Very disappointed in myself lately

[la_jayne]

I had been planning on writing a whiny self pitying entry about shit that doesn't matter until I just spent the last 15 minutes looking at one of the Darfur groups on Facebook. I've been realizing a lot lately how sheltered and unaware I and too many others are. I think I wrote an entry before about not going anywhere with my nursing, but I can't

Comments

[helixfelix]

You are a better person than I.

[la_jayne]

No, I'm really not. I read your entries and I'm amazed at your scholarly dedication. I could never get myself to focus on things the way you do. That's another lazy ass habit of mine that bugs me lately. I just don't give my studies the attention they need. And you seem so sure of yourself. I used to be, even like in the past couple of months. But now I just don't even like too many things about myself. Anyways, the point is, I've always admired you.

[helixfelix]

Thank you, but I have to say that your dedication to others is just as impressive as you seem to think my self centered focus is. I don't give a damn about helping other people. I am not studying to gain skills to help anybody but myself. You want to help people. You feel bad about the suffering in Darfur. I understand that in an intellectual sense, not an emotional one. I admire your dedication to humaneness and humanity and giving back. It seems that we are at the opposite ends of the spectrum and as on a horse shoe, the ends are closer than the middle. Similar but opposing.

And I only write about my school work because I feel guilty for not doing more and because that really is the sum of my life. Not exactly something that I am proud of.