(no subject)
July 21st.
How could I forget. That date will remain forever etched in my memory.
So there was this bar. All my friends frequented it..being that I was never one to hang out with kids my own age. They invited me to skip school the next day and go bar hopping with them that night. Of course this was no problem at all.. I was equipped with a fake ID, a smile, and a set of 34 C's that could pretty much weasle me into place that I wasn't allowed to be.
Plus, I never really resembled the ripe age of 15 anyway.
I always got attention from older men, but I loved every single second of it.
So I was a little messed up when I was younger.. but isn't everyone when they are still in highschool.
Back to the story.
I remember playing pool, deciding to show everyone up in the whole god damn bar because I knew ( or at least thought) that I was better than every single person in there. Of course I wasn't but I had quite the ego.
As I turned my head to glance around at my surroundings, I saw him. I remember Jake being one of the only men in my life who actually, yes, took my breath away. He sat at the bar, his black cowboy hat covering those almost hypnotic eyes of his while that almost too smug of a grin sat plastered onto his lips. I smiled when I caught him staring at me.. but I remember that I couldn't help it. The last thing I wanted to do was smile.
And then it all went downhill from there. I remember the rest of that night vividly. Without a doubt, I went home with Jake. He bit me.. thus changing my life forever. He told me he was a vampire. But I was stupid, naive, and only had the knowledge of vampires who were written by Anne Rice.
After it all was over I didn't sleep with him... even though I remember wanting it so badly it hurt. His sex appeal was so strong that I couldn't help myself. A few months and I lost it to him...and he lost it to me... I was 16, he was 24. I didn't care at all. I just wanted to be his...and only his.
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Looking back on this now...
If I knew then what I knew now I probably wouldn't have even walked into that bar that night. Although.. part of me is extremely glad that I did.
Jake.. if you're reading this.
Im sorry. Im sorry for everything. I royally screwed up your life and put our kind in danger. Forgive me for my stupidity...please.
I do need you, in a sense. I always have needed you. When I ran away it was more out of fear than anything. I was so scared, Jake. More frightened than I had ever been in my entire life.
Ive never met a man in my life who has effected me like you have. Hell, Ive never even had a steady boyfriend.
The feeling that I have for you will never leave. Happy for that? Maybe... I suppose you cant change those types of things though.
I promise that Ill do everything in my power to not mess this up too. I never really thought of myself as a mother.. but life throws things at you that you're just going to have to suck up and deal with. Jake.. I know you'll do the right thing. There isn't a doubt in my mind that you wont.
I have complete and total faith in you.