(no subject)
How can I loathe myself so entirely and completely, and yet still allow myself to stay alive. It's the pills, I guess.
I just...I dunno. I feel like I have no real direction with my life. I'm in college but...what if I have a hard time finding work once I graduate?
What if I never find my true soulmate? What if I'm doomed to wander alone until I die?
I have a clear vision of the happiness I want, but it's like it's always just barely out of reach.
I have friends, who I am extremely thankful for. But, I always evaluate myself each and every single day of my life, trying to figure out why I don't have more. Why I don't have the same amount of friends other people do.
Am I mean? Am I annoying? I just don't know what I have done so wrong all my life to repel people away from me.
Boys never look at me. Am I really so ugly? Hideous?
I dunno. I'm babbling...I guess I'm just tired. Not of anyone else; of myself. This flawed body, this fucked up brain....
I was basically yelled at for being mad that I was blown off lastnight. Sigh.
Not to mention, I still haven't figured out how to put my own layout on my LJ. I'm so damn stupid.
Well my mom just strolled in and she'll think I'm gonna go blow my brains out or something if she sees me typing this... XD
And just as a disclaimer...I'm not looking for pity or anything. I just needed to vent.
I just...I dunno. I feel like I have no real direction with my life. I'm in college but...what if I have a hard time finding work once I graduate?
What if I never find my true soulmate? What if I'm doomed to wander alone until I die?
I have a clear vision of the happiness I want, but it's like it's always just barely out of reach.
I have friends, who I am extremely thankful for. But, I always evaluate myself each and every single day of my life, trying to figure out why I don't have more. Why I don't have the same amount of friends other people do.
Am I mean? Am I annoying? I just don't know what I have done so wrong all my life to repel people away from me.
Boys never look at me. Am I really so ugly? Hideous?
I dunno. I'm babbling...I guess I'm just tired. Not of anyone else; of myself. This flawed body, this fucked up brain....
I was basically yelled at for being mad that I was blown off lastnight. Sigh.
Not to mention, I still haven't figured out how to put my own layout on my LJ. I'm so damn stupid.
Well my mom just strolled in and she'll think I'm gonna go blow my brains out or something if she sees me typing this... XD
And just as a disclaimer...I'm not looking for pity or anything. I just needed to vent.