doing so good. As alot of my friends know, I'm not fond of men. At all. I've grown up with horrible examples of men, and sadly I carry that on in my mind now when I meet them. I can say, honestly, the ONLY guys I know that I'm comfortable around (meaning I'm not afraid they're going to try something stupid or throw me down, so to speak) are Brian and Doc. Pathetic, isn't it? I barely hang out with Doc, but when I do, he's real nice and funny. Brian I know has a temper at times and doesn't always say the right things at the right time, but everyone has flaws. But I was hearing some odd stories from the groups I was walking around with Saturday about...well....someone, and I'm really torn right now. One half of my friends are palsy with this person, and the other half are pretty much scared of them, or stays away from them.
I got really uncomfortable at one point when it was brought up. My friend was driving in the same car as this person and as they passed by in the car (I was walking with some people), the group I was with made a remark, 'Oh, he's got a new asian friend now', and I know and respect the 'friend' they were talking about. I felt REALLY awkward, because I tried to explain that I knew him and that he was really cool and nice, but they all just went quiet. So now I have no idea if I'm totally hated because of it or whatever. It was horrible.
Another thing about yesterday that bothered me was that some people I know from lj or just online in general seemed really different in real life, and have for a little while. I don't know why. I can't tell if it's a bad different or good. (It's not you, Tabe, don't worry XDD;;;;)
So yeah, anyways. I got home and was entirely dead. Another thing bothering me recently is that I don't have much inspiration roleplaying. I can barely think up plot ideas or what to say in my posts. I feel like a retard. I can write a fanfic, but I can't type a simple paragraph? It kills me. I seemed to have gotten my art inspiration back, though, which is really nice, if you know me well.
Anyways, moving away from yesterday, today started out great. I slept in a bit late and relaxed all day, watching movies (House of Flying Daggers is love, some random episode of Samurai Deeper Kyo sucked). I got a call from my mom and found out hey, I'm gonna go to the fabric store tomorrow. It's all great and good. My grandma even called and said we were confirmed for AWA. See? All good news; I even drew some nice pictures today.
Then, around mid-day, I got a slightly more interesting phone call. It was from someone I knew online. One of the girls I used to roleplay with alot, and we had tons of fun. Turns out she too had a crush on me. She wanted to meet with me at a convention. I HATE people who don't know a thing about me, and solely want to go out with me because I roleplay well. Even if they've seen a picture of me and like the way I look, IT DOESN'T MATTER. THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME. WHAT IF I'M THE SINGLE MOST EVIL BEING ON THIS PLANET??? OPEN YOUR EYES. In any case, I get severely depressed when I hear stuff like this. Why? Because they say, Oh, I'm not upset, and then they start crying, and trying to MAKE you go out with them or they'll zomg cut their wrists~ I'm just so sick of it. When I'm ready to date, I'll make it clear.
Speaking of crushes, alot of my ex's have been contacting me off the hook. And for some reason they all want to just get drunk and THEN call me and say how much they want to be with me or make out with me or whatever. It's so pathetic it makes me sick. Oh yeah, that's another thing I've been more recently awkward about.
The first thing I'm always awkward about is guys, like I said. But now for some reason, when people IM me saying, oh I'm so drunk or I had six bottles of beer tonight, or whatever (just telling me how much they drank) I get REALLY uncomfortable. And when people are drunk they tend to repeat and be insistent on the subject and it creeps me out. Yeah.
The main thing about today that's just been bugging me and making me want to cry is the whole ex calling me thing. If it was like, one, and just talking to them, well then fine, whatever. I'll be sad for a few minutes and then not care. But it was pretty much every one of them, except two. And all of them were upset, or trying to say they wanted to be with me again. Once I'm done with a relationship, I'm just done. That's it. It takes alot to pull me back to it. I don't know. It just got me really upset that they would change their numbers to purposely call me and make me feel this way.
So yeah, uh...I drew alot today and I'll update with it later once I'm back into sorts.