Awakening

[lacrosseboy]

Where had the flowers and candle come from? They weren't supposed to be here anymore. Didn't this already happen during a happier time in his life?

Voices echoed in his head.

"Why don't you love me anymore? Wasn't I good enough for? Where did we go wrong?"

Silence. There was no response.

Comments

[halieknife]

Sometimes even after things have gotten easier it will just hit you out of nowhere and all at once the pain is so fresh its like it only happened yesterday. At least that has been my experience. Its different for everyone but its also my experience that this happens less and less until it happens almost never.

I'm sure you know all of that. I don't mean to be patronizing, so I hope I don't come off that way. I guess I just mean to say that I totally feel you on this. I hope there's no more bad dreams, dear.

[lacrosseboy]

Oh, it wasn't even a real-life bad dream. That was just a story that popped into my head last night as I was sitting at my computer -- with no basis in actual fact. It has hit me a couple of times here recently, so I guess that's what motivated the writing.

I'm not sure if I'm pleased with it, though...

[halieknife]

Ohh....okay. I feel silly for taking it all seriously now. :) I was wondering why it was written in third person!

What aren't you pleased with about it?

[lacrosseboy]

I don't know. How would you have rated it? Honestly?

I think there were some things that I could've maybe done better, but not sure how. Did it create a feeling for you? Did it convey emotion properly?

[thedeepgreensea]

Allison Kraus? What the fuck, dude?

This is a well-written little thing...(although there is no WISDOM DISPENSER)

[lacrosseboy]

She's got a beautiful voice! Ain't nuthin' wrong with a little bluegrass from time to time.

You really think it was well-written? That makes me feel a little better, considering I think you're a good literary judge. I was someone skeptical of how well I'd pulled off my intent.

[thedeepgreensea]

Barry Manilow probably has a beautiful voice, too, but I'll never know cause I'm not gonna listen to the dirty mother fucker.

I wouldn't send it into the short story of the week contest or anything, but it was above the average.

[lacrosseboy]

Mandy owns you!

Above-average is about the best I could've hoped for on my first effort. I'll get better.

[andreamarie]

I didn't know that this was mostly fiction until I read your comment to Halie.

Well done. :)

[lacrosseboy]

Ugh. I just re-read it. There's lots of room for improvement.

But it was late (~ 1:30am) and I was ready for bed when I finished, so I didn't proofread. There was potential, but I fell short.

I guess it was good enough to capture the feeling behind the idea, though.

Thanks.

[andreamarie]

You sound just like me with all that "room for improvement" talk.

[lacrosseboy]

Oh, Lord. I've got room for improvement in every area of my life, some even more than others.

You, though. What's all this R.F.I. talk? You're nothin' but 'cept wonderful just the way you are.